What brought you here, anon? Was there a turning point from bright-eyed

>>35633136

I was hit by a car several years ago, as well as my best friend who didn't make it, when I was nineteen years old. After getting out of the hospital I found it impossible to empathize or communicate with my friends or family on most levels - they all seemed unable to talk about anything but girls and parties and sometimes cars, while I was unable to dwell much on anything but my late friend and the horrible experiences in the hospital.

That was a horrifying experience in itself, the dehumanization of a month and a half spent in a room where your every movement is controlled and analyzed and you aren't allowed the freedom to even talk to any friends without permission probably would have been enough to fuck me up on its own. I tried to kms a few times in there, under the belief that I'd wake up from the horrible dream back into reality.

Now, years later, I've managed to get somewhat back into a place where I can feign normality enough to have one or two semi-close friends and sometimes hold a job. I still have no desire to date, it all seems hollow and fake and I'd rather just jerk it anyway. I had a couple relationships that fizzled out quickly because I just didn't give a flying fuck about her and her normal-person concerns. Everything seems to make me depressed and nostalgic after too long, particularly change. I hate realizing that material things decay, that people die and are forgotten, and suchforth. I only find real contentment in solitude in the wilderness, and in contemplating the coastline alone with a beer in my hand.

>>35633141
>tfw bumping my own thread
>tfw have to say something unprecedented to be allowed to bump my own thread

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>>35633136
>woman
>>3rd grade teacher went ballastic mid-way into the year because she divorced her husband
>>said my "sounds like someone cut off your balls" voice reminded her of his
>>picked on me because of it
>>nearly broke my leg and told me not to tell anyone one time
>>burned her cigarettes into the backsides of my hands every time she'd hear me being talkative with my friend
>constantly framed me for things I didn't do
>berated me, demeaned me, told me not even my own mother loved me

It was after this and a few more incidents like it that I decided I would take nothing from anyone...especially people in positions of authority who use their powers to abuse others.

>>35633428
Holy shit, man. Sounds like a real ghetto school.

>>35633136
I come here because reading stories about broken retards is fun for me.

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>>35633136
It was all my own doing. All of it.
Childhood feels like a dream, like they're not my memories. They're just too good, how could they be real.
I might've always been crazy, or it went through a series of circumstances, I don't know.
But entering age 12, I kept washing myself untill my skin fell of. I mutilated myself, and it never full healed. I threw away everyone and everything I ever cared about. The people I spend my childhood with, who used to love me, feel only disgust for who I became.
This was over half my life ago at this point. Now I spend my days remembering the good memories, and the bad ones, and I don't know which ones are worse to think about anymore. Watching a face that isn't mine grow older.
The best thing in my life today is my job desu. Because there I play pretend to be the man I would've been. It's a game to me. I'd pay for it.

Things have been better.
Things were the best.

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>>35633136
I was born with life-threatening asthma and had to be hooked up to a respirator for a while after birth. I still have asthma but now and since childhood, it's the kind that affects me only when undergoing strenuous physical activity, especially when having to breathe in cold air.

So physical exercise was never really appealing. Combine that with above average intelligence and a fondness for mental stimulation as well as a tendency to forgo eating and a high metabolism, and I ended up as a weak, skinny, out of shape manlet. The men on both sides of my family are tall but I am 5'7" at 21 years old, about 115 pounds for the last 4 years.

Really nice guy, always play Light side in moral choice video games, want to save the world when grow older, generally don't believe the world or people to be too cruel or hopeless a place. I had crushes all throughout my life, only one actual girlfriend that I only lasted three months with after knowing her for 2 years prior, never had sex. I'd write long letters to the chicks I liked and give them gifts both purchased and hand-made; I always made a point to remember their birthdays, when I didn't even know immediate family members' birthdays. Got my heart broken multiple times until I learned that I'm GENETICALLY INFERIOR. I'm not even an ugly guy, people have said I look like I could model.

I started learning the truth about women and people in general throughout late teens. Onset of Schizoid Personality Disorder, which makes you care less about stuff. Have no ambitions. Lost faith in the future. Full nihilist.

I had incidents where both my parents failed me, violated my trust in them for actually caring about my well-being. I feel no love for anyone whatsoever. Feel doomed to be forever mis-understood and alone.

Feel like God/The Universe is looking out for me though. Have no idea what they want me to do, but just keep on living until they reveal this to me.

It was gradual. Like a frog brought to boiling point.

I remember being 13 and wondering how all those people on /b/ were alone on 20.