>forced to attend my aunts birthday dinner >we go to a

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>forced to attend my aunts birthday dinner
>we go to a local restaurant
>normally fairly functional even though I'm autistic
>crowded spaces and eating around people makes me anxious
>terrible at small talk so I usually attempt looking busy to avoid it
>waiter brings a basket of garlic bread to the table and I see it as an oppurtunity
>I start stuffing my face with it
>waiter takes my order
>I order bolognese because thats the only thing on the menu I recognise
>nearly eaten all the garlic bread on my own by now
>no one is talking to me so it seems to be working
>this continues until food arrives
>full on garlic bread so I'm just staring at the food
>start picking away the shredded cheese on top because I don't like it
>I zone out often and daydream about things when nervous or bored to pass time
>start imagining my favourite anime openings
>sing the songs in my head
>suddenly my uncle asks if I'm feeling alright
>I come back to reality
>I've been singing the songs out loud while hunched over and drooling on my bolognese for like 15 minutes
>can feel my face turn red in embarrassment
>blurt out that I need to go to the bathroom as I rush to get up
>catch the edge of the plate with my elbow because I'm turning around as I'm getting up for some reason
>it flips onto the floor
>my knee-jerk reaction is to clench my fists and bring them to my head
>accidentally grab the fucking tablecloth and spill the food and drinks of everyone seated around me
>I power-walk to the bathroom and lock myself in a stall
>I start crying on the toilet before calling a taxi to bring me home
>didn't have enough money to pay for the ride and start crying again
>taxi driver lets me off because "I know what young love is like"

I've just been staring at my monitor for the past two hours, I have five missed calls from my mom and dad.


All my relatives now think I'm retarded, why can't I be fucking normal? I hate my life.