[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Search | Free Show | Home]

I think I should explain some things before I write about this

This is a red board which means that it's strictly for adults (Not Safe For Work content only). If you see any illegal content, please report it.

Thread replies: 12
Thread images: 3

File: cYWVlnb.jpg (393KB, 760x1024px) Image search: [Google]
cYWVlnb.jpg
393KB, 760x1024px
I think I should explain some things before I write about this situation I'm in.

I am a 20 year old college student with a mild case of Asperger's syndrome. This condition has never been much of a problem in high school since I was able to develop a small social net of unpopular guys who were good at computers, like me. When I graduated I lost contact with them since they all moved to different states and went on their own paths of life. They were my only friends who I've known for all of high school, so I got pretty depressed and began to withdraw myself a lot. I still went to classes, but there was no reason to even leave my house during weekends or breaks since I no longer had any friends to visit, and no job to work at yet. I have tried to contact them, but our text conversations are a lot more awkward and forced, totally different from our casual talks about random stuff in high school. I could tell we moved on.

During one long break in the summer, I discovered what a tulpa was. A thoughtform you can create just by the sheer power of your imagination. This was fascinating to me, and since I was so desperate for company but too awkward to make some outside, I decided I would create company for myself. Probably a characteristic of my Asperger's is very prolonged daydreams. I've had them since childhood, when I'm bored I could come up with grand ideas about just anything while pacing around in my room, imaginary worlds or a story idea. I decided to use this on my tulpa, combining meditation with my skill for daydreaming. The effect was of me sitting on my sofa in a darkening room for hours while creating a person, first creating their face and body and then fine-tuning their personality. Of course since I'm a lonely virgin I made my tulpa look like a girl, very similar to the thread picture I put. I began to consider this tulpa my project for the break, putting more and more time in developing her.
>>
2nd part:
When I wasn't meditating, I would read my psychology textbook and online tutorials on character creation for stories, all to give me more and more tools to work with in making her. I went to far as to use one of my notebooks to write detailed descriptions of her, adding up to I think 20 pages in the end. After doing this for a week, I began to see some progress. She seemed fully fleshed out to me already, and I could easily visualize my tulpa in her entirety even without meditating. I began to spend less time on creating her and more time in talking to her. Whenever she'd appear, I would always smell that scent of vanilla and sweetness as I imagined her to smell like. It allowed me to have a stronger mental grasp of her. I began to talk out loud about my day, what movies I've watched on Netflix, what I'm learning in classes, everything. She wouldn't talk much, preferring me to do the talking. What she did say in that soft pleasant voice I made for her was "I see" or "That's interesting." She would always just stare at me, smiling in that kind but enigmatic way. I could multitask with her around now, while I'm doing laundry, making dinner, surfing on the Internet, she's always right beside me watching what I'm doing. I decided to name her Aya, seeing as she should have a name by now. Eventually my talks became much more personal, discussions changed from talking about some new planet discovered to my sadness over losing my friends, and my fear of disappointing my parents. I noticed around this time something different about her. Her smile became more vague, her responses were still rare but became more intelligent, and her eyes became more... Knowing? Aware? I'm not sure what exactly had happened, but what I know is she seems to becoming more and more like a person, a person I've told more about my personal life than my own parents.
>>
3rd part:
One day, 3 weeks later in the long break, Aya began asking me questions. What food I like, what my favorite color was, my favorite star. I always enthusiastically answered her, excited to see my creation grow more and more. Everything seemed fun and nice, until my cousin died in a drunk driving crash. He was always very close with my family, and was one of the few friends I had outside of high school. I visited my mother and father to attend his funeral, and Aya was right there next to me the whole time. She was in the passenger seat of my car on the way home, just watching me drive. When we got home, she began asking me about my cousin, my childhood, and I decided if I was going to open up to one person, it would be her. Soon Aya began asking darker and darker questions, things about my fears, anxieties, insecurities. It almost began to feel like a therapy session with her.
>>
4th part:
This is when my situation starts. A week or two after his funeral, I decided to get some fresh air to get out of the crushing routine of my house. As I was getting dressed, Aya told me not to go. She looked different somehow, her eyes seemed darker and her presence seemed less inviting. I asked her why, and she began to tell my I don't belong out there. She started to use all of my insecurities and fears against me, remembering with perfect memory every single one I told her, all in such a calm voice. Let's just say afterwards, I really, really didn't want to go outside. As I was sitting on the couch, stunned from her speech and trying not to cry, she began to hug me. I never really touched her before, thinking my hand would just go through her, but it turned out she felt real, solid. And very cold. I felt goosebumps across my arms as she hugged me, and I began to regret my decision in telling her so many things. Now she won't let me leave the house, easily able to hit me in my weakest emotional spots I never knew I had with just her words, leaving me crumpled on the floor sobbing. Now she pressures me to keep telling her more and more of my secrets and insecurities, and she always knows if I lie to her. She even slapped me once with her cold hand when I lied about if I ever contemplated suicide. She always follows me around the house to see what I'm doing, so I have to type this secretly in a narrow closet where she can't appear. I hope. I might be becoming schizophrenic, I don't know what to do.
>>
>>35312250
Pretty lady
>>
That's a lot to read. Let's see if I can do it while I poo
>>
Interesting story anon I might save it
>>
It seems you've managed to summon some sort of demon or succubus who has taken on the form of your view of a perfect woman.
>>
>>35312250
Well since she is just a creation of your imagination, the only way to make her dissappear is to become stronger mentally.
See, she is directly tied to your emotions. You said your cousin died, you're sad and feeling insecure so she makes you sad and insecure. You have find a way to get happy, because when you do, she will make you happy.
I hope i helped a bit anon, good luck.
>>
File: 1487454380303.jpg (19KB, 460x623px) Image search: [Google]
1487454380303.jpg
19KB, 460x623px
Ok anon it seems you have a classic case of tulpa trouble. What you need to do first is dismantle your idea of Aya as an autonomous being. She does not exist outside of your mind. She is a manifestation of your mind. She does not exist without your thoughts, because that is all she is. "She" is not even the right term. You are talking to yourself. That's okay. Normal people do it all the time.
Your issue is that you are attributing qualities to your thoughts wrongly. Think about how you created Aya. You fed her with your thoughts. All that she is, is from and part of you. So, when you say "Aya is feeling lonely, Aya wants me to stay home" you must acknowledge that those are your own thoughts being served back to you through the idea of a pretty girl. Aya does not think. You think what Aya thinks. You are talking to yourself. Again, that's okay, and that's normal.
However, you mentioned that you were depressed and lonely. So you have fed your mind with diseased thoughts and now diseased thoughts are being fed to you through the idea of a pretty girl. In effect, you are doubling the painful thoughts you experience. That is not normal. That is the problem.
There are some solutions to this, all of which include the dissolution of the thoughtform you call Aya. Firstly, you need people. You need to be fed thoughts that are not filtered by your mind. This will be difficult and uncomfortable at first, but you can start your immersion therapy slowly. Join a Discord room for an interest you have and only listen to the conversation. Slowly increase the strength of the dose until you are having full, in-person conversations irl. That can be done in tandem with other treatments.
Secondly, treat your depression. There are threads everyday about how to do this. What worked for me was exercise, water, fruit, vegetables, sunlight, vitamins, and accomplishing small goals. Ignore any thoughts which do not respect the importance of your health.
You meditate. Continue that practice.
>>
File: 1487031506558.jpg (140KB, 640x640px) Image search: [Google]
1487031506558.jpg
140KB, 640x640px
>>35312883
Finally, do not feed the thoughtform in your mind you call Aya. You think your own thoughts. No one thinks for you.
Do you know what recurring, invasive thoughts are called? Demons. Greed is a demon. Lust is a demon. Laziness and Gluttony both demons. Aya is a demon of you own creation, a vestige of your diseased self which is attempting to stop your evolution because it cannot conceive of a you that you are not. But you must change. You must improve. You must evolve.
>>
>>35312327
AYA IS NOT IMAGINARY

SHE IS REAL AND HAS INVADED YOUR HOME

RUN
Thread posts: 12
Thread images: 3


[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Top | Home]

I'm aware that Imgur.com will stop allowing adult images since 15th of May. I'm taking actions to backup as much data as possible.
Read more on this topic here - https://archived.moe/talk/thread/1694/


If you need a post removed click on it's [Report] button and follow the instruction.
DMCA Content Takedown via dmca.com
All images are hosted on imgur.com.
If you like this website please support us by donating with Bitcoins at 16mKtbZiwW52BLkibtCr8jUg2KVUMTxVQ5
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties.
Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the content originated from that site.
This means that RandomArchive shows their content, archived.
If you need information for a Poster - contact them.