>Who are you? I can't just allow anyone on MY playground.

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>Who are you? I can't just allow anyone on MY playground. Tell you what, you can be my friend as long as you do everything I say.

>Anon, how can you be failing middle school math? This is embarrassing, I can't have people thinking I'm friends with a moron, even if you are one. Come on, we're going to my house to study.

>What do you mean you're a virgin?! You're in high school! Listen, I wouldn't normally tell anyone, but so am I. I think we can solve each other's problem, but if you tell anyone it was me I'll beat the shit out of you.

>Hey Anon, I don't have a date for prom. No I didn't ask Chad, I'm sure he's going out with that Stacy cunt anyway. Of course I asked someone else first. Look, I know no one would go with a loser like you, so consider this a thank you for being such a loyal dog all these years.

>Ugh, I can't believe we're going to the same college. I thought I was finally going to get away from you. What do you mean you've told me where you were going months ago? If you did, I would have picked somewhere else for sure.

>Listen, Anon. I have a nice job lined up in the city, but I'll need a roommate to afford rent. Since I already know I can trust you, I'll let you move in with me. I'll even let you cook and clean for me!

>Hey Anon, we've been living together for two whole years now. It would make more sense financially to just get married. Don't worry, it's just on paper.

>Ugh, my parents won't get off my back about grandchildren. I bet yours are the same, let's just get it over with. Besides, it might be fun to see you trying to raise a kid. Don't worry, I'll make sure you survive. I still need my loyal dog.

>Anon? I love you.