When did you accept that you were /different/? for me it was

It took you that long? I realized I was different first week of school when I saw how everybody else was able to form friendships with complete strangers yet nobody wanted to talk to me.

I was "weird" because I didn't seem to enjoy the same things that my peers did.

at the end of elementary school
after the diploma ceremony I just grab my stuffs and left without saying a word to anybody
I went to a cybercoffe to play mame32
while I was there I saw all the other kids from my saloon passing by singing and going to a graduation party to celebrate
I dropped to the floor and hided until everyone passed
in that moment I realised how pathetic and weird I was and that my life was goin to be like that

>>35705476
When I was 6 and realized "None of these kids want to be my friend, and I don't care."

Grade 5.

"Stop trying to be funny Anon"

>>35705476
When I was playing with ants on the playground and having a conversation with myself about why others didn't talk to themselves out loud.

I asked another kid about it, and he said that would be weird.

I was in pre-school, so I would've been around 4.

Kindergarten

my best friend growing up in that period was a cat.

In third grade when I realized I had no friends at recess besides a wheelchair-bound black girl and the ugliest girl I had and still have ever seen. Why didn't I just play kickball like everyone else, fuck

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70KB, 374x767px

>>35705476
When I to a new school in the 6th grade and I went from being a cool guy with a lot of good friends in elementary school to being one of the guys people make fun of or fuck with for no reason. I was a late bloomer so having a small stature and baby face in middle school made it all worse.
Two good looking, popular girls who I never met would say "Hi anon" every time they saw me in the hallway and then giggle to themselves as they walked past at the stupid "h..hi" I would give them. Just fucking with the new guy for absolutely no reason than to giggle to each other about how I looked or acted in a way they thought was uncool. I eventually just stopped responding at all and stared straight forward. Another girl started doing the same thing to me too, but I thought she was being genuine so Eventually I asked her if she wanted to go to a movie or hang out after school and she laughed at me and told her friends about me trying to ask her to a movie.

Got a hell of a lot better in high school when puberty hit me like a truck, I shot up to 6 foot, packed on muscle, worked hard and bought a cool car, got a lot of great new friends and was at the top of most of my classes. Now I'm an in shape military veteran, currently finishing my degree at uni and people think I'm some sort of Chad. "Anon how can you not have a girlfriend?" Etc. shit like that.

Truth is that to this day I have never been able to take any woman being flirty with me seriously, and I think that they are just trying to fuck with me when they do it. I learned everything I needed to know about women from middle school stacies

>>35705476
when i tried to ask a girl out via email over break and i cringed really fucking hard in the shower over how incredibly inept i was. I had previously been led on by other girls but I didn't fully realize how unforgiving they are to autistic behavior.

It started since wlementary, first three yaers i had no firends so used to hang out with big bro, 4th grade came and I became the class clown although I didn't get why they were laughing but I didn't care cuz that made me happy.
It got worse at high school only friend was a guy I knew since elementary, a mentally disable kid and a girl in a wheelchair, somehow even though people asked me to hang out I never did; I can't conect with people.
It hit the hardest a few months ago at college, so i dropped out and a guy heard me while talking with the secretary at college and hug me telling me not to go and I just stood there while was hugging me, didn't even talked to him. I saw a group of guys I used to make groups with, non of them were really my friends, told them about dropping out and they didn't even care so I didn't talk about it anymore.
Now I'm here at 4 am not knowing what to do with my life, having zero emotions towards anyone but still wanting to talk with somebody.
Why is it so hard for me to make friends? Why can't I open up to people?
How can I fulfill this thing inside that keeps me on the edge of becoming a breathing stone?
Why me? Why didn't I played with the other kids?
If I had played and go out with the other kids back the, will everything be different?


Shit i know I'm the only problem here but I tried so hard to change but I just can't.
Beings this empty is killing me slowly and the pain is growing every day