>get home after long day at work >just want to lay down

How did a whale get into my apartment?

motor boat that big water body

>>35665982
Through the door

>>35666148
That's impossible. There's no way this thing could've fit. Somebody must've removed a wall or something.

>>35665944
To be honest, I don't actually know what to do. I mean, I know what to do but I don't know HOW to do it. I'm afraid of what's gonna happen when the *whatever she's wearing* comes off.

but then again beggars can't be choosers
>tfw 24 and khhv

>>35665944
who's the chucklefuck who dropped jello on my bed

I'd probably stutter an apology and leave my own apartment

>two 9mm reports to head
>nap in guest room
I'll probably figure this out after I get some rest.

Fall asleep on her belly

Ask her to change the sheets, leave extra towels and fill the ice bucket for me. I'll leave a fiver when I check out.

>>35665944
>Think i will work some more.

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>>35666203
Maybe they used a crane?

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>>35665944
>tfw you will never slowly peel that latex of her in increments and clean her big, sweaty body with your tongue
Why is god so cruel?

The males of her troop can't be far off.
I call the police.

Move her and go to sleep.

>I Just want to lay down in bed

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>>35667754
What if she tries to cuddle with you though?

I have a huge latex fetish. As long as she doesn't try to strip, I'm getting aids.

Tit fuck her nothing more

>>35668433
Well Anon that's most certainly huge latex if I've ever seen it.

>>35665944
Is that the newest peep marshmallow

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>>35668477
>Not seeing how far in her bellybutton you can go
Pretty pleb desufampai

>>35665944
looks ideal except I'd have her change into something snuggly

>>35665944
>get home after long day at work
>just want to lay down in bed
>open bedroom door
>see this
>What do you do?
Vomit.

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>>35668956
Why did you quote the entire post?

kill myself [original comment approaching]

>>35669477
So that it would be original.

>>35669516
I would [REDACTED]

>>35666595
Swear to god I thought this was a lady I took Spanish class with but she doesn't have freckles, really uncanny resemblance though

>>35665944
anyone have sauce? oregano

>>35665944
the piercings are what killed it for me

>>35665944

Wonder how my waterbed grew a face

plow that pillow ass

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Joke's on you OP. I actually fucked her in real life. She was an escort in the UK whose street name was Violet Valentine. I hired her for my 21st birthday.

She died in 2014 after a short battle with Hodgkin Lymphoma which spread to her lungs.

She was kind and bubbly person who made this anon's first time something to remember.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKPb88mLP3c

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>>35671627
why are you going to bring out feels like that

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>>35671627
Damn anon, you're one luck SOB if you're telling the truth. I'd pay anything to have lost my virginity to a chick like that. Sad to hear that she died. :(
How was it?

>>35671627
The joke is actually on you for paying a monkey to take your virginity you faggy jungle lover.

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>LIMIT BREAK

>>35672066
Loved Ward desu

>>35665944
>stay calm
>pull out phone and dial police
>block her path if she moves
>get her detained and arrested for breaking and entering
>call my lawyer and sue her for whatever she's worth
>clean and disinfect bed

>>35665944
do a 360 and walk out the door
oregano oregano robo can eat my smegano

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>>35665944
Yo what the fuck is Grimace doing in my house

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>>35671803
Incredible. Her body was fantastic. I have a thing for larger black women and she was a dream come true. She was on the plus side but it went to all the right places. She had a huge soft butt and boobs so large that when you touched them they spilled out of your hands.

I paid for a few hours with her. Did practically everything but anal.

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>>35672815
God that sounds like heaven. You picked the right one to lose it too brother
>>35671974
Nice shit taste you got there. It would be a shame if you got.... culturally enriched

No.

I have hit absolute rock bottom and browse /r9k/ all day... But I would NEVER fuck a 500 pound niggy piggy.

>>35665944
Who the fuck this silly putty looking bitch

>>35671627
I remember finding her youtube and fapping to her once ages ago, didn't realise she was dead lmao

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>>35673162
She probably wouldn't fuck you either desu
>>35673428
Your new girlfriend.

>>35665944
Fuck. The normal rope is not going to be strong enough. In fact, the normal tree might not be strong enough.