Chad here, listen up you autitsts. The only women who are going

>>35450452
Go on...
t. Femanon

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Step one consists of making contact with the entity. You must first know your potential lover before you can begin the game of seduction.

Usually this can be achieved via the regular channels of ghost communication, such as ouija board, seance, and ritual sacrifice.

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Step two begins the courtship phase of the sexual encounter.

This usually takes place over the course of a couple days to a couple weeks.

In ghost culture it is considered rude to be exceptionally randy or lewd. Keep in mind that fucking a ghost is not like fucking one of your culdesac trollops. No, a ghost is a cultured and refined partner, interested in having their minds stimulated just as much as their no-no zone.

It is traditional to wear a courtship hat when trying to bugger a ghost. This could be an olde tyme ship captain's hat, a bowler, or perhaps a yamakah if you're trying to fuck a JAG (Jewish American Ghost). (note to fedora wearers: a trillby will not due, all ghosts are trained to know the difference, don't even try it.)

Games of chess are one of the preferred methods of this anon. They allow you to conquer them in one of the most sexually energizing forms of entertainment known to man.

Step three begins the formal relationship request.

A ghost will not wildly swing in and out of relationships like a sinful college whore. They will only enter into a relationship with a partner who is not only fair in face, but in mind.

They require that you get down on one knee and propose that you begin the process of dating. This anon's favorite way to go about this is to spend about an hour upon his knee, quoting from Moby Dick to allude to the potential fuckee that they are akin to the white whale he has been hunting for his entire life.

The ghost must then be given two weeks to consider the request, during which there should be no attempts to contact the ghost as it is considered rude in ghost culture to do so.

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This is a 7 Step Program by the way.

Step four is the initial dating phase.

The ghost will require that you demonstrate your knowledge of culture and finery during this period.

You will be required to go out in public with the ghost you wish to put your penis inside of, so be prepared for that. You will be required to purchase them a seat at the opera even though they can just float and are invisible.

It seems like a lot of work, but ghost holes are best holes.

Zak Baggins pls go

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Step five involves the consummation of the relationship.

Now I know what you're thinking; "but anon, you said this was a seven step program, how can I be fucking a slippery ghost hole on step five already?"

Well consummating a relationship means something else entirely, at least in ghost culture. The word means to finalize or complete something.

When you are ready to move beyond the initial dating phase of the relationship you must submit a formal request to the ghost just as with starting the last phase. Once again you will be required to wait the full two weeks for them to decide. This will be harder than last time as you are just that much closer, but take solace in the fact that patience will net you some sweet, slippery ghost holes.

This anon's favorite way to consummate the relationship is to mime ritually circumcising myself and presenting the neck skin of a chicken to my potential lover as a sort of effigy. This show of elegant and subtle devotion to the potential fuckee will signal that you do indeed have the grace and refinement to plow their holes.

File: Ghostie Roastie.jpg (68KB, 1200x630px) Image search: [Google]

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Step six will have you trembling with anticipation for it is the extended foreplay step.

Ghosts like to engage in week long sessions of foreplay. This may actually sound exciting, and it is. But only too those with a towering intellect, for ghost foreplay is an exercise in the mind.

You will be returning to your games of chess, but it is not advisable to only play chess during this period. Other forms of intellectual smut must be mixed in.

This anon often chooses to partake in games of trivia about author's who's works contain suitably intellectual subject matter, such as Neil Degrasse Tyson or James Joyce.

This thread is the best thing I've seen on /r9k/ in ages.

>>35450559
I know this dumb 35 year old bimbo who goes ghost hunting and has a huge crush on that guy. I laugh my ass off thinking about her every time I see his show on TV.

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Step seven is the moment you have been waiting all these months for.

All of your work has finally paid off anon, you will now be getting those slippery ghost holes you wanted. But before you plow that ghost, remember that a man who is refined as yourself does not simply plow his ghost on a pile of trashbags like an ape. No, he must be a sensual lover if he truly wishes to please the ghost. This should come naturally to someone of such a large intellect, as it is common knowledge (at least among those who are intelligent enough to read scientific journals) that those with a higher IQ make better lovers.

I thoroughly enjoyed your thread, OP :)

So there you have it. Hopefully you autists can stop whining about getting your dick wet and can meet someone who will appreciate your OC donald duck comics and bowler collection.