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>be me
>be 19 in college
>home alone no dinner and have to cook for myself
>have 2 options, hamburguers or cod dumplings (pic related)
>have to go for the dumplings
>light the gas stove, oil in pan and ready to go
>put it on the strongest disc cause autism
>have to take a shit
>"ahhh just leave it and take a quick dump"
>in bathroom on youtube, suddendly the lights on the whole bloc goes out
>remember that the oil was on the stove and the smell of fire fills the air
>fuckfuckfuck.jpeg
>run in the kitchen with my ass still dirty
>"HOLY FUCKING SHIT, THE HOUSE IS BURNING"
>go outside in to the hall of apartment block screaching for help
>go back to the kitchen to try and kill the flames with my jacket
>fuck it eats the jacket, t-shirt it is...
>fuck...
>the rug! get it and kill the flames in the pan
at this moment all the cabinets are on fire
>only in my pants, shitty ass and full of ashes, the neighbours come in and help me extinguish the rest
>mfw mom and dad gets home and see the kitchen pitch black
>mfw still no dinner
>>
Had a similar experience at uni when I was in student halls. Left pasta boiling on the stove and completely forgot about it, it didn't start a fire but there was a shitload of smoke and the building had to be evacuated. I didn't have any friends anyway but everyone hated me for sure since then.
>>
>be drunk as fuck
>decide it would be awesome to fry up some tendies I had in the freezer
>get out a skillet, put oil in it
>get out tendies, do 2 more shots, heat up skillet
>at this point I black out
>hours later I come to, in excruciating leg pain
>sitting in a pool of oil on the kitchen floor
>pull down my pants, see my leg thigh is fucking half gone, covered in blisters
>cell phone in my pocket
>call my mom while I'm still screaming on the floor, she calls an ambulance
>3rd degree burns, can't even remember spilling hot oil on myself
>skin grafts and all
>>
> I turned the stove on
>put a pan on
> cook some food
> Turn the stove off
>eat food
It's my only story.
>>
>>34913432
Jesus dude.
Does your leg still look gross?
>>
The trick is to just never cook.
>>
>>34913432
This is why I eat before I drink
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Thread images: 1