What's on your mind anon? Something bothering you? Need

>>35653580

Salarycuck here. I know I'm luckier than most robots considering I have a salary job and thus am not reduced to wagecuckery, but it's still just utter shit. The people gossip about one another (and thus likely me) all day, the bosses never leave until usually 7-8 pm every day and no one really gets to leave before them, and the pay's not even that good. The work itself is tedious and relies upon getting people to do things they don't want to do, and there's never even the slightest hint of a "good job" or any sort of appreciation or even welcome. But the most minor of infractions or perceived unlikes, such as being too quiet or "not a team member" or "why did this take you two weeks longer than last time"; and it's five days of berating from half-assed middle managers with cheating wives and no lives who think life revolves around work that doesn't matter at all.

Fuck this shit.

>>35653580
Well im pretty drunk from rum n coke at the moment and just got back form seeing my gf for the last time(inb4 normie ree) and i'mjust gonna ramble on in some green txt cus i need to type it out

>Have gf since October
>She's def crazy, but super caring and sweet and always trying to take care of me
>We had our arguments and issues, and even when it was from her being crazy i'd always try to patch it up
>She was addicted to smoking heroin and i tried to get her off it, but she went back during one of our arguments when we werent talking much
>She decided to leave the state cus she was never gonna get clean here.
>We had an argument the other day over her nodding out from heroin and me wanting to leave cus it's no fun hanging out with someone that's passing out
>Tried to talk to her about it and hang out before she left the state
>She just kinda doens't reply to my messages much
>She's leaving tomorrow
>Ask her to hang out
>We do, but it's not the same
>Her hugs aren't tight
>She wouldn't cuddle me
>She doesn't say I love you
>Drops me off after about 2 hours and wonering why I won't talk much
>Now home chugging down rum and coke

I know I know, im an idiot for getting with a girl like that, but fuck it still hurts. Just the only person that seemed interested andg ave me their time was a heroin addict, I'm no saint i do pilss here and there but I'm not on them 24/7 or ever with drawled.

What hope do I have in finding something better?

I know it wasn't always great or amazing with her, but it sure as hell beat crippling loneliness.

>>35653757
I feel you fellow bot.

People are so good at letting us all down. That's why we're here.

I'd say don't look to the future. Don't think about what you can have, may have, may not have. Just drink and remember the feels you did have, because they're what are real. If you're an idiot, so are millions of others.

Fuck 'em. You do you. If that means get drunk, well get drunk. Lord knows I am tonight, even for a different reason, so you have company in the alcohol department.

>>35653924
Thanks mang, this next drinks for you, but i''ll just try to think of the good times we had and be glad i had them.

Bewtween the booze, your post, and this song that just came on theres tears streamind down my face

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IR6WaJlxSp8&list=PLkpCjz_sCCob9WhhVCT0ddah_tZNMf_O_&index=5
I know it's long as fugg and no ones probably gonna listen but these lyrics are hitting me in the feels rn and i wanted to share

>I am awaiting the sunrise
>Gazing modestly through the coldest morning
>Once it came, you lied
>Embracing us over autumn's proud treetops

>I stand motionless
>In a parade of falling rain
>Your voice, I cannot hear
>As I am falling again

>Devotion eludes
>And in sadness, I lumber
>In my own ashes, I am standing without a soul
>She wept and whispered "I know"

>We walked into the night
>Am I to bid you farewell?

>Why can't you see that I try?
>When every tear I shed, is for you

>>35653924
>>35654040
Also to add, whats your reason if i may ask

I'm scared to graduate college next year
>be me
>be awkward guy but liked guy senior year of high school
>for the first time ever I have friends who want to hangout and not just talk to in class and during sports
>even have a long time relationship with a qt3.14 awkward girl
>graduate
>go to college by myself
>high school friends slowly stop talking to me
>make a handful of college friends
>they still hangout with each other
>realize I was the least liked person in my friend
>it's ok because gf still loves me
>gf dumps me
>fast forward to now (end of junior year)
>in same situation
>least liked member of my friend group
>but here's the twist
>no gf this time
>scared of being alone
I have 4 foreseeable options (least to most likely) after college, boys
>get gf so if I live alone maybe she can live with me or at least have someone to see occasionally
>rent apartment with friends for awhile until we all get stable jobs
>live alone in an apartment in a bad neighborhood while I work at my job
>continue to live in my moms basement (it's a small house and currently I'm only there during the summer and winter) as I try, possibly in vain, to get my career off the ground
I'm gonna try to make the most of it, but I'm really scared.

>>35654069

I'm the salarycuck above.

No friends, holed up in an expensive city in a job I hate but too proud to resort to things like neetdom or living off my parents. I feel hollowed out, like I'm an undead dude in fucking Dark Souls with no humanity left, just going through the same damn motions and getting killed every day, just to rise again and repeat.

Dreams are gone. Hopes are withered. The future is iced over. Existential dread bubbling up for years has finally boiled over, and there appears nothing but a vast pit that represents however many years I have left before I inevitably die of cirrhosis due to the sheer quantity of whiskey I drink.

I don't even mind that last part.

>>35654087
I'd probably just stay with your mom till you can get off the ground and then work on the loneliness from there.
Focusing too much on it as you're trying to get your life together is gonna be detrimental.

>>35653580
My wife and kids are in her home country of India right now, she will be coming back next week but it is hard without her. What makes it even harder is how she is.

>Phone her up. She always answers unless in the bathroom or taking care of kids
>Talk to her about anything but got to be careful cause she is sensitive and isn't good at handling any kind of criticism
>She is very traditional (grew up in a village) and she cannot say certain things in front of her family to me. And she changes it up. From "I cant say that" when she should be saying I miss you but has no problem saying I love you.
>Her family wants all her attention and sometimes it is even hard to hold a conversation with her.

There is other shit to it. I know she misses me and loves me. But she does a bad job of saying it or sometimes showing it. Other times she does amazing job. I understand her culture and traditions are what makes her...her but it is difficult at times.

>>35654132
It's a vicious cycle, luckily right now i'm out of a job and living on some of my savings, but those will dry out soon enough.

And as for the dark souls reference, that reminds me, my friend told me I was a "fading soul" when playing that and he picked one up , very fitting

>>35654087

That you're committed to making the most of it speaks well of you, dude.

Losing a gf and feeling friendships fade away is hard. I can see how that makes things like tough, and it is tough, you're right. That time after college is a rough one (oldfag here, relatively speaking, since I can post on the 25+ threads). I won't post any trite nonsense about hope or whatnot. Life is a meat grinder, a blender that swirls us about and threatens us with whirling blades.

Do what you can, bot. We have to stick together if nothing else, because the world will toss us out and drench us in its scorn if we let it. But if you graduate college, you've had a gf, friends, you have capability. You're not no one, and that's something, indeed.

The rest, well, that's the future. That's another day.

>>35654202

That fading soul reference is a damn good one, if only it gave me more souls. I'm nowhere close to even a weary warrior.

I hear you on the savings part being out of a job - I was laid off a couple years ago from a much better job with better pay and lived a year and a half with only freelance jobs, largely burning through savings. It was so fucking liberating, having that bulwark, relying on what I'd earned because I can save fast given that I have nothing/no one to spend anything on. I was free in so many ways.

But every sunny day gives way to the sunset and the night, and here I am, without even the moon to light the path. Just the darkness.

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>>35653580
Can't see a way out of the mess I'm in. Been at my job almost a year and a half, work really hard yet get micromanaged and treated like shit. Constantly feel as if there's an axe hovering over my head there. Homeless for a month today but they don't know. Despite still working and not paying rent I still can't seem to get ahead and save so worried I'm going to be homeless for the foreseeable. No family who care about me and I live in a different country anyway. Struggling to contain my marbles. I don't even have the capacity to care about tfw no gf right now.

>>35654159
Damn dude. If you don't mind me asking, how'd you end up here if you have a wife and kids? Also does her family have issues with you? Is that the issue?
>>35654147
As much as I love my family, and especially my mom, I get really depressed whenever im home because I feel like my life is going nowhere. I feel that if I live there long term I could become a NEET. Thank you.

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>be yard wrangler
>working With hot woman everyday
> taking a kid to class the other day
>she just throws herself to the floor
>I look at her as she roles around on the floor and screeches
>then I notice blood everywhere
>oh god
>tfw it's there period
>oh shut oh shit oh shit
>as I try to collect myself to fix the issue I smell something godawful
>oh shit oh shit oh shit
>she's shat herself on top oh this massive flowing period
>the mentral flow is so bad it goes through her thin pull-ups
>shit is the consistency of wet cement
>she stands up and tries to run off for whatever reason
>her shit and me real blood duper is so heavy it actually pulls her jeans to the ground as the duper falls
>now she's screeching and shuffling around with shit and me steal blood going everywhere
>tfw I still don't quite because I need money
>pic related, drinking and playing HOI before I have to go back tomorrow.

>>35654287
It's the plague or our times, anon. Shit work, shit jobs, and managers/supervisors who are obsessed about making everyone they can feel worse than themselves while fellating themselves about the pseudo-importance of their lives.

And yet we struggle, because we have no choice. What a hand we have been dealt.

I can't say I can understand your pain exactly; I am not homeless, and you have it worse than me. But I can see what horror you have. Employment was supposed to provide meaning, give life something more than fear and basic need. Instead it has become a driver to emphasize those most basic of whips.

What a world. What a fucked up world.

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>>35653580
I am incredibly bored and kinda tired of being a NEET, but I can't find the motivation to do anything to better myself.
I have no friends beyond one guy I talk to on steam and am incapable of creating any lasting relationships with anyone unless I shower them with nudes and stuff because my personality is just bad.

I'm living life on loop and I don't know how to stop.

>>35654506
Bang on anon.
And the worst bit is when your shift is over you can't ever relax and forget about work because all the little micro aggressions add up and when you're treated like a shit person at the place you spend most of your waking hours, you begin to feel like you are a worthless shit person in general.

I would leave but fear jumping from the frying pan and into the fire because as you state, it's a fucked up world where all these awful power tripping cunts prevail and id probably come across at least yet another one at any other workplace.

>>35654301
Her family loves me actually. They find it interesting i am the only white guy in the entire family (me being of Russian ancestry is even better for them) and they all tell her how lucky she is and how handsome I am and what not (She is older than me by quite a few years so they love to point that out to her). It is just that I am just extremely lonely and I am having a hard time adjusting.

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>>35653580
>Did you accomplish something recently?
I did some dindu-Pepe's today

Wife left me, took my daughter with her, told me I haven't satisfied her emotionally or sexually for the last 5 years. I had a hell of a time finding someone that even wanted to be with me. Ive always had depression and suicidal thoughts but this is probably enough for me to off myself.

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>>35654666
That's sad. I'm sorry to hear that
Have one of my rare dindu-Pepe's
A reminder of your wife's new boyfriend

OP here, still reading/lurking, I'll try and reply to everyone.

>>35653650
I think you're right when you say you're lucky but it's okay to do what you need to do to be content and satisfied with your life. I'd say either find a way to rise above the braindead normies in the office (that's what they are man, they're stuck in their own little world, I feel you on that) or focus on getting ahead and moving on. If you're working for companies, you've got to treat yourself as the most important person, plain and simple. Companies don't have to appreciate or care about you, it's the sad and fucked up reality of our world.

>>35653757
Sorry bro. I don't have good advice so I'll just give you my sympathies. People are inherently flawed, there's no way to get around it unfortunately.
>What hope do I have in finding something better?
There's always hope in finding someone better if you're willing to go for it. The hardest part is letting go. Sorry for the normie advice but I think it's applicable.

>>35654087
Feel you bro. I believe in you anon, I think if you've come this far in life (especially graduating college, it took me 5 years after dropping out my freshmen year to go back and finish my engineering degree) you'll figure shit out.

>>35654159
Sorry bro, I can't even begin to imagine having to live worlds apart from your wife, let alone your kids.

>>35654287
>Homeless for a month today but they don't know.
Fuck man, I was homeless for a few months, living out of my car in and around chicago. I dropped out of college and was too ashamed to go home to my parents. It's rock bottom man and it seems fucking hopeless.

I wish I was around, I'd buy you a beer and some pizza for sure. All I can do is wish you the best bro. All I'll say is, after escaping that shit, with the risk of sounding /fedora/, you'll appreciate life for what it is. Normies will never know the shit you've dealt with and you'll be stronger than them for having gone through it.

>>35654641
That's great. Just give it some time to adjust. I sincerely believe things will be great
>>35654666
You're daughter loves you. You can't do that to her. If you can't live for yourself. Do It for her at least.

Went to a party that my friends invited me to and I was clearly uncomfortable but I drank a lot to calm myself down and then we went clubbing and I drunkenly got socially awkward and broke down in front of friends and thats my facade kinda done even though they're fine with it and now I see them today.

>>35654745
Thanks. I talk to her today but she is somewhat difficult to deal with and our conversations sometimes gets into her giving me heck for something. Like I said, she cant handle criticism at all.

>>35654743
It is hard. Hopefully she will come back soon and happy. Although, it is hard to tell at times.

>had a bad falling out with my oneitis a few months back
>we don't talk anymore
>led me on, has BPD, overall just a psycho cunt
>called her a bitch and told her to fuck off, were not friends anymore
>seen her a few times when out with our friends, she always tries to talk to me and stand/sits way to close to me
>shes pretty much together with a "friend" of ours now. More like fwb but they live together now despite knowing each other for like 3 months max
>last night she basically sent me a pic of herself in his bed wearing lingerie, she sent it from his Snapchat since she blocked me on everything

Why she gotta do shit like that? I want this bitch out of my life, can't get her off my mind. Its been a few months now and still feel really shitty about her.

>>35654362
Pic related: good choice in brew anon
Greentext: what did i just read

>>35654666
Your daughter needs you man, don't give up on life just yet. She loves you, I promise.

>>35654657
I like him a lot, saved.

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I just wonder what she meant. Hell it was three weeks ago but I still think about it. I asked her out, just to get to know her more. I'm not too sure why I fell heads over heels for her. I've had my share of relationships but I've never felt this way before, I guess it was just a silly crush. I've never been one to believe in love at first sight.

She said that she was flattered but she was already talking with someone. If her pursuit fails does it mean she'll be willing to give me a chance? I felt free after the rejection, if it even was one, but now I feel empty. Guess it's hard to find someone up to your standards.

>>35654743

Thanks dude. You're a good man for posting this thread.

It's a travesty of the modern world that we have to see ourselves as the front and center of all life. Maybe I'm a dumb dreamer, or maybe I read too many heroic books as a kid, but I'd wish that the world could be one where we could sacrifice for one another and build meaningful lives worth living.

Instead we fight for money, we scrap for who has the best car and the corner office, who has the gilded nameplate and the kids in private school who can go to Georgetown or Cambridge rather than State A&M.

It all feels so wrong. It all feels like such a betrayal of all the things we hoped to be when we still imagined a world worth inhabiting.

>>35654879
Don't settle for being a second choice, you're better than that fampai

>>35654890
There aren't any stories with heroes you can look up to set in the modern world, at least none at are mainstream.

There are a few good people, but it's hard with everyone has their morals fuck backwards.

>>35654819
>last night she basically sent me a pic of herself in his bed wearing lingerie, she sent it from his Snapchat since she blocked me on everything
Fuck that cunt. Tell her to kill herself (she's bipolar, she probably will at some point anyways) and then move on. Sorry bro but if you're oneitis is literally insulting you by sending you pics of whore self nude then she's a shitty oneitis and you should fap to some anime girls or something to get her out of your head. She's a sack of shit who needs your validation because she has zero self worth. The best thing to do now is ignore her.

>>35654915
Thought about that. I always thought I was better than that. I spent my time being a emotional leech, feeding off the hopes and dreams of broken girls. I felt bad and tried to move on and grow up.

I finally realized she was everything I ever wanted. Shy yet confident in the things she's proud of. She has one of the cutest smiles I've ever seen, shame she tends to look down and hide it while she blushes. I'm getting too soft and sappy.

I guess I respect her for not moving on to someone once they already started something with someone. I just hope she ends up happy, she's a sweet girl.

>>35654936
It's weird, and that's exactly it. Even as recently as the 60s we had people imagining we could go to the moon. The final frontier, the lands worth exploring, world leaders with presence and entertainment that inspired.

Not to make this a "look at the good old days" thread, but there is so little around the world worth emulating. Is it any wonder why Gen Z or whatever you call them just wants to be YouTube famous? What else is there?

We are birthing a globe seeded with the shallowest of emotions of ideas. The trickle-down into the everyday life means that we are left with power-hungry middle managers craving a taste of control, of browbeaten wagecucks and salarycucks and a horde of unfortunate (or fortunate, depending on your perspective) NEETs forced back by circumstance or a gust of wind here and there.

In the end, no one becomes more than no one anymore, but we love to convince ourselves of the opposite. The easiest way to do just that is to beat down every other no one.

>>35654819
Jesus fuck man, that last line.
>last night she basically sent me a pic of herself in his bed wearing lingerie, she sent it from his Snapchat since she blocked me on everything

That happened to me. I moved away from this girl during my senior year of high school, she wanted to try long distance. I kept it clean and thought she was your typical goodie goodie. Turned out she was a Nymphomaniac and alcoholic. I tried helping her but she left me, blocked me everywhere. A week later she came back and told me what happened. She fucked a friend of hers and decided to leave me before hand. I took her back like the fool I was. Shit happened again so I ended it. She sent me a picture of her in lacey lingerie, I was on a plane heading to visit family. Fuck her.

>>35654939
She probably will at some point, and when that happens i hope im in a much better place than her. I've ignored her ass for months now, definitely the best decision I've made. Its just bullshit like this that makes me feel...it makes me feel sad and angry. Angry enough to beat her into next week, sad enough to bitch about it on here. Wasted so much time on her, she never let me fuck her but we have fooled around and shit..feel like a fool for keeping her around so long.

>>35654890
No problem man.

The world is definitely different when you're an adult, especially a grown man. You're on you're own, plain and simple. Nothing is free. There isn't some magical girl that is going to come and save you from your problems. Life isn't like the movies or books we read even if we desperately wish it was.

Still, that doesn't mean you have to become the very thing you despise, you can still be good to people. Thing is though dude, you can't do that if you haven't found some kind of inner peace. People who have fucked up issues make terrible people, fathers, bosses, etc.

>>35655047
I finally learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others. I went from the typical modern teenager, wanting freedom to do whatever and never having kids to wanting to be a father. I want to settle down and start a family. I just want to live a simple life and be content with the simple joys in life. I guess that's why I am planning to apply for the MEDTECH program when I reach my junior year, helping people brings me joy.

Some people want to live simple quiet lives, others want to make their mark on the world. If there aren't any heroes left, you fill that gap. That's my thoughts anyway.

>>35655076
You will be in a better place bro, it'll just take time. Time is literally the only good cure for a oneitis.

And it happens to the best of us, we aren't rational beings. We fall in love with fucked up people, people who don't treat us the way we treat them. You're not a fool man, you've just got to make sure you learn from your mistakes.

>>35654743
Thanks anon, homelessbot here. It's nice when someone gets it. I've never been so torn up and felt so hopeless as I do now. I grew up in an abusive home and had to fend for myself from a young age. I put myself thru college and haven't seen my parents in years but despite all this, this is the first time in my life I don't feel like I have the wherewithal to pull through and out of my situation. I feel isolated also because I don't want anyone else to know I'm homeless.

>>35655054
Women are cruel, its times like these where i wish i can just be asexual or something. Do you think her sending you that pic was just her saying "fuck you" or just a cry for your attention?

>>35655162
Cry for attention. I feel bad for wishing harm onto others, but I honestly want her to suffer at the hands of her own actions. I guess I just want karma to bite her in the ass so she'll learn.

I don't want to be asexual, I have attraction to women though I moved on from the generic whores. In a relationship, I worry more about how they are as a person and that they make me happy and likewise. Sex is a minimal concern, guess it comes with trying to be more religious.

Feeling lost about my future.
>just graduated high school with a 2.7
>no gf, no job, no connections, no plans, no money, no car, no college apps
Even if I do go to college what's the point? I've been told point blank that I'm incredibly ugly, that I'm repulsive and an asshole. All that's ahead of me is wage cuckery and loneliness. What's there for me to work for?

>>35655102
You're right - sometimes nature really does abhor a vacuum, and it's up to any old enterprising individual to fill it. Whether that's by something larger than life or by a quiet, honorable example like fatherhood and a strong family - which can be so, so much more inspiring than anything else - it's variable.

At the end of the day it is what we make of ourselves. I know it's my mindset largely that's behold to my fate and outlook, but I can't suppress my imagination. I can't turn back the vision of something better for the world, even though I probably can find something contenting in my world. Perhaps my problem is that I never learned how to merge my lack of success and string of failures with my dreams of better worlds. I never found a midpoint, a happy medium.

I just think of what could be and see the world for its flaws. Perhaps the most glaring of flaws is my own.

>>35655151
She certainly is a fucked up individual. Such a tease too, literally fucked my head up with her bullshit games. In some ways its a blessing in disguise, its a good learning experience.

I know I'll end up seeing her sooner or later because we share the same friend group...debating on telling her how much I hate her and how much of a piece of shit she is. Yeah sure I can do the adult thing and just not say anything but I feel like I need some closure, really want to get it off my chest.

>>35655209
It is a cry for attention, good on you for realizing it. Women don't purposely try to fuck with your head because they are confident and fulfilled, they do it when they're fucked up and need someone else to make them feel better. It's pathetic in a lot of ways.

The karma will be when she continues to seek your attention and you ignore her outright. Or maybe she won't, either way you're better off moving on. All in all you have the right mindset, just don't give in.

>>35655277
> repulsive and an asshole.
Well are you an asshole? Why be mean?

I've never been a jealous gf at all, but last night I had a strange dream that changed how I'm looking at things right now. In it, my bf moved on to dating some rando normie we know and I had to pretend to be happy for him and had to act like I didn't care to be a good friend. He despises normies, but in the dream he seemed so content with one and it seemed so real and it's got me thinking:

What if either of us don't actually care about the other as an individual, and more rather enjoy the act of loving and being loved? Does it matter? Should I not care about this at all?

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>>35653580

For some reason I feel like I want to be a wanderer. Like I'm happiest when I'm just focusing on traveling and surviving.

>>35655310
I'm really distant and cold with people because I hate disclosing anything to anyone. I guess that makes me an asshole. I don't try to offend anyone or be mean, but I don't try to get close either.

>>35655277
The only thing you can change is your hygiene and your attitude. I'm trying to focus on the positives in life after a lifetime of pessimism. Focus on self-improvement and being the best at whatever you do, ignore insults and accept constructive criticism. Life is what you make of it, buddy.

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>>35655365
Fuck man, I'd give everything If I could live my life on the road. Maybe not as hardcore as wilderness survival, but travelling from town to town. Picking up odd jobs or farm work then moving on to another in a week.

Riding around on my Motorcycle, stirring up trouble and moving on. Man that sort of freedom in my youth, I would kill for.

>>35655301
Remember man, the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. You really want to make her eat shit for all the trouble she's caused you? Make her mean nothing to you. The closure will come when you move on completely from her.

I had a crush on a girl at my work a few years ago when I was /fat/ and she knew it, treated me like shit, made sure I knew she fucked other dudes, even our boss. People here on 4chan said the same thing I'm telling you, just fucking ignore her.

I didn't listen though, I called her a "fucking stupid, useless slut" one day a few weeks before I was planning on quitting. She just laughed in my face man, it's not closure because telling her that just let her know I still cared.

>>35655367
I have issues with emotional intimacy and trust, but you can still be friendly without putting yourself 100% out there. That's what men have been doing for centuries.

>>35655362
Why don't you go complain to one of your beta orbiters, roastie.

>>35655362
It sounds like your question is less with your bf and more with your outlook on people and relationships, framed from the point of view of your bf.

Are you happy in your relationship? Do you feel loved, do you feel like you belong? Trusting other people is never a 100% thing - try as we might, we can never get all teh way into someone else's head. Trying only leads to paranoia and questioning, as it's a road that can't be followed without veering off course.

Can he really see everything you are as an individual, and can you see him as such? The answer's no - and at the end of the day, it's our feelings for this nebulous love, this cloud that surrounds us with warmth, that matters. Searching for answers contrary to that will deliver us the exact answers we want, but they may very well not be truth.

It's up to you to decide what you want, and if you're happy with your feelings. If you are, trying to invalidate them will give you what you want, but it won't be the kind of feelings you may want.

>>35655367
>>35655475
I'm an ENTP. I am great with meeting new people but I have trouble forming meaningful long lasting relationships. You can be friendly yet keep your life private and not have to disclose anything. Just be polite and smile, doesn't have to be a toothy comical grin but a smile smile with bright eyes can change people's perception on you.

>>35655365

Hell, I feel this.

It's the soul of modernity. That immediacy grants us reality. When we have to incorporate the idea of the future, of dealing with unknowns and the little nebulous fraying of what we may or may not be, of how other people can impact us on whims and emotional sprays, that kills us. That stresses us out and drives us to the ends of our wits.

But the wandering, the adventuring, the relying on ourselves, our means, our ends? It's almost romantic. It's the spirit of humanity. Sadly, it's largely lost on today, when everything is owned and everything is partitioned, when even the human experience is quantified. The downfall of the wanderer is a symptom of our times.

>>35653580
I genuinely cried in my dream

I want to kill myself. I got a shitty degree and am 60k in debt, i am 3 years out of uni and cant do shit with my degree because i am dumb as fuck and drink every single day. I got fired from my last job i had for 2 years because i no call no showed because i was scared of getting yelled at by my boss. I treat my gf like shit because i take things i read on the internet too seriously, and i scream at her about feminism out of nowhere. I alienated my entire family. Also i broke my glasses and dont have money to replace them.... I have a job interview tomorrow that seems kind of promising but it's a shit entry level job at a company with poor online ratings. I havent even bothered to leave my bed except to piss or rarely eat for the past week.

>>35655522
>But the wandering, the adventuring, the relying on ourselves, our means, our ends? It's almost romantic. It's the spirit of humanity. Sadly, it's largely lost on today, when everything is owned and everything is partitioned, when even the human experience is quantified. The downfall of the wanderer is a symptom of our times.

Living life in the old days, setting up a farmstead in the African colonies. Exploring the unknown regions of the world. Heading west to seek fortune and glory. Hell even riding around during the depression going from town to town for work seems almost romantic in its adventure.

You're 100% right. damn that hurts.

>>35655463
Good advice anon I can dig it, definitely makes sense. I still do care about her in some weird way, but she doesnt need to know that. I won't say anything to her, I'll probably just ask her to not talk to me. Last two times I saw her she kept initiating conversation with me, didn't say much to her, only gave her a little bit, you know?

>>35655277
Dude, I promise it'll be okay. After a few years, high school will be just some shitty memory. I'll be honest though, being a young man is the hardest thing to be in our world. You'll get through it.

After nearly 5 years of wagecuckery and bullshitting my life after dropping out of my initial uni, I attended a community college, did well enough that I was able to transfer to my alma mater and got my engineering degree. The only way I was able to make it through that is because the person I was at 25 was a much more mature and wise person than the young man I was at 18. Between 18 and 25 I was everything from a wagecuck to homeless but I got through it because that's what growing up does to you.

>>35655562
>I treat my gf like shit because i take things i read on the internet too seriously, and i scream at her about feminism out of nowhere.
Seek professional help

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>>35653580
I have no real friends at school, just acquaintances. A few months ago, I stopped reaching out to people. I figured that my real friends would eventually call me and ask me to hang out at some point. Fucking none of them did.

It's like pulling teeth, trying to get people to interact with me.

>>35655635
Not to housing selection for next year is coming up, and I'm basically fucked because nobody wants to live with me.

>>35655635
Fuck man, I feel that. I have a few "close friends" but we don't really hang out outside of school. We've known each other for years but we never really seemed to go out and do things. Thankfully I think it's just how we are and I'm not just being not invited to things.

Sucks when you can meet tons of people without issues and have a ton of acquaintances but you have no one you can really call a friend.

>>35653580
I don't feel anything unless I'm drunk or high. I only have emotions then. I hate it and I hate myself

OP here, still lurking and reading/replying

>>35655562
Damn bro, sorry to hear that. You sound like you need to put in some work on yourself man. You know you're doing some fucked up things like treating people who are close to you like shit, what's stopping you from becoming better?

>>35655365
Feel you bro. I recently got my motorcycle license and bought a bike. Planning on just riding by myself around a few states, maybe going all the way south to texas or something.

>>35655362
Maybe you should talk to your boyfriend about this?

>>35655587
>Last two times I saw her she kept initiating conversation with me
Proof is right there man, she's the one that wants your attention, not the other way around.

>>35655478
Your portrayal of love as a nebulous construct makes it a little more acceptable to me that good things about a relationship can be so ambiguous. I am happy, I feel loved, I feel that I belong, and I guess it's okay to never fully understand why love manifests.

My mind is perpetually blank unless I have an immediate simple task to focus on.

>>35655766

So many whys will never be answered on this earth. Existence, meaning, purpose, love. Etc.

All we can do is understand that which we feel and that which we know. If you know you feel in love, and you know you think your bf feels the same, that is something.

It's more than nothing. Sometimes that's all we have, and sometimes that makes up everything in our world.

>>35655635
Yeah man, part of growing up I guess. People are naturally self centered. Some people are just naturally prone to being cut off from others and it's one of the shittiest realities of life.

Sometimes we just have to learn to be okay with just ourselves. And sometimes it's okay to reach out to others too if you want. I know it's shitty normie advice but real friendships where you actually are invested in each other takes work and the work isn't always done equally by both people. It's not fair but if you want that kind of friendship you're most likely going to have to be the one to make the initiative.

>>35655732
Well, I don't hate you anon. Keep your head up man.

I don't really have anyone I "Like." Around the campus I see girls I'd have a shot with if only I could find a way to meet them in a normal way. Once I was basically shot down by the girl in my earlier post, I don't really have anyone else I would pursue. I guess it's high time to completely focus on myself and my economic future while leaving relationships as a secondary goal.

>>35655749
>>35655749
I mean I told him about it, and this is mostly a shared concern. As happy as we are, we just don't want to put ourselves in a position where we fall apart from massively inflating our perception of the quality of the relationship. I'm a little fixated on it mostly because I perceive myself to be more generic than my partner, but I think for him it's worrying because this is his first relationship. Oh well.

>>35654362
What's that microphone in your picture?

>be me
>Anxiety problems
>hunched back
>bow legged
>poor
>19 years
>quited studies for bullying and mockery
>no job
>mom wants me to look for a job
>got a job
>fired.exe
>I'm totally useless

>>35653580
I'm fuckin' bored, man.

>>35655930
It's okay to have expectations for a relationship, just make sure you both know what the other person wants.

>>35655904
Have you considered expanding your friend group to include more girls? That generally opens up your options not only to girls with whom you have a connection, but also mutuals.

>>35655749
I feel like it's too late for me to fix shit. I'm 28 and sauandered all my chances and will forever be "that guy". Even if i do try to fix myself I'll just become some charity case token. I'll never be respected or cared about.

>>35655994
Squandered*
Fuck phone posting.

>>35655994
>Even if i do try to fix myself I'll just become some charity case token.
I don't buy that, how does improving yourself make you a charity case? Do it for you and only you, who gives two shits about people respecting you.

And also bro, I don't think someone who's only 28 has blown all their chances in life. You could be 40 and be saying the same shit, sorry for the normie advice but it's all about perspective and it's a bad excuse to not change. You've probably only lived 1/3 of your life, you can still figure it out.

>>35655749
I only got my Permit a few months ago, I need to wait until I have an opening in my schedule to be able to take the courses to get my full license.

It'd be amazing to be able to ride around with a group of friends cross country. Just another guy or two would make the experience a bit more meaningful. As the song goes, it's about the company you keep.

>>35655953
have you considered becoming a bell-ringer for a local cathedral?

>>35655966
That's okay, being bored is probably 75% of life. Grab some liquor and try to forget about your boredom, that's what works for me.

>>35655953
Sounds like life has been shitting on you man, sorry to hear that. Fuck the world and do whatever you need to do to find some kind of peace.

>>35656125
That's kind of fucked man.

>>35653580
I'm a billionaire in my mind... why I got A in all my grades but math where I have a F... why cuz I fuckin hate the subjects meaning. All quarter rapports are written by robots why do I need math.... BTW quantum mechanics also F

>>35653580
Okay bots u experienced bots help a /gif/ guy...


I'm 18 in school and trying to get to university but this girl I found I waifu material

>Img.jpg

But she lives in Thailand and I live in Sweden

So... I only got like 50k kr what do I do

I was planning to take a summer job and getting the money to fly there but I dono kinda reaching at it or?

I wanted a job and applied everywhere, a bar hired me. They give me free shots several times a day nearly every other day it makes me want to puke. I hope I don't have to be an alcoholic to work here

>>35656265
Don't. Just don't. Save your money. Also racemixing is bad. Your kid will face an identity crisis. I'm Hapa.

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I feel accomplished.

I'm actually quite happy now. I told my friend that I'm in love with her and we had a very good and open conversation. I'm very glad to have one of the most sincere and emotionally open friendships of my life so far. Possibly the most. Cleared the air like crazy. So glad that I can have a friendship where we can be totally honest about our feelings without it being weird or coming between us. Holy crap, do I treasure this and wish every friendship could be so chill. People make shit weird.

And she called me an alpha. That's a nice bonus.

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>19
>In college
>Really want to drop out but I live with my mother and I really don't want to upset her
>Got a shitty min wage job
>Just want to work and improvise my future

I'm just lost right now.

>>35656318
Because Barack Obama not fitting in ruined his life right? I mean if they were in the US their kid could grow up to be the next president of the united states, sounds like a lose/lose situation amiright?

>>35656266

what do you do at the job? if anything make up some crazy alcohol related illness and spread it around.

>>35656376

what are you in school for? where do you work?

>>35656407
In school for law, got a job at a grocery store.

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OP here, getting off for the night. Read all the replies, wish all you anons the best in figuring everything out.

Being a robot is inherently shit but we still move through life regardless and it never ceases to mellow me out to see all the shit people deal with. I think the greatest thing about /r9k/ is that you can at least find some random fag online who cares even if no one else does.

>>35656498
You're a good person and a top tier OP.

I got down the Megaman Blade Footstool combo down pretty well in smash, and pathetically enough, I just want someone to be proud. I've told my friends but of course they don't care, why should they? For some reason it means so much to me, more than my music, more than anything. I don't know why. I'm pathetic.

Also I still can't get it on all te characters and sometimes I get so mad about it that I want to die.

>>35654159
>my wife and kids

get the fuck out right now

>>35656673
I just googled the 'Megaman Blade Footstool' combo and I've got to say that's pretty damn impressive. Nice anon.

>>35656135
>do whatever you need to do to find some kind of peace
Are you telling me that I should kill myself?

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>have no friends and basicly a neet
>want to be more outgoing and social
>start trying to get better
>talk to some people online as first steps
>realize how annoying it gets when people talk to you every single day and having nothing to say
>I feel happier being alone and talking to bots when ever I want anytime I want
>when your mind keeps conflicting with wants that you truly don't need

>>35656438
Law school? Yeah, keep going at it. I hate it, too, but I know it's the comfiest path all things considered.

Never attach your self-worth to anything, bros.

You'll be in a dark place after it gets taken away.

>>35656820
Thx man :) only thing left to do is scour the web till I find a list of every move punishable by a Ground Footstool and at what distance

I recently quit alcohol and soda and switched to water, but not weed and other drugs. Im such a fucking failure, I'm 23 and I haven't even graduated. I'm not even near a degree right now. I work at a damn grocery store right now. I wish I was worth something.
Oh well maybe this water thing will help.

I just interviewed for my uni's police department and I think I blew it. Gave short, awkward answers to everything and they just said we'll let you know next week.

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An obscure feel but I'll share anyway.
>devoid of human affection
>cold overbearing abusive mother growing up
>move to new country
>go to doctor cos I hadn't taken a shit in 2 weeks
>doctor is early 30's, female, delicate but kinda plain
>tells me how smart I seem
>when she's done examining my stomach, she reaches out her hand to pull me up
>keeps holding onto my hand well after I'm upright
>she insists I come back for follow ups all the time
>mostly we just kinda chat
>she doesn't charge me for the appointments, the doctors get a certain quota of patients they can charge the government instead of paying privately
>start crushing hard
>she calls me, including one time on her personal cellphone to check up on menu
>my only gripe is she seems to dismiss any medical complaints I have and I swear I could get hit by a bus and she'd tell me I'm fine
>still comes across as sympathetic and sweet
>don't go in for months but have an injury I want to be taken seriously
>see another doctor at the clinic
>other doctor tells main doctor she's seen me
>main doctor calls me next day to check up on me again
>bug flies in my eye that day and gets infected
>make an appointment to see doctor I have a crush on for eye
>she basically tells me I'm fine and to stop scratching it
>doesn't hold my hand or pull me up like usual
>charges me full whack for the first time in a year
>feel like there goes my only human connection

I'm in chemical engineering, and it's going well, but I don't really enjoy it. However, I really enjoyed my class on analytical chemistry. With my previous degree, I'm just short of the prereqs for a renowned post-grad chemistry program. I'm pretty temped to do that, but that would mean quitting engineering, and I don't think my pride would let me do that. But even with my engineering degree, I would want to do something with analytical chemistry and graduate school anyway, so really I would be shaving off a few years to get there, I just wouldn't have the BEng.

what do

>>35656879
>>realize how annoying it gets when people talk to you every single day and having nothing to say
>>I feel happier being alone and talking to bots when ever I want anytime I want
Truly painful
How do we talk to people? There's nothing to say.

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>>35653580
Can't take much more of this, not sure how much longer I'll last.

>>35653580
Cheers to you OP, for posting this thread. Much needed at 4:30 in the morning.

Let's see here

>fall 2015
>get one and only gf
>she's a 7.5/10 on a good day (big nose, puffy eyes) but don't give a shit
>incredibly affectionate and frankly I couldn't do any better
>always stays up until like 1 am to talk to me (we were living like an hour away at the time)
>always cooks for me brings snacks when she visits
>I'm a sucker for little, unnecessary bullshit like this
>Halloween comes around
>turns colder than ice out of nowhere, tells me she doesn't want to be together anymore
>says that she doesn't think it can work long term because our interests are too different
>she had a point, but neither of us gave a shit for the whole time prior so I'm like wtf
>literally crying over this
>three days later her nudes get leaked to everyone at our job (still don't know by who)
>she comes crawling back
>tell her to fuck off once it becomes apparent she's still not interested
>start to realize she's actually a gigantic slut, has loads of prescription med addictions, is still obsessed with junkie punk-rock ex
>now I'm just angry for being made to look like an idiot
>realize she was cheating on me with ex
>now I'm really pissed
>inform him that she was unfaithful the whole time, have texts to prove it
>she tries to discredit me, not only claims that we never dated, but that I tried to rape her
>she's utterly destroyed when other guy leaves her, I'm momentarily satisfied for having gotten revenge

(1/2)

(2/2)
>only other person I feel comfortable talking to this about is female friend
>one of the few "genuine" people I know who isn't a robot like most of my friends
>she falls for junkie punk-rock guy as soon as he dumps my ex
>turns out she's a slut, drug user, bdsm freak and all-around degenerate as well
>try to give her advice that hanging around this dude is dumb but she just thinks I'm trying to bag her for myself
>all I actually want is not publicly be known as "that guy who's friends with that skank"
>can't vent to ex about this because she hates me now, won't take me back
>can't vent to friend about this because she's basically the archetype of what I detest even more than my ex is
>now I just use their nudes to imply to people that they're side-pieces I'm banging so I don't look like "that cuck who's friends with that skank"
>maintain successful normie appearance outwardly but loneliness and disillusionment are eating me alive
>can't even say fuck it and go degenerate because then I'd just be a hypocrite

Why the fuck can't I have normal relationships with normal, wholesome people I can be proud to say I associate with? It's barely even a no gf thing anymore, it's that any time I try to make new friends they act a certain way for me and then turn our to actually be somebody I'd normally avoid like the plague. I feel like I'm going stir-crazy and all I want is a straight-edge girl who can reassure me that I've still got it together. Fuck.