>fall head over heels in love with someone >spend months

No one on r9k realizes that love comes far into a relationship. What you're experiencing is an infatuation rooted in lust. Real love happens at least months into a relationship. Love at first sight is complete bullshit.

>>35655382
No shit. That's why he used quote marks. You still didn't answer the fucking question twat.

>>35655382
I know that. I know it's not real love. In the broad scheme of things, this applies to all emotions. How can I trust my emotions when they're so volatile?

That's obsession for u. It happens to everyone robot and chad alike. Just don't go all Bjork stalker.
Infatuation will go once theres some sort of change in your'e life to distract you and remove the feelings. It may not necessarily be a new grill it could be a new job or hobby or whatever.
Currently going through it myself friendo. It's shit but it'l pass.

So if infatuation leaves how do people know to stay in a relationship and not just follow a different infatuation? Like, how do you know if you're in love at that point?


I just got my heartbroken because the person I loved left me for someone else. However, I don't think I ever really left the infatuation stage myself even though we were together for three years.

>>35656167
>However, I don't think I ever really left the infatuation stage myself even though we were together for three years.

Three years isn't something to sneeze at desu. There are subtle differences between real love and infatuation. You should be able to notice them. Its the little things, like tolerating stupid habits of hers, or accommodating her routines.

>>35655382
But if it's infatuation not based on sexual appeal?

>>35656236
It's all sexual, even if not superficially. Your mind subconsciously (or even sometimes consciously) associates non-sexual attributes with a good mate.

>>35656222

Well in that case I certainly do believe I really am in love. I took a job I absolutely hated in order to stay by his side and not move away. I know many of his flaws, both little and big, and have done nothing but try to embrace them, even if it's not always something I'm okay with. I realize for every flaw he has, the bigger picture is someone I find wonderful. He is someone I've opened my soul to and him to me as well. I'm still one of the only people in the world who has seen him cry and who he feels comfortable and close to enough to share he deepest concerns and feelings. I feel miserable not being able to express the love I feel anymore as he goes for another woman and wants to go back to being just friends.

He acts so incredibly infatuated with her, it's disgusting for me to watch. Like, doing early gentlemanly courtship stuff that he stopped doing with me when he got comfortable, or stuff he never did in the first place. Treating her like a perfect fancy shiny new toy of a Disney princess while he gets to pretend to be Aladdin showing her the world and all it's splendor. Yet he still begs me to stay around because he feels so close to me and would be miserable without me in his life.

>>35656645
that really sounds disgusting and horrible and I'm so sorry that things turned out that way for you. Did he cheat on you? or did he break up with you once he met this new girl. I know you feel close to him, and like he needs you, and like you need him, but if he just threw you aside like that, you should probably just cool it and break it off completely, for your own sake. It'll hurt, I know. Three years is a long time, especially when you're young. But you have no obligation to be there for someone who treated you like shit and is using you as an emotional tampon

>>35656645
>Like, doing early gentlemanly courtship stuff that he stopped doing with me when he got comfortable

That kills me right there.

I'm a dude, but my expertise come from observing this firsthand where I am friends with both parties. I honestly would cut off friendship. My reasoning is twofold; you will never get over him otherwise, and he clearly cannot commit.

The second point is true for two reasons; HE is the one who confuses infatuation with love. He clearly gets complacent, but still wants all the benefits (emotional or otherwise) of a true romance. Combine that with utter indecision, and voila.

>>35656791

He didn't really cheat on me, I don't think. He and her spent a lot of time together, since she started living with us (her sister got married and was our roommate, and now her sister is living with us because it's cheaper than the college dorms). I started being around less and less, since my work hours and his really only left maybe a two hour window to see each other before bedtime at best. She's from a super religious family who raised her in kind of a bubble, so I know they haven't done anything sexual at least. He took her on her very first trip to Burger King this year if you need perspective on how little she has seen of the world. He is constantly asking if she has seen or done even the most basic of things, her response is almost always "no". The girl is a total sweetheart though and is incredibly nice, I know she likes him too.

I guess it was more emotional infidelity than anything. I just wish I knew if this was something he was serious about or if this is some sick version of "grass is greener."

>>35655198
What stops you from abandoning them is the/a relationship. Love is basically just a strong pathway in the brain. If you find someone and have lots of good times and sex with them and already like them, you won't abandon them because that pathway is now strengthened + the neurotransmitter and good memories + associations. They are your acquired drug and you will keep them for getting high unless you find a stronger drug. Am I making sense?

>>35656272
Then so is the shit that leads to whatever "real love" is.

>>35656998
>I guess it was more emotional infidelity than anything

NEVER undersell the importance of emotional fidelity. It is just as important as sexual fidelity, (I hesitate to say more so, because people will use that as an excuse to cheat).

>>35657201

True. At least with sexual infidelity you could (though you never should have to) argue that the sex meant absolutely nothing and that person still loves you. With emotional there really is no such excuse.