How can you handle talking to one person while having them talk

i'm the same. i think we're just good lol
idk, or old fashioned?

i'm honestly put off by the idea that men and women date like 10 people at a time and talk to 50 guys at once while having more than friendly interests with all of them. it's so weird. like i get that you can think people are hot and vibe with them in a way where you would like them as more than friends, but if there's one you truly love/like, you shouldn't be going further with other people.. or at least spacing yourself / distancing yourself from them and be committed to one if you're serious about it.

there's men out there who will be talking to 99 bitches on okcupid, tinder, pof, bumble, all these different apps and not give a fuck. you don't have to just because other people are doing so. also they're not the majority. i'm not sure if you mean when people are in a relationship, but if you are / even if you aren't, i think it's okay to talk to other people (as friends or strangers) as long as there's no romantic interest or nothing with that potential.

if you're saying "this person can only talk to me and only me otherwise i don't trust them", it sounds like you have some previous insecurity / trust issues going on? or you want to be the center of their focus? not everyone loves the way you do. giving someone space is important too. can't suffocate them - imagine if your parents took your mindset and applied that to their child.

but yea now that i think about it, if what you're saying is "i am THE only person in that person's life and nobody else can talk to him/her", then i think i messed up when i said we're on the same page. why would you want to inhibit that person from being social and letting them have a healthy social life? if i were to have someone, no matter what age / time of my life, i don't really care if they talk to other people because if they're the type to leave, not only are they missing out on the best, that idiot wasn't trustworthy in the first place and i'm happy it left. ain't no love lost. also i don't really get insecure over them talking to another person of my gender cause.. i know what i am and who i am and that doesn't affect me.

>>35419938
>>35419959

I feel like I'm intrinsically insecure. No matter how much I'd be loved, I would still be insecure because I put all my faith and hopes in one thing, and well, if you put all your love in one person, you have all your eggs in one basket. But, that insecurity is caused by the lack of faithfulness so many people present. One way, I feel like so many people make intimate bonds shallow and superficial, and the other way, I feel like if I do have such a bond, I would treasure it to the point of going insane if I lost it. Maybe it's just that I'm powerless enough that I couldn't do anything about it.

I feel like I wouldn't be okay with someone else making a person I cherish happy. I feel like I should be the only one to make them feel happy and loved, aside from family, I guess. And if they're the type to leave, then they couldn't be with me in the first place.

I need to 'own' a person in some sense, not as an object, but I need to be the only one that can really be cherished and cherish them, if that makes any sense.

>>35419895
part of being in a relationship is being vulnerable. just have to make sure it's a healthy love, not a relationship where your insecurities make it an everlasting shit test. you're never gonna know for sure, and that's why we have faith. you have to have faith in the relationship and also try your best (as difficult as it is bc nobody's psychic) to find someone who will give it their all, or at least as much as you try to put in. it should be important to them, too. that's why honesty is key.

>and honestly, who even does that legitimately? No one.
i don't know about that.

>I wouldn't permit myself to have any sort of interaction with any other person if I really liked someone. Can anyone explain the logic behind it?

some people don't need to be joined at the hip or with each other 24/7 to know that they love each other.

you gotta have faith

be secure, there's too many bigger things to worry about in life . when we're with our partners, we should focus on growing + supporting each other. if we get caught up in what if's or "fuck is this happening behind my back?" and being riddled w/ doubts, you'll never be able to move forward and you won't ever be comfortable. i'd say fuck getting into a relationship until you figure out if you could handle it even if it goes the wrong way. ofc it would be ideal if a girl could show you the light and how love exists, but just in case.

stay up and take it easy

>>35420088
Faith? I feel like that's a silly concept. How can you have faith in someone that might go look for someone else behind your back?

And why is being vulnerable necessarily a part of a relationship? If love is complete, whoever I love shouldn't need anyone else. If love is true, that person shouldn't seek to feel anything with anyone else than me, if they're true.

How can you trust human beings? How can you have faith in someone that has such lenience to stray away? If you limit their options, they cannot turn to anyone but you.


Perhaps my definition of love is overboard.

if you're insecure, you should work on the way you love so that you're more secure in where you stand - or you realize that you have at least one egg to yourself. of course ride or die relationships are good, but love/sacrifice/devotion also require boundaries - because they know no end. what you want might not be what's best for you. you can think about it with family situations as well. (in the opposite way; how strong is love when you love a family member but they're toxic? do you keep loving or at what point do you set the boundaries because you can't continue to give up everything? wish i could think of a specific brainstorm example but drawing blanks atm, you can think of it though)

but before all this, i meant to say - think about why you're insecure. insecurity doesn't have to do with other people - it's about yourself. what is it that you want? a guarantee? security? a love free from outside influence and threats? i would say to question what you think, question why you're feeling that way or what makes you insecure, why you're insecure about it, and whether that's rational to you. i get that we all want to be safe - we want some sort of mutual in and out; if i give you my all, i want you to be treating me the same way and giving me your all too, but at the end of the day you have to have your own back and you can't lose yourself even in a relationship. even when they're in a relationship with you, they don't owe you anything. trust yourself and no one else, and don't expect anything back. yea, it's best to love without doubts, but knowing that shit could go down is how you'll learn to safeguard and take care of yourself.

^i was gonna go somewhere with this and make a point to all of the above but i lost it, saw your post just now and let me digress:
>>35420187
>Anonymous 03/10/17(Fri)01:00:50 No.35420

because love is having faith. you believe in the best of them.

idk, maybe you need to know what love is. or learn what love is. it's hard to know love if you've never been loved before.

>How can you have faith in someone that might go look for someone else behind your back?

then why do anything? if all you can focus on are the what-ifs and the negative possibilities, how do you have the balls to step outside? "damn i wanna go to the grocery store but how do i know i'm not gonna get hit by a car on the way? how do i know the cashier isn't gonna be mean to me? how do i know that product was made in the freshest, most organic way possible?"

>howcan u trust humansetcetcetc
ok then trust no one and live alone
protect and guard yourself but know that love isn't about that.

just love without the intention of receiving. loving in excess isn't good, bc that could be turned into being used and whatnot, but you also have to know that the way you demand to be loved is basically isolating that person from anyone else. how would that even be good for them?

idk sorry i gotta run, wish i could've thought about it and given you some real advice but i'd say just work on yourself cause you don't seem confident. you have to be good in your own heart to be able to love others, and secure. happy with yourself. other people won't determine that.

>>35419938
but yea to correct what i said here, when i say "old fashioned" or talking about multiple people when having a oneitis crush

it's not so much that i even think about talking to others / talking to no one, but i'm so in love with the oneitis i like that i just *don't* want to talk to anyone else lmao

like i just naturally ignore everyone because it's so fun and exciting and heavenly and literally 24/7 euphoria to talk to the one i <3

so all crushes, no matter how hot, no matter how much they've been waiting for years and no matter whatever the hell, all of it doesn't matter because i just get in the zone w/ my oneitis... so i don't even remember to reply to others

soooo bad lololol :( but ya ppl are good at juggling like 50 bitches at a time somehow idk how they do that. that either means they have a shit ton of average fish or they're weird as fuck in morality. i have way too much fun with my oneitis to even think about talkin gto anyone else sometimes (i have to chastize myself to remember) lmao and reply

>>35420223
I don't care what makes me insecure. I don't care for changing it, either. I don't see why I should change who I am, even if I am insecure and obsessive. That is then living by another's standards and norms.

If love is with no end, and if I impose a limit, that limit is nothing but a fake illusion, then. If there is no limit to loving a person and cherishing them, where is the need for boundaries? Can I not love and cherish until I tire? And can I tire?

They don't owe me anything, but if I fully devote myself to a person, why should they not do the same? If I refrain from flirting or even trying to be friendly to someone simply because I am already emotionally satisfied, why should they not? Is it about 'owing' anything to anyone?

>>35420267
I don't know about that. When has love ever been about faith? Tons of people get married and maintain 'faith' only to get cheated on. The faith you have in people has very little effect over how much you love them, the latter is something you simply cannot control.


You didn't answer the question, either. Since you cannot trust anyone to the fullest extent, if you simply eliminate all ways in which they could deceive you, it's the next best thing, isn't it?

It 'could be', it doesn't necessarily mean that it will turn into something like that.

I don't need to change myself. I am satisfied with who I am. And I won't change to live in someone else's reality. And I don't expect the world to change for me. I just seek to understand it more.

>They don't owe me anything, but if I fully devote myself to a person, why should they not do the same?"

how can they trust that you will?

there's more to a relationship than just "who you talk to on a daily basis". controlling outside communication doesn't ensure loyalty, trust, or a healthy relationship.

>>35420350
that 2nd half : man you are hopeless

the entire fucking thing w e w

just take a blood oath

>>35420049
That doesn't sound healthy. It sounds like a good way to become an abusive partner.

>>35420350
you're just needy

even if she talks to no one but you, and you her, i bet you would put a gps on her to make sure she doesn't go anywhere.

lmfaoo fuck do not get into a relationship plZszszs

this is called mental illness

>>35420401
They don't have to trust. They can sit back and see it for themselves. Words mean so little compared to actions.


>>35420446
That doesn't answer the question. Nor does it counter my reasoning one single bit, but okay.

>>35420459
I guess, yeah.

>>35420473
I wouldn't talk to someone that would need that in the first place. If I was with a girl, she would have to actively trust me with everything. That is the only form of love I really know. One that is not shallow in any form or incomplete.

>>35420486
Sure, call it whatever you want. I don't see you making any sense out of what you're saying, though. To me, it makes complete and perfect sense.