>since highschool started I always just planned to kill myself

>>35365745

Sorta.

I've had my suicide planned for the longest time, but I'm holding off until my grandma dies. She's the only one who really gives a damn about me and I know it'd break her heart if I killed myself. It wouldn't be her fault, she's done more than could be expected, but I know she'd blame herself if I killed myself.

So I'm holding off for her. I'll probably kill myself the same day she dies.

>>35365794
Sounds like you and your grandma have a pretty good relationship

>>35365934

She's the only person from my family I've talked to since I was kicked out of my parent's house six years ago. I don't visit her because I know it would only cause problems for her, but she still calls me every Monday and we talk. The only Christmas present I've gotten these past six years is the one from her every year.

>>35365966
That's really bittersweet anon. You should visit your grandmother before she passes away.

>>35365966
>>35366129
Id visit her some too. Just thank her and hang out with her now and again. Least you could do.

> just before or after graduation
> now that it's time

Bloody hell this board is filled with teenagers

Also don't kill yourself OP, at that age you've still got a lot of time to not fuck up your life. Stop focusing on that feel when no gf and focus on avoiding that feel when no job.

>>35366129
>>35366258

She lives in the same town as my parents.

I'm afraid of coming across them if I visit

>>35366453
That's some really low beta shit if you won't visit gram gram just incase you run into mom and pops at the supermarket

File: Pepe (483).png (71KB, 353x352px) Image search: [Google]

71KB, 353x352px

>>35365745
same here
I realized after highschool that I had accidently internalized the idea that I was going to die by suicide. I gotta monitor muh depression more carefully

I frequently think about killing myself but I know that if it ever really gets to the point of me doing it I'd rather at least buy some serious drugs and be a junkie for a while first. That's how I know I value my life. I'm not dead, and I'm not a junkie, so there must be some reason to keep living.

>>35367186
I don't know why but I always just expected to die young and it just never happened. I would always wish one of those Semis would hit me while I was walking home or a train while I was walking the tracks. It just never happened though. Only sometimes was/am I suicidal, but for the mist part I wouldn't have stopped a freak accident from happening. I wouldn't run in front of a car, but I wouldn't move if one was coming at me either.