ITT: Stupid shit you did as a kid >be me, 14 years old >trying

File: 1489892531084.png (5KB, 205x166px) Image search: [Google]

5KB, 205x166px

>>35628472
>deluded dick desires
phrase of the year

>>35628472
Had a similar experience in the shower, can't remember if shampoo or fucking soap. Hours later my dick started to hurt and it felt like that for a couple days. I was legit worried. Needless to say, never triedit again.

File: 1485895142018.png (323KB, 584x717px) Image search: [Google]

323KB, 584x717px

>>35628472
>11
>first time cumming
>didnt know wtf it was
>panic and goto parents. Show them the splooge hands
>say I might have that aids thing
>blank stares
>tell me im fine
>decide to put it in a ziplock bag, store it in a fridge and take it to school tomorrow
>show it off to all my friends and tell them I was given this weird power to create splooge
>they are slightly impressed, make one guy hold it in his hands and sniff the crusty substance
>put it back in ziplock bag and forget to take it home
>left my own spunk on the cafeteria table for the janny to clean

File: IMG_9468.jpg (61KB, 600x595px) Image search: [Google]

61KB, 600x595px

>bit the black kid
>literally jaws on flesh

File: Smile.jpg (77KB, 682x1024px) Image search: [Google]

77KB, 682x1024px

>>35628840
>mfw

Btw did your first cum also have giant yellow spheres in the splooge?

File: 1489890720983.jpg (17KB, 385x387px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 385x387px

>>35628840
>I was given this weird power to create splooge

File: 90f020c9ddf1bbebdec51d8428128a6569bd87bd_hq.gif (788KB, 500x281px) Image search: [Google]

788KB, 500x281px

>>35628913
It was written in the fates that he who posses the magical splooge reigns over all the dudes.


But it is a mere spook. Nothing more.

>>35629088
Tell me more about this. I want to know if I was destined for destiny.

File: 1489593091453.png (329KB, 511x527px) Image search: [Google]

329KB, 511x527px

How do people get off on lotion, im circumcised but i cant get off on it, moving the skin just feels better and easier to get off on

>>35628840
>ejaculating
>at 11

I swear you slimes don't even think your made up stories before you type them. No kid age 11 is capable of ejaculating you uneducated slug. Stop making up epic stories to try to fit in.

>>35629500
isnt milk and coins what spunk tasted like to a loli?

File: 1458968477999.jpg (22KB, 480x480px) Image search: [Google]

22KB, 480x480px

>>35628472
>Be me 12-3ish
>Always wanted something i could have sex with but there were no tube shaped objects I could fuck without cutting the fuck out of my dick such as shampoo bottle
>One day vacuuming the house and have the bright idea that I could stick my dick in the tube
>Dick starts to flap around hitting the sides at a 100 miles per hour and it felt so god dam amazing
>Keep my dick in there for a good 2 or 3 mins
>Suddenly my dick starts to go numb and I am feeling VERY sharp pains
>Pull my dick out and the this has fucking stretched a good inch with the foreskin going a solid blue/black color
>Unable to walk for the next week due to the immense pain and was forced to show my mom and confess what I did in order to stay home

No pain has come close to this and I am surprised I did not break my dick by damaging the nerve endings.

>>35629611
I dont know i just found this picture and thought it was pretty relatable to the thread

>>35629540
10-12 is when boys start sexual interest in puberty, but can vary from individual to individual. Same goes for semen production.
>Stop trying to make up stories to fit in
Never seen such projection in all my days desu

File: 1465128414698.gif (2MB, 360x264px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 360x264px

>mfw I asked a girl if she wanted to see my cock when I was 13
>She told the teacher who then told the principal who then told my parents who then got me in deep shit

>>35628472
>>35629734
You could have stopped at typing ">be me", because that was pretty stupid, kid.

File: smallhouse.jpg (61KB, 564x660px) Image search: [Google]

61KB, 564x660px

>me be, 13
>near christmas
>have small house decorations that have a hole on the bottom (pic related)
>the hole was so you could thread christmas lights through the bottom so they would light up
> stuck my dick in it
>5 strokes in, dick starting bleeding like crazy
>a long gash formed on my rod
>freak out and for some reason i thought it would be a good idea to put a bandaid on it
>my dick went flaccid and it hurt even more because of the bandaid
>ripped it off
>ow
>cried self to sleep

File: image.jpg (961KB, 3264x2448px) Image search: [Google]

961KB, 3264x2448px

> Be me
> I think 17. Maybe 16.
> Junior prom, take condom.
> end up not using it, but still a fun night.
> Still have condom.
> It's maybe a month later, one of the first nights of summer vacation.
> Be fapping, when I remember condom, and wonder what it feels like.
> Begin to put it on, but forgot how sex Ed taught me.
> Instead of rolling it down, I keep jamming my dick into it, thinking it'll magically unravel over my dick.
> The pressure does nothing to the condom and my dick starts to bend.
> But if you knew me, you'd know I'm very stubborn.
> Keep pulling condom towards me, there's an unbearable pressure where my penis is bending, and I can feel the cartilage getting tense.
> I suddenly remember what I'm doing wrong, and roll the condom down.
> Penis feels like it's somehow bruised from the inside.
> Mfw I almost broke my cock trying to put on a condom.

File: 1481418163876.jpg (65KB, 473x590px) Image search: [Google]

65KB, 473x590px

>>35628472
>used moisturizer to jerk off once
>dick skin peeled for the next two weeks and could barely pull my foreskin back without pain

>drunk
>horny but can only get a semi
>think that putting icy hot on my dick would work
>"I'm smart I'll only put the tiniest bit on possible so it'll just be a tingling feeling and I'll get rock hard"
>because I'm drunk I shoot half the tube into my palm and lather my dick in it
>realize the mistake I've made 15 seconds later
>it's 2am and the showers loud as shit so I can't get in and wash it off because it'll wake my parents up
>run around the house with my dick out trying not to scream
>get a giant jug of ice cold water
>run outside
>start washing my dick in the backyard
>ice cold water makes it feel worse
>after 5 minutes I realize I'm just going to have to ride it out because my dick couldn't be cleaner
>spend 45 minutes laying on my bedroom floor rolling around and sobbing

>>35630120
Again, retard, all you needed was your ">le be me XD" that was far dumber than your story. Go back to 9gag.

>>35630160
Why the negativity? It's a real story.

File: 249791448326554.png (161KB, 1145x725px) Image search: [Google]

161KB, 1145x725px

>>35629500

>im circumcised

>moving the skin

If you'd been circumcised tighter it wouldn't even be possible for you to move the skin.

Back in the day, a lot of doctors used to do circumcisions tight on purpose to impede masturbation as much as possible.

http://www.noharmm.org/docswords.htm

Check the quote from Spratling.

File: 1454383183772900.png (16KB, 499x300px) Image search: [Google]

16KB, 499x300px

>>35630798

Also, some parents request extra tight circumcisions on purpose even today, because they think it "looks better". Nevermind the fact that they're literally crippling their kid's sex organ.

File: 1487434711425.jpg (13KB, 175x231px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 175x231px

>>35630798
>circumcised just enough so my skin still slides up and down and it ain't even tight at all

>>35630720
So is how retarded you are for typing >le be me XDD

File: A26AiVW.jpg (24KB, 226x400px) Image search: [Google]

24KB, 226x400px

>>35628472
>stick a gummy bear in my ear and eat it
>stick a gummy bear in my ass and eat it
>suck (literally just stuck it in my mouth and sucked once) another kid's dick in the bathroom at a daycare when I was like 5
>would put my dick inside bottles or key chain rings and get erect (now my dick gets an hourglass shape when soft sometimes and when I'm semi-erect)
probably other shit I'm forgetting

File: 25-researchersu[1].jpg (51KB, 960x768px) Image search: [Google]

51KB, 960x768px

>Found a raw piece of chilli on the ground.
>Pick it up because it looks cool.
>Hold it up in front of my face and squeeze it really hard to establish my dominance.
>Drop of juice from the piece of chilli flies out of the chilli and goes in my nostril.
It hurt.

>>35631639
>Being circumcised at all.
They took part of your foreskin.
Take part of their skull.

>>35629540
It's different for everyone. I couldn't do it until I was 14.