>it was my senior year of high school >finals were coming

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>it was my senior year of high school
>finals were coming up, and I had to be ready
>I wanted to be a zoologist, so I could study the lives of all swamp creatures
>I studied every night, but only after I prayed to Shrek
>I knew that if I prayed to shriek, he would empower me to focus, on my studies
>on the day before our finals I was studying in class
>I had all of my notes spread across my desk
>I start my daily prayer to Shrek
>everyone in the room bursts out laughing
>why do you even pray to Shrek, scolds one older boy
>shrek is drek! Exclaimed another girl
>suddenly the room starts to shake as if there was an earthquake
>everyone starts to panic, but I know better and stay calm
>a giant crack in the ground opens up, and several terrified students fall in.
>a giant green hand reaches up from the crack
>its all ogre now
>shrek jumps out of the crack and grabs the teacher by his hair.
>shrek bends him into the shape of a boomerang and throws him at the other students
>blood is everywhere, as the boomerang teacher slices all the students in half
>I am the only survivor
>shrek picks up the bodies of the dead students and rapes their corpses
> Shrek looks at me and asks me if I want some help to study
>I am delighted
>he takes my notes and shoves them up my butt
>I can feel paper cuts in my anus
> as I feel the agonizing pain, Shrek puts himself in my mouth
>the amazing taste distracts me from the burning in my butt
>as Shrek finishes, I look up and find that he is gone
> I went on to graduate at the top 20% of my class
>at my graduation speech, I only had one thing to say
>shrek is love, Shrek is life