So I'm an amateur writefag, and I want to get better. So

>>35446725
In the future, overcrowding in prisons has led to a new system; instead of serving your sentance behind bars, you are aged in a weird machine thing. A young man is the first to be punished this way and tries to adjust with 'serving' 50 years.

>>35446758

Shit that's pretty creative anon, I hope I can do it justice.

>>35446850
I'm far better than ideas than actually writing. Good luck anon!

The shackles and chains were room temperature, but still they felt cold, leaching his body heat even through the thick fabric of his jumpsuit. No cameras nor reporters were allowed inside, giving the large room an even heavier sense of oppression. All eyes were upon him as he shifted in his seat, trying to steady his breath. The young man sitting in the defendant's chair had been found guilty almost six months ago, and now the sentencing would begin. Public defender at his right wore a vile suit of black and white checkered pattern, the material cheap as his haircut and everything else about him, from his glasses to his shoes, everything screamed 'cheap cheap cheap' louder than an asian prostitute. A weaselly little fuck to be sure, no doubt friends with everyone in the courtroom except for him, and the adrenaline was rushing through him. Not the sort that gave one the strength to lift cars from a pinned child, nor the sort that would make one immune to blows in a fight. No, this was the cold, dreadful adrenaline that sapped one's will to stand, so it was very thankful he was sitting just then. Despite the temperature of the room being nearly ninety degrees Fahrenheit, he was cold, shivering. Fifty years. He barely heard the gavel slap the hardwood, it simply repeated in his mind again and again. Fifty. Fifty. Years. Years. To be served immediately.

>>35446987

He'd heard the rumors, everyone had at some point. On the outside, at least. In these judicial halls it was more of a whispered dread than a rumor, a thing that made even the hardest inmates quiver and look to their gods for salvation. Immediately was the word, and everyone but him agreed to it. The man couldn't even drink legally, but fifty years of his life was to be taken. Immediately. That key word, that awful word. His ankles, waist, and wrists were clasped in heat-sapping metal. Could he lunge for his defender, choke him, make the bailiff shoot him dead on the spot? Could he crack the neck of this checkered suit weasel before he was gunned down, to make the courts pay to clean the blood from the hardwood and traumatize the judge who likely had never once seen violence in his life? His mouth was dry as he contemplated it. Fuck, it was so tempting, so near he could imagine the bone crack and the windpipe crush, laughing like the goddamn Joker while he did it, sentencing himself to death right then and there. But that strength sapping cold adrenaline kept him rooted as if his entire lower body were made of lead and concrete. Christ on his holy cross, please let me rise, he thought to himself, but the strength did not come, he couldn't rise, he couldn't speak, he could do nothing but sit in horror, not even realizing it took two bailiffs to bodily drag him from the room. Fluorescent lights and white painted cinder blocks went on for hours. Though it was more probably several minutes, he watched the tiles go by, little more than a retarded snail's pace. The cell door closing brought him back to reality, laying on the concrete floor, tossed there like the garbage he was. He heard the court officers laughing amongst themselves as they left the holding block. Only when he was well and truly alone did he allow himself to cry.

>>35447149

The tears came freely, and by the time they'd crusted and dried to his cheeks, it was nightfall. He could only tell this by the lights dimming. 25% power at night, just enough to see what the inmates were doing; not that anyone particularly cared if they killed themselves with makeshift blades or flooded their bodies with drugs to the point of overdose- just one less sack of shit to worry about. This single cell he had to himself was damn near a luxury these days, eight people to an 8x8 cell was not uncommon anymore, the prison population exceeding almost 20% of total people living in the united states, the land of the free. A running joke nowadays. Some had suggested walling off entire states and dropping them inside of them to fend for themselves, others had proposed simply executing all offenders, no matter the charge. That was the most popular opinion, to take ancient Japan's approach to crime and simply execute anyone who broke the laws, no matter how small. Shoplifting a candy bar? Remove the hands and let them bleed to death. The homeless seeking shelter in the alley of a private business? Shot dead and their body used to fertilize the fields upon which cows grazed. Science marched on as more and more states adopted these harsh and effective treatments to the festering wound of growing crime. Still, as always, California led the charge of liberal leanings much to the sneers of others. It was thankful this young man had commited his crimes in this haven, else he would have been dead already. Still, this particular treatment was worse than death in many a learned man's opinion. It left one alive, but it robbed them of a fulfilling life. Justice was not kind, it was not merciful, and it only forgave when punishment was paid in full. He might have been sleeping, crying himself to exhaustion, but the sharp rap of night-stick on the bars of his cage woke him from slumber, his breathing ragged, looking for the source of the noise.

From reading your first post, I think you have a bit of the 'tism. Not saying this is a bad thing, but things like 'room temperature' or 'the room was ninety degrees' you should be a little more vague. Using figures like that doesn't feel natural. Read Uliliia's book if you want an example of this taken to the extreme, he even includes a hexcode for every color he describes.

Reminds me of when I used to write. I took a creative writing course in college where we had to write a horror story. I wrote about a girl named Stacy being abducted in a corn field by a guy who had been stalking her since birth and was upset that she gave up her virginity to her boyfriend, he kills him and then amputates her limbs, mutes her and rapes her repeatedly. When he wasn't using her or caring for her he locked her in a box he kept under his bed.

Eventually she comes to love the rape since it's the only human contact she gets, spending 12-14 hours each day locked in a dark box. Then she finds out she's not the only girl in a box he keeps, gets jealous, escapes and suffocates all of the other ones in the night. He found what she did the next morning, pulled her teeth out, one by one, fucks her mouth while putting a gun against her head and pulls the trigger as he cums down her throat.

Needless to say the entire class full of normalscum was disgusted.

>>35447480

Was trying to convey how hot the room was at room temp and how cold everything he felt was, including his own adrenaline rush, how unnatural everything felt to him when the sentence came down. I appreciate the feedback though, and the disgust your classmates felt at the story. Shit must've been hilarious to see all the stacies going all 'ewww freak'. Would've paid actual money to see that shit.