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/comfy yet depressing/ thread
Lately I've been listening to some Noir-style songs.
I've been in a particularly bad mood the past few days so I think it's fitting. Now I'm just lying in bed with my headphones, listening to this and reliving old memories of a simpler, better time. Back when everything was still alright. Back when I wasn't worried about my lack of social skills or friends. When I didn't actively shun all contact and chances at socialising the normies offered me. When I had a girl I liked, and I could fantasize about her when going to bed without the crushing realisation that we will never be together and I will die alone and miserable. Who else /melancholic/ here?
https://youtu.be/12tIQKEkM4s
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I would have thought most robots here were drowning their sorrows by living in the pst. Any stories you wish to share? The one moment or person you still cherish after all these years?
For me it's this girl I met when I was 13. I sat down on the bus next to her and I immediately knew I liked her. She was the first girl I had a real interest in but was too scared to try and befriend her. I made her aquaintance during the trip (we were going on a sort of holiday trip to Prague) and then, for months on end, stalked her on social media. I was completely paralyzed with fear and never dared to add her because I was afraid she had forgotten me. We then met again at a summer camp a year later and she still remembered me. We became friends and I gathered around me my first true friends at this time, although I fell out with all of them in the end. I was more stricken with her every day but I could slowly see her drifting away, talking about drinking and smoking and having kissed a guy. We kept talking afterwards until she got a boyfriend and I conditioned myself to hate her in order to cope. It didn't work and I kept liking her on and off for the next 3 and a half years. Now she's all grown up, has a boyfriend that treats her like dirt and is overall just a Stacy. She was never intentionally mean to me, she never knew better. I still remember the day she insisted on introducing me to her father to prove she had cultured and mannered friends, and the way he spoke to me and knew where I had been the whole summer.
That day on the bus she fell asleep with the head on the glass and all I could think about was how I wished she would turn and lean her head on my shoulder. That was all I wanted.
Now, 5 years later, I still never held hands with a girl. I've seen her last week (after about 9 months) and she was just like I expected - stunning, but bland, simple and mindless.
Everyone around me is moving on, but i'm still stuck in the past.
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