[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Search | Free Show | Home]

You buy a monkey's paw from a mysterious store in a back

This is a red board which means that it's strictly for adults (Not Safe For Work content only). If you see any illegal content, please report it.

Thread replies: 507
Thread images: 66

File: iu[6].jpg&f=1.jpg (78KB, 640x480px) Image search: [Google]
iu[6].jpg&f=1.jpg
78KB, 640x480px
You buy a monkey's paw from a mysterious store in a back alley. You get one wish.

What do you wish for?

First anon to respond to your post decides the ironic twist.
>>
>>35529599
unlimited amount of money
>>
I wish for this wish to never come true.
>>
>>35529599
I want to be a good looking white girl.
>>
I wish I never found the monkey's paw.
>>
>>35529620
Its monopoly money
>>
>>35529632
She's a psychotic bitch who cuts your dick off after month 3

>>35529620
Jailed for tax evasion and currency manipulation
>>
>>35529620
It dissapears after two days of being spent so you have to run to get away from people tracking the money back to the spender, you.
>>
omnipotence
>origonoley
>>
>>35529630
It comes true and your penis shrinks by 95%.
>>
bigger penis
>>
I want to be successful in anything I try
>>
>>35529642
It keeps coming back
>>
>>35529599
I wish for every living thing in the universe to experience a constant feeling of extreme happiness for all of eternity and for all pain to cease.
>>
>>35529630
your wish does come true and the hand becomes a tesseract that calls you a "melt"
>>
>>35529678
balls the size of a fist
>>
>>35529599
To warp reality

>>35529678
It grows to 3 feet but doesn't grow wider
>>
For every robot to never find happiness and die alone, including myself
>>
I want a thicc girl friend who will sit on my face
>>
>>35529687
It gets unsettling after a while and everybody starts getting super paranoid eventually leading to mass rioting and war.
>>
>>35529687
except you
>>
>>35529687
>everyone is happy
>predators dont hunt anymore
>prey doesnt reproduce because no need
>everyone at peace
>everything dies shortly after
>global food chain starvation
>but hey we're all happy fuck it
>>
File: 91f.jpg (26KB, 600x399px) Image search: [Google]
91f.jpg
26KB, 600x399px
time machine to go back 10 years and change my past and never come here
>>
>>35529682
you are only successful the fist time you try something
>>
>>35529707
She has a tiny girl peen
>>
>>35529648
Still unlimited paper which you can sell for unlimited money. Good try.
>>
>>35529707
she crushes your fave and you die
>>
>>35529716
>>35529708
but pain doesn't exist so those things wouldn't happen
>>
File: BiXiak2IcAAwLEg.jpg (50KB, 600x600px) Image search: [Google]
BiXiak2IcAAwLEg.jpg
50KB, 600x600px
>>35529599

You to be brutally ass raped by Purple Aki.
>>
>>35529708
You're illogical, not him but that's paradoxical.
>>
>>35529719
You become disjointed from time due to the change in the time line so when you return to the present there is another you who tries to kill you.
>>
>>35529719
Every time you go back you somehow make your timeline worse.
You always go back in time on March 14th, 2017.
If you try to an hiro, you just wake up on March 14, 2007 and start again.
>>
that my wishes don't have a weird twist
>>
I wish that, no matter what happened, I was always happy
>>
>>35529746
Either you have pain or the food chain can't continue. The wheels of economy can't turn without winners and losers. Pain is part of life. It helps you grow
>>
>>35529747
he is a lovely person and becomes OP's soul mate, they get married and adopt 2 Vietnamese children
>>
>>35529746
>>35529753
You are still happy and can't feel pain in addition to those things. No contradiction at all. People are just like, smashing each other up in a hightened state of euphoria all the while feeling no pain. Kind of like everybody is on Nitrous Oxide.
>>
File: 1459392055056.jpg (35KB, 599x429px) Image search: [Google]
1459392055056.jpg
35KB, 599x429px
>>35529770
Granted, you are given no wishes, not even this one

I wish I had a pocket dimension that was an exact copy of my apartment that I could escape into when I needed a break from work and sleep there.
>>
>>35529770
they have a normal twist instead now
and also you just used your only wish kid
>>
>>35529770
there's no weird twist, but that was your only wish
>>
>>35529599
I become a wizard

It's kay I already know the catch.
>>
>>35529780
Granted, you die seconds after making this wish, happy the entire time
>>
>>35529719
>he never watched The Butterfly Effect
>>
>>35529817
you have to wear a silly wizzard hat
>>
>>35529703
Warp yourself out of existence

I would wish to just be happy
>>
File: 1459542368899.jpg (365KB, 750x889px) Image search: [Google]
1459542368899.jpg
365KB, 750x889px
I wish I had friends that genuinely liked me and had a deep bond with
>>
File: his mark.png (24KB, 849x180px) Image search: [Google]
his mark.png
24KB, 849x180px
>>35529799

Yeah, such a lovely chap.

75+ restraining orders, plays the law like a fiddle, brands mens anuses and has ass raped and battered cops.

Well endowed too.
>>
i wish for unlimited wishes
>>
>>35529801
>being motivated to be paranoid without pain
You do not understood human behavoir. Nor animal behavoir. To wish for no pain is to kill everyone. It IS illogical. It is our fuel.
>>
>>35529802
normies are constantly making sex sounds right outside your apartment so it's hard to sleep and you end up just jerking off and crying every time
>>
File: 1472336566531.jpg (152KB, 640x720px) Image search: [Google]
1472336566531.jpg
152KB, 640x720px
>>35529867
Granted, but they can only be used to wish for more wishes
>>
>>35529867
Granted, that's unlimited twists
>>
>>35529801
And he said all pain dumb ass. My twist >>35529868 of death is better. Thanks for ruinning the thread you illogical and illiterate faggot.
>>
>>35529817
The only spell you can cast is a spell that makes you not be able to cast spells
>>
>>35529802
There are people outside your apartment who are trying to get inside. They do get in, occasionally, and you will need to defend yourself from them.
>>
>>35529868
Shut the fuck up autist. I followed the rules of the thread therefore suck my dick. Everybody is high on nitrous oxide and paranoid as fuck because they constantly feel high due to being unable to feel sadness or pain.
>>
>>35529856
Granted. You had.
>>
>>35529856
your friend likes you and wants to bond with you so much that they are going to try and kill and eat you the next time you meet up
>>
I wish for another monkeys paw that just gave me what I wished for without consequences
>>
>>35529856
They all die in a car crash five minutes after you meet them
>>
>>35529819
>you die happy
already an upgrade for any robot
>>
>>35529923
granted, but the new paw is constantly jerking your dick
>>
>>35529906
>another logical paradox faggot
Get out of the thread. If you cannot cast spells then you cannot cast spells so what spells can you cast? You are illgical and need to get out of the thread get out
behavior*
>>
>>35529923
It is really five monkey penises bound together
>>
>>35529885
Absolutely amazing, hands down.
>>
>>35529867
The monkey paw grows infinite additional fingers and the universe is consumed by it.
>>
>>35529931
>You die from ebola
>>
>>35529942
How about this one:
The only spell you can cast is the ability to give other people the power to do the same.
>>
I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard and I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises. Got it?
>>
File: pig face.png (192KB, 322x254px) Image search: [Google]
pig face.png
192KB, 322x254px
i wish to get run over by a truck killing me slowly
>>
>>35529972

Your mom eats your sandwich while cucking your dad.
>>
>>35529979
granted, but it's a small toy truck and takes decades
>>
I wish for the record largest penis, both in circumfeance and length
>>
>>35529968
I reported your post called the fbi hired a private investigator etc saged hidden etc get out ree
>>
>>35529972
You suddenly fucking hate all of those ingredients
>>
>>35529979
Happens on your 98th birthday.
>>
File: cuck and mike.gif (1MB, 720x404px) Image search: [Google]
cuck and mike.gif
1MB, 720x404px
>>35529979

it kills you in 60 years
>>
>>35529972
You get a ham sandwich with mayo instead
>>
>>35529968
you can already do that though?
>>
>>35529995
granted- the man with it stores it in your ass
>>
>>35529995
your body dies from overexertion trying to pump the blood through your massive cock the size of an audi
>>
>>35529995
Granted.
That's it.

It's going to be a monstrosity and impossible to hide. Your life is reduced to acting in fucked up pornos
>>
>>35529599
I wish for a microwave that lets me send a short text back in time, 2446 days, 4 hours and 24 minutes.

text would read "kiss her, she's serious"
>>
>>35530034
granted- but the phone you texted is out of service
>>
>>35529948
>>35529941

those are both kind of worth considering i basically get what I want. I could just use the good monkeys paw quickly and get it over with.
>>
for all life to be extinct and to never come back again.
>>
>>35530034
done, some random ethiopian child is severely confused before dying of starvation
>>
>>35530034
You end up marrying her and she cucks you 5 times
>>
>>35530034

You kiss her and catch aids.
>>
>>35530049
it never stops jerking your dick. never for a moment in your life
>>
>>35530034
it's always sent to the wrong person
>>
>>35530034
The text gets scrambled by electro magnetism and ends up reading "Kill her she's serious"
>>
I wish to be a God of War.
>>
File: IMG_2544.gif (415KB, 446x370px) Image search: [Google]
IMG_2544.gif
415KB, 446x370px
I wish for the ability to smell any human finger in earth I want at any given moment
>>
>>35530034

you text a random number in the past.
>>
>>35530034
It takes a day to arrive
>>
>>35529979
It's as close to eternally slow as you can get, effectively causing you to outlive the universe under that truck
>>
>>35530078
you're the god of alex jones infowars
no powers are conferred
>>
>>35530081
you can only smell fingers now
nothing else will produce an odor and you'll lose 80% of your taste
>>
>>35530096
desu Alex Jones is pretty based, if I got to be the guardian deity of Infowars that'd be a pretty good wish.
>>
>>35530093
That wouldn't be a problem, I got another chance a week later.
>>
>>35530081
You have to smell them all at the same time.
>>
>>35530078
instead of a god of war you become a cuck
oh wait still accurate
>>
I wish i had the stand of funny valentine.
>>
>>35530081

you can only smell the finger when they're covered in shit

>>35530067

I could use the good paw to wish for numerous more wishes and work it out from there
>>
i wish half the twists in here weren't "and then you died"
>>
File: IMG_2543.gif (469KB, 250x188px) Image search: [Google]
IMG_2543.gif
469KB, 250x188px
I wish for an anus that can strech to fit anything I want in it without death or pain. When something is stuffed in it goes into a pleasurable pocket dimenstion, the more filled, the more intense orgasm. I also dont want the ability to return it to regular size.
>>
File: le joker.jpg (121KB, 787x1015px) Image search: [Google]
le joker.jpg
121KB, 787x1015px
>>35530147

You get your wish, and then you die.
>>
>>35530147
Someone actually had a paw
>>
>>35530147
granted- now all of them are and then you died
>>
File: IMG_2542.gif (473KB, 250x188px) Image search: [Google]
IMG_2542.gif
473KB, 250x188px
I wish for a third ear
>>
>>35530147
Granted, the twist is that people call you an idiot for not reading the thread and you get shamed into leaving.
>>
>>35529599
I would wish for social skills, so I stop being this faggot loner I am now
>>
>>35530160
you get sucked into your own giant anus and have orgasms till you die
>>35530147
you live while everyone else dies
>>
>>35530160
That's ingenius, I'd never have to search for a parking spot in the city every again!
>>
>>35530160
granted, but nobody including you ever puts anything in it
>>
>>35530160

it screams loudly every time you shove something in there. It screams "anon is shoving something in his asshole" so loud everyone for miles can hear it.
>>
>>35530188
It's attached to Penn Jilette.
>>
>>35530188
it's buried deep in your anus
>>
>>35530191
granted- but you're a fat bald manlet
>>
>>35530189
>there's always one
originally
>>
>>35529979
it kills you so slowly that you end up alive but trapped inside you body hooked up to life support for the nest 60 years, fully aware of what's going on outside. everyone you ever cared about comes to tell you how much they always hated you, and then never visits again.
>>
File: IMG_2541.gif (291KB, 166x125px) Image search: [Google]
IMG_2541.gif
291KB, 166x125px
I wish for balls that would smell like direhia all the time. With a stench so strong anyone in a 200km raidus can smell it.
>>
>>35530215
>>35530211
hivemind post
>>
>>35530188

its where your dick used to be

>>35530191

your social skills are so good that no one ever leaves you alone
>>
>>35530236
You get one wish faggot.
>>
>>35530236
granted, but your shitty beachballs get lost at sea
>>
>>35530236
Granted, it actually happened
>>
File: IMG_2547.gif (2MB, 243x204px) Image search: [Google]
IMG_2547.gif
2MB, 243x204px
I wish my pet fish sharkey was still alive and able to swim for at least another 30 years in my fishtank
>>
I wish to become the world's most popular viral meme for the next 20 years
>>
I wish for it to rain shit for seven days all over the land of the world.

Solid shit.
>>
>>35530236
you have to stay on the run from the government cause they wanna weaponize your balls now
>>
>>35530281
It's a racist meme and you get beaten up and spat on by antifa faggots whenever you leave the house.
>>
>>35530282
the first turd to fall knocks you out for 7 days
>>
>>35530280
it comes back to life as a horrid zombie and requires human blood to sustain itself
>>
File: IMG_2553.gif (1MB, 160x120px) Image search: [Google]
IMG_2553.gif
1MB, 160x120px
I wish that the rest of my shits would be ghot poos, leaving no shit behind to whipe, skidmark, or get stuck in my ass hair
>>
>>35529599
I wish that all jews would vanish
>>
>>35530339
granted- but you suffer from constipation for the rest of your life
>>
File: IMG_2540.gif (2MB, 300x225px) Image search: [Google]
IMG_2540.gif
2MB, 300x225px
I wish I was never circumcised
>>
>>35530349
granted- jews are now invisible
...did you just hear a hushed "oy vey?"
>>
>>35530349
all fruit beverages disappear overnight
>>
>>35530339
Shit is so compact you need laxatives to get it out at all
>>
File: IMG_2549.gif (1MB, 250x188px) Image search: [Google]
IMG_2549.gif
1MB, 250x188px
>>35530349
Granted but they vanish into your asshole and strech it enough that your body breaks and all the jews inside die
>>
>>35530368
granted- you were born without genitals
>>
>>35530368
Foreskin so tight you can hardly pee
>>
>>35530430
that's called phimosis
>>
File: IMG_2546.gif (2MB, 225x169px) Image search: [Google]
IMG_2546.gif
2MB, 225x169px
I wish for peace on earth
>>
>>35529599
I have the ability to become a super saiyan god without any physical inhibitors (ie: I won't go blind, deaf, lose a limb, have any short amount of time limit, have any limited uses of it, and I'll be able to use it to it's full ability)

Ha, come up with an ironic twist for that foolproof wish.
>>
>>35529657
You become impotent
>>
I wish my big sister didn't kill herself
I don't care about the consequences
I miss you :(
>>
>>35530438
I kno, I got it.
>>
>>35530457
granted- all life ends in a nuclear holocaust
>>
>>35530474
Granted. You still miss your sister.
>>
>>35530474
Granted, she was slaughtered instead
>>
>>35530463
granted- you're now a fictional character in a shitty anime
>>
File: IMG_2548.gif (663KB, 362x234px) Image search: [Google]
IMG_2548.gif
663KB, 362x234px
I wish my mollies would stop giving birth to ~70 babies every month. I end up killing most the babiies (using as feeder fish) anyways
>>
4chan premium.
>>
>>35530474
She got raped and murdered by a nigger instead. Not in that order.
>>
>>35530475

Have you tried fixing it with manual stretching and steroid cream?
>>
>>35530507
Granted, but you still have to pay for it.
>>
>>35530506
just fucking separate the males and females you idiot
jesus fish aren't that hard
>>
File: IMG_2528.gif (622KB, 300x458px) Image search: [Google]
IMG_2528.gif
622KB, 300x458px
I wish I could go back in time to preschool and make the stacies and chads pay
>>
>>35530507
You get permab& the first day.
>>
>>35530474
>He didn't watch Tales from the Crypt
She comes back however the fact she was embalmed/ cremated etc isn't undone.
>>
>>35530505
>Mfw this doesn't make me sad but actually makes me happier

Ha, jokes on you monkey's paw.
>>
I want to be a virgin forever
>>
>>35530566
your anime has been cancelled due to poor BD sales
>>
i guess I'll wish to impregnate your mom with sex
>>
File: IMG_2302.gif (1MB, 384x162px) Image search: [Google]
IMG_2302.gif
1MB, 384x162px
>>35530551
I have 1 tank and a massive plecostomous who need the room. I also have no room for another tank where I live or time to care for another tank faggot
>>
File: tsathoggua3.jpg (64KB, 400x471px) Image search: [Google]
tsathoggua3.jpg
64KB, 400x471px
I want to be a Lovecraftian deity

>>35530553
granted, you get whatever amount of money is in their wallet
>>
>>35530553
granted- you insist the both chad and stacy pay 25 cents each. They do so.
>>
>>35530570
Granted, your dick gets cut.
>>
>>35530584
Granted but you have a micropenis that is inverted in ur body
>>
File: IMG_2532.gif (2MB, 320x240px) Image search: [Google]
IMG_2532.gif
2MB, 320x240px
>>35530584
Granted but the child is black and you have to raise it and live with her
>>
>>35530591
>he doesn't know how to change the temp and PH balance to discourage breeding
>>
>>35530596
You are Azathoth and thus incapable of thought.
>>
I wish for a qt gf that loves me
>>
I want to have the power to control reality.

>>35530596
Granted, and you get sealed inside a book and you can only get out every 100.000 Years.
>>
>>35530639
granted; congratulations on your cute giraffe.
>>
>>35530639
granted- but you become incapable of believing she really loves you
>>
>>35530639
Granted but she only loves you as a friend.
>>
>>35530652
granted- you have a functioning set of hands
>>
>>35529599
How much would an actual monkeys paw cost
>>
File: IMG_2487.gif (197KB, 280x200px) Image search: [Google]
IMG_2487.gif
197KB, 280x200px
I wish instead of semen, when I cum i'd release fresh, warm, milk
>>
>>35530681
probably quite a bit, depending on whether monkeys are common in your area
>>
I wish to win the powerball lottery jackpot all by myself.
>>
>>35530689
Cats love milk. Your semen now attracts all cats in a 20-mile radius of where you came.

Hope you'rea cat guy!
>>
>>35530689
You get your wish, but instead, breast milk is replaced by semen.
>>
>>35530689
granted, but it smells like rotten eggs
>>
>>35530689
It's chocolate milk
>>
File: IMG_2539.gif (2MB, 468x246px) Image search: [Google]
IMG_2539.gif
2MB, 468x246px
>>35530681
Approximately according to my alliteration calculations it would cost around tree fiddy
>>
I wish that no being will ever suffer to any extent whatsoever, and if that involves the complete and irrevocable lack of the existence of consciousness, period, them's the breaks.

Try to corrupt that, homies. I'll wait.
>>
>>35530755
granted- everything dies quickly due to lack of pain receptors
>>
>>35530755
Vegetables scream in agony when you eat them.
>>
>>35530771

Not a corruption. I specifically said that would be a tolerable outcome.
>>
>>35530755
Reality is completely pointless
>>
File: IMG_2538.png (122KB, 633x567px) Image search: [Google]
IMG_2538.png
122KB, 633x567px
>>35530755
Granted but everyone on earth grows a dick. If they have one they get a second.
>>
>>35530786

If there's agony then there is suffering, ergo the wish was not granted to begin with.
>>
>>35530755
granted- without suffering, nobody appreciates joy.
Everything becomes grey and pointless for everyone.
>>
>>35529630
you just done blown up the hecking universe
>>
>>35530755
granted - for one minute
>>
>>35530816
The vegetables are no cognizent. Therefore they are not beings.
>>
>>35530801

Isn't the point of points to eventually annihilate the point?

>>35530802

Wouldn't bother anyone (since there is no suffering, no one can be bothered). So it's fine.
>>
>>35530818

It wouldn't bother them for everything to become grey and pointless, so this outcome is fine.

>>35530842

If they're not cognizant then they're not screaming in agony...they're just screaming. And no one would be bothered by it.
>>
>>35530827
That's what he wanted. The wish machine was on a low stack limit and error checked, so operation resumed as if nothing happened.
>>
>>35529742
the twist is supposed to be negative
>>
>>35530463
Granted.
You die from heart disease
>>
File: 1487823753218.jpg (365KB, 496x700px) Image search: [Google]
1487823753218.jpg
365KB, 496x700px
I wish pokemon were real
>>
>>35530881
It's my twist, you're just nit picking it so that your wish seems infallible. The twist doesn't have to make sense, it is simply true.

>>35530937
They are murderous as fuck.
>>
>>35530937
Granted, I got one in my pocket right here if you come over
>>
I wish I would die painfully tonight
>>
>>35530953

>It's my twist, you're just nit picking it so that your wish seems infallible. If there's no suffering whatsoever, then the universe is objectively better than it was before.

Which one was your twist? And I honestly do think my wish is infallible.

>The twist doesn't have to make sense, it is simply true.

But the twist is supposed to make the wisher feel his wish sucked, right?

All the supposed twists so far have totally failed in that endeavor.
>>
>>35530981
You are sexually aroused by the pain and ejaculate as you fade.

You wake up in heaven and get to watch your mom find your cum smothered corpse.
>>
>>35530981
granted, I's family hates you
>>
>>35530981
granted, but you regret it the second you make the wish
>>
>>35531003

>l's family hates you

What?
>>
>>35530755
Granted
Then someone else finds a monkey paw and wishes the opposite.
>>
That paw looks full of diseases.
>>
>>35531043
I think he meant my family will hate me
>>
>>35531001
If they are completely apathetic you could argue whether they exist at all to any meaningful extent, and if there's nobody around there's nobody to benefit
>>
>>35531095
nope i meant I's family hates you
>>
>>35530282
Worst metal gear protagonist ever.
>>
File: 7cc.jpg (47KB, 625x468px) Image search: [Google]
7cc.jpg
47KB, 625x468px
>>35529599
I'd wish for all existence to cease existing... permanently
>>
>>35529599
Every /pol/ user to get cuckolded by Tyrone Blackman...

Oh waaaaaaait...
>>
I wish she would suddenly start talking to me and be flirty all the time and pursue me just like in my dumb beta fantasies
>>
>>35531198
Everyone goes on living unaware that they no longer exist.
>>
>>35531093
Looks like the crusty stuff the builds up under keyboards.
>>
>>35530577
As I said, I have to be able to use it to it's full ability, so you can't do or say that.

>>35530923
>No physical inhibitors

Denied.
>>
>>35531219
Tyrone is actually a pretty cool guy and they all end up having a beer with him. He apologises for cucking them stating the monkey paw made him do it and anon's wife states "eh he wasn't that good anyway".

/pol/ goes on to become bffs with Tyrone and attend many Trump rallies with him.
>>
>>35531249
you did use it to it's full ability. for 3 episodes.
Sorry bargain bin BD anime, but you're done forever
>>
I wish aliens, from the recently discovered planets, existed and sent us a message, that progress us as a species. Within a time span of 2 years
>>
>>35531198
Time ceases to exist, and with it the past, present and future including the time when you made this wish, invalidating the wish and trapping you in limbo due to triggering a paradox
Everybody else continues to go on with their normal existence except you as you are forced to relive the moment you clicked "post" for the rest of eternity
>>
>>35531265
I said I can't die, what part of that can you not get.
>>
>>35531280
you're still alive.
Just no longer existing.
That's how fictional characters work
>>
>>35531276
GENDER STUDIES WERE RIGHT
EMBRACE MATRIARCHY OR BE ANNIHILATED
>>
I want to be a piano genius
>>
>>35531228
>>35531279
At least I'll have nothing to worry about...

no regerts
>>
>>35531293
>>35531280
sorry you were such a shitty mary sue character. but nobody liked you and you've been forgotten
>>
>>35531293
So in essence I continue to exist and live on with my friends for eternity, but now no one's watching, jokes on you monkey paw, I win a fucking gain.
>>
I wish for some nice cactus plants.

Not too flashy, just the flowering ones, for my desk, just to add some life and colour into the room. Ideally in some small, tan, plant pots.
>>
>>35531310
You know so much about pianos and music that all other information is pushed out of your head and you end up an autistic savant.
>>
>>35531349
I can deal with that
>>
>>35531310
You play the most beautiful music ever created, but you become deaf and unable to verbally communicate with anyone.
>>
>>35531339
granted, but it is a mythical walking cactus and falls off your desk
>>
>>35531339
Your plant falls on your lap while you are masturbating
>>
>>35531338
in essence you never died, but those 3 episodes of your crappy anime will exist in some way.
So you can always remember those 66 minutes of being super amazing, but you've stopped moving or existing
>>
>>35531339
They are peyote plants and you get arrested for possession.
>>
I GET AN ANIME GIRL BUT IRL AND SHE HAS HUGE TITS AND SHE COOKS AND WANTS CHILDREN
>>
I want to be able to change my appearance and voice into what I want whenever I want
>>
File: hqdefault.jpg (13KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]
hqdefault.jpg
13KB, 480x360px
>>35531300
>mfw
bwahh
>>
>>35531381
Chad steals her.
>>
>>35531381
granted- but you're an anime MC that spurns her advances for comedic purposes
>>
>>35531381
You also get autism...

Wait... Hang on a second...
>>
>>35531381
She is crazy like in misery
>>
>>35529972
It's a little dry
>>
>>35531371
I can use the form to the fullest of it's ability without any physical inhibitors, so I'll just continue existing with everyone else but no one's watching after 3 episodes. Checkmate atheists.
>>
>>35531387
You lose your identity and it ends like that episode of Batman TAS with Clayface. You go insane due to not knowing who you are.
>>
>>35531387
Each time you change a small part of the last person becomes a permanent feature, until eventually you're a horrible amalgamation of many people
>>
>>35531387
Your genitals are the exact opposite of the character you requested.
>>
>>35531381
granted but shes a trap
>>
>>35531427
Can't believe this was the first guy to get it
>>
File: image.jpg (69KB, 533x800px) Image search: [Google]
image.jpg
69KB, 533x800px
I want to be god
Not the Christian God, I want to become a celestial deity over everything
Omnipresent, do whatever the fuck I want, no rules no limits, no consequences
>>
File: jeffmangum.png (83KB, 176x171px) Image search: [Google]
jeffmangum.png
83KB, 176x171px
I want my dream girl
>>
>>35531428
you've become a fictional character. You didn't die, but if you're being animated you don't exist anymore
>>
>>35531429
He's already insane from being who he is though.
>>
>>35531472
But every woman looks like Yoronaika and has a penis.
>>
I wish to find the "DOG" in this picture.
>>
>>35531482
She files for divorce and takes the house and kids.
>>
>>35531496
But I can change that becuase I am god
>>
>>35531519
You find out your wife has a penis.
>>
>>35531519
nvm, found it.

originalrooooooo
>>
>>35531482
She has a lethal std so you can't have sex with her
>>
>>35531488
*if you're not being animated

effectively stuck in a static universe. Nothing is moving, or changing.

If you asked "what is astroboy doing right now?" the answer is nothing. Unless someone started drawing the manga again, he is inert.
>>
File: 507.jpg (75KB, 500x598px) Image search: [Google]
507.jpg
75KB, 500x598px
>>35529920
what the fuck anon
you can't just make me feel like this
that's just rude
>>
File: dog.png (468KB, 560x820px) Image search: [Google]
dog.png
468KB, 560x820px
>>35531519

You find it. But it's this one.
>>
>>35531519
Found it. Diagonal, near the middle.

Anyway, the monkey paw would make an actual dog burst through the page and attack you.
>>
File: IMG_0293.jpg (84KB, 560x820px) Image search: [Google]
IMG_0293.jpg
84KB, 560x820px
>>35531519
Here you go
You can now no longer see dogs in real life
>>
>>35531613
that's the one I found
Am I in a monkey's paw universe?
>>
File: 1900 berlin.jpg (103KB, 736x562px) Image search: [Google]
1900 berlin.jpg
103KB, 736x562px
I wish Germany still looked like this.
>>
>>35531674
everything is now in black and white and grainy, good job anon
>>
>>35531621
that says doog you fucking retard.

How the fuck is this blox?
>>
>>35531674
granted- Germany is now fully black & white
>>
I want to be a qt trap who has their looks until old age
>>
>>35529599
I want to have the stand D4C Love Train
>inb4 i end up being put in infinite spin
>>
>>35531732
Granted, you keep your looks until death as you were immediately teleported to Hamas-occupied Palestine where you are hung for breaking Sharia law.
>>
File: image.jpg (892KB, 1401x1922px) Image search: [Google]
image.jpg
892KB, 1401x1922px
I want to stop time, go backwards, and forwards in time, to any point in the future or past all of my own volition. Also there's no paradoxes
>>
>>35529920

SAVAGE
A G
V A
A V
G A
EGAVAS
>>
>>35531813
granted, but you will age with your travels

ex. you travel to your birthday, you become 1 day old
>>
>>35531747
Everytime you do the stand it takes twice as long as the time before AND nobody will ever see you do it and even if they did they'd think you faked it in some way
>>
>>35531837

IT DIDN'T WORK

;_;

Just GAVA my shit up senpai
>>
I wish to jump off the burj khalifa
>>
>>35531851
>everytime you do the stand it takes twice as long as the time
please clarify
>>
File: image.jpg (34KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]
image.jpg
34KB, 480x360px
>>35531899
You must relive the jump for eternity
>>
>>35531899
granted, but you slip into a coma right before taking the leap and survive the fall
>>
>>35531930
what?

>pls no mute bot
>>
>>35531904
So let's say the first time it takes 10 seconds
The next time it takes 20
Then 40.
Then a minute twenty seconds
Then two minutes forty seconds
On and on in that pattern
>>
>>35531960
You have to experience it endlessly. Never feeling the sweet release of death
>>
>>35531974
fuck it becomes useless then really fast
>>
>>35531749
He said old age, not death.

You'd think the disembodied limb of a primate would be able to read.
>>
I want to just be okay
>>
>>35532133
granted - you're temporarily okay
>>
I want my money back. I didn't buy this. Please make it go away.
>>
>>35532188
ChronicalIy?
>>
File: 1488888728895.jpg (10KB, 168x300px) Image search: [Google]
1488888728895.jpg
10KB, 168x300px
>>35529599
Infinite Monkey paws.
>>
>>35531690
Oh right, yeah sure. That sure was stupid of me, huh?
>>
>>35532219
They all arrive at once and fill all empty matter in the universe, destroying everything
>>
>>35532219
They start appearing all around you and you end up suffocating by filling up the room
>>
>>35532219
The universe is filled with monkey paws and everybody is crushed including you. The monkey paws also are't wish granting.
>>
>>35532206
granted but it goes to zimbabwe and you get 5 zimbabwe dollars
>>
>>35532206
You get your money back BUT YOU GET TO KEEP THE PAW
>>
I wish I could impregnate girls with my mind.
>>
>>35532207
granted - you are now *okay* at all times. You will never feel joy or sadness, pleasure or pain. Boredom will be your one and only state of mind for the rest of your life
>>
File: 1487980482448.jpg (70KB, 500x403px) Image search: [Google]
1487980482448.jpg
70KB, 500x403px
I wish to take the most satisfying nap ever
>>
File: Looking At.png (516KB, 1590x1080px) Image search: [Google]
Looking At.png
516KB, 1590x1080px
To legally obtain a high paying job that poses no physical pain.
>>
File: 1474698601593.png (321KB, 660x660px) Image search: [Google]
1474698601593.png
321KB, 660x660px
I wish the death of the robot who post after me
>>
>>35532300
They all know who did it and you have to either help raise the children or pay alimony. Plus you can never have sex
>>
File: f00.gif (821KB, 434x292px) Image search: [Google]
f00.gif
821KB, 434x292px
>>35532351
It shall come in 50 years,
>>
>>35532330

You're in a coma for 60 years, but come out feeling very, very well rested.
>>
>>35532330
You will compare all of you sleep to that one nap, and never have a comfortable nights sleep again, knowing the pleasures of the sleep you have had
>>
>>35532335
You work 7 days a week. No vacation or holidays.
>>
>>35532335
You like traps now
>>
>>35532335
You spend all your time working and sleeping
>>
i wish for my wish to be wasted
>>
File: 0e0.png (675KB, 1488x900px) Image search: [Google]
0e0.png
675KB, 1488x900px
>>35532424
It poses no physical pain, and my life is a big waste anyway so there's no real problem with this.
>>
I wish I had a foreskin
>>
File: 2375596.jpg (237KB, 670x374px) Image search: [Google]
2375596.jpg
237KB, 670x374px
>>35532252
>>35532264
>tfw your wish went exactly as you wanted.
>>
File: Syrian Conflict.jpg (60KB, 700x379px) Image search: [Google]
Syrian Conflict.jpg
60KB, 700x379px
>>35532431
>now
What's new?
>>
>>35532443
It is
Oreganello
>>
For all slightly brown to the blackest of black people to disappear off the face of the Earth.
>>
File: Change.png (22KB, 262x100px) Image search: [Google]
Change.png
22KB, 262x100px
I wish to have a meme folder that contains the best reaction image for any categorical 4chan post.
>>
>>35532475
granted, but your plantation goes out of business
>>
>>35532308
This... Has no downsides.
You kind of shit at this, family.
Or maybe you pity the dreaded.

This is like getting two special diet trays for graham crackers.
>>
>>35532475
The economy tanks over night as cheap produce from Africa stops
>>
>>35532482
size is 2kb thumbnails,
>>
>>35532482
They are all furry images
>>
>>35532448

What an easy situation to get out of.
Just say "whoever has the most skin wins."
>>
>>35532455
Granted, but the length of your foreskin is 2x longer than the length of your penis
>>
>>35532482
You can on,y post these images and nothing more from now on
>>
>>35529599
I wish for Megurine Luka to be my wife and sole lover.
>>
File: maxresdefault.jpg (134KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]
maxresdefault.jpg
134KB, 1280x720px
>>35532497
I beg to differ
>>35532509
Bullshit. We got robots for that, and Zimbabwe is asking for the White farmers back, because they are the only ones who do the work, even in Africa.
>>
>>35532482
granted, but your computer cant handle it
>>
>>35532475
They get abducted by a space God that makes it very clear everything you ever wanted in life will be given to them before they leave for the paradise planet.
>>
File: 1487131041002.jpg (95KB, 900x900px) Image search: [Google]
1487131041002.jpg
95KB, 900x900px
I wish for a million bucks.
>>
>>35532535
This is my fetish ty
>>
File: maxresdefault.jpg (119KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]
maxresdefault.jpg
119KB, 1280x720px
>>35532497
Oopps, wrong image.
>>35532555
How can they leave for the paradise planet when them leaving makes Earth the paradise planet?
>>
>>35532335
but you lose your sense of touch and the ability to feel physical pain.
>>
>>35532560
it's bestowed upon you in the form of a CD that cannot be claimed till you are over 75.
>>
>>35532572
It's a twofold paradox. Them going to the paradise planet also makes it not the paradise planet.
>>
>>35532560
You'll never recieve or earn any more currency of any kind
>>
>>35532537
4chan and sites without image sharing are all I use anymore so it's moot.
>>35532510
If I only need 2kbs to post the most win images on 4chan I can just use my other PC for gaming.
>>35532522
You're the only good one. Good job.
>>
>>35532602
>If I only need 2kbs to post the most win images on 4chan
You have to be ants to see them.
>>
>>35532598
With them gone, Earth will be the paradise planet.
Everything I've ever wanted in life is for all slightly brown to the blackest of black people to be gone from this world.
>>
>>35529707
I want a thicc girl friend who will sit AND BLARP on my face
>>
>>35532680
granted, but shes so big she crushes and kills you
>>
File: Thumbs up.png (255KB, 707x698px) Image search: [Google]
Thumbs up.png
255KB, 707x698px
I wish for nothing Ironic to happen to these people after making wishes!
>>
>>35532696
granted but you become a trap
>>
>>35532718
I'm already skinny and have long hair, all I need for that is a trimmer face and plumper ass.
>>
I wish for ridiculous muscles.
>>
>>35532759
Everybody laughs at your ridiculous muscles. You become the laughing stock of the community as nobody can take those ridiculous muscles seriously and eventually you kill yourself
>>
I wish to be able to drive any kind of truck with a manual transmission
>>
I wish there were only Western Europeans/Anglo mutts and Japanese on this Earth
>>
>>35532543
She only exists in your mind like scizophrenia and no one else can take you seriously
>>
File: Adolf Pimpler.jpg (70KB, 600x534px) Image search: [Google]
Adolf Pimpler.jpg
70KB, 600x534px
>>35532800
You lose over three quarters of the world's population, this destroys many international economies and degenerates science. You lose large parts of human culture and further globalized the world into indistinguishable mess.
>>
>>35532852
I have the solution right here
>>
>>35531436
Ill take that wish thank you
>>
>>35529599
I wish that i had the ability to grant my own wishes
>>
>>35530463
Everybody else is stronger than you so you always lose.
>>
>>35532919
The only way to make wishes is to be completely naked and shouting "STICKY GOO!"
>>
>>35529678
>>35529703
Your penis is enlarged to intergalatic proportions. However your penis is so massive it can not withstand it's own gravity and it forms a ultra-super-giga-hyper massive black hole.

>>35529707
The THICC girl friend is actually far beyond THICC. It is some how a miracle she is even able to walk through your garage door and walk. You ask her to gently sit apart of her on you, but a 3.0 earth quake happens and she loses balance and falls and crushes you, and your entire house collapses too.

>>35529802
Inside the pocket dimension, time flows at twice the rate. Doubling the opportunity cost of taking a short break.

>>35529817
The catch is you get a GF and lose your powers

>>35529856
You will die 20 years before they begin to.

>>35529923
>>35532219
You get the monkey's paw. But all of it's fingers are gone.

>>35530078
You become a god of war, but every weapon you wield has no random critical hits.

>>35530457
Judaism, and Islam are wiped off of the face of the earth.

>>35530474
Granted, your big sister. Dies from being too big of a sister for you.

>>35530937
The only pokemon to become real is Sonichu

>>35531674
The architecture is the same as in your pic, but now everyone in germany has policies x100 worse than modern Sweden.

>>35532351
But you will die indirectly because of them.
>>35532390
Your dead now.
>>
>>35532959
Thats a good tradeoff
>>
File: IMG_1120.jpg (57KB, 291x362px) Image search: [Google]
IMG_1120.jpg
57KB, 291x362px
I want to become one of the strongest immortal vampires similar to pic related in his prime.
>>
>>35530463
Nobody takes you seriously an they all underestimate you. You'd think this is good but after a while it's just annoying when you are just thought of as a try hard who gets lucky by everyone
>>
>>35532982

However you are just a underage faggot in reality
>>
>>35533065
I'm okay with this.
Atleast I don't get any shitty side effects.
>>
>>35533096

I mean the real reality
>>
>>35533119
No I'm 20.
why would you think so?
>>
everytime i think of the word balls i am not a whore by lmfao plays
>>
>>35533170
What kind of wish is that
>>
>>35533210

The I want newfags to go back to plebbit wish
>>
>>35533170
Each instance overlaps so if you think it a hundred times it plays over the top of itself a hundred times. The song playing also causes you to think the word balls due to association.
>>
I wish that the next time i shake hands with someone ill fall over dead instantly as soon as they grab my hand
>>
>>35533278
your hands disappear
>>
>>35533170
Granted with no strings attached
Except that you think there's a hidden consequence when there really isn't. Right?
>>
>>35533248
You get redirected to here
>>>/plebbit/
Every time you try to access the internet..
>>
>>35529599

I wish to die. The end.
>>
>>35533321
Your life starts over from scratch and plays out exactly the same.
>>
>>35533290
yes :)

its as already a shit as possible i thought he was gonna be able to make it worse
>>
>>35529687
Shinji fucks it up
>>
i wish to know everything about any kind of truck or car, how to work on them and be able to work on them very efficently

fuck my shit up
>>
Here's an easy one.

I wish for a new 3D Metroid game.

>>35529706
it works, and the beta uprising actually happens and sends the world into nuclear war, and the demand for soldiers skyrockets enough for the army to draft whatever they can get, including full-blown sonic OC autistic robots

>>35529885
I haven't laughed out loud at a 4chan post in a while, thanks anon

>>35530034
>>35530474
damn, i came here to laugh, not to feel

>>35530733
>implying that's a bad thing
you made it better

>>35530698
everyone knows it, so you constantly get asked for money, and you'll never have a genuinely meaningful relationship for the rest of your life because they just want to get close to you for your money.

>>35532560
granted, adult male deer all arrive at your doorstep unannounced and trample you to death.

>>35532799
granted, but now you can only drive manual transmission trucks, and are physically incapable of driving any other vehicle.

>>35533446
you become the jesus of auto repair but can no longer drive any kind of vehicle.
>>
Testo, can we still post?
I'm getting bad gateway.
>>
File: Collapse.jpg (89KB, 624x658px) Image search: [Google]
Collapse.jpg
89KB, 624x658px
>>35533352

holy shit this is the worst twist ever, i wuld just kill myself as soon as i was born
>>
I wish for infinity wishes :)
>>
>>35530056
You are the only person it doesn't affect
>>
>>35533539
You dont have any memories of your former life silly. That would be stupid. Then you could just use your knowledge to make your life different.

It plays out the same means you learn everything again as well.
>>
>>35533550
Each wish reverses the wish before it.
No exceptions.
>>
I wish to be able to jump realities into any anime, game, or timeline I want and be able to take any form I want without any limitations.
>>
>>35533550
The monkey paw is expired so you have no medium on wish to use them.
>>
>>35533550
infinite monkey paw twists.
>>
I wish for more weed
>>
>>35529599
>What do you wish for?
I wish to be a member of the Mane Six
>>
>>35533619

Granted but it's all schwag with 0.0000001% THC.
>>
>>35533619
It's skunk.
>>
>>35529599
I wish for eternal life, keeping my appearance and my good physical and mental health
>>
>>35533605
You are taught how to jump realities by an old wrinkly pervert, who also comes with you on your travels
>>
I wish to be able to grant my own wishes without any ironic twists
>>
>>35533666
That's fine, as long as he doesn't live with me. If he's just somewhere in the world at any given time, that's fine.
>>
>>35532982
>>35533662
But due to a strange turn of events you end up in a coffin in the bottom of the Atlantic for about 100 years.

>>35533487
Its worse than other M

>>35533619
Its just industrial hemp
>>
>>35529599

a watch that can freeze time
>>
>>35530506
They become completely infertile
>>
>>35533672
You become a monkey's paw irreversibly.
>>
>>35533698
It can't resume time.
>>
>>35533713
>Wish for the idea to project my consciousness into other bodies and live through them while my monkey's paw self sits at home

get fugged
>>
>>35533605
the only way to activate your power is sucking on your dad's dick for 30 seconds uninterrupted. if he cums, it's going in your mouth.

>>35533619
you get 5 ounces, but that batch is the last time you'll ever be able to get high from weed.

>>35533662
no strings, you have to watch all of your friends die and you can never end the painful suffering of existence

>>35533713
nice.

>>35533725
damn beat me to it
>>
I become a qt bunny boi
>>
>>35533750
That's fine, it'll only be happening every few years or until I get bored, and I'll be jumping into a reality where I didn't suck my dad's dick.
>>
>>35529599
I wish that tomorrow I would wake up out of bed and feel fine. The definition of fine means I would be fit to serve on the International Space Station if I were given a medical review by the staff at NASA.
>>
>>35533755
You lay bunny eggs out of your urethra.
>>
File: 1487979753090.jpg (49KB, 418x433px) Image search: [Google]
1487979753090.jpg
49KB, 418x433px
>>35533352
>>35533539
this is what I assume what happens as well...it's scary. Think about how we are who we are and those paths chosen are the only paths...don't you think it would be nice if we could live again but make different paths. But why are we here and why are you...you? It's crazy. I feel like everything is set in stone because how the fuck did someone think of making technology? How the fuck do you even start that? How are we communicating instantly? There's no fucking way someone just started putting shit together and suddenly made the telephone. Everything is already a written book and whatever happens is supposed to happen. Whatever you say...even you reading this right now was supposed to happen.

That's the only reason why I believe that...
>>
>>35533781

You will get drafted to a war for Israel. Your perfect health makes you fit to serve on the front lines.
>>
>>35533781
NASA has never seen anything so amazing
they haul you in for experimentz
>>
It only lasts while you are getting out of bed
>>
File: 1447709243583.jpg (139KB, 396x388px) Image search: [Google]
1447709243583.jpg
139KB, 396x388px
>>35533839
>could go bad
>could not
>it's up to me
I am one of the lucky ones. Based monkey's paw.
>>
>>35533778
new addition: regardless of the timeline/reality, you have to suck his dick, even in a timeline where he isn't your dad, you have to seek him out and find him. A reality where you don't have to doesn't exist. And since you have to do it once to activate the power and another to get back to normal, he has to come with you whenever you make the trips.
>>
>>35533897
>>35533781
oopsy
>>
I wish I were completely invulnerable to injury.
>>
I wish I didn't work at mcdonalds
>>
File: 1485483515320.jpg (10KB, 225x225px) Image search: [Google]
1485483515320.jpg
10KB, 225x225px
>>35533937
you mean just being a literal robot?

me too...
>>
>>35533937
Your muscles atrophy away to nothing as you are unable to work them.
>>
>>35533937
You lose all sense of touch
>>
>>35533937
you turn to stone
>>
File: trust me goy.png (227KB, 502x398px) Image search: [Google]
trust me goy.png
227KB, 502x398px
>>35533902

I guess you could say the monkey's paw is your (((greatest ally))).
>>
>>35529599
I make the only logical wish of course, a gf
>>
>>35529599
I want a beautiful, kind girlfriend that can cook, clean, shares my taste in music, and is great at sex. We have sex regularly.
>>
>>35533980

Your gf is Anita Sarkeesian after she got fat

>>35534014
She has AIDS
>>
>>35533980
she is the only one you'll ever have
>>
I wish for control of the weather, local and global.
>>
I wish for the ability to turn invisible at will
>>
File: space-pepe.jpg (61KB, 781x552px) Image search: [Google]
space-pepe.jpg
61KB, 781x552px
>>35533352
shhh don't tell anyone this secret
>>
>>35534084
you don't turn back visible
>>
>>35534075
The system is too complex for your mind to handle. You ruin Earth's climate and end up causing World War 3.
>>
>>35534084

The power does not apply to your clothes and you can't control when you become visible again so if you use it in public, you risk appearing suddenly in front of everyone, naked.
>>
>>35533943
you work at burger king instead.

>>35533937
granted, you're immune to all external physical injuries, but you gain a plethora of internal biological diseases. you can still feel pain btw

>>35533980
>>35534014
she doesn't love you back so your relationship will be emotionless and boring. she only stays in the relationship because she's convinced you have secretly-rich parents.

>>35534075
granted, but all of the bad weather phenomena you cause will happen to you too.

>>35534084
you can't move while invisible
>>
I wish I was an anthropomorphic shark girl.
>>
>>35534277
granted, no strings attached.

you have to be constantly surrounded by a tank or body of water, have a strict seafood diet, and will get shunned from any public place due to your horrific disfigurement.
>>
>>35529599
For 10 more monkey paws. When I use 9 of those, I'll use the last to wish for 10 more, as infintium
>>
>>35534324
there are still bad twists for every single wish you fucking idiot
>>
File: image.jpg (329KB, 1085x1400px) Image search: [Google]
image.jpg
329KB, 1085x1400px
>>35534306
>horrible disfigurement
>>
>>35529599
I wish I could get acute little girl to fuck
>>
>>35529599
a consenting of age gf that is very attractive
>>
Unlimited will power.
>>
>>35529648
Not nearly bad enough for a Monkey's Paw
>>
i wish for smaller feet
>>
>>35534508
They're the size of pencil nubs.
>>
>>35534508
They shrink to the point where they can no longer be balanced on.
>>
>>35534437
according to literally everyone else in the world, including a lot of robots who don't share your fetish, yes. you would look like a fucking alien in real life.

>>35534448
you get to fuck her, but you get arrested for having sex with a child immediately afterwards

>>35534461
to you, she looks like an 11/10, but she has "shallow hal" syndrome and is actually an ugly disfigured landwhale that anyone is uncomfortable to be around or even witness, so you can't take her in public.

>>35534463
you accomplish all of the goals you set out to accomplish that your body and mind can practically allow, but nobody knows that you did it so you would receive none of the benefits from your work, and nobody believes it was you.
>>
>>35534463
Your will is unlimited, granted, but it has no direction. You find yourself wanting to take different paths in life, and struggling at crossroads. You have the means to accomplish what you want, but it is always one step away from your grasp. You will continue persistently to torture yourself for unobtainable goals until you die in vain.
>>
>>35529632
You get raped by a pack of niggers
>>
>>35534324
Along with the other negative effects applied, a week of your life is lost for every duplicated paw.
>>
>>35529599
I wish for others to have free will
>>
>>35534675
Unable to follow God's carefully engineered path unconsciously, people fall into decadence and civilisation collapses in an orgy of pleasure and violence. Billions of lives are lost.
>>
>>35529599
Omnipotence

can't b oregano
>>
>>35534803
You fuck it up by getting bored and giving everybody omnipotence or some other stupid, poorly thought out shit.
>>
>>35534142

This one is actually interesting and creative. Here's a well deserved (You)
>>
File: clinton2.png (231KB, 293x318px) Image search: [Google]
clinton2.png
231KB, 293x318px
I want a single, sane, attractive, healthy, able-bodied, loyal, qt 3d white cis woman who is my age, lives near me, not biologically related to me, not in debt, has no ex boyfriends, and not a roastie to fall in love with me and enjoy all the same fetishes that I enjoy.
>>
File: Wojak.png (8KB, 512x512px) Image search: [Google]
Wojak.png
8KB, 512x512px
I wish for this spinning world to stop
>>
>>35534947
She has cancer and her life is extremely limited.
You watch her slowly deteriorate over the course of a decade, and the gravity of the emptiness you feel is magnified to a point you can't currently comprehend.
>>
>>35534949

Since you didn't specify a reference plane, the planet freezes in place in orbit, but it continues spinning normally so the only thing you really changed is you stopped seasons from changing.
>>
>>35534947

Pick an ironic twist from one of the 29 previous "I want a gf :(" posts in this thread.
>>
>>35535017
I stipulated that she was healthy.

We could settle for her getting hit by a bus or something though.
>>
>>35535044
Alright then faggot, everytime she blinks, inhales, dedicates, utters a word, takes a step, or urinates, someone on the planet (besides you or her) randomly bursts into flames. In some way or another, this will end the world.
>>
I wish for a 350 IQ
>>
>>35535121
you have a 350 IQ but you lose all of your motor functions, so nothing you learn can be communicated to other people.
>>
I wish for the Yellowstone Supervolcano to erupt tomorrow in a cataclysmic eruption that leads to the extinction of humanity within 5 years.
>>
>>35535199
You are killed before you can see it erupting
>>
>>35535199
Human scientists create a DNA-plague that alters our DNA to allow us to survive the coming Ice Age. Humans evolve into a new species beyond the tribe of Hominina.
>>
>>35534949
The world comes to an abrupt halt and inertia throws countless teratons of matter out into space, without the inertia of the earth to keep it in orbit, it instead falls into the sun.
>>
>>35535199
It all happens in your dream. You wake up paralyzed for life.

I wish for the power to see through clothes of anyone I wanted whenever I wanted to without anyone knowing.
>>
>>35535282
Everytime you use it, your eyesight deteriorates little by little, after 30 uses, you can't see your hand 20 inches from your face
>>
I wish for the monkey to have never lost his paw and in turn, lift the curse on everyone who has ever wished using the paw, including me
>>
>>35535410
The monkey lost his paw by chewing it off to escape a trap. It is now subjected to the worst, most horrifying experiments for the rest of it's miserable life.

I wish for the most perfect life for myself and my waifu, being completely happy topgether and prosperous.
>>
>>35535464
Granted, but your waifu becomes 3D
and isnt real
>>
>>35535282
>It all happens in your dream. You wake up paralyzed for life.

The monkey's paw has to grant the wish, it can only pervert it. It can't cheat you out of what you wanted. If he says humanity goes extinct, that that is what will happen. The twist can be something like >>35535265
>>
I wish that the wish in this post is not granted.
>>
I wish for 10 VHS copies of Point Break
>>
>>35535582
You have to rewind each of them before viewing.
>>
>>35535572
The paradox makes you die :]
>>
>>35535587
A true hell
>>
>>35535587
i accept your terms
>>
I wish my OCD wasn't so bad and I didn't have to touch things so many times.
>>
>>35535634
You become OCD about germs and fear touching anything.
>>
>>35535634
Your OCD is cured, you develop horrible Schizophrenia
>>
>>35535597
Wow really original.
Oregano
>>
>>35535572
fuck you

>>35535582
no strings attached, have your dumbass wish

>>35535658
nice
>>
I wish to marry, love and hold Morgan Geyser, the Slender Man stabber, after she turned 10
>>
I wish for all the ice caps to melt in an instant and Flood lefty cities.
>>
>>35535664
;]

>the filter greatly improves the quality of /r9k/
>>
>>35535497
The waifu I referred to is 3d already, and her not being real would go against my wish. Try again, bitchboi. I gots the perfect laifu and waifu. Actually, she's not perfect and is very flawed, but I accept her :3. But we still have the perfect life.
>>
>>35535708
Wow I meant to say 18

Sorry, FBI
>>
>>35535658
you have to warp the wish, dumbfuck
>>
File: 1488254295057.jpg (9KB, 213x250px) Image search: [Google]
1488254295057.jpg
9KB, 213x250px
>>35535738
Hmmm????

here come the party van
>>
>>35535767
He's just having
>>
>>35535646
Well played.

Ontario Canada
>>
I want to wake up tomorrow as a 22year old completely normal good looking white woman in my bed
>>
>>35535995
Your bed is made of broken glass and youre married to a fat (300+ lbs) black man
>>
>>35535995
you're a 22 year old with a 8/10 white gf but you live in a trailer park and have no money
>>
I wish every anon finds a way to make the most of their wish'she perversion
Thread posts: 507
Thread images: 66


[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Top | Home]

I'm aware that Imgur.com will stop allowing adult images since 15th of May. I'm taking actions to backup as much data as possible.
Read more on this topic here - https://archived.moe/talk/thread/1694/


If you need a post removed click on it's [Report] button and follow the instruction.
DMCA Content Takedown via dmca.com
All images are hosted on imgur.com.
If you like this website please support us by donating with Bitcoins at 16mKtbZiwW52BLkibtCr8jUg2KVUMTxVQ5
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties.
Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the content originated from that site.
This means that RandomArchive shows their content, archived.
If you need information for a Poster - contact them.