>tfw im UNIRONICALLY thinking of using some form of hypothetical

>>35628770
That's a hilariously transparent gambit and it'll only make you look like a coward. Just find similarly fucked-up people online.

>>35628770
Frame it as you are just telling a story. Adjust anything to make the story sound better

>>35628810
>Just find similarly fucked-up people online.
>>35628813
Yeah but will it work?

Im at the end of my rope here.
Ideally I want to stop existing, but I have to settle for death.
But I don't have the courage or resources for that right now for that again.

All I do is sleep, and base my whole goal around it.
No computer no vidya.
I lurk sometimes but my goal is to sleep until something kills me.
Im probably depressed but I dont care and nothing matters but avoiding everyonr and sleeping.
No rent no nothing.


Im living in a homeless shelter, I sleep all day and tell my case worker that A temp agency has my resume and I call bi weekly as they will contactvme if employ is available.

Itbwas actually true for a while until I realized they can't know im lying.

But now they keep trying to get me into programs I have no excuse to avoid.

If you're too crazy in here, they transfer you to a place called ward's island.

I hear its terrible
Ive only had enough peace and sleep cause they think im a tryhard down in his luck normie.

They don't know im a freakish husk waiting for death.

I do this sometimes, it doesn't provide you with any plausible deniability and never will.

It will give you some emotional cover because our brains are good at rationalization, but it's a very thin shield that requires you to intentionally hold dissonant viewpoints.

If you thought that these people were stupid enough to buy
>asking for a friend
you wouldn't care enough about their opinion to try and obfuscate the source of your feelings.

As it is, I recommend delusion, as I said. Whatever it takes to get through the days.

>>35629144
If you becone a heroin addict they cant knock you for sleeping

>>35629208
Never done druhs

>>35629203
I dont understand.
Im not very smart.
Could you explain this post simpler

>>35628770
Life tip

Quit making "I'M FUCKED UP D:" the first thing people hear and just be yourself

If you're yourself who are you lying to
No, don't be yourself because of the meme
Be natural, say what comes to mind without shame

File: get out.gif (2MB, 272x300px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 272x300px

>>35629594
>just be yourself
Do you want to know who that actually is or are you just memeing tonight like we all do frome time to time.

>>35628770
I feel you
I don't want to live anymore
But I can't commit suicide
What if hell is real?
What will it do to those who know me?
How do I continue?

>>35629336
I can try; I'm not very smart myself, that's why my language comes off as awkward and I have trouble communicating things.

You can use this lie to frame your questions, but they'll know and they'll know you know. It's all a giant farce.

Fortunately for the terminally anxious and uncomfortable, like us, most people are too "polite" to call us out on this obvious fiction.

Basically, this lie will allow you to avoid directly acknowledging whatever you're embarrassed about, but the information is still getting out/it didn't matter to begin with.

I still think it's a fine idea.

>>35629814
That is spoopy. I'm glad we don't have those here.

>>35629922
>those
Whats that thing jean grey n storm fly?

>>35629917
>terminally anxious and uncomfortable, like us
But my problem is I've had a long time to form a character that some people are incapable of seeing as anxious.

What I want can never really be achieved.
I can only compromise with a yuuuuge amount of planning and pretending with controlled bursts of just how horrifying to the normal person my mindscape has become.

They cannot comprehend and would sooner jail or punish me if they could.

File: whynot.jpg (76KB, 640x920px) Image search: [Google]

76KB, 640x920px

>>35630026
I see where you're coming from now, I don't know why I didn't before.

The only way that people will stop seeing you as down on your luck, and start seeing you as failed, is painful separation and concrete social cleavage probably through some searingly uncomfortable events.

It's very possible, I've done it. Consider carefully whether it's a step you want to take though, it's a perfectly defensible life choice to make, but once you start going down that path in earnest it's pretty irreversible.

File: 20170319_005550.jpg (1MB, 3264x1840px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 3264x1840px

>>35630085
>painful separation and concrete social cleavage probably through some searingly uncomfortable events.
Done really.
I'm homeless.

I'm already part of a Kafkaesque fucking cycle of living in a shelter that was a mental ward about 50 years back.
A place that forces you to apply for public assistance and turns and forces you to be ineligble for it if looking for a place to sleep.

This place is just as harrowing as the broken discarded men that inhabit it.

I have the setting and excuse to have "suffered a breakdown" on top of a real small history of diagnoses.

But yes.
I have to think clearly.
Im sane enough to know my life is over because I stopped wanting to live it a long time ago.

And im insane enough to endure this.

But. The walls are closing in and im being denied my loophole of stagnation.

I know my illnesses could probably be cured by some medication to force happy juice in my brain and forget the dark.

The shame
The pain
The fear that makes me sweat when I think too hard.

They'll force me back into society, rehabilitated.

I just want to wait this out in the corner.

But they won't let me.

>>35630085
>The only way that people will stop seeing you as down on your luck, and start seeing you as failed
And there is again, If I may speak freely, a reason why as much as you and I can speak your advice may fall flat as some is not applicable to be unbeknownst to you.

>>35630290

I was trying to help temporarily placate someone I thought was suffering a similar life, but instead it's just another episode of I know nothing of have deep this worlds shittiness goes.

Solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.

How close have you gotten to the exit door? Is it the frivolity of premature death or animal fear that keeps you here?

>>35630363
Came in as I was writing, that has become abundantly clear to me.

I hope you find a way through this that isn't all that painful, good luck.

>>35630385
>How close have you gotten to the exit door?
I peeked through and someone yelled at me so I fucked off to continue to watch for an opening to dash through without being seen.

I prolong my death for many reasons, but it's much more real and possbile for me having actually tried a reliable method and only being thwarted not failed.

Im waiting for privacy and an obvious opening.
Real fears in one bit of wording, however is if it will really be the end.

Will I feel the decay?
Care about the disgusting things that happen when the body dies?
Will I still think and feel?

That is what bothers me.

But I believe I have the balls to try again I just need the privacy and supplies.

Its trivial and goes against principles I keep learning I have but "that reason" is a cultural thing that was brainwashed into me.

>I thought was suffering a similar life, but instead it's just another episode of I know nothing of have deep this worlds shittiness goes.
>Solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.
What do you mean by this?

>>35630572
>What do you mean by this?

If you're the kind of person who has always had to look for happiness, you're almost certainly never going to find it.

Everything good that happens, every bit of improvement, every stroke of luck, every diversion is just a stopgap until it becomes you're new baseline.

That nagging feeling will never go away, there is no endgame but death. All of the life-affirming 'spooks' are just that, companionship is transactional, morals are conditioning. All that will ever be there is you and your thoughts, to paraphrase the truism, being surrounded by people is no remedy for loneliness.

Personally, I know I can't keep punting this shit for much longer. It's all so fucking pointless, for me, that the best argument I have for living is that the books will balance the same way in the end and maybe life is the least detestable form of existence.

I believe in oblivion, but I have no grip on the reality of anything. So I wait and I wither for now, but not because I think it's going to get better and not because I think anything is going to change.

Given what I can infer about your life, I can't imagine that you think I'm that far off the mark?

That's why I just try and get through the days, delusional contentment is no less valid, validity is nonsense.

>>35630731
*your

I'm 26, for whatever it's worth, this may be "babbys first existential crisis tier" but I've been having the same shitty, dead-end, self-absorbed thoughts for over half my life now, they aren't going anywhere.

>>35630731
>That nagging feeling will never go away, there is no endgame but death. All of the life-affirming 'spooks' are just that, companionship is transactional, morals are conditioning. All that will ever be there is you and your thoughts, to paraphrase the truism, being surrounded by people is no remedy for loneliness.
You're only 6 years older than me.
Being alive for two decades in a first world country can't be enough time for this kind of issue to develop.

And it started slow.
It hit me like a fucking train at 18 in college.
I tried to fight it off but I thought my entire future away.
Right into the fucking grave.

I don't want what the world wants me to want.

But before this. I didn't really need to look for happiness.

Happiness was seeing a good movie with my mom dad and three brothers and nibbling on the jokes for weeks

Happiness was playibg vidya with people who enjoyed what little I wasn't too shy to share about my personality

Happiness was waking up and not immediately thinking about when I'll get to die.

Companionship is transactional you say.
That is something I will use in the future.
Simple, true, logical.

Even in this shelter sharing a room with a dozen other men nearly 3 times my age who poke and prod at how such a well spoken young man with no criminal record or drug history can find himself in such a miserable situation.

>any job will take you
>enlist in the military
>where is your family? Go home

The more I have to pretend im just down on my luck and not a freak already dead inside hiding in the last place the world will look, the more they become friendly.

Theyre getting to know my mask too well.
Too well enough to begin to use perpetual banter to pry about why I sleep so much.

It's in an older person's nature to do this and play this role.
But they dont know it is more than a lazy millennial they're dealing with in this case.

Im lonely sure, but the lonely I have only makes being around these people worse.
Any people really.

>>35629850
>What will it do to those who know me?
Continuing from that is if it is bad enough, escape those who know you.

>>35630776
What is the nature of your everyday life?
Do you also pretend?
Or can you ride out the dread naked and cold turkey?