who /goinginsane/ here i don't know how much longer

>>35610147
What's wrong anon?

The voices keeping you up again?

>>35610157
Voices are just the beginning.

The restlessness has become worse.

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>>35610147
ah... I'm right with you friendo

>>35610173
What do the voices tell you?

What's the restlessness like?

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I feel you on the restlessness, its 3:16 AM here, I'm a stranger in this city and Im not tired whatsoever.

However I always go back to this past experience to remind myself how it really feels to almost lose it

>be innadurkaland
>nothing is going on, nothing has happened all deployment
>boredom begins to set in, days melt into weeks and melt into months
>still get no sleep because everyone is paranoid something is going to happen
>coming off a 12 hour watch, get caught in the most brutal sandstorm I ever experienced
>stumbled around for what felt like hours, I was dogass tired, sand was getting everywhere and I couldn't find my way around the FOB
>Sandstorm begins to die down, get my bearings, realize I walked damn near to the other side of the FOB
>literally falling asleep walking, dragging my feet, can't keep my head, hungry but my fatigue takes precedent
>then out of nowhere it begins to rain
>not just a light rain, begins pouring, in the fucking middle of the desert
>all the dust on my overalls and body begins to turn into this grimy slush
>can feel it start to run down my back , start to tell myself I'm gonna have to shower
>stop dead in my tracks, begin to take in the misery, the absurdity of it all, just the completely banality of it all
>I had reached the point where all you could do was laugh, just stand there and laugh
>hundreds of millions years of the evolution of mankind culminating to this one singular moment, this sudden moment of clarity, that it all really doesn't matter, none of it fucking matters
>or through some kind of cosmic plan, God in his infinite wisdom had decided that I, Cpl. Anon, must find himself getting caked in middle eastern moondust and continue my own descent mental degeneration
>I just stood there and laugh as the rain begin to sting my face and wash the madness away

It could ALWAYS be worse Anon

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>>35610504
That sounds very awful

>>35610147
After trying acid, nothing has ever really been the same. It feels like somehting is watching me behind my back. I can't shake the feeling no matter how hard i try. And to make matters worse, ive been seeing the number 4 pop out everywhere. its been driving me nuts. i dont know why but when i see it the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and the feeling of being watched increases. Later on i found out from my mom that i am predisposed to mental illness since her mom had schizo, and my cousin developed it early on. So fuck me m8s it turns out i may be schizo, i just don't want to confirm it with a psychologist

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>>35610147
>tfw pacing around my house mumbling to myself and having imaginary conversations has become a daily habit

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>>35610147
what kind of insane?
I hear voices in my head and see moving shadows and objects in the dark.
It's getting progressively worse, the hallucinations as well as the voices. I went to see a doctor about it but I don't know what else to do.

>>35610822
Psych? Get some antipsychotics?

>>35610147
I'm starting to lose the ability to type gradually.

Being awake for days does that to you, apparently.

Listening to dark fantasy country/folk helps

>>35610706
Patrician madness desu senpai
Reality is bullshit

>>35610706
I've done this my entire life.

Is it really not normal?

>>35610147
I feel utterly worthless, I fail at everything I try. Insanity is all that's left for me.

>>35610182
>What do the voices tell you?
Different Anon here. I am fucking tired of this question. It makes no fucking difference what the voices "say", the problem is they exist in the first place. No person on Earth who hears voices has had some "Eureka!" moment from talking to a doctor about what their voices say and all of a sudden they no longer exist.

People only want to know what the voices "say" so they can judge the fuck out of you and think they are better than you and relish in how shitty and miserable your life is compared to their own.

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>>35611002
>this
I hear voices too, and mostly they just say stupid pointless bullshit, random words and sentences that don't mean anything, and I always forget them.

>>35611002
Wow anon I was just curious

I hear voices too and honestly I'd have no idea how to answer that question

Me. Jobless, alcoholic, live with parents in my mid 20s. Severe depression and anxiety. I think I'm a good person at my core, but I'm so tired.

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that fucking crazy electric energy that pulses through my crown, spine, but especially my fucking legs and feet all the time
if it weren't for voices the silence would ring even louder
hell is empty

>>35611415
>I think I'm a good person at my core, but I'm so tired.
You won't be later

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>>35610147
i am fuckibg crazy but i am free

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I keep hearing my alarm clock going off at random points
it's especially bad when I'm trying to sleep
I don't get it much any more but I used to hear people call out my name when I was alone in public but it never ended up being true
maybe I was just lonely and wanted people to actually give a shit about me... then again, what's changed?

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>>35611602
freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose

>>35611415
You're me without the job. Try have an excruciating, humiliating wage slave job that drives you deeper into depression, surrounded by normies who think faking it is making it, and are upset when someone expresses themselves in a truthful way.

>>35611463

I don't understand, are you making fun of me?

>>35611676

I had a wageslave job a few months ago, lost it due to the alcoholism. and I can relate to all that. It's exhausting to feel like a social alien in high school, college, and then the work force. I'm not claiming to be special, just broken in some way

who here has touch hallucinations? yesterday it felt like someone was holding my face in their hands and kissing me. was weird for a second but then i closed my eyes and just started enjoying it.

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I'm not hearing any voices but I'm paranoid & my mind is scrambled like a fucking egg.

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I keep spacing out and getting lost in thoughts for hours, it's really dreadful and confusing. I wish I could be asleep forever.

>>35610147

I really feel like I am going insane. I am sitting here now hungover, I now just drink out of boredom and loneliness, I don't even have any friends. I feel like I am losing my grip on reality, everything seems so outrageous and impossible to grasp.

My mind is slipping. I can't make the mental connections I could before. Honestly, my mindset just resembles that of a moron.

>>35610706
This is just a joke, r-right?
It's normal to do this?

>>35611654
adding to this, I literally feel like I'm constantly at odds with my brain
as much as I want to be doing all the things that will actually help me progress it just regresses whenever I make those moves

>>35610706
oh, and this has been a regular occurrence for years now

>>35610706
i've been doing this since i was 10 years old

>>35610577
That sounds like something from a good military movie imo

>>35611810
[worry]