Who truly fucked in the head here? >good family >good

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Who truly fucked in the head here?

>good family
>good major
>still constant anxiety
>still constant depression
>I was this way since I can ever remmeber
>25 years old and graduating undergrad finally
>good job prospects, but what does money matter when you want to shoot yourself in the head, and idk if I can even program anymor ebecause I have stopped practicing
>no real friends, ruined my girlfriend by betraying her with some slut, even though she forgave me
>guilt consumed me soon after
>drug abuse now just numbs me, coke, acid, molly, nothing helps. alcohol keeps me baseline
>only reason I don't kill myself is because of my mother

Ya'll think "friends" and long term"gf" fix your depression and self hatred. but nothing does. no drugs, no flesh can safe you from this mental illness. I try to talk to therapist but I just automatically mold myself to what they want to hear and believe it at the time. But then soon after I will go to the store and by a 6 pack to fall asleep even though they told me not to. This is more of an annoyance feeling then remorse. I just don't care.

>inb4 get out normie
I may have chad face but I quickly scare people away from me with awkwardness and skeleton body. only 2 girls that liked me are both fucking abused and insane.