>finally get out on my own >decide to catch up with people

>>34922575
Talk to your childhood friend. She obviously cares a lot about you, maybe even loves you. Don't let her kill herself.

>>34922652
It gets worse and worse when I talk to her. I bring up those bad feelings. Plus I might stop talking to her for a while and making her feel like shit again, which is what started this.

>>34922575
It's because you didn't trust them to love you before and they resent that.

I do the same thing. I hate myself and am embarrassed about my life. I don't let anyone in because I fear rejection.

>>34922693
Just keep talking to her. Even if you run out of things to say, ask her about her life and things she likes.
Did you at least tell her you're sorry for ignoring her for so long?

>>34922725
I did, and she doesn't believe me. Why keep talking to her if it just hurts her? Isn't that selfish?

>>34922872
No you fucking autist, that line of thinking is what caused her to get hurt. Its selfish to do something you think will be beneficial to her without even consulting her at all. No, that doesn't mean you should ask her if you should stop contacting her at all, it means keep up contact with her and try recover what you lost.

Did any of them try catch up with you at all? Or were you completely ignoring them? If they never tried contacting you its their fault as well. They can't just push all the blame on to you. It is completely within their ability to get in touch, the same with you. If you ignored them, then that's a shitty thing to do but you can be honest with them and prove your honesty through your actions; show them that you didn't mean to hurt them by making a concerted effort to be around them.

>>34922872
If you stop talking with her, then it will hurt her more, and confirm her suspicions that you really don't care about her. If you never give up trying to talk to her, even if it takes weeks or longer, she'll see that you actually care about her and probably forgive you.

Would you ever consider marrying her?

>>34922983
>No, that doesn't mean you should ask her if you should stop contacting her at all, it means keep up contact with her and try recover what you lost.

So just every few weeks...
>hey how's it going
>fuck off
>hey how are you feeling
>fuck off
>what's new
>fuck off
I can't imagine that not annoying someone. I think I blew it. Seriously, it was years that we weren't in contact, and now months since we started talking again. I don't think it's going to happen.

>Did any of them try catch up with you at all?
Yes, my high school friend tried to meet up with me for my birthday. The plans fell through because of work. I tried to reschedule, but no reply. I reached out to him on his birthday, and he said he couldn't that night and ask to reschedule, told him Saturday, no reply. No one else reached out, although I'm sure my mom is sick of years of trying to talk to me and I just giving her non-replies and going to my room. Childhood friend never reached out, although to be fair I was the last one to cancel plans.

>>34922992
>Would you ever consider marrying her?
Yes. She's so important to my life, and so intelligent, and so beautiful.

>>34923357
>So just every few weeks
No, you need to try talking with her every day.
Tell her how you feel about her. Let her know that you care about her deeply and you never want to be without her.

>>34923357
No not like that you fucking retard, actually try do shit with them. Don't just give her the bog standard questions, try do something, even if its something retarded like showing up to her place with flowers and an apology card or something.

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why are there so many whiteknight beta autists on this board? makes me want to kill myself

>>34923486
Don't listen to them senpai. /r9k/ was annexed by normies last year.

>>34923442
>Don't just give her the bog standard questions
I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm fucking autistic. I don't know how to do much beyond that
>even if its something retarded like showing up to her place with flowers and an apology card or something
I don't know where she lives. I don't even know myself sometimes, years of depression and marijuana have destroyed my memory, and I don't know how to tell people that I remember them as much as I can.

>>34923442
>show up to her place with flowers and an "apology card"
Whatever you do, don't do this.

>>34923559
Don't worry. I'm 25, not 16.