Can we just have a general feels thread? Talk about what's

>>35702549
>what's got you down.
All the animeposting queers haven't hung themselves yet.

>>35702596
>what's got you down
The discord threads aren't dying out either

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>tfw zoned out on quetiapine

>>35702549
>what's got you down
im still not on hrt

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The dissertation for the finals of my 4 year course is due next week and I havent started yet

worried that i'll never learn japanese

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>fap to porn
>left unsatisfied

>fap to 3DPD gf
>left depressed and jealous

Fuck how can I ever win?

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SUICIDE IS SELFISH

NOW TAKE THESE DRUGS, THEY'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER, THEY'RE PILLS DESIGNED FOR YOUR MENTAL STATE.

Don't you feel better?

No, now I just feel complacent.

STOP PLAYING SO MANY VIDEO GAMES, WHY DON'T YOU TALK TO MORE PEOPLE? WHY DON'T YOU JOIN SOME CLUBS OR GET SOME MORE HOBBIES

you really need to stop smoking so much weed. It just can't be good for you, you know?

You're not WASTING your potential, you're just trying to figure things out right now, that's okay.

Love isn't real, it's just how we cope with caring about things that aren't physically attached to us but create a physical or mental response of happiness.

You don't love your drugs more than your family, right?

>>35702549
Life is just shit man.

I'm so sick of college. All the majors that allow you to not be impoverished after graduation are dull as hell. I can't imagine putting up with this drudgery for the rest of my life. I have no idea how people get up and put 8+ hours of their day into doing stuff that they hate almost every day of their life. I honestly think I'll kill myself before I get there

Dating sucks too. I just don't get what's wrong with me. Like, I know I'm not the most amazing guy, but I think I'm around average in looks, accomplishment, niceness etc. So why is it so hard?

I miss my girlfriend. I broke up with her in January, she's dating a guy nearly twice her age. God, I miss her.

Away from home for about 2 weeks for work, got about 3 weeks left. I miss home

>>35702920
You're better off than I am and I feel the exact same way you do. I want to go to college but I'm stuck working a shitty job every single day from 2 PM to 10 PM with people I hate. I can't socialize because I work every single day except two days out of the week but I'm so tired from work that I don't do anything. This is what life is probably going to be like from now and forever and when you're done college hopefully you find a job you like with people you like or you'll feel the same way I feel now.

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>make one of those charts for the chart threads
>unironically wanted to make a friend or two just to try learn to talk 1 on 1 with people
>no one adds me

>add someone else from here (not from the chart threads)
>talk for a little bit
>was sort of awkward
>felt bad for adding them and forcing them through that
>went to be thinking about how I'm actually going to put effort into it today
>woke up this morning
>they're offline
>repeatedly check discord every 30 minutes to see if they've come online all day
>something clicks and I eventually click the "all friends" tab to find out that they deleted me
>uninstall discord and delete chart

>>35702549
I actually got my hopes up for a bit. A qt I work with started talking to me and she said she wanted to chill and play vidya on Thursday. She blew me off with no explanation and I haven't spoken to her since.


I don't have a problem with someone not liking me. I've been ignored by and disliked by a lot of people. But someone getting my hopes up only to show nothing for it is kind of a shot to my ego.

>>35703022
I think I could put up with the stress and difficulty if I had a goal I was pursuing, but I don't. I'm just going through the motions to keep existing. It's getting so old

>>35703202
Maybe her mom got hit by a car. Don't jump to conclusions m8

>>35703213
Find a hobby, Honestly even if its just watching anime or playing video games, it's still a hobby. Go to cons or something, learn how to play an instrument, etc. Hobbies for the most part are a thing to keep people from losing their minds from their mundane existence and right now we're living a really mundane existence. I feel you, I really do.

I can't control my >emotions I get so fucking HEATED all the negative shit pushed to extremes

>>35703234
I mean that's possible yet I texted her ab it on Saturday and got nothing. I'm not overly worried about it but it does sting a little.

>>35702785
why originally not famalam?

>>35703259
Don't you find yourself getting burnt out though? Like, I've learned guitar, a couple of foreign languages, longboarding, coding etc and I can only keep up with them for a few months before I get tired of them. Even anime

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>>35702549
I'm just not where I want to be in life.

>>35702909
>You don't love your drugs more than your family, right?
i kek every time some one asks me this
of course i love drugs more than my family

>meet guy on r9k
>he's trap
>happy
>actually start falling for him when we start talking to each other
>want to be straight

Dammit, I didn't want to be a literal fag.

>>35703426
Yeah I get burnt out, I just keep picking up new things to stave off that boredom though and when I get burnt out I just tend to sleep a lot more to keep myself from getting too worked up and that seems to keep me from crashing too much.

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I find myself incapable of coping with reality. Everyone wants everyone else dead, what friends I have are all either dying or leaving, and there are roaches everywhere.

At some point I would've tried to remedy the situation, but I've given up hope for a better tomorrow entirely.

Now I'm just committed to committing self destructive acts till I put a bullet in my brain or someone else does it for me.

It's pretty fun.

>>35702549
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY FEELING YOU FUCKING PIECE OF TRASH DO YOU LIKE MY PROBLEMS ? YOU LIKE TO HEAR ME COMPLAINING ABOUT MY SHITTY LIFE DON'T YOU? WHY ARE YOU SO CRUEL ? FUCK YOU

I dunno, OP. One morning I woke up and I just felt so tired of everything. Just repeating the same thing every day. I just wish I could sleep in my bed all day.

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>what's got you down
boredom, ennui, the usual
I want to be someone else, something else, somewhere else, anywhere else
I hate myself and I hate everything and the discontent is killing me and I'm too weak to end it and I don't wanna exist

>tfw last few hours of freedom before being in a mental hospital again
I hate these things
I just want to be home alone and not have anyone bother me

>>35703876
Kill yourself now you faggot child

>>35703876

No you're not you faggot. If you're sixteen your life could be fucking amazing before you're even close to my age.

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>>35702549

>hikikomori
>too scared to be parttime wagecuck
>only thing that keeps depression away is vidya
>mfw losing interest in vidya

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I don't have a single friend, I hate what little family I have (as do they), I will most likely never accomplish anything in my life, nearly no one will be at my funeral assuming I even have one

Basically I want to kill myself

>>35704042
Mate youre sixteen, youve got tons of time left before you should really consider that kind of thing. Go out and live your life, if you can do that well enough youll get laid around the time you grauate.

Also helium is the way to go.

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>>35703123
I'm sorry that happened to you anon. If you can find it in yourself you should keep on trying to meet people, eventually you will find someone that clicks with you.

>>35703876
Thinking you're worthless at 16 is a fucking mistake kiddo. I didn't get laid until I was 18, sometimes highschool is like that, but by far the biggest mistake I've made is overcommitting to the first girl I rooted because I had a fucked up attitude like yours.

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>>35704191
>didn't get laid until I was 18
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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How the hell am I supposed to be able to work some shitty, mundane job for 40+ hours a week when something as simple as going to two hour long classes means dealing with paranoia, stress, anxiety, suicidal thoughts/urges, and feeling like I'm less than the other human beings around me only to get back home exhausted and wanting to die. How do I spend the next 40 years dealing with that on a daily basis and for longer, knowing that I'll end up alone as a person I don't want to be?
>inb4 bro you just need a hobby XDDDD

I'm moving away overseas to a non-English speaking country for good next year because I'm so alone here and I have a lot of income lined up. Just feeling kind of scared of the future, feels like I'm never going to get a long term partner because I'm strongly opposed to marrying a local

>>35702549

The industry I chose is total bullshit, and there's nothing in life worth living for. Every day depression an anxiety bring me unexplained bouts of panic or crippling exhaustion that derail my schedule. Everyone I know slightly hates me for always being late or rescheduling, but if I tell them it's because of le mental illness they'll either fire me because they're my employer, or not call back.

Living as a normie when you're not one creates a fucked up shell personality that is horrifying to see in the mirror

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I just want a cutesy relationship where we hang out inside all day and cuddle while watching bad movies but we also go in nature too.

>>35704215
I know I'm not a robot, just telling people that thinking a robot when you're actually just sheltered can only lead to mistakes

>turned down a spot at one of the 4 best universities in the world, best for mathematics

>>35703881
Is it you that's wrong, or the environment?

You can't change the world around you, all you can do is change how you look at it

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>start hunging out in real life with a r9k friend
>fall in love with everyone who pays attention to me
>fall in love with him ofc
>remember how much of human failure i'm to even daydream about having a relationship

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>>35702549
>failing literally everything at uni again
>probably autistic

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>am critical of orbiters and have nothing but disdain for people like that with no self respect
>have become one of them
>she's indifferent to me
>can't stop being handsy with her at work
>can't stop over sharing to her
>probably going to get a sexual harassment complaint
>feel powerless to stop myself
>become one of the beta orbiters I had nothing but disparagement and disgust for

I'm really tired of wagecucking. I just wanna be a neet and get bux but the process of doing so seems very daunting.

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>>35703876
>Turned 16 not long ago
Why people do this? you know you're gonna get shit revealing you're an underage,holy shit

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Kinda feeling lost in college. General disgust of most people. I would also like to cuddle with a cute girl, just general romantic shit I liked that one romantic dreamers thread, was nice

>>35703434
Care to elaborate?

>>35703600
Would I be wrong to assume you've reached some level of inner peace (in a twisted sense)?

>>35704250
My /romanticdreamer/ lad, iktf.

>>35704351
Sit yourself down, and have a real honest moment with yourself anon. Become the stronger person you want to be, or give in to the degeneracy and don't give a fuck. Just don't fret my friend. I would personally suggest the utilization of all your hate as motivation.

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>>35702549
>bust my ass posting
>it either doesn't do anything or it just shuts them up
>meanwhile a literal retard can start memes that change the face of history
>everyone here is retarded expect me
>it's unlikely that I am the sole exception

>>35703434
>>35704438
I'm trying to become a Police Detective but I'm currently working a job I hate and I'm not in College when I should be.

>>35703876
I fucking wanted to die when I was 16 for some bullshit sad feeling. It would have been the biggest mistake to throw away all that I had. Dont do it. What's a few more years anyways? Play some vidya and smoke some weed and forget about this suicide nonsense

>>35704498
While i cant attest to knowing much about that, does ur wageslave job give u anything that would be useful towards that goal? Hell, how close to that goal are you?

Only thing I know about police work, is from my old man's friend who is a chicago cop. I hear about how the bureaucracy and shit makes it hell, effectively neutering police officers and discouraging them from doing their jobs.

I'm 22 with a college degree and left my first and only job (Amazon) after 3 weeks because I was miserable at work then I came home to classic boomer parents
>Haha why do you WANT to work their?
>You're working at Amazon? Well this should be interesting!
Meanwhile thry gice me no advice and over the fast yesr have gone from
>You graduated good job we're so proud!
To just ignoring me and almost pretending I don't exist.

My home life is fun.

>>35704590
I'm far from it, my job is harsh manual labor so no, not really but it keeps me in shape, I need to get a college degree but in the meantime I'm applying for the police academy so roughly 4 years away. I'll work for it but I'm just getting tired. As I've read through this thread I'm not alone in this feeling of being tired.

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Not really down, but I feel I gotta vent a bit.

Why does every fucking employee at my workplace do such a half assed job at everything. When I have to work with them, they're constantly complaining about their low pay which is why they claim they do half assed work that just gives me more fucking work to do.

I know you're not getting paid much, neither am I. Yes, it sucks that you're not being paid much and no, you shouldn't have to feel "grateful" for the opportunity your employers have given you. But you agreed to do this fucking job for this amount of pay, just do what you're being paid to do because if you don't, everyone else gets fucked over too. If you hate it that much, just get the fuck out so I don't ever have to listen to your whining.

>met (near) perfect for me woman at work
>smart, kind, honest, etc.
>beautiful and ticks off all my fetishes too through he normal mannerisms
>can't have her since she's significantly older than me and is married
>not to mention don't shit where you eat at work

Where the fuck do I find someone like her?

>>35704573
I legit don't understand this. I am 22, and if I had killed myself or died from whatever at 16 there is literally nothing I would have missed in those 6 years. Honestly going to be another 50 something years of this shit, no point.

I'm starting to think I won't be a literary sensation like Karl Ove Knausgard.

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>Got rid of birthmarks a while ago at a clinic
>Took two hours to get there
>Didn't remove one on my temple because I'd have to shave a bit of hair off
>Can't cut hair short because it'd be visible
>Don't feel like I can justify booking a time and having dad drive me there again for one birthmark since I removed all the other major ones
I feel regret. I just want to not look disgusting.

I can't tell if the girl I'm seeing actually likes me or what

She'll kiss and hug me and we've dated a little but we haven't slept together(though we did in the past) and we don't text or talk much outside the times we get together

Maybe I'm just rushing things or getting paranoid clingy idk

>>35702549

My life was ruined by a combination of medical issues and ugliness.

Going to California next month to see a surgeon about fixing my abnormally high hairline (which has been horrible from birth).

In a year or two I'll be well enough to get a revision jaw surgery done which will be a 2 year process of surgery, then braces, then surgery again.

With my hairline fixed and my jaws fixed (assuming all goes well) I can have an average face.

Bummer is I'll be around 37 by the time all that's fixed.

I missed life. KV wizard.

My best friend, who is also my crush, and only person i'm not related to that I actually, truly care about, stopped talking to me for no reason.

>>35705056
There is probably a reason I would attempt to talk to them a bit more or give them some time.

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>>35702549
>23
>get full time job as a semiskilled shop monkey last year
>only guy to teach me has been injured and out of work for months
>days drag on
>started lifting around this time
>move into house with weird religious indian woman and her fat brother
>2 more tenants arrive
>closest one next to me is a guy who brings his girlfriend over, makes me feel lonely and like shit
>landlady brings her family over and talks shit about me callling me a "bad man" because i get high and talk to myself sometimes making me feel lonely and like shit
>trying to improve my life is an uphill battle between constant feelings of spite, doubt, envy, regret, loneliness and self-hate
>getting high numbs the pain but is more trouble than its worth
>ex girlfriend left me because i wasn't good enough for her
>all my friends are having better, more fulfilling lives
>i'm just getting older, uglier and unhappier as time goes by
>jumping from one delusional plan to better my self to the next
>don't even know if i'm capable of growing anymore

i haven't gone to work in two days. my life is a fraud. i feel worthless

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>>35704683
Manual labor can be a bitch, tho I always found it beat more of the desk job sortve shit. I'm glad that you are on your way to the dream anon. I wish I knew where I was going with my future, but I still got some time. For good or bad, life will go on and we'll all find a place.


>>35704709
I mostly attribute that bitchy shit to low character. Those ppl prob never had any real adversity in their life and/or were brought up with no work ethic. Sometimes I think they should all be killed

>>35705073
I've been trying to contact her for 3 days short of 2 months now. She recently moved out of state, and she blocked me in any way possible. Facebook, phone number, etc.

>>35702549
The realisation that any gay guy would rather date a twink-ish guy than me. Tfw no bf.
And anxiety too I guess.

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>>35705075
>don't even know if i'm capable of growing anymore

It sounds like you've been growing to me anon.

>>35705096
I hope you find your place Anon. You seem like a somewhat caring individual. Life is going to be a rough road but you'll walk it fine.

>>35705104
Maybe she just wants to avoid her old life now that shes moved away? I know it sounds shitty but when some people make major changes such as moving they might just be dumping their old life down the drain friends and all. Not much you can really do.

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>>35702549
>what's got you down
Loneliness, nothing original here. I wish I could've had a gf at least once before, if only so I could imagine I still did, and to live in those moments now.

Lately I've been wondering if I'm going to be able to kill myself when my parents die. It's a very easy thing to say, not such an easy thing to trick your mind into actually accomplishing however.

>>35705153
perhaps. I doubt it though. it's not like her. I suppose I just have to move on though. as you said, not much I can really do.

>>35705192
Keep your head up Anon, I had the girl I love move away from me too, no contact at all once she left. I tried to reconnect with her through facebook and never got a response. It kindof gets to me every now and again and it will get to you every now and again but I find what helps is the thought that if she can make me feel that way I'm sure there are others out there.

I feel like a piece of rotting driftwood. No direction, no purpose, not appealing in the slightest. I just exist.

The things I used to love bring me no joy, and the sadness that used to drive me seems to have left. I can't get depressed over my life anymore, I can't find the rage that brought me and my brother to tears one night over our failures.

I'm bored and tired.

>>35702549
i am surrounded alone by a perpetual darkness that infests anything and everything engulfing all the things i used to enjoy until they themselves become a part of the darkness there is no escape there is no escape i am alone nothing around me i have cut off everybody i built these walls now i live in them no escape from the dark

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Why can't people just be honest and upfront? Why does anyone think that not telling someone something will hurt them less? Either they'll be left not knowing and feeling like you don't care about them or respect them, or they'll find out somehow and knowing that you lied will be even worse. Just because telling the truth might hurt or be uncomfortable doesn't mean it's not the best thing to do. Fuck.

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>>35705140
While I'm not sure if I'll find my 'best' place, I'll find one, I'm sure. My old man is always going on about God having a plan and whatnot; frankly though, just doing the right thing is enough for me. I don't need a book or big man up top to tell me to do that. Although it would be nice if there is a god, this is simply the way I choose to live. Just like a true ditzy cumdumpster party chick will party bc she likes to, I will do the "right" thing because it is simply that. Thanks for alleviating some of the loneliness tonight anon.

>>35705213

I will try, I hope you do the same.

>>35705159
Eh, try to live more for experiences and less for the pleasure, see everything you can possibly do as an experience and suicide isn't the best experience.

Seems like my life's been fucking up a lot lately.
>every time I drink feel like I make a fool out of myself
>probably fucked yo my chances with a cool girl at my college due to this.
>last semester before I graduate and I've been fucking off way more than I should.
>now running high anxiety levels from all the shit I have to get done in a small amount of time.
>noticing my guts been growing
>got in a fight with the girl I've been seeing in my hometown over some dumb shit the night before I left cause, surprise, I was drunk
>keep remembering fuck ups from my past, almost compulsively.
>cute girls sit beside me/smile at me in school, my hatred/distrust of women prevents me from approaching them.
>rarely see my good friends, feel more and more isolated every day. Grandfather was isolated as fuck too, only mom kept contact with him, he recently died alone and wasn't found for a week (really makes me think).

Honestly I'm just waiting to be the fuck done with school do I can join the military and get some type of career going and leave this place/situation behind.

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>>35704183
It just doesn't feel worth it.

It's like you have to go out of your way to be someone you're not just to attract a person. The type of person I am and the type of person I click with is just hard to find.

>>35705159

Anon, I'm sure you've heard this argument before, but killing yourself is something that will absolutely murder the hearts of everyone who knows you.

This is coming from someone who has had 3 girlfriends, 2 family members, and 2 friends take their own lives. It hurts. It really hurts. It haunts me every day. I blame myself senselessly for them. Even though I know it isnt my fault, I still feel guilty.

I hope you make it through, anon. it'll get better someday, I'm sure.

>>35705289
>suicide isn't the best experience
No, it isn't.

But unless I can support myself, I'm not going to be left with much of a choice. Also, it's not as if I want to grow old, I feel drained enough already, can't imagine how I'd be several decades down the line.

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>>35705243
>Why can't people just be honest and upfront?
iktf. I think it is because they are weak anon. Weak, selfish creatures who cannot break free from their own desires to avoid discomfort and in the process they hurt others, but they can rationalize it. I find the only really kind, and altruistic people are fucked up in some sort of way, having been through some shit or the occasional few just born that way. Most, unfortunately, are not innately kind and honest.

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>new meds are making me feel empty and out of touch with any of my emotions
>before the meds i was a mess so need to be on them
>they make me just a shell of who i am and i'm pretty sure my boyfriend is getting fed up with how "boring" i seem when i reallyj ust can't get in touch with my emotions. numb is the best word

excuse my typos im sleepy

>>35705381
>tfw can't tell if the meds are doing anything
>but if I stop them I feel different and have disturbing symptoms
>don't feel any different on them
>not having issues while on them
well I guess I gotta stay on em then

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>>35702549
I applied for my first job today and was denied and now I'm scared to walk in and apply because I'm afraid of being denied

>>35705377
Fuck yes. Exactly. Selfish, weak, had easy lives. That is it. Feels hug back mate <3

>>35705394
are you me, that is exactly how i feel ;w;

i have bpd, so when i was off of them my moodswings would drive me to cut myself and it was really bad

i haven't done that for a while now, though. i also don't feel much different except sort of that numb feeling is the best way to describe it. its not a nice numb though its difficult to cope with, it feels like i never have emotions anymore and i'm just dulled to being a vegetable. but like you i can't really stop them so i guess its eh.

>>35705240
Well, fuck. That's a thing.

>>35705374
I'm gonna help you out with some quick advice and tips.
>research government assistance and welfare in your state
>look into Food Stamps and Rent Assistance Programs
>look into job agencies(if you are into that sort of thing)
You can live in a smallish apartment with food and internet access for months on welfare.

>>35702829
anon please start your project, okay? browsing 4chan isn't worth messing up your future

>>35705216
This is me. I feel like as I get older things get... dryer? There's just less there.
Now I'm slipping into alcoholism.

>>35705434
I have chronic depression and had psychosis in the past, I just take shit now for ADHD and mood stabilization

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>want to drop out of college and wageslave because college just isnt for me
>parents obviously dont want me to do this and are completely against it
>failing two classes and will most likely will not pass them
>no time for anything because im too tired after work and school all day
im still extremely lonely with nobody to talk to and i dont know what to do anymore my parents just want to see me be successful and im just a fucking failure. i dont have any interesting hobbies, i just play video games, watch movies, and listen to music in my free time like a loser. i have no redeeming qualities. fuck
;_;

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>>35703123
>someone finally adds me after over a year posting in chart threads
>lives on other side of the world so timezones are fucked
>after first few times they stopped being on when I was
>try leaving them messages when they're offline a few times
>they never respond
>now when they do happen to be on when I am they switch to offline immediately

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>>35705480
i had psychosis too, derealization stuff. *hug* i hope you're stuff gets better anon !

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>>35705240
Smash down the walls anon, I'm sure it will be fine. Maybe not. Probably not I thought there was a way out these past few months after 9ish years of this shit, but it all comes back to the same feels man.

I was a NEET for 2 years, after being a wageslave for 5. I just started working again a couple months ago. Not only do I hate my fucking job, even though I pretend to absolutely love it and do it to the best of my ability, but apparently I'm faking it so well that they keep scheduling 6 days a week (which is every day, other than the one we're closed), have already given me a raise, and are training me for a new position, and have already flirted with a salaried position so they can keep me chained to the restaurant.

This isn't a humblebrag. I genuinely hate it. The owner, although he's a blue collar, hard worker, which I respect, is honestly an asshole that I can't deal with. And two of my co-workers find every fucking excuse to slack off, which, I can understand, but since I have to close, I'm the one picking up their fucking slack. And, oh man, the fucking wait staff. All roasties, too. But, holy shit, I fucking hate them. Outside of most of them being terrible at job (LOL HAY GUISE WE HAVE AN ADDON TO THIS ORDER, IT'S AN APPETIZER, OH WAIT THE ENTREE IS ALMOST READY? OH I TOTALLY DIDN'T JUST FORGET TO RING IT UP ^_^) they're also just fucking terrible people. I'm sitting there, on my short lunch break, talking to two co-workers who I can tolerate. We're having a pretty good conversation, discussing conspiracies and shit, then a fucking roastie waitress shows up and starts talking about DUDE WEED LMAO and LOL MY HUSBAND SMOKES DUDE WEED LMAO. Holy shit, it was obnoxious.

How in the fucking world do people deal with this this

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>>35705488
Wageslaving isn't worth it anon, especially if you live in an area with shit minimum wage and high living costs (assuming your in the US). I'm miserable as shit with my uni and I already failed one major at which points my parents made me get a part time wagecuck job and even being at it part time makes me want to die even more than uni, if/when I fail out completely I'm just going to kill myself I can't imaging doing this shit full time for the rest of my life and still not making enough to support myself.

I just want to be a femboyyyy

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>>35705505
Derealization is something I've experienced as well.
thanks anon that's adorable
It's alright now

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>>35705560
i'm so glad you're doing okay ! i can rest easy then becausei'm so sleepy and this makes me happy

>>35705583
sleep well anon 8^)
cuteposting with anime girls (male) makes me feel super gay you fag

>like a girl who is an under the radar musician
>she will never know I exist
>she seems more into girls than boys
>depressed over this
>depressed over ex despite it being nearly a year
>depressed about existence in general
>taken by anxiety when I try to get a job
>depressed by lack of passion in career path and future

it's all a nice cocktail of shit

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>>35705535
yeah. i just dont know what to do. i live in a shit state with retardedly high living costs and terrible minimum wage. thankfully i get paid a bit more than that and they want to promote me, but if i decide to do it full time ill still barely be able to pay for rent and whatnot, ill likely live paycheck to paycheck. im completely lost right now and have nobody to turn to. i try not to think about killing myself because i really dont want to put my family through that, but it pops up in my head so often

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I should be at university in 30 minutes but I feel stressed already and most likely I am not going.

I will also repeat this tomorrow if I do it today.

>>35705535
>>35705637
also, good luck with your classes anon.

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>Keep feeling loneliness and the desire to be loved
>hate it with all the energy I can muster

I have no use for this desire but it will never EVER go away. I wish I could reach into my own skull and tear out this part of me so I could feel at peace.

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>>35705596
i'm a passable girl(male) but thats stories for another time

nino

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>>35705519
>How in the fucking world do people deal with this this

I think they just do anon. Like some of the other stuff in the thread, most folks are dishonest, weak willed, stupid, cowardly sheep. While we may share some of those traits with them, we unfortunately also differ in some regards. An example being your heightened perception of the idiocy of your coworkers. I think we (outcasts, r9k users, etc) are meant to either suffer or succeed greatly in our lives, whereas the 'normies' do nothing more than exist as the animals that they are.

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>my best friend can't sleep
>another friend got home problems
>I'm about to get rejected by a girl
>got overloaded and fucked over at work
>haven't had sex since last summer
>the only place with my favorite cigarettes is closed for reconstruction
>my favorite bathrobe reeks even though I just laundered it properly yesterday
>the sad beat on the radio
>the weather

>suicidally depressed
>autism
>20
>dropped out of college before, will likely be expelled by next year
>parents still support me

WHY DO THEY STILL SUPPORT ME I DON'T DESERVE IT
FUNNEL YOUR CARE AND AFFECTION INTO MY TWO OLDER BROTHERS

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>>35702549
>turning 21 in a few months
>my life eerily resembles Elliot Rodger
>hapa, khv, socially awkward, no friends
>depressed because all of the above
>never even tried to approach women
>no confidence, youth is being wasted behind a computer

How do I save myself from going down the supreme gentleman route?

>>35705656
>want to have sex
>realize Tinder is bullshit and a waste of time and energy
>sometimes get matches but lose all desire to actually invest time and money into talking with basic bitches just to get laid
>feel disgusted by hookups after the fact and don't want them anymore
>want to foster a loving relationship with a girl but no idea how with no network or social anything

We were made to suffer, anon

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>>35705656
iktf. Empathy can be quite the double edged blade indeed.

there was once an english man named tom that walked down the street all day and night, he wore a long coat, a fancy hat and always had a cigarette in his mouth, it looked like he knew where he was going

the girl neighbor that lived down the street liked to watch him through her binoculars while she shoved a remote up her twat, what she didnt know was earlier that day an indian man nicknamed worm by the local police station had snuck into her room while she was out and was sitting on the floor of her closet in the nude, stroking his disease infested penis with ambition and purpose with a pair of her used underpants in his other hand as he took long whiffs of her filth

they reached climax simultaneously as tom reached his destination for the day, a coffee shop, a waitress was working there named JOHN that was extra nice to tom, tom tipped her well and disappeared

night came and JOHN left to head home, but she never made it home, because tom was waiting around the corner with a knife

he stuck it in her and pulled it out again and again until she was dead, then he pulled his penis out and cum dribbled down onto her uniform

tom smiled as he stuck candles into her body, lit them and sang happy birthday

it was toms birthday and he didnt have a cake this year

tom headed home

remote woman was awoken that night in her sleep by worm, who beat, raped and cummed inside her and left, but tom wasnt done celebrating his birthday and gutted him three blocks away, he had his cake now he needed his ice cream

tom continued to walk until he was caught 30 years later, by you, the cucumber womans rape child, tom smiled and said thanks as you put him in handcuffs, and his smile never faded all the way until he was executed by remote detonation, as per his request

everyone is cheering you on, your dad is dead, your mom wants to fuck you, you're a big detective now

but mom was changing channels with the remote in her twat in distant galaxies and the aliens are coming soon

>>35702549

Realizing that I have always been retarded and my family hid it from me and everyone knew the entire time and I was the only one who didn't know and my entire life was a lie

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>>35705708
>>want to foster a loving relationship with a girl but no idea how with no network or social anything

iktf

I desperately crave companionship. It doesn't even have to be with a girl. I'm so fucking lonely and every day I spend behind a computer rots my soul from inside out. But every time I try to connect with people I can only see how shallow they are. I just want to know someone I can fucking relate to god damn it.

>>35705488
Sounds like me desu .

I sympathize. I kind of just want enlist in the military and then learn how drive trucks. but I'm afraid they'll be mad or hate me or give me the "Ur too smart for that" excuse.

Anyways, I hope we can all find happiness. God bless, also holy spirit and jesus.

>>35705665
>most folks are dishonest, weak willed, stupid, cowardly sheep.
You know, this is the thing that really gets me. Today, for instance, one second we're talking about the use of privateers throughout history (namely the British during their feuds with the Spanish armada) and how one of the traits of an empire is to use a mercenary force for covert operations worldwide. The next thing you know, he contends that the elite are planning to use holograms to bring about either an alien invasion or the second coming of Christ. Whoa, buddy. Take it back a few steps. How in the fuck did we go from talking about actual historical events and their modern contemporaries to discussing a holographic biblical event?

I just don't understand people.

>>35705679
Kinda want to ree you, normie, etc. But imma talk to ya. What is your job and is it just 'end of month' sort of busy or whole shit is picking up? Must be some specialty cigarettes or something. I can say for the friend with home problems, they just have to get out of that environment and if they can't do that just be there for em if they need it. tfw you have a histrionic cunt of a mother.

>>35705728
Well. I read it.

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>>35705761
then you meet someone who isn't shallow, someone special you can relate to, who understands you, and eventually you know you can't ever turn it into that kind of relationship because your friendship is a lot more valuable than a romantic relationship doomed to bitterly fail

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>>35702549
I'm perpetually miserable, I feel like I'm in a constant fog, I don't remember what I'm doing half the time, associating with other people irl makes me sick and irritable as fuck and causes me to swing between feeling inferior/superior, and I can't keep a sleep schedule. I'm still going to my uni and shit but I just do it mechanically I remember nothing about the day once I get home.

I've felt for a long time like I should see someone but bad experiences with doctors as kid (only doctor in my backwoods town was eventually shut down for malpractice) gave me a slight fear of them and I don't really have a way to go anyway since I can't pay myself which means I'd need my parents insurance/permission and they don't believe in mental issues. I'm also afraid if I did go I'd just let the doc put words in my mouth like I've done before. I've considered just telling my parents I have a cold to go but every time I do and start to make the appointment I panic that I'll have to sit in a room one on one first with a nurse then a doctor and describe all the shit that's wrong with me somehow.

>>35705795
>>>35705679
factory worker with a paper for actual autism, so I can ree irl relatively shame-free.
One colleague is a retard who hates cats, another is a mean old bitch, I smoke Winston, usually an ordinary brand but don't have the time to scour the town for any place that has them regular reds, just lights or longs, which both suck. The friend with home stuff is dealing with it pretty well, he's a responsible mature and intelligent person, just feels bad I can't help him in any way. Thanks for your response and you're a magnificent example of a pthirus pubis evolved for communication.

>>35705824
>tfw one of my best friends starts dating a girl who is mutual friends with another friend of ours
>he adds his gf to the groupchat (4 of us, the 1 mutual friend who doesn't really talk to us anymore, and then now the gf)
>she's pretty cool, we've all hung out before and she's nice
>she's also heavy left-leaning liberal, SJW, feminist
>think when she is added to the groupchat "gee this is gonna suck when they break up"
>they break up because she cheats on him

Man. How do you describe this feeling? The knowledge that a majority of relationships in our 20s (hell, nearly all of them especially in our late teens too) will result in a breakup. Almost every single one.

What's even the point? I cursed myself for thinking the worst would happen between my friend and his new ex, but it happened. I know it wasn't guaranteed to happen that way but part of me feels like almost every relationship at me agegroup is just going to end.

What the fuck is the point? I feel like I'm just going to be single for the rest of my life

>>35705839
A lot of universities have mental health counselors on campus and they are usually free, or at least cheap to students. You could try that. A doctor will not be able to do as much as a psychologist or a therapist with regards to mental health.

.> 21 years
> hating everything
> finding no hope in living anymore
> Living only because RPG sessions and 3 friends

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>>35702549
I'm lonely I wish I could find someone to secretly obsess over. I miss my BF. I was really obsessed with him but he wouldn't spend time talking to me in voice chat or play any games. Online relationships are tough. It doesn't help when you're a crazy autist that no one wants anything to do with in the first place.

>>35705935
People grow up, grow apart, personalities, preferences, tastes, everything changes over time. Our highschool selves were different from who we are in our twenties and our old selves will look back at those completely different person's memories. High school friends tend to leave, like all of mine did. But cheer up, I saw a study about how the 20s friends are the ones that will stick around for a long time, which is great because the best friend and best person I could ever have is also in her 20s now.

>>35705973
Are you trying to tell me something?

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>For the first time in a long time a woman is starting unsolicited conversations with me and showing a general interest in my life
>Women have fucked me over so many times that I can't get close to her because I know deep down she's a cunt like all the rest and the story will end the same way
Anyone else have this problem?

>>35706010
No, I'm just posting my feelings to get them off my chest.

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>>35705791
I do like the memes, but shit nigga. Is this guy off in the head who are we speak when we're on r9k aahahhahaha, man it is geting late I should sleep soon... but gotta give dem you's. sorry i digress, just real excitable, or something else; I don't think I've ever really interacted with somebody who does that. Maybe the closest is just a scatter-brain type of person... While in my own experience I would say it isn't a terrible stretch that he might just be a fucking idiot. Many people are. I tend to just smile and nod when this shit happens, and maybe give a little vocal filler, "yes" or "ok" sort of thing ya know?

>>35705912
>factory worker with a paper for actual autism

My bad anon, didn't know u were qualified lol.
You're coworkers sound like literal cancer, hating cats, jesus christ. I can't say I know the struggle of searching for smokes, but that seems odd, idk, I guess I could say i dont really mind smokers since my old man has always done it. Whenever one of u rat bastards lights up i want to tell you ur killing yourself, but it reminds me of my old man so i dont. I also kinda like second hand smoke after being exposed to it during my childhood so often.

>just feels bad I can't help him in any way.

I imagine your actions convey that care, and that is quite important anon. I only felt like one person has ever really cared about the troubles my mother caused when I was growing up and it really ment a lot, far more than the other assholes who just sortve ignored. YEA IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE BUT SORRY THE WORLD AINT ALL RAINBOWS AND SUNSHINE SWEETHEART. SOME PEOPLE HAVE SOME REAL FUCKING PROBLEMS UNLIKE YOU AND YOUR LITTLE SOCIAL BS. Just kinda felt like typing that out, ya know, against the typical 'normie' fucks who don't really give a rats ass, not you m8.

>pthirus pubis

Now you cheeky motherfucker, you know I don't know what the fuck that is and I had to look it up. dunno if insult

>tfw one of your parents passed away

Been putting off seeing my dad for a few weeks. We lived only a few miles away from eachother. Died suddenly one day with no health issues. I don't really know how to deal with this. It's not like I spent much time with him but I wish he was alive. It's weird to think he was there my whole life and now he doesn't exist anymore. Yeah yeah I know it's a part of life and everyone experiences it. I just don't know how to deal with it at the moment other than lifting, getting inebriated, and shitposting on 4chan.

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>>35705966
> Living only because RPG sessions and 3 friends
>winter 2014/15 I think
>postponed suicide only because I was waiting for the new Walking Dead game
pic unrelated

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>tfw 22
>tfw kissless
>tfw kissless handholdless
>tfw kissless handholdless virgin
>tfw never had a meaning full conversation with a girl
>tfw everyone my age has at least kissed someone
>tfw lost hope
>tfw magic 8 ball and obelisk threads all say no when i ask if im going to kiss someone
>tfw not even fat
>tfw not horrible looking
>tfw never had dubs
>tfw came to university because i thought it would be somewhere i would be accepted
>tfw i was wrong
>tfw everything is against me
>tfw nobody responds to my messages
>tfw i just want friends
>tfw haven't had a real friend in over 10 years
>tfw NPC in someone else's life.
>tfw don't want to live
>tfw too scared to die

>>35705952
>A doctor will not be able to do as much as a psychologist or a therapist
I was told that you needed to get a doctors recommendation to see a psychiatrist, but even then the problem isn't so much seeing my uni's health department which is staffed by students and even though I no absolutely no one despite being in my third year, having another student know I'm fucked up would just make me feel even worse as it is actually going. I've scheduled multiple appointments in the past year that I just never went through with because no matter how much I talk myself up I can't imagine talking to the doctor/psychiatrist/whatever about all my problems even if it is their job, it's just not something I can convince myself to do.

Only thing that brings my happines is music by Pink Guy

>>35706076
I think cigarettes are one of the things I got attached to as a branded retard. It's one of the nicer little struggles.
Don't forget polar bears are losing their environment and african kids starve, but they're in fucking polarbearland and fucking africa. Your own problems are real for you because they're your problems. Doesn't make them any less valid than other problems. And I'm a total hypocrite because I tell sjws they're retarded snowflakes while trying to relate and be nice to an r9k anon who also has problems in their life. But in my honest opinion your anon life problems matter a lot more than a pseudoretarded snowflake's made up ones.

>>35706076
>or something else
I think it's just, once you start speaking someone's language, they'll open up with you more. The sad thing is that I knew exactly which conspiracy theory he was talking about, but, some people aren't able to filter out information they consume. The more I talk with people, the more I realize that once you set a path for the conversations you have with them, there's no getting off that road. Going off that, I'd have to assume that the roastie who interjected herself spoke with these co-workers about DUDE WEED LMAO one day and, now, the only thing she's able to talk about in front of them is DUDE WEED LMAO. Christ, man. The more I think about it, the more I realize just how fucking pathetic we are as a species. A first impression seems to leave such a defining impact upon an individual's perception of another that it can define your entire basis of interaction with them. Look, even I'm guilty of it. Here you are, handing out (You)'s, engaging other people, yet I'm still just fucking drinking and venting about how much I hate reality.

>>35706187
it's hard to go off the path when you realize you've set it yourself, huh... not impossible though, at least if you or the other person isn't completely stupid. Which is often the case, sadly.
>drinking and venting about how much I hate reality
we've all been there, some often and for a long time

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That feel when blind girl doest not call back
tfw being so bad that even blid person hates your guts

>>35706116
You probably do need a doctor's rec to see a psychiatrist, but a psychologist or a therapist is not a psychiatrist. The people staffing the counseling centers are likely not psychiatrists. You probably would end up seeing a counselor.

The students who staff that place also are going to be respectful. It's a part of the trade of mental health to practice respect, compassion, and confidentiality. I should know because that was what I studied haha

I can see why you'd feel unable to open up to a professional in that capacity, it's a very different experience. Just know that they are there though, and they're there for you. Don't be afraid man, they want to help. You might find that it does more good than harm, even just venting. You can talk to these people 100% unfiltered and it could help you to get any and all shit off your chest, you know?

>>35706007
I guess we're lucky then. Thankfully my friends in the groupchat were my friends in high school as well, but they have stuck around this long while other high school friends have not. Kind of depressing though. this sucks

>>35706313
>You can talk to these people 100% unfiltered and it could help you to get any and all shit off your chest, you know
I don't though, if I was confident enough to do that I wouldn't have cancelled multiple appointments and continue to let shit get worse

>>35706116
also I gotta sleep, good luck anon I hope things work out with you

I pee into a cup when I don't feel like going to the toilet. I spent all night berating people with some actual conversation in between.

This is as close as I come to confession. Fuck Abrahamic pedo enabling and intellectual dishonesty.

>>35706387
You're talking to me about this shit aren't you?

Only difference between me and them is that you can't see me, and they are trained to do this kinda thing.

You've got guts man. I know it's hard but you've got guts. Letting people in is some of the scariest shit but you'll be better off man. Growing can be painful, but shedding the molt is liberating and the pain will be gone. going to sleep for real now later man

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>Finally have a full time job
>Have a place to myself
>Have a nice PC set up with a GTX 1080 since I can now afford things
>Have lost over 20 kilos within a year

>Still have no friends apart from 1/2 from work that I don't see outside of work
>Getting asked by cousins why I don't have a GF/have I had sex yet
>Feel like this is as good as it gets

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Femboys are as bad as women.

Always remember that they're only doing it so they can latch onto someone and be a parasitic leech, same as females. They are LITERALLY MALE ROASTIES DO NOT REPLY TO THEM DO NOT HUMOUR THEM DO NOT LOOK THEM IN THE EYE THEY MUST BE ERADICATED KILL THE FEMBOYS KILL HE ROASTIES

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>>35702549
Constant anxiety and occasional suicidal thoughts have kept me from sleeping, but also kept me from doing anything.

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ppl im responding to imma sleep now, so prob wont respond, stay classy and comfy robits, have a good day/night/whatever

>>35706186
>Your own problems are real for you because they're your problems. Doesn't make them any less valid than other problems.

I know mein dude, just referencing le dank r9k memes. If anything I just have less of a filter as the night, or ealy morning as it is, goes on; just streaming muh conscience. I wanted to talk to ya didn't I? sjws must all be be removed, we don't have to kill them per say, maybe just put em on a remote island somewhere. My uni is infested with the drones and every day I am reminded of their blatant stupidity and general air of moral superiority. The butthurt when trump won almost made their presence worth it, almost.

>>35706187
>The more I talk with people, the more I realize that once you set a path for the conversations you have with them, there's no getting off that road.
That thought never really occurred to me in that manner anon. You would be absolutely right. It is a bit of shame that people can be so socially limited by established conventions like that. I mean maybe 'person a' and you would have a really great discussion on whatever but u would never speak of that according to some unspoken rules.

>yet I'm still just fucking drinking and venting about how much I hate reality.

Nothing wrong with a bit of escapism anon.

>>35706266
I-I don't know that feel anon, never even met a blind girl...You must be reaching new levels of feeling.

>>35706455
difference is as far as I'm concerned people on the internet may as well not be real, I can come and go as I please and no one will ever know, it's part of the reason I only post on anonymous boards and places where it's easy to ditch/make accounts.

>>35706378
Yeah, it's sad. All my high school mates disapeared anywhere between Mexico and Australia. The rich ones bought their way into good jobs, the poor ones are struggling with universities or having kids. The genius dude tends a bar and studies IT, the musical one went party junkie, the stylish one went just junkie, the hot one cut all contact with everyone, the communist one is also at a factory... makes me wonder which one was I and what am I doing with my life.

Everyone's mean. Normies are mean, robots are often even meaner than the normies because they know exactly where to hit you to make it hurt.

I thought you guys were different, thought we were supposed to stick together, but i guess i've got no one but myself.

I'm falling hard for the first oneitis I've had in 5 years and of course she already has a bf. We get along decently but I wish I knew how to get closer to her. I don't even have her phone number or see her outside of work.

>>35704498
Should give college a shot desu, I hate my part-time job and I'm studying criminal justice which is basically a meme-tier degree but it's gotten me an internship with a police department and a prospective job offer as a community service officer so far. Hopefully it'll help me get my foot in the door.

>>35706557

>People on the internet are mean to me waaaaaah

Can't handle the bants? Go to reddit.

Falling for my 8th grade crush again, one I had a real chance with several times since back then but always drifted off elsewhere. This time I'm bound to this place and job, so either it works out or not, prepared for a rejection but kinda glad it could finally be over.

I keep getting the feeling that I'm just not cut out for this world.

The combination of dealing with mental issues, home issues, and just not wanting to go to school led to me dropping out of high school. It was probably the worst decision of my life. I had absolutely no idea back then how much I was fucking up my future, but I did it.
Now I can't even get a minimum wage job. And the few times I've been called, I was too anxious to schedule an interview. I need help, but I'm a white male, so society thinks I should just suck it up and pick myself up by my bootstraps.

I'm getting kicked out soon because my abusive family hates me. Once I'm on the street... I don't know. I like to think that I'll figure something out, but in reality, I'll probably just starve. I don't have the balls to kill myself.
Why me? Why did I have to turn out like this? I'd give anything to go back, to be given a second chance. But it won't happen. I was dealt a shitty hand and I made it even worse.

My life hasn't even started and it's already over. I get to waste away while all my former friends get to do things with their lives.

Life is too fucking cruel. I really, really wish someone would just kill me.

>>35707425
I feel ya anon. Try to do some police works they dont require jackshit just to deal with bad situactions. Also try hospitals f you dont mind being shit wiper for few bux

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dad died when i was 11

mom died few months ago

now funeral costs has made me unbelievably poor and theres nothing i can do with my life besides sit in my house (rural with no transportation) and play on a shitty pc

boy life is sure worth living huh

>>35707512
I can't go to an interview. I have anxiety that I prolly need meds for.

My parents were never big on treating mental health, so I never even knew I had anxiety until about a year ago. I'm fucked.
I'm going to be dead in a couple months. None of it really matters anymore. The chance for me to change things is long gone. There's really nothing I can do now, except wait for the sweet release of death.

Like I said, I'm just not cut out for this world.

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>>35702549
>lonely
>failing uni
If I have to leave uni, I'd rather die than find a shit job and live an empty life in a shit house. What's the point? My future just seems bleak and meaningless. It doesn't matter if I die right now or after 10 more years of this shit, so why live?

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>>35707611
>I'd rather die than find a shit job and live an empty life in a shit house
Iktf too well.

There's really nothing you can do though, it's work(die) or die, with the most minuscule chance of a third ending happening that involves us randomly getting the money to survive for free.

For me at least, it feels like I've been pushed into a corner where there's two paths that lead to suicide, just the path where I try to get a job has a lot more suffering.

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>>35707681
I still have a third path, which is uni, but I've had six classes this year and only passed one. Sure, I could start over next year (and probably fail everything again) or switch subjects (considering programming), but my confidence is completely crushed.
I signed up for assisted living for autists, but I have to wait a year for a spot to open up there, at which point it may be too late.

does it bother anyone else that they have to use antidepressants to not be depressed? even though my life with anti depressants is completely stable and better than ever and there are no negative side effects to taking the pills, i still feel bad that i even need them. i cant explain why.

>>35707838
Because you can't be happy with your life without artificial happiness? Don't feel bad that your brain is fucked. It's not your fault. The pills only put you on the same level as everyone else. You're not constantly happy, right? Your happiness isn't fake, it's just amplified. You can actually be happy with your life instead of wanting to die when you're sad and feeling guilty that you're not happy when you should have been happy.

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>>35707800
You've still got the opportunity, so I'd take it and at least try.

I'm a high school dropout so I'll never be going to uni or understand how challenging/stressful it is, but six classes sounds like a lot. Can't you lower it? I thought most people only do something like 2-4 classes.

>>35707895
yea youre right anon. ill try not to think about it.

>>35702927
what caused the breakup?

>>35702549
Okay. One week from now I won't have my job anymore, and I haven't found a new one yet. Normies are stressing me about it, and that gets me down even more.

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>>35702927
>beme
>girlfriend decides she wants me to cuck her, find second partner
>dont even really like the second one, just wanted to make her happy
>shes miserable because she didnt think her desire though
>finds a boyfriend the same age as her grandfather, who has a wife and children
>she was sexually abused as a kid
>she ruins their relationship
>This guys wife thinks she can replace him with me despite the fact I'm half her age
>Find out gf1, her new daddydom, and daddydoms ex wife are all into pedophilia
>Tell her this is fucked up
>She leaves me with this fuckup of a woman (gf2, not to pedo woman) I don't really care for and only spent time with to make her happy because thats what she told me she was into
>I'm 19, I don't even really understand what happened, I've only ever had feelings for gf1, I'v e been with gf1 for 6 years, I saw my entire future with her
>weeks later gf2 dumps me because she got religion and thinks I'm poly, refuses to talk about it.
>try to kill myself
>fail, get sent to inpatient care, fall in love with ex alcoholic, she seems to love me too, when we get out we have lots of fun together
>Randomly fucking relapses and crashes my car, while speeding, I get fined because of her speeding and lose my license because I was on my last demerit points because I had to speed to make deliveries on time while I was a pizza delivery man
>Shes dead, gf1 is suing me for 3k because she kicked me out and doesn't ask for rent but wants it
>lose courtcase, 3.7 k in debt
>pay it
>but now no job
>unemployed for 3 years now
>Try and kill myself so I can be sent to inpatient care again, hope to just make a friend at worst and die at best
>don't even get the psychological help I need, in and out the door in 28 hours.
>Birthday today
>No one there to talk too besides 4chan

why me?

>>35702549
duuude no gf lmao
duuude isolated during childhood so now Im an autist lmaooo
duuude I only have friends because we smoke le weedz together lmao
duude social norms are fuckin hard lmao

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Can't find any work so I could stop starving. Can't get neetbux either despite being moderately autistic - third-world country at its finest.
Mom's phone became too shitty over the years, she is not reachable despite her phone is on. I'll give her my old iP4 and get myself the cheapest Digma.
My grandfather who beat me up once is dying from prostate cancer.
My father, who has been missing for six years, is officially dead.
I just want some silence and privacy. Need to think on what I'll be doing next.
Hanging out with Kafka.
My good, and only steamfriend, H, is keeping me motivated. I hope he'll be alright.

I have about a month left to live.

It's fucking terrifying.

But at the same time, it's oddly relieving. Despite what anyone else may say, I've done everything I could. There's nothing left for me to do. I tried to better myself, but it just wasn't meant to be.

Dying now is totally out of my control. And I'm terrified. I don't want to die. But my responsibilities are over. All that's left now is to wait.
And it's oddly relieving.

>>35708230
Why are you dying anon?

>>35702549
Mother died 2 weeks ago, still dont know what to do.

Life Going Shit. Feel alone. even more so then before

>qt i work with breaks up with long term bf
>I give her a few weeks so all the trash can try and get a rebound fuck
>she turns all of them down thank god
>about a month passes
>we go to Don Pablos with some other people
>go back to her place to smoke with her and her sister and sister's bf
>she goes upstairs
>I shortly follow
>We don't have sex but it gets real intimate
>hands on privates, etc etc
>next day I feel great
>positive she's into me and I can make her my gf
>invites me to the bar the next day
>we sit out in her car listening to music
>"anon i'm going to florida in a few weeks actually"
>heart is ripped out of my chest
>"that's great! I'm happy to hear that"
>can't hide the heartbreak on my face
>she instantly feels bad and apologizes
>"no it's alright, you'll be happy over there don't worry about me"
>cont.?

>>35705665
Kinda envious of normies. Not because they're normies, but because they figured out something we haven't. Or are just better at us at hiding their pain.

>>35705488
hey man got skype/discord/email?

i really feel for people like you, we could do something fun like sharing nice screenshots from games we play or perhaps we watch similar stuff

Its not ideal, but its something right? We could always talk about feels as well. Come on, lets do it

>>35703123
ah shit man, thats tough

wanna add me on discord? I promise ill try my best not to make it awkward or at least be awkward myself to make it easier : D

crowjambo
#0158

>>35708257
well,there he goes

>>35702549
story time lads, also inb4 NORMIE REEEEEEE

>be me
>gfless virgin
>meet 2 girls around the same time on some social media app
>one is sweet and actually wants to maybe get to know me
>the other is a huge slut who sends me nudes
>go on Christmas break
>talking to them both on Snapchat
>lets call the whore Stacy, and the other girl Tammy
>Stacy is sexting me at this point, like I was convinced that the first day we got back, we'd fuck
>talk to Tammy a lot more but it's not as sexual, we start to like each other
>things get sort of exclusive between me and Tammy
>Stacy uploads a snap story of the same town that Tammy lives in
>decide to stalk Stacy on Facebook to see where she's from
>there's a photo of her and her friends
>Tammy is tagged
>ohfuck.jpeg
>maybe she's a friend of a friend?
>dead fucking wrong
>I return to campus after the break
>Tammy comes over and she blows me
>hour goes by, couldn't cum
>she leaves
>about a night or two later, I wake up at 5am to a text saying
>"Loooool Stacy"
>start having a panic attack
>call her at 5am to apologize
>she was angry that I woke her up and did that but she says she'll talk about it tomorrow
>we talk about it
>she sort of forgives me but things haven't been the same
>starts texting me less and wanting to come over less
>she applies to be a Residence Adviser
>gets the job
>turns out, unknown to me while she was applying, Residence Advisers can't be in relationships with students
>basically dumped me through that

now what happened to Stacy?

>I tried to hook up with her when Tammy dumped me
>no reply
>stop texting both of them
>about a week later
>was at PAX in Boston (originally a leaf)
>she snaps me "I miss you"
>sperg out and say I miss her too and to have a good night
>"thanks you too <3"
>think I'm in the clear
>ask her to come over twice in the week when I got back
>excuses

I know it seems like I'm all good but this is the only girl who has ever shown interest in me. Also I could have had a fuck buddy.

>>35708540
im actually autistic

Tammy messaged me during PAX, not Stacy, she still hasn't replied to this day

>>35703876
MODS MODS MODS!!!!
Ban the this fucking emo kid

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>got into handwriting letters to pass time
>a friend of a friend across an international border (im european) said she wanted one so i wrote one
>presented myself as i am - a 23 yo autistic video game playing loser neet
>she wanted to meet
>we meet halfway between my town and hers
>shes fucking amazing, only person ive ever met or heard of irl or online i would want to see more than once a month, would even see on a daily basis
>we walked for hours in the rain and told each other our whole life stories
>were supposed to meet again last weekend
>didn't, she's having a very bad time
>it wouldnt be a problem to wait but im leaving the region in 9 days to work across the continent
>after finally having met someone who would make it worth staying
>odds are i wont even get to see her before i leave
Help

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>>35708540
>going to PAX

How does it feel to lack self-awareness to the degree that you don't even begin to conceive of how much of a faggot admitting you go to PAX makes you sound like?

Get dunked on.

>>35708661
It's beyond awful, I've spent my whole life either isolated or playing long term monkey see monkey do to try to at least somewhat fit in with the world (mostly failing miserably) and being around someone who just understands me was the most liberating experience of my life - even if it showed me just how empty and loneliness inducing all my "friendships" with other people were. Someone please fucking help

>>35703600
Are you a INFP?

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>>35708708
>asking someone is one of those four letter faggot shit memes

I'd tell you to kys but I'm worried you might really do it and I don't want to get bothered over harassing a pussy.

Someone stole my dog. Since I live in a rural area there's no way for me to get him back since he's likely already been sold to someone else and I have no factual evidence despite being 100% certain that it happened. I want to fucking die.

>>35709964
Furthermore, that dog was basically the only thing that kept me from killing myself. I think I'm gonna do it tomorrow.

>tfw dick itches and smells bad

>>35705488
Yeah you sound like me only I'm well aware wage slaving is far worse than college, so I'm sticking it out even though I'm behind and failing because it's pretty relaxed.

>i get addicted at everything that makes me forget the past and the future or thats generay makes me feel good
Porn, vidya, internet, cigs, drugs, alcohol
I just want to enjoy life.

>>35709986
Good luck. Someone fucking poisoned my dog and i still have no idea who

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>>35702549
Have to hold a speech tomorrow but im not really prepared and I hate speeches in general

>lost a $200 handpiece and can't tell my parents about it and I want to fucking kill myself
It sucks living in a 3rd world country

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no motivation to live. Applied for a job at mcdonalds just so prove I deserve to exist.

I don't feel like I belong here anymore. It's probably for the best, but I'm afraid that everything is gonna be like before pretty soon. Hope it's not.

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My gf has a particular orbiter who talks to her everyday and invites her to do stuff every single week, this is starting to really annoy me. She says I shouldn't be jealous and should trust her but it still annoys me alot (she's been politely declining his invites)
>inb4 get out reee etc etc

I haven't properly dealt with my gran dying. I've only cried once. But I've stopped talking to people, will go out of my way to avoid them. I don't shower, I don't make an effort, I've been eating too much and I can't stop. ATM I just feel like everything's just going so slow but none of it matters. I just wish I was able to so good bye.

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>>35702549
>Be me
>Have real bad self loathing problem
>Always tried to avoid anime because it makes me depressed weeb who mourns over the fact that cute anime girls aren't real.
>Watch anime after stopping for a year
>Instantly attached to characters again and wishing I lived their lives, would give anything to hold a girl with a personality like ones in anime
>Ywn cuddle up to her while she nuzzles into your chest and speaks in her cute voice
>Ywn see her because she doesn't exist
>Tfw whenever I watch anime I get fucked up and enter a stage where I hate everything to do with real women and would give anything to have an anime girl for a girlfriend, but such things don't exist

Anyone else have this problem? I get so incredibly absorbed then horribly depressed at the same time, their lives are so much better and id give so much to be in a place like that with cute girls with those personalities, real girls just feel so empty and like a copy pasta to me.

Stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship that I can't seem to get out of... It's been almost 4 years now.

Co-workers are trying to get me fired. I look miserable all the time so they have decided to take it as a personal insult and claim I am being negative towards them. Why must normies be so cruel?

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>suffering through school
>accepting that people don't reach out to me
>loneliness setting in
I'm doing my best to stay strong, anons. I hope you're all having a good day so far~

>>35711960
whats preventing you

>>35712201
If leave I know for a fact she will harm herself.

>>35703600
I relate to this.
I've accepted that I'm not getting off this ride myself but fuck if I'm jumping through hoops so other people won't be openly hostile anymore.
Doesn't matter if everyone else is horrible or if it's me; it all adds up the same from my perspective.

>>35704101
>not going with carbon monoxide
see you at your
>tfw "attempted sui" post

that tfw when no ONE wants YOU
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

>>35704759
no point in anything d e s u
I bet you used to flip the monopoly board over when
>tfw no monopoly possible, 2 railroads and a utility
what is really stopping you?

>>35711914

I just binge watch eva every time I feel like it, there's no happiness in EVA so i'm fine.

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>too frivolous to contribiute to society
>too autistic to be a part of society

By ironic standards I'm a normie for this, but it still sucks

>Start university back in october
>Meet her
>Had this autistic crush on her for 3 months
>Tell her through a letter around christmas time
>She totally rejects me at the beginning of the new year
>We agree to stay friends (don't shout at me, I know)
>I suspect she rejected me because she got rejected not so long ago by her crush (he already had a fucking gf, she didn't even bother to do the research apparently)
>Spring break rolls around and I don't see her as often
>After almost 3 weeks (beginning of March) I ask her to play a cardgame we both started playing back in the old year
>She agrees
>We meet at my place
>We meet the week after that for a game, too
>She has to re-take an exam so I don't bother her last week
>Get the message that my grandpa who I am very fond of died on Friday
>She re-took the exam on Friday
>I wished her good luck before I got the message so she replied that she has a good feeling this time
>I invite her to a drink or two to celebrate this
>We shoot the shit for 4 hours and have autistic talks
>Is this my second chance I craved?
>I didn't ask her this but I also didn't tell her about my grandpa
>Monday, this week
>I invite her to a movie at my place also saying I won't be able to go to a con this weekend
>She comes around, we eat lunch together and watch the movie
>Synecdoche, New York if anyone's interested; I do recommend it
>She didn't get it, but that's normal after the first watch
>Tell her after this that my grandpa died and that I won't be able to attend the con because the eulogy will be held at that weekend
>She says she's sorry and also says I can text her anytime if I need someone to talk
>Also hugged me (I kind of started making hugging acceptable between us while drunk)

So, this is where I am now. I plan on having a talk with her about this next week. I don't know how it'll go but realistically I will have just mistaken kindness for affection (as always)

>>35712835
Kill yourself normie.
>girls
>harming themselves
At most she will "cut her wrists", meaning couple cuts that just bleed a little. You know that faggot ass emo middle schooler shit. She is not being serious and you're a fool.

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>>35713274
Depends, watched Re:Zero and the fact that I can't have someone like Rem to give a fuck about me and want to snuggle.. feelsbadman

>Tfw you'd give everything for a female like that
>Tfw you realize she isn't real
>Tfw you realize none of them are real

>>35706106

I feel you bro. I have also never kissed a girl in my life and Im 25 years old. Keep living man. We'll get through

My life is horrible. I have no one to talk to. I just wagecuck all day in a job I hate and go back home to wait for the time to sleep and start all over again.

Nothing is fun anymore. I have no hobbies, no friends, no passion. I'm already dead inside.

>>35712012
>he thinks he's suffering while getting to spend half of his day in the presence of other people without needing an excuse for it
It's annoying while you're going through it but you miss it when you're neeting in your room for years and your mind and body are atrophying slowly

>>35713660
I wish that were the case so I wouldn't have to worry. She'll bring herself to alcoholism and probably attempt suicide and blame me for all of it.

>>35714186
Who gives a shit about her opinion. This is your life, your only life. And it is ending. One minute at a time. Let her do what she thinks she has to and blame who she thinks she has to and you live in freedom.

That feel when too autistic to feel or care about anything

help

>>35714237
You're right. I'm gonna drop her and focus on my own life, not hers. Thanks anon

>>35714362
No problem my dude. Just remember - you're allowed to care for others but not on the condition that you have to give up on yourself. Stay strong.

>>35705935
>she's also heavy left-leaning liberal, SJW, feminist
Major red flag, don't date this type of person it will always end in shit

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>>35702549
I dont feel down at all today. Managed to have a 40 minute long conversation about random shit with a qt for the first time in years and she showed some actual interest. The chads in my class actually said hello and I found a dollar on the street. Now I'm sitting here with spaghetti dip sitting comfy with the Chan.


But I know it is all just temporary bliss. Shit will hit the fan by tomorrow guaranteed.

My only friend started talking with this major qt in my class and now they're getting closer and closer. I was always too much of an autist to speak with her even though I had been eyeing her for months. Now I'm feeling jealous about the situation and angry at myself for not acting up earlier.

I know it's all my fault and I'm kinda happy for them but I'm afraid I'll lose them both because I'm too much of a failure to handle this situation maturely.

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I keep having intrusive thoughts about my shitty childhood and I don't know how to deal with it.

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>Car broke down this morning and is costing a money I don't have to fix
>Piece of shit costs me nearly a quarter of my student bux a month and it barely gets driven
>Made a mess of a really important uni test
>Dog is in serious pain and could be getting put down in the next couple of days
>Started stress drinking which I've never done in my life
it's all tumbling down

>>35715394
you can't, you just live on with it

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>>35708399
Honestly anon I don't think most have anything figured out. Not doubt some have problems they deal with and issues similar to ours, but after engaging with a wide variety of people I have truly begun to believe that they simply don't have existential problems and the like as we do. As for the envy, life is far more interesting this way is it not? In the end I would not want to trade my mind and way of thinking for something as seemingly surface level and mundane as theirs. Then again it wouldn't really matter since I wouldn't know the difference after my mind changed would I.
>>35708661
>>35708702
Frankly anon, I'm not sure what advice or thoughts to give, and I wouldn't want to come off as condescending any way. So I will try and share in your feels. I've only met 4 people in my life who are similar to the gal you are describing. People who wouldn't necessarily judge you for being good or bad, they just take you as is and truly enjoy that. I don't talk to any of them much anymore, maybe I interact with one by chance every few months for a single moment in time, maybe 10 minutes or so and that's it. Don't let that happen anon, maybe you could keep writing letters as before, but don't be a coward and let people slip away like I do, just drifting between groups of people and subconsciously pushing everyone away. Make that change anon, keep her in your life if she is that important goddamnit. I suppose I would also add that these 4 people all are widely different folks: a nerdy outcast who is just a real kind genuine person, an adhd afflicted vidya playin neet who was a childhood friend, the younger brother of a kid i met in hs who is outwardly a cheery theater kid but who just wants to be seen as somebody besides the jokester all the time, and a ditzy stacey who really just enjoys partying. Don't ever shut yourself away from the opportunities to try and interact with these people, if we do then we have no chance of ever forming these beautiful relationships

>>35712835
>she will harm herself
That's not your responsibility anon. She's a grown person and if she does it, it's not your fault.

>>35707425
Why not join the army ? See the world, and maybe figure things out in the process. If nothing else you'll have a gun to kill yourself

>>35702549
I'm just angry and sad, and I don't know why.

I can't stop thinking about I girl I haven't spoken to in eight months. I don't even like her any more, I just can't get her out of my head.

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>>35702549
>local possible trap gf ghosted me
>young messed up lonely girl possibly died a day before her birthday
>uk weeb fembot ghosted me
>asian girl ghosted me
>russian fembot ghosted me
>east euro fembot cut contact
>uk girl bullied me

Is God playing some kind of joke on my life? Who writes this shit?

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>>35716420
You seem like a good dude. I think if I tricked you into thinking I was a decent human being, I would enjoy knowing you until I felt like you knew me.
It's all fucked up.

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>Girl is into me
>Black

>>35716691
Close your eyes and get over it so you get enough exp that white girls like you?

>>35703123
pls post your chart again

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>>35716712
This ain't a fucking game anon.

>>35716420
Of course I won't give her up. She's the sort of person I had stopped believing I'd find almost a decade ago. She might be THE person I had given up on finding almost a decade ago.

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Lost my job 3 days ago, because I couldn't keep up with everyone else. I quit my other job for it because it was way better pay. So now I'm NEET again.

I was a NEET for 2 years before I got my first job, and I remember being depressed the whole time. Because I got bored a lot and when I get bored, I get depressed from thinking negatively about myself too much.
I really hope I find a job again soon. While I love playing vidya all day, I also hate not making money and sitting around.

I also gained 30lbs last time I was NEET. While I was working, I lost it all and even got /fit/. I really don't want to be out of shape again as well.

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>>35713170
I'm glad you are here in this thread anon. Might I suggest you give out some (You's), it helps me deal with loneliness sometimes.

>>35713583
I suppose I can point out the typical le 'cuck' bit, but if you really enjoy being around her then continue to do. You can make that distinction and in the end if you want to hang around her as a friend like that nobody should stop you. I'm sorry your grandfather died, were you close?

>>35715394
Anon is right >>35715821
I find it just gets to the point of fiery hot rage everytime I think of it and I end up using it to motivate myself sometimes, or just be pissed as shit....

>>35716803
I just thought about all those pics of woman who only date men who had sex before so idk if its worth it for you. I probs wouldnt do it either.

>>35716935
I don't get enraged, I get extremely depressed. Remembering awful memories physically hurts. It's like a cold jolt through my body and I instantly feel like complete and utter shit. I even had to leave work today because I felt so awful.

>>35716881
Try to make money while playing vidya anon. If you have some money left from the job try to get into trading. Not promising wonders here but it can definitely get you some extra cash.

>>35704438
I don't know if this is peace or not, but it feels good so I'm just going with it.

>>35708708
Yes, but I doubt that has anything to do with this.

>>35713117
Jumping through hoops is never fun. So don't.

>>35717008
>tfw you get depressed when thinking about your childhood but not because it was awful but because it was fantastic and now life is such a pain.

so i was invited to a lan paryt by some friends there will be 300 plp and i was a team member of an csgo team but then they thaught i was going to bring kush to the party and said i shouldnt come to the party "for safty reasons"

After meditating for two years, I have recently been seeing notable gains. I can see more clearly my own motivations and desires, and filter away distracting thoughts and "fake" desires imposed on me by my surroundings. I see people in their eyes and sense their emotions before they speak.
I have decided to travel to the Spanish mountains to study among the Ishaya monks. I have saved up enough money for a 6 month stay. I will leave in June and return in December. I will post results around the 4th of december.

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>find someone whos nice,fun and cute
>feel comfy when talking to him
>find out he has an actual life
>he has life goals
>he has rl friends

one of my friends is dropping hints that she wants to fuck me now that she's unfortunately single, another of my friends very obviously propositioned that she suck me off, and I can't deal with any of it no matter how badly I want it because i'm an autist and being approached at all makes me aggressively push them away
also I can't get a job because interviews make me sperg similarly, I haven't gotten any better at them in the last 3 years
and general apathy is at an all time high

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>>35716681
I can tolerate damn near anyone anon. and frankly you seem to be being honest. Besides muh fake stories, etc, etc I like when people are open on this website and in real life. There is nothing I hate more than fake motherfuckers. Holden said it best, "they're all a bunch of phonies!". I've met a wide variety of folks and while I will pass judgement on their beliefs and actions, it certainly doesn't make me dismiss the rest of their being and thereby hate them, so I don't think I would hate you. I'm simply being honest with you, as I wish others would be. Take it as you may.

>>35716823
I hope you make it then anon. If something happens post about it eh? Hearing something good like that workout really brightens life up for folks like me.

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highly original comment

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>tfw everyone is scared of you for some reason

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>>35717063
>I don't know if this is peace or not, but it feels good so I'm just going with it.

Better than to willingly continue to suffer, unless you want to eh? Good to hear though, keep it up anon, if it truly feels good.

>>35717008
I used to get that way, maybe something broke in me, but now it is just all twisted up in a clusterfuck of anger and acceptance. Give it time I suppose. Might I inquire as to what happened in your childhood. Personally had a manipulative, mentally abusive mother whom I loathe to this day, I wonder when I'll finally break and tell her off. soon I think. You don't have share if you don't want, I'm just making the offer to talk if you want since I've got a lot of free time rn.

>>35717670
Perhaps you have a grim demeanor or scowl a lot? iktf anon. People always say their first impression is fear of me

I took a big shit today. It felt really good.

>>35717222
>>35717222
>>35717222
>>35717222

dont ignore me please what do i do about this

>>35717850
stop being an insecure "fembot"

>tfw professor doesn't know what she is doing and barely understands the material
This frightens me as a graduate student.

>>35717850
he has real friends etc because other people also find him fun/nice/cute and comfy to talk to

I'm a 19 year old girl (no I won't post pics) and I think I'm attracted to my 25 year old mtf brother (born guy but dresses like a girl now)

I don't think anyone can relate to this

>>35717806
What kind of fear tho? Legit fear for their lives, which makes them really uncomfortable and scared or the "eeww what a creep-tier" fear

>>35717222
If he is a 'normal' well adjusted guy he can probably read signals. Maybe reach out to him, phone number usually does it, or something like that. The fact that when a woman (I guess ur a woman, idk) reaches out rarely is a pretty obvious implication since it doesnt happen often. Even a lot of ppl here can understand that it implies you want to get closer, so Im sure a well adjusted human being can understand your intentions on some level.

>>35702549
I don't know, I've got some mixed feelings bots.

The bad feels first
>got two tests tomorrow, one is really important and i dont know how im gonna do, feel nervous
>had to drop a class because i fucked up and failed 2 tests
>was coming out of a building and saw a cute girl that went to my high school, wanted to talk to her but she was on the phone and i didnt just want to stand there awkwardly and wait because i dont know her that well

the good
>dropped a class so less homework and less stress, feels kinda good
>lifting going well
>i feel good, getting a lot of sleep
>dropped vidyas so i have time for myself, to just relax or watch my favorite shows

>>35717998
i hope so
im fine with him just seeing me as a friend honestly

>>35717953
Me personally? I'm gonna go with legit fear for their lives sortve deal. I'm a pretty grim looking guy and when you combine that with a general distaste for ppl I tend to scowl or have a 'harsh' look a lot of the time leading me to not be very social. I tend to end up coming off as pretty scary.

What kinda fear you rolling with?

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>good job w/ weird schedule that gives me alone time
>cool, sexy, geeky gf who sticks by me
>she gets me out of my comfort zone
>making decent money

>feel like I'm hitting a dead end in IT without coding
>have ideas bouncing around in my head to start a game but can't get myself to start a prototype
>interests with my girlfriend don't match up sometimes
>starting to think years of hentai have warped my sexuality and I don't know how to communicate that stupidly developed part of me because it's going to skeeve her out
>love her but I'm bad at communication in general
>fighting with her stresses me the fuck out, and it's kind of often
>feel listless recently
>can't just immerse myself in games/anime/books/media like I used to

Looking through this thread I feel so sorry to post this because I know my problems are probably so minor compared to you guys. But I feel this existential dread of becoming a corporate drone, marrying my gf, having kids in 5 years, and being a normal person - and I really don't want to be normal. So boring.

I've also never been by my own completely in my life (met my gf before I moved out) and I'm grasping for it because I'm so damn introverted- so I'm constantly worried about the state of my relationship. I love her but fear we're "too different," and if we keep going down this we'll divorce after we have kids or something and I'm still reaching for all this. Then I'll be a shitty dad, too.

I don't have a skilled bone in my body, but I want to give back to a creative world that's helped me get where I am. I'd really be happy making a name for myself, but I don't know how or with what. I feel like I've had a quarter life crisis since I was like 19. I want to translate games or VNs, but my Japanese sucks. I want to make a game, but it'd be so derivative and I don't think I'm that skilled of a programmer. So I stay at my job that's not what I'd like to do with life.

I feel like I'm gonna crash. If not now, at 40

>>35718121
Im not the person who said it causes fear in others, but i asked you this because i think causing legit fear in people can have advantages. If your just a casual "creeper" people dont really fear but just disrespect you. If they get legit scared they will at least not bother you.

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I'm going crazy. I really want to kill myself. Although there are things in the world I wish I could try. I've been a NEET since I finished highschool, that was over 6 months ago. In just a few days, I'll become a hikikomori by Japanese standards (not going out in 6 months). I'm completely crazy already. I've always been. I've always been retarded somehow, I'm a human cancer, I'm a cancer cell that grows and devours things in its path. I can't behave normally. I can't get a job simply because I'm too retarded to talk without shuttering or saying something completely weird out of the blue or even behave in ways that are just deemed unacepptable. More importantly, I have zero energy. I spend literally 20 hours of my day on my bed. I do nothing. Really nothing. I just stay on bed rolling on my bed trying to find a comfortable position. The 4 hours I spend awake I'm usually just shitposting on the internet. I don't have energy not even to watch anime or play online chess. I don't. I live with a single mom and she is an extremely stupid person. She's bipolar and emotionally unstable, one day she will try to talk to me nicely, and on the next one she'll start shouting the most terrible things, asking me to kill myself, and if I don't, she'll just call the cops to force me out of my place and not allow me to ever come back home. There's some other shit going on but basically I really, really, really want to die. If I wasn't a lanket, I'd have already hanged myself from the ceiling, but I also live in a commieblock so small hanging myself simply doens't work.

My mom made me go to the doctor today and
>talk about my feefees and think about referring me to someone else
When they still don't know that instead of supposed Ass Burgers it's
>Crippling Depression
>Anxiety, Loneliness, Apathy
>Suicidal thoughts
>Complete abandonment of 3D for "degeneracy"
All I can hope is that the whole thing doesn't come to light.

>woke up at 7:30pm today after sleeping and refusing to wake up
>have a ton of uni work to do by tomorrow
>can't get motivated to start
>probably going to work overnight to get it done
>this happens once a week, every week, on deadline day
why can't i get my shit in order

>>35718261
It won't stop if you don't open up to someone who can do something about it, dude. That's what therapy is for.

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I'm too shy to post in an anonymous online chat. I have set my status to Offline. I read all conversations. That's the only "social interaction "i have.
Whats wrong with me

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>ruined all my fat-loss gains my eating a bunch of easter candy
>don't even regret it

>>35718343
>easter candy
>its not even eastern yet
barbaric.

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>>35718089
Well that's good I suppose, then I hope you'll understand that I'm a bit confused, what is the problem here>>35717850
Or is somebody roleplaying and im wasting my time? whatever tho

>>35718184
Nothing wrong with good feels anon. I hear having children is really rewarding so I wouldn't fear that. You seem to have a fairly strong relationship with you gf no? Perhaps you could discuss a bit, at least the introvert time alone deal rather than the hentai. I think if she really cares for you and as invested (as I perceive it) then things will work out. As for the creative thing, set a schedule if you really want to do it. The only way I can keep up with my writing is by setting time aside for it and sticking to it, otherwise I slack off. Hell desu im slacking rn, rather just talking to anons than doing writing, but this is something im willing to sacrifice it for. By really sitting myself down and getting into it for 10ish minutes i can then plug away easily for a couple hours or so. Ya gotta really want it m8 (as i think you do) and I find taking those baby steps with scheduling really helps.
>>35718193
I imagine it does have advantages, unfortunately I suppose, I have minimal desire to utilize it. With my manipulative mother I have an aversion to manipulating ppl in that sense, but at times I take an action that is made easier by such.

>If they get legit scared they will at least not bother you.

Absolutely true, with listening to music as well it is ridiculously easy for me to get by not speaking to people.

Who else
>no gf
>no friends
>no social contacts at all
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8RvDW6b15c

>>35702549
I'm depressed. I'm not even single and I feel more lonely than when I was a 22 year old khhv. Still no friends. Still a shut in. Still uneducated. Still poor. Still ugly. Still autistic. My gf hasn't touched me in 10 months so I feel like whatever I had to make me desirable to her is gone and now she'll leave me. I still love her but she doesn't want me.
>try to go to a normie for advice
>"I know what you mean, man. Once me and my gf didn't have sex for a month."

The joke's on me for thinking I could have what other people have.

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>>35702549
Nothing's got me down. In fact I'm the happiest I've been in a long time.

Somehow though, as I get my life on track, I feel like I want to be left alone at home the most. Now that I got a job and money and acquaintances that want to do things with me I want to shut myself in at home all weekend playing videogames more than ever.
My psychiatrist sort of wants me to feel bad about being a voluntarily isolated person, but really I don't know.

I guess I really will live a lonely life (by choice) and I feel like I'm ok with it. I'm really okay with it.

>life is actually good
>the world is full of beautiful stuff
>grateful for almost everything
>accepts the inevitable truth that i will be forever lonely and try to content myself with music, books, college, internet
>"some people are born to be lonely"
>tries to act normal but feels bad for not having a true connection with people near me.
>no friends at all
>but life is good

>I dont have sex as much as I should
>I cant find a gf, I'm tired of cheap hook-ups<
>college is killing me
>my friends are fucking normie retards

>>35718726

That is what i used to think. I was wrong.
I still thoroughly enjoy and need alone time, I just wish that when i do have the desire to socialize i had people available.

>>35719035
>I'm a fuckin normie retard.

Ftfy

>18
>girlfriendless-virgin
>decide to join the marine corps to get laid
>backfires, everyone else around me is now a Chad
>getting stationed in Japan soon, can barely speak japanese, and will be even harder to get gf for next 2 years
I've already accepted that i'll stay a virgin until at least my early 20s at this point boys

>>35719112
It's so hard forcing myself to do things with people.
I really really really do not want to go out on a friday or saturday night. All I want to do is sit at home playing videogames until 4AM then go to sleep.
No hangovers, no sweat, no cold from being outside, no talking to people other than my vidya buddies...

Am I really dooming myself?

>>35716789
I don't have it anymore

>>35719168

Well i'm not sure if i'm in a good position to give advice.
But i have autism so socializing is exuberantly exhausting. As a result of that i can't work.
So i sit inside all day with the exception of going to the store twice a week. My life currently only consists of playing Vidya, sleep deprivation, and 4chan and i'm feeling miserable and want to die.
Its this weird situation where i'd want to socialize but if i did i would get extremely tired and lock myself in my room again.

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>>35719305
Ok, thanks anyway.
I just get this sort of feeling that I get all the human interaction I could ever want from going to work and to the store.

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>>35718726
>My psychiatrist sort of wants me to feel bad about being a voluntarily isolated person, but really I don't know.
They do this because they don't actually understand people. The vast majority of psychologists have no idea what they're talking about and are basically going down a checklist with every patient.

I got fed up really quickly dealing with this shit. I'd try to talk about my identity issues or something that actually bothers me and they'd steer the conversation to some Freudian bullshit about my mother or something.