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I know this is a wall of text, but please help me out. I had to split this into separate posts because I just barely went over the limit. I like this episodic approach anyway.
Was just finishing a romantic brunch with my gf and we planning on heading back to my apartment and "banging it out" to my OG pressing of this album (on vinyl) when my phone rings. I already know who it is, and I would really rather not, but my good naturedness prevents me from ignoring a call. I begrudgingly ease the phone out of my front left pocket and there, by the light of the display, I see the name of my very close but extremely autistic best friend.
"Hello?" I say, hesitantly.
"Hey, man," he says excitedly, but with a tinge of anxiety, "I can't talk right now. Can I call you later?"
"Um, alright. I'm driving right now anyway, so that's fine." I say, relieved but confused.
Sure as the spring brings soft rains, my phone buzzes once more maybe one minute later, tops.
"Hello?" I say, audibly frustrated.
"Sorry about that, man," he sputters out before continuing onto the perceived issue at hand. "I can't read this girl, dude."
I was immediately taken aback, as I had no preconceived notions that this sperg was even capable of looking at a girl, let alone holding a conversation with one long enough that any "reading" needs to be done.
(1/2)
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He goes on to tell me that he went on a coffee date with this "girl", and when he tried to make plans to buy some corn dogs for a second date (???), those plans then fell through. In his autistic mind, instead of just assuming that she had other responsibilities like a normal person would, he took it in the worst possible way as though she was declaring that she had no interest in a second date. He mentioned that she gave him a reason for not being able to make it to his proposed time-and-place, and I told him to simply take that at face value because she was probably telling the truth and actually had other things to do. He brings up her sister at this point, pointing out that his primary worry is that her sister isn't a "direct live feed of valuable information" regarding whether or not this "nubile, young nymphet" was responding well to "his gentlemanly courting attempts". Mind you, these are, in fact, his words. He's big into literature, I think. Anyway, I bring him down by mentioning that her sister may simply think it would be a valuable experience to handle this on her own rather than have her older sister hand hold her through it, and he seemed to buy it because his voice wasn't as shaky, his vocabulary became a bit more conversational, and he stopped pausing every few words.
The conversation winded down after that, and he mentioned he's planning on getting lunch with the older sister which worries me deeply. I wanted to give him some advice to make sure he doesn't blow everything by sperging out on her, but frankly I didn't want to take any further initiative because I was too busy about to do a little "rendezvous" myself (with my gf). Anyway, he finally thanked me for my "sagely advice" and "bid farewell" to me. Again, his words.
(2/3, oops)
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Fast forward to today. They've been talking "nonstop", and they apparently scheduled a second date, although I don't think corn dogs are involved this time. I'm kind of happy for him, but at the same time terrified because I sincerely worry that he'll come to me to tell me every single solitary detail about their relations together if they hook up, good or bad. God save me.
The kicker? She's 17.
What do?
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>gf
Stopped reading right there.
Get the fuck out.
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>>35663863
>Stopped reading right there.
But that's just the first sentence of the story.
My friend is the robot, I need to speak to people who see things his way. I'm sure he'd come here himself, but he doesn't know 4chan exists. His method of coping with social anxiety is mostly posting Facebook statuses of song lyrics and asking for professional help in the comments.
Help me out.
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>with my gf
GET THE FUCK OUT REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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