FEEL THREAD; POST YOUR FEELS HERE >fell in love for the

Repost from yesterday
>be me
>be 13
>in science class paired up with 9/10 crush/friend
>building Rube Goldberg machine
That day was also the birthday of some faggots dad who died
>My friend says something fucked up about that day
>Crush pretends to hit my friend with a hammer
>almost hits me
>"Why were you about to hit me?"
>"What?! I would never hit on you! Your not even my type!"
>what

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>having hard crush on girl from lecture
>we both study cs
>she's a 10/10 qt3.14
>tall, skinny, blonde and a lovely smile
>didn't talk to her yet
>can't approach her
>i'm too anxious
>putting myself down all the time
>overthinking everything
>she could have a bf
>every day i don't do anything and every chance i loose feels like a rusty nail in my chest
>don't talk about it because i never talked about romantic feelings with others
It kills me, robots
I know 100% that we will never get to know each other

>>35469829
I had this feel too OP
My first crush was a girl in high school
I wanted to ask her out for prom
Back then i wasn't this anxious like i'm now
Then i found out that she has a bf
It nearly broke my heart
I said fuck it and talked to her after class that i find her cool and funny
Now we are best friends and our conversations last hours
We have similiar hobbies and interests
I'm glad i talked to her back then

>be 22
>grannie dies when I was 19
>was slightly depressed before. real depression starts to kick in
>had a gf back then. she had a crush on me for a year or so and I had a crush on her for a year but we both were just too shy to open up. made the first step, became a lovely couple.
>we were together for almost a year
>a few weeks after the funeral I heard rumors about her cheating on me
>found out she actually cheat on me
>reach breaking point
>as if my grandmas death wasn't enough
>develop hatred towards women
>haven't dated or even tried to date someone
>depression took a beating on me
>I'm skellitor 1,83m / 58kg
>personality went from chad, humorous to nothingness. I don't feel like having a personality
>dropped uni for 4 semesters
>got allergic to THC so I can't smoke any weed
>too scared to go to psychiatrist bc I don't wanna go to jail or mental hospital
right now I'm in bed for 17 hours. don't know what to do

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I'm 26 and I still wet the bed. I can't even manage to keep my fucking room clean. I wish I'd have a heart attack and die a painful death. I don't deserve pleasure, I deserve to be in constant pain. I'm a worthless sack of shit. Why was I even born? I'm an annoying faggot. If I wasn't such a pathetic pussy I'd have strangled myself with a belt already. I wish my grandma stabbed me when she threatened me with a knife. I contribute nothing to this world and nothing to this site. I'm a sack of shit who constantly sucks resources from society.

>like girl
>think she likes me
>lack the communication skills to fuck her
Driving me mad desu.

>>35470718
Go to a psychiatrist, I dont think theres anything they could do to youvthat would make you any worse.

>go to music festival
>see cute girl
>for the first time in my life muster up the courage to go meet her
>real artsy type
>somehow end up discussing George Batailles "Story of the Eye"
>we exchange numbers

whats next anons?

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>>35470837
Do it, off yourself faggot

>>35470837
Do something about it so you can be less useless?

>>35469829
>girl finally opens up told me how she felt
>orbiter got jealous started a fight
>throws a punch but i move out of the way and he hits her
>shove him to the floor like the little faggot he is
> walk away drunk and angry that im in that situation
>text girl that i dont wanna see her or her trampy mates again
>regret text and message her in the morning she doesnt respond to anything
>one month of not contacting her ive realised ive got mad feels for her
why doesnt she just text me so i can fix it

>>35470907
well, if I told him that I dream about killing myself for over a year now, he'd probably set me on meds and probably can put me in mental hospital because I'm unstable and think about self harm.
maybe I'm just exaggerating

>be me in toxic family
>mom and dad always fighting
>family is fucked, hate on lgbt etc
>don't know other language my dad speaks so when we do see eachother idefk what he's saying
>feel bad about not knowing vietnamese, m-muh heritage
>be "exotic" multi-racial which gives me anxiety and worry i'll get shot like the indian guy who was mistaken for a middle eastern guy
>mom is basically dating a nazi
>can't see me giving her neetbux anymore while she lives in a tent being a shitty person
>still feel bad
>dad is barely in life but helps out when i'm in trouble from helping too many people
>due to early trauma in life become anxious and maybe depressed
>people hint at me having body dysmorphia
"oh anon you're so skinny!" "i don't eat rabbit food lke you" "so pretty" etc
>bestfriend even makes passive aggressive remarks or maybe it's all in my head about it
>be good at art and people praise me
>get into terrible abusive relationships and self esteem starts to deteriorate
>stopped doing art for over 2 years
>miss a bajillion opportunities to meet people and have relationships with because of self doubt
>miss out on problem child chad bf wanting me to cuck him and other lewd things because wat
>miss out on qt vendor at work who liked me back but i took too long and now he has srs gf

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>>35471011
bcuz you deserved it. die normie.

>like girl
>her friend starts liking me
>everything deteriorates, seemingly because girl didn't want to cuck her friend
>nobody ends up with anyone
>almost get over it
>find out girl was actually bi for friend
>realize i had no chance in the first place
>still entertaining fantasies about her
Get me off this rollercoaster guys

>>35471026
>family is fucked
>hates lgbt etc.
pick one

I'm sick of this anti weeb frenzy
Seems like it's hip and cool to hate in anything Asian related
The minute any aspect of Korean Japanese or Chinese culture is brought up around normalfags they yell lol weeb
They're so obsessed with not being racist but still can't handle any asian culture around them

I had to explain to my Korean coworker why people were calling me a weaboo and that it means they were accusing me if being a slave traitor by being interested in listening to her talk about Korea

>>35469829
I need to get this off my chest.

if I took that mask off, would you die?

>>35471118
it would be somewhat unpleasant

>>35471167
you're a decently tall man.

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>>35471012
Back in high school I told a psychiatrist that I had not seriously thought about killing myself in over 6 months. I did tell her it was a daily passing thought but I knew I wouldn't do it. She reassured me that she wouldn't tell my mother without my consent. At my final session she warmed my mother to look out for me cause I'm suicidal.

I know if I would've told her I was actually serious she would've strongly recommended a 48 hour stay.

You might just have to bite the bullet and get an overnight exam so they can help you. You gotta down play it though.

>>35470718
>tfw das died at 8, grandpa died at 9, and grandma died at 14
>this faggot gets "depressed" when his grannie dies when he's 19
Kis

>>35469829
>27
>have nothing better to do with life than posting on basket weaving forums

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she doesn't like me.

did she ever like me? did I mess up at some point? could I have done anything different?

I thought I had a chance with her but I guess it was all in my head.

>>35471347
Exactly. Unless you're a little kid who doesn't understand the concept of death, no one should be that traumatized by a grandparent dying. They're old, it happens.

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That feeling when you haven't had friends in so long that your ability to socialize has deteriorated and you no longer understand how to get close to people : )

>>35471347
Another anon is having a real hard time with his problems and you go out and point out you have it alot worse. Tryibg to prove you deserve more empathy than him but you dont want it so you're indirectly telling him you are better than him. Then you tell him to kill himself. Got bad news for you son, you're a way sorrier case than the other anon and pretty much deserve bad things to happen to you.

>>35470837
Try picking up at least one thing every day, maybe add more trash to pick up as the days go on. There's other productive things you can be doing too, like a hobby or something. If you're worried about not having a job there are at-home options you can choose. My mom couldn't work because she was disabled, so she had a job where she'd take phone calls in her room. You can also exercise in your front room if you don't like going outside. It might help you feel better.

>>35471105
Its because of fucking anime, if you were into cars, you'd know that people appreciate REAL japanese culture, noone calls you a weeb for driving an AE86

>>35470718
This how we've felt since the day we were born chad.

>>35471960
Nothing wrong with liking anime. It's only the assholes who make fun of the autists that like it and the autists themselves that are a problem

>>35471279
this is exactly what I fear the most.
my parents also think up until now that I'm living a successful life. telling them I'm so depressed that I have to stay there is like the most disappointing and shocking thing I could do to them.
I lied about my grades and went out every now and then to pretend having friends etc. but I can't keep this up anymore. even breathing exhausts me. I'm still in my bed...

anon what happens when the diagnosis after 48 hours is bad? will they keep me in psychotherapy? also will it affect my CV or anything?

>>35472056
Yes, anime is fine, I have watched some myself, it is the weebs that are, why do they need to be so obnoxious and post that shit everywhere. Anime is the thing that keeps me from browsing 4chan in public places. Also

>inb4 4chan was made for anime

>>35471347
I don't want to spread hatred since this is a feels thread. I also don't wanna argue who has it worse. there's always someone who has it worse.
also if your father and grandpa dies at the age of 9 what connection do you even have to them? how strong can a 9 years existing bond can be compared to a 19 years bond?
this is a totally subjective topic and noone should judge anybody else.
nobody taught you about morals?
is the death of 5 persons worse than the death of 3 persons?
it's equally bad because in both cases people die. but whatever...
sorry to hear about your loss anon. guess that's the reason you're here.

>>35471456
oh totally overseen your comment.
as I already said. I was slightly depressed and the death made it just worse. plus my gf cheating on me. these are only few of the things that happened in that period in my life. I didn't want to write an essay and bore everyone to death. also my grandma didn't get old. she died when she was 70.that's actually pretty young in Germany. don't know what the standard in other countries are.

I wish I wouldn't be known solely for one gimmicky and easily-joked-about quality I have in what little social circles I'm a part of. I try to expand my horizons so to speak but it always comes back around to a specific thing depending on the group. Why the fuck are the normans I talk to such braindead idiots

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>>35469829
>always been apathetic and indifferent on the outside but very emotional on the inside
>tfw that's me
Just fuck my life up fampai

I just want to die. Holy shit. I can't handle the day to day grind of living. I'm not even sad. I'm just anxious. And bored. And tired.

I felt less like dying when I was diagnosed with depression. I felt horrible, but I understood that I was sick and that it will pass. But this, this isn't being sick. This is just life. And it's not worth the hassle. And it won't be over until I die.

>>35472157
Then you're just a faggot. Nothing wrong with posting anime either. It's memes. It's stuff people like. Grow up you insecure faggot
>Oh no people can't dare see I look at websites with anime pictures!!
Literally kill yourself

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>>35471094
but anon it is all the same
pls btfo with that religious authoritarian bs
>tfw no green anarcho andro gf to plow eachothers' fields with

>>35472845
Iktf. Looking forward to killing myself some day.

My only friend who was the only thing that brought me happiness is starting to get bored of me and will most likely cut contact, probably because I'm a beta who is really sensitive to what people think about me.

> Two nights ago
> Had a dream about ex gf
> Only remember a certain part and it haunts me to this day.
> I hug her one last time and she says she loves me
> She disappears and for the rest of the dream i cannot find her
> Wake up sad
> Cant stop thinking about her since

please fucking let me die

I'm jealous! My family is poor and I have to work for everything of mine while other people my age still have their parents paying for their living expenses and bills! I have a good job and I can fend for myself but dammit I want nice things too and I feel like I have to work so much harder than my colleagues for the things that I have. And it sucks more because I'm the oldest and now my parents are supporting my younger brothers and one is out of college and basically a NEET and they pay for all his shit while I had to move out and become independent within months of graduating. I'm mad about the unfairness. I'm stressed out about other shit and I think if I had that kind of help I wouldn't be stuck in a hole right now. Ughhh

>Had a date lined up for Friday
>she cancelled on Friday morning

Eh

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How come people who want do die live and people who want to live die? My cousin got cancer at 22 and died. Why couldn't I give my life force to him?

THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE

>tfw dated a girl who was addicted to xanax and physically abused you

I'm guessing not too many robots are familiar with this feel

>>35474357
this is why I'm never going to have a relationship, all it will do is haunt me for the rest of my life when things fuck up.

>>35474357
at least you didn't get married and have kids. That's more haunting and embarassing.

>huge wedding
>2 kids
>happy everything
>divorce later
>everyone on fb is sad

fyi not a story about me but damn that must suck, huge waste of time and effort

>>35474468
not exactly but i'm >>35471026 and dated a recovering alcoholic once and he physically and mentally abused me. gaslighting is so fucked

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>be me
>be 16 boy
>helping out my church with a rummage sale
>have a pickup
>give two people I knew a ride back to their house to haul stuff back to the rummage sale
>go into their house to help carry things out
>TMW they make a move on me
>TFW they raped me
>TFW I laid there and let it happen

>>35472199
Thats the age where the adults in a kids life are everything. dad, grandpa ect are held up as idols.

>>35474770
oh really? I wanted my father to drop dead at that age. but as we all know
>hurr durr my life is more painful than yours and emotions are countable and can be totally compared to each other
>when you dad dies when you're 9, you get 5 sadness points but when he dies when you're 17 you only get 2 sadness points.
flawless logic

i think im genuinely depressed. I've denied it for years but i'm coming to terms with it and I'm not okay with it.

>>35469829
>18
>first job
>never had a gf
>friends with grill from my French class that's a year younger than me
>known her for about a year now
>she's a massive stoner and chainsmokes but overall qt and has my sense of humor
>she drives me to work sometimes and always seems happy to see me but never really interested in talking
>offers to chill all the time and smoke with her
>whenever I try to take her up on it she almost always says she's busy
>never had any outright physical contact but she can be touchy sometimes (not in a sexual way)
>talk to her 1-2 times a week, can't gauge whether she's actually interested in me

What do? I honestly can't tell where I am with her and its been fucking with me

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>>35474643
More detail anon? Why didn't you resist it?

I did it. I met a really beautiful girl a couple months ago. We hit it off really well, and I ended up kissing her that night. I got her number and ended up asking her out and she actually said yes. I've kissed two girls before her but she's the first one that I really feel comfortable around. The last time we were together we made out basically for a couple of hours (with breaks) and just being able to feel her, not worrying about anything and just being in that moment with her, I've never had that before and I never realized how good it would feel. I feel like she might actually want to be my girlfriend soon, or at least keep seeing me. But even if she doesn't, I think she's done a lot of good for me just by accepting me for who I am. I've had such a problem with letting go of myself and getting out of my head, it's crazy how good it finally feels.

Two months ago, I was pretty sure I was gonna kill myself. If one person would have responded to a text a couple of hours earlier, I would have bought a big enough bag of heroin to OD. Every part of my life was falling apart, and I felt like even if it could get better, it would take so much time and effort and the payoff just didn't seem worth it. But the last two months of my life, while hard, have been the most rewarding. It's funny how these things work.

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Feeling apathetic or kinda angry about everything. Still don't know where I'm going in life. Have a song I guess:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dw8aFj5cwQ

>>35469829
>>35472827
>always been apathetic and indifferent on the outside but very emotional on the inside

>"Oh anon your just a down to earth, calm guy aren't you!"
Gotta keep that mask on anons, someone might hurt us.

>>35474388
"When you're in a garden, which flowers do you pick first?"

"The most beautiful ones."