never told my story before, but here goes: >be me >parents

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You wanna watch some anime?

>>35345149
stopped watching last september, I watched all the good moe already desu

>>35345112

>not sure if im just a dumb kid

You are. But I mean that in the nicest way possible. You know what idea what I would have given to have someone that loved me at your like that at your age. My late teens were a bunch of risky hookups with guys that abused me, and the drugs and alcohol I used to numb the pain.

Be thankful that you have something and just relax. If you start to smother the poor guy with your neediness, he'll likely dump you. my two cents.

So you're basically saying your life is too good?

>>35345257
i mean, im a neet rn and i dont speak the language, and i only know 3 people here. all i do is cycle and do shit with my bf. i want to kill myself because im mentally unstable and other reasons, but my living situatation is good, yeah

>>35345251
im not needy as in clingy, but i am a meme. im unstable. i cant even tell when im being needy, im that fucked

If you killed yourself, he would probably be devastated.

>>35345388
true - but he'd get over it and find someone else that isnt as much of a mental fuckcase

>>35345314
Anon you should probably seek help. Your situation is good and a lot of people love you and would be permanently hurt if you killed yourself. Or, assuming you can't seek help because you don't know German, learning the language and becoming less entirely dependent on them would probably do you good.

>>35345440
You live with him, you left one country to be with him, and I'm guessing you're both young enough that it's not unreasonable to say this is the first serious relationship for both of you. He'll remember.

>>35345440
>>35345530
>"says he knows but we'll be together forever so it's fine"
He wants to spend the rest of his life with you, people don't just forget suicides of people they're that close to. He'd probably blame himself forever, especially since he's the reason you moved there.

If you kill yourself you'll go to Hell. But you're a fag and you're already going there so you might as well take the short road there m8.

>>35345518

one person loves me, and his parents kinda love me in a weird way. im really awkward around the parents (not sure if they can tell due to my poor german and their poor english) and with my bf i overreact to everything out of fear. im in constant torture because i have to monitor everything i do and see how it appears to others (which I poorly understand). I also am not interested in help; life is just a countdown to my suicide

>>35345112
For someone who sucks so much dick you sure sound like a fag. Cancelling yourself out of the gene pool isn't enough. Just end it all bro. Faggotry is no excuse to live.

>>35345580
i love him and I really want to understand how that would make him feel, but I dont have any emotional response because im a fucking sociopath.

>>35345112
If you kys then they will be sad and not love you, see physics?

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>>35345604
Watch out, that's a mighty sharp edge you got there.

I'm gonna tell you a bit of advice that you've definitely heard before, but will get you far.

Nut up, or shut up.

Get off your ass, shower if you haven't in a while, muster up any energy you have left, use that energy to fuck the guy you left a country for, trust me you'll feel better, and then sleep. Then wake up in the morning and do something with your life.

Faggot.

>>35345684

but i will be dead and not care

>>35345650
Jesus Christ man just loosen up a bit. So what if you're awkward around you're boyfriend's parents? So what if you don't speak the language there? Is that really something to kill yourself over?

>>35345706

4.52am, not an option currently

>>35345753
Wake him up. Morning wood's a good alarm clock.

>>35345732
nope. i wanted to kms even before i met him. my situation only causes fluctuation above my base level desire to die, which is permanently high

>>35345722
But if you don't care then why do it if there is not to care about anyway? Wouldn't it be counter intuitive if you do?

Just kill yourself please.

>>35345774
he'd probably get mad at me (he has school in the morning) which would make my mood even worse (him being unhappy with me, specifically secretly, hurts me more than anything else)

>>35345793
Why do you want to die?
Not original

>>35345809
idk if i dont understand that because i havent slept for 70 hrs or because that was poorly phrased

>>35345839

im a retard in all aspects of social life, insecurity/paranoia/anxiety eats away at me, life doesnt actually have worth etc etc

>>35345852
Well first of all sleep but also dream about why not to suicide because of you're loved and shouldnt not do it. So stay strong anon.

just do it. Nobody needs a clingy fag, commit suicide.

>>35345914
why is being loved a reason against suicide? not tired so cant sleep.

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>>35345949
Well do you really want to make others sad? I was close to suicide but i would rather live on than cause people the pain of loss. Also get sleepy meds

>>35346017
i only care how they feel when I'm alive, when my frame of existence is active. it sounds v autistic and it is. i do not care what happens after I die, although I do want the best for them

>gay
>kill yourself
>seriously do it

>>35346081
i like lolis too so im not that gay

>>35346057
Well if they love you isn't your best staying alive for them?

>>35346231
so i can experience them finally leaving me when I get too bad? I'd rather die whilst they still love me

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>>35345112
>"If you leave me ill kms" Histrionic personality disorder
>"parents hated me since i was 11" Abandonment issues
>"date 10's of e-bf online, make them like me and then leave them" Hypocritical behavior, is afraid of abandonment yet causes that misery to others
>"his parents treat me like a son and im under constant pressure to maintain the love they all give me" His parents accept you into their home as a son, only able to see negatives of it
>"not sure if im just a dumb kid" No you're dumb young adult
>"already accpeted I would die by suicide when I was 15" Defeatist attitude
>"considering doing it now because life is too loving to maintain" ...
>"What do i do?" Kill yourself, you will never be happy because you're afraid of being happy, if you had it in you to kill yourself you would have done it already, killing yourself has become just a excuse you can dangle at your BF's face so you can control him, you are attention whore with a bag full of issues and excuses

TLDR; Kys or stop talking about it you fucking faggot, you've become the high school emo that cuts himself for attention so people won't be meanies to him, grow a skin, grow up and stop trying to play the suicide card for pity and control

>>35346267
Anon you're overthinking this, just live in the now and be happy you are loved. And besides love isn't attaching yourself to someone until the mess up, it's true acceptance of that person into your family, if they can't live with your they weren't worth your time anyway

>>35346315

I said it once to him and I never talk to him about it. The only place I get attention for being an "i want 2 die :'(" pleb is 4chan anyway. I certainly do crave attention tho. and i get your point about fearing being happy; very true, thnx

>>35346377
my life is literally all overthinking. it's why i have anxiety etc. idk how to balance ignorance with overthinking since i have no reference. i want to live in the happy now but im too stupid to

>>35346402
What you need to do is accept the good things that you have going on for you
Stop clinging to your past fears and misgivings and grow up and look to the future
Also i guarantee you that keeping your attention whore attitude is going to cause strain in any relationship unless the guy is as big of an attention whore as you

>>35346424
You need to balance overthinking with understanding. Understand they love you for who you are, they know you so they'll understand your mistakes. Everyone makes them.

>>35346451
i need to write this shit and stick it on a poster on a wall. youre right, i just feel too depressd to act that way most of the time