>severe breast fetishism such that my sexuality centers around

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>severe breast fetishism such that my sexuality centers around them, and I never look up or can enjoy porn focusing on anything else
>feel shame for fetishizing macromastia despite it being a medical condition
>even most girls in pornography whose chests are considered to be big seem very small to me
>the chances of me acquiring a girlfriend at all are already extremely low, but finding a girlfriend with boobs I consider even sort of big would be veritably impossible
>the chances of any woman enjoying breast play even remotely to the extent that I do is incredibly unlikely, and she would expect me to want to touch her vagina at some point and would be immensely frustrated for me to have no interest in that; it would always just be foreplay to her rather than the main event
>resultantly, I am embarrassed and ashamed of this, and I would rather just have no sexual interests at all than to be so selfish with and frustrating to a romantic partner, so I would feel this constant pressure to basically just try to act asexual
>realistically, large breasts only naturally lead to greater attention and thus generally greater self-esteem (though women can also be embarrassed about having large breasts), and so frequently lend to having a big ego and promiscuity due to girls with them easily recognizing their value
>with my ideal of a girlfriend who is a shy, unwanted, unexperienced loner already being very uncommon, for her to have big boobs to the size I find best, that ideal would essentially only exist in my oriental comic books

All of the women I've ever been romantically attracted to have been flat-chested anyway just because it's not a metric I use to gauge my love for a girl, but it still bothers me and frustrates me to think about since it's such an integral part of my sexuality.