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About Me:
White, poor, Midwestern united States (the corn type, not the city or suburb type)
I have browsed 4chan since I was 14, and posted actively from 16-17. I'm now 19, 20 is September. I stopped posting because I spent some time in rehab for my drinking problems, and when I got out I thought maybe my life would improve if I stopped focusing on it, and how much of a spergy shit I am, so /r9k/ left my life. I'm at college now, and things aren't going well. I failed my first semester, and am on critical probation now. My family is poor as fuck, and so the state pays for almost everything for me to be here. That doesn't change the fact that $2000 a semester isn't crippling for my family, and it isn't like my drug and piracy charges haven't added more financial strain. This semester I have been spending around 14-18 hours in bed everyday, I drink til I black every time I do, and since I don't go to class that is often. There is a guy, M, who I am infatuated with, and every time I get drunk and he is around, I apparently beg him to let me suck his dick, which he always declines, and I never talk about sober other than to apologize. I'm taking a medical withdrawal from this semester because I've fucked up my grades too badly to recover, and if I don't then the university will kick me out and I will lose my state funding forever. I've managed to keep out of legal trouble only because I'm a fucking need who reads more about state law than practices talking to people, and have stopped working out. My first two trips were mind shatteringly bad, and my third was only okay because every time I started thinking about having a bad trip I just accepted it, and it stopped worrying me enough to push me over the edge. I smoke weed and cigarettes enough that I have nearly perpetual bronchitis, love cocaine and other speeds, have a few love for MDMA, but stay away from it for the most part because of how fucked it makes life feel afterwards.
Should I continue?
(Pic related: me)
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LOLWTFKEK
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>>35393739
is... is this going anywhere, anon? or are you just throwing a pity party?
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>>35393816
It is, I just want to get everything out and I didn't want to talk to a completely empty room just so I could dump everything out and get nothing back.
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>>35393825
alright keep going then.
original comment $638i5
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>>35393739
>>35393825
I wouldn't mind hearing more.
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I'm going to get a job in the town where my college is, but I am terrified that if I become complacent and comfortable in that I won't be able to work up the gusto to be able to actually get through college. I know that I might be able to be okay with that, but I know also that my mother would not handle it well at all, and that is something that I don't want to face. I'm concerned because I know I have an addictive personality, and all of the people around me are somehow capable of getting by. I stopped taking my antidepressants because I knew I was going to do drugs here, and now I don't know whether I should start taking them again and hate my life because it is foggy and boring, or not and hate my life because all I do is drugs and sleep. If there is any advice or insight that could be offered to someone in my situation, because I don't believe it to be a wholly unique one, I would really appreciate it. I can answer any questions as well.
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