Well Anon? I thought you weren't a virgin? You do know

>>35568463

>Think to myself fuck what am I going to do?
>Think ok i'll just do what they do in porn
>Try to eat her out
>At first try and stick my tongue into her vagina
>It's too short
>She has an awkward facial expression
>Shit I fucked up
>Just start licking her clitoris instead
>She somewhat enjoys it
>After 3 minutes ask her if she wants to give me a blowjob
>she says Yeah
>I put it in her mouth
>Holy shit this feels amazing
>3 seconds later I cum

End

>>35568463
Is she some kind of a midget or a dwarf?

>>35568463
JAM IT IN
???
PROFIT

You gotta like, angle your dick down. It doesn't go in quite like it appears in porn

>>35568463
>going missionary

There's your problem.

The first time I had sex with my girlfriend (at age 26... fucking finally), she was on top and did all the work. It only took three times or so for me to sort of figure out how things worked before I could take charge. Must have been pretty convincing because when I revealed to her that I was a virgin before meeting her, she didn't believe me ("who could possibly be 26 years old and still a virgin?"), but when I finally did convince her, she was very happy about it. So don't worry, not all women care about this as muc as you guys do

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lick it and stick it.

>>35568463
Yeah hold on, I think I still remember the level select code for sonic 1

>>35568595
This. Real girls are shit at keeping their hips at a decent angle for you. I finally figured out a way to get it better. I have their legs rest on my back so that my shoulders are supporting the underside of her legs. It's much easier and plus it's harder for them to tell I have a pencil dick like that

>>35568767
Funny thing is, she probably wouldn't have had sex with you if she'd known you were a virgin beforehand.

> starting sex with missionary and not a blowjob

You have done this before, right femanon?

>>35568932
Funny thing is, I've actually asked her about this and she says we would have had sex sooner had she known from the start. We didn't start having sex until about 3 months into the relationship because she was somehow under the impression I was a "player" in my university years (told her I never had a girlfriend, went to a party school, so she just assumed I slept around) and wanted to "make sure I was committed", probably afraid of being pumped and dumped. Had I told her straight up I was a virgin we would have started fucking after a couple weeks I bet.

Either my girlfriend in an INFP weirdo or I spent too long believing /r9k/'s bullshit.

>>35568903
dude this but when they start to really wrap around you ohh shit

>>35569131
>Either my girlfriend in an INFP weirdo or I spent too long believing /r9k/'s bullshit

Or your gf doesn't exist lol

>>35568463
>Well Anon? I thought you weren't a virgin? You do know what to do right?
That wont happen to me. I cannot even touch other person without feeling like 100k V current is running through my body, yet alone have sex with someone.

>>35569145
I pull out so I've gotta be careful with the leg wrapping desu

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>>35568463
Waah... of course I know... I have to er... do that thing...

>Do a backflip*

...

Are you pregnant yet?

>>35569314
>doing a backflip
>not a barrel roll

ISHYGDDT

touch the boobies ??

>>35568463
Pro tips for virgins
>the entrance of the vagina is lower down than you probably think
>doggy style is quite tricky at first
>chances are you won't cum due to years heavy handed masturbation

Meh, I'm pretty get at figuring things out pretty fast, if she comments on it I'll just claim it's been a while and she'll believe me

>>35569471
>>chances are you will cum in seconds or won't cum due to years heavy handed masturbation
fixed.

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>>35569181
2savage4me

>>35569273
You need to be careful about your mental retardation, not the leg wrapping.

>>35569499
>PE or ED: pick one

Why even live?

>>35569471
I lasted maybe 15 or 20 seconds my first time. I've gradually worked this up to about a minute and a half.

For most of my life the goal was to cum as quick as possible so my parents wouldn't catch me fapping. I think it has permanently fucked with my dick's wiring.

>>35569622
>Why even live?
Normal sex comes from experience.

>>35569625
>I lasted maybe 15 or 20 seconds my first time
I was the complete opposite. Couldn't come for months. Good thing she was on the pill or I probably would have gone soft every time.

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Yeah.

I mean, how hard can it be?

>>35569651
You do realize I'm currently spending my evening on /r9k/, right?

>>35569695
>You do realize I'm currently spending my evening on /r9k/, right?
Yeah, i'm doing the same. I was merely stating the fact. How are you btw?

>>35569735
More depressed than suicidal today, which I guess isn't that bad. How about you?

>>35569825
>How about you?
Pretty much the same. Therapy didnt helped a bit Well i know some of reasons why i'm fucked up but i cant still resolve them.

>>35569850
Would you mind sharing?

>tfw you will never experience human intimacy

I refuse to go to a prostitute.

I'm turning 25 soon, have a host of, mostly, mental issues. Although, my biggest issue by far is being morbidly fucking obese. I'm like Jonah Hill. I keep yo-yo dieting. I'll lose 80-100 pounds, drop down to 200 and look normal-ish for 6 months. Then I'll go back to my old habits again, and balloon up to 280-300. It's like I'm legit bipolar.

I can lose the weight but I keep gaining it back. I don't know how to maintain. I don't know how to tackle my depression/anxiety. I lack direction and motivation. I spend most of my days on here, and it just exacerbates my dark thoughts seeing other anons express similar things. If I weren't a coward or a retarded optimist, then I'd would've killed myself a long time ago.

>>35568463
>You do know what to do right?
Yeah. Get the fuck out of my house whore

>>35568463
what the fuck are you doing in my house naked you dirty whore?
trying to give me cooties?

>>35570874
Sorry didn't know it was your house whore

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duh lol
*cums on feet*

>>35570422
Iktf, anon. Actually I think we all ktf. I wish I had some actual solution to sell you. Is there anything you like and are decent at?