Guys,I'am seriously considering suicide for the 5th time

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>>35300805

It's hard to not come to these conclusions about life. Right now I consider suicide to be the best "way out" of life. Funny how the logical side of us can see life as just a burden, but we can always rely on our emotional side to pull us back.

Fun fact about suicide, it is now the leading cause of death for young men. Rate of suicide grows every year. 1.1% of the population (Estimated 2.7 million people) planned out a suicide in 2013

i tried committing suicide recently, as in a few days ago

i start therapy soon and start medication in a few weeks
doc said didnt want to start meds immediately cause it might make me more on edge

shit was weird

i was fine all day, low mood as normal but nothing drastic, then just went in to my room and decided to give it a go

no emotion, no thought nothing

really odd feeling
telling people i did it is even weirder

anyone else know this feel? help me through the next little bit pls

It's the easy way out, only pussys give up

The pursuit of finding a wife to raise children with and working to find absolution is impossible, as such women do not exist. They will betray me the second they have the chance, because it is their nature. I was fine with it, because I have not realized it as fact, but more as a possibility. This time is no more. I do not feel any resentment towards women in general, but I do have to accept it, as you have to accept that dogs are unable to paint. It is very unlikely to teach a women the abstract concept of "love". But to be honest, I believe you have lost this concept as well. You are happy to masturbate to any women or man. You can not find the hypocrisy you are living in. I'am just kindly asking you to rethink it for a second time. Maybe you will came to the same conclusion as I have. Anyway my "resentment" does not end here. I would have been contempt to believe only women are that way, but to my surprise, men behave the same way. They will betray you as well. I hope my rant was not too long. I wish you a nice day and that god will be with you. And yes I know, I'am no exception to his general rule of thumb, that people are selfish.

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>>35300892
I wish my emotional side would pull me back,but the only thing to pull me back is, in fact, the love to my family. I have sworn that the reason to live is the security of family. I still have family and will help them, even if they will not appreciate it and use my willingness to help them only to make them proud to brag. After they have disappeared from life, I will no longer have any shackles on this world and feel free to end myself, as creating a new family in my believe is impossible as stated before. I do hope, that after I'am free, I will be pulled back as described, because I sadly believe, that people will behave in the afterlife the same way they do now, because it is hardcoded in the human genome and not even heaven would be able to change it.
>>35300925
How did you try and what is your reasoning for such behaviour ? I'am genuinly intrigued in your story. Anyway good luck in what you are going to pursue now.

>>35300805
Personally, I believe in the right to suicide. Consistently people will call others who kill themselves selfish. What could be more selfish than making someone suffer through a life they no longer want to live just so they can avoid sadness/pain in theirs?

The logic against suicide is that you will eventually reach a high point in your life where you will look back on your choice and wonder how you could have ever considered such an act. But that's the thing, in life you'll go through phases of high and low. With every high you'll just end up feeling another depressed low in your future.

The choice to kill yourself relies on whether you feel these 'high points' are worth living the rest of your life. I'm alive because I've made the decision to work through the rest of my bullshit existence for the small but meaningful high points, though I would never blame or even interfere with someone making this choice. The choice to keep going can only be made by you.

As for your post, it's irrelevant. Whatever feelings have brought you to this low point will change. Given time your ideology and worldview will adapt to allow you to feel better. That's what growing up is. I'm a 31 year old robot, I've changed a lot since I was 22 and thinking along the same lines.

>>35300925

That's called depression, anon. It's the worst named meme illness in the world.

Anyway, the reason the doc doesn't want you on pills is they don't fix the whole feeling nothing thing for a few weeks. Takes awhile for the serotonin to balance out, before you hit that point you just feel motivated and empty. During that time it's reallllllllly easy to pull a trigger or kick out a stool.

Anyway, download world of warcraft or something really addicting and easy for a while so you don't think about yourself. When you are on the meds, when you question if they are working is when they are starting too.

>>35301026
Thank you, but can you explain what changed your world view ? I'am not considering suicide right now, as I have to stay for a bit longer, but I wish I would be able to. If you understand what I'am saying. Maybe your story could give me some new ideas. I would be happy to hear anything :)

>>35301024
ive had a rough few months, but can say ive been feeling low moods since 12-13, probably considering suicide once a year at least. lat few months been getting bashed with anxiety and suicidal thoughts were increasing. im 21 nearly 22 i thought this would be over and done by now lol
>>35301087
im back at uni 2 moro so hopefully thats something to keep me busy enough

>>35301137

It helps. I'll give you a big hint, if you actually want to live. Go adopt a cat or something. They basically give them away at a shelter, and even if you spoil them its like 20 bucks a month. Having something, anything that relies on you makes it so much easier to keep going. Shit even a fish or something.

Anyway, I've been there friendo. The emptiness goes away, just try to keep from thinking for awhile.

>>35301137
So you are just feeling nothing ? And you would be happy if this feeling ended,right ? But don't you think your depression has already ended the moment you have hope to better yourself ?
I mean it could be a possibility that you may be tricking yourself in believing you still have depression. I think that hope is the highest part of happiness , as it pulls you back again and again. Maybe you could give this idea a chance.

>>35301244
imagine all your emotions are stripped from you, and your left walking around like a zombie unless intoxicated you cant engage with anyone because you dont care and have no reason to care

its literally like a massive gaping whole has been taken out and im left with nothing to replace it

just a walking shell

>>35301244

When you hit real non-normie depression you don't care if it ends. That's when you know you are fucked.

>>35300925
I don't understand failed suicides. If I ever do it I will 100% die. A failed attempt is the one I plan in my mind but don't actually follow through with. I'd read up certain suicide methods. Would probably go with the classic noose.

I'm not failing at my own suicide. I'm not being the guy who burdens all his friends emotionally with his attempted suicide. I don't want everyone either treating me like glass or thinking I'm an attention whore. I will die

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>>35300805
>Considered suicide for the 5th time this week
>friends

What a normalfag plebian you are. This is only your first jump into reality.

>>35300805
you probably enjoy the thought of death and killing yourself in the back of your head. keep living op because you will always feel a sweet taste of death and if you get better now you will change and be able to live a whole new life no longer afraid of dieing tomorrow

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>>35301678
I thought this way for a long time but I think the people who fail are just the "spur of the moment" types. They dont plan it out and they decide to kill themselves in like 5 minutes and then give it a go. I've never planned out a suicide (or attempted) because my brain tells me eventually that its a bad idea because my mom really needs me or that I'll just pussy out.

I'll just stick to the emptiness f a m
the nothingness of life = the nothingness of death

>>35301105
A couple hours have passed so I'm not sure if you're still here anon but I'll still respond as it might be important to you and I'm willing to share.

I've lived with bipolar for over a decade and it began with a psychotic episode where I ruined my life in a roughly 2 month period. Failed my freshmen year of college, lost all my 'friends', became an unemployed shut-in with little outside contact for 6+ years. Suicide was a daily thought. My worldview changed out of necessity and gradual change and not necessarily out of any one thing. It was a lot of self reflection and meditation; I had to learn to accept that I'm not supposed to be always happy. I believe that when you live that long of a period thinking about ending yourself you either learn to accept your life as it is and move on or you go through with it. Time heals all wounds I guess. This is a shitty response in a way, simply suggesting it goes away with time, but it's really the only good answer. You'll stop caring so much about what the world thinks about you and live your life for you as you age.

As an aside, all the advice from normies who have never been in that position is mostly shit. Drugs, fitness, romance, friends, sex, these things aren't guaranteed to help. Escapism for sure won't help either. Hopelessness and morbid thinking aren't solved through this shit and I'd advise against it as I tried it all and they didn't solve the problem that was my lack of self worth, identity, and purpose.

The personal details of what I did to move forward are pretty mundane but I'll share anyways. I forced myself to get a job and move out because the shame of being 26 at home with my family was unbearable. The independence might have had the biggest impact. I also bought a dog and found some peace in taking care of another living being. I'm not 'happy' but I'm no longer suicidal. I made a pretty close friend through work and that has been another high point.

Hope this helps.