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>be me, 24, livin' the neet life
>wake up after many restless hours of online combat and realise it's nearly afternoon
>hungry
>need tendies
>mommy is out, ergo, no tendies
>OHGOD.jpg
>will die of starvation if hunger needs are not met
>open curtains
>think about getting tendies on my own
>but then i'd have to venture out into the wilderness
>breath in
>breath out
>make the brave decision to go outside bear grylls style
>grab glock 22 for protection
>be brave and step outside
>jump over fence dukes of hazzard style. i don't land on my feet, but my voluptuous stud body cushioned my fall
>enter stealth mode
>four hours later
>starved, parched, nearly dead, but i muster up my courage to soldier on in search of my tendies
>walk past chicken pen on main street corner
>if my calculations are correct, tendies are chicken + batter
>do not know how to get batter, but know how to get chicken
>ahavoicesoundeffect.wav
>i have chickens in front of me
>and i have my trusty pistol
>look behind
>look to the side
>roll over fence
>chickens are in front of me
>get my minecraft on and attack chickens for chicken meat
>gunshots are louder than i'd like them to be, but my trusty glock comes to the rescue
>chickens are also louder than i'd like them to be and cluck and prance all around the pen, but by this point i have already killed four.
>decide i have enough chicken to satisfy my cravings
>try to open pen
>steel fencing, barbed wire and has a padlock on gate
>fuck
>decide to shoot the padlock
>fire two shots
>hear screaming
>"GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!" repeat ad infinitum.
>old man runs at me with gun in his hand
>point my gun matrix-style and get my neo on and fire.
>we both fire at each other in this adrenaline-filled battle of the ages
>only a few shots fired before gun locks open
>OHSHIT.jpg
>more yelling and screaming, this time from over the fence
>"STOP!" everybody yells
>turns out my hunting escapades have attracted quite the crowd
cont. in part 2
>>
part 2!
>REEEEEEEEEE like i've never REEEEEEE'd before as i call out for mommy to come and rescue me
>look down at voluptuous stud body
>blood
>there's blood
>and it hurts
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>townsfolk suddenly appear and hold me down
>i'm still REEEEEEEEEEing like there's no tomorrow, calling out for my dear mommy
>i'm scared
>everyone tells me that everything's going to be okay
>i realise that everything will be okay if mommy comes
>tell everybody to call mommy for me
>they do
>i cry tears of joy for my mommy and the tendies i will receive in the future
>they also call the police and the ambulance
>angry old man will be jailed for life for getting in my way and the ambulance will drive me to the hospital and fix me up
>start to think of the cool scars i will get to add a rough masculine edge to sex appeal to distract me from the pain
>ambulance arrives
>load me onto the stretcher
>expect crowd to cheer me on as i get put into ambulance for my brave heroic escapades
>hospital people are stuggling to lift my glorious body into the ambulance
>outsiders help them lift me into ambulance
>"Hold your ground! Hold your ground! Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers." i proudly proclaim as i am lifted into ambulance.
>proceed to deliver aragon's epic speech as the ambulance prepares to take me away
>as ambulance takes me to the hospital, i cry brave tears for the battle i have fought today for my love of sweet, sweet tendies
>arrive at hospital after forever
>many people pushing me into scary looking white room
>call out for mommy
>call out for food
>"anon, dinner will be served at 7pm. until then, just rest easy and we'll sort everything out."
>look at clock
>3pm
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>call for mommy
>"ms. anon will be on her way."
>cry tears of joy
>asshole from next bed over tells me to shut up
>he doesn't know what i've been through, the horrors i've dealt with, the demons i've faced
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
read more in part 3
>>
part 3 of my grand battle, but you can read about it in the wikipedia page in the future that will document my heroic struggles
>look at tv
>dumb reality show shit for sheeple of the lowers common denominator
>put some fucking netflix on or some shit
>people are walking towards me
>mommy?
>not mommy
>it's the police
>fuckthepolice.mp3
>"mr... anon, is that right?"
>"yes" i say
>police tell me i've been placed under arrest for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon along with breaking and entering and destruction of property and other dumb shit
>BUT AGGRAVATED ASSAULT?
>THOSE FUCKING GODDAMNED CUNT SUCKING PISS PISS FUCK CUNT FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCK NORMIES FUCK CUNT LIFE IS RUINED FUCK CUNT FUCK
>ALSO MY POST ISN'T FUCKING SPAM
>>
Maybe you'll lose weight in prison? Either that or you'll lose the weight from malnutrition at a psych ward. So long space robot!
>>
>FUCKING GODDAMN
>YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE ABOUT FUCKING NORMIES? THEY FUCKING CAN'T SEE FUCKING INJUSTICE WHENT HEY SEE IT NOW I'M GOING TO FUCKING JAIL BECAUSE OF THOSE PSS FUCKING SUB-IQS OH MY GOD
>anyways court date is monday
>i was patched up and SENT TO FUCKING JAIL LIKE A FUCKING UNCULTURED SUBDEGENERATE FUCKING SUBHUMAN SHEEPLE
>but mommy bailed me out!
>and she gave me tendies
>i've been studying up on laws in my state and could carry up to 20 FUCKING YEARS OF MY PRECIOUS LIFE WASTED AWAY BECUAE OF INJUSTICE
>HEY ROBOTS TAKE DOWN THE SYSTEM
>FOR MY SAKE
>FOR THE INNOCENT PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN HAD THEIR LIFVES TAKEN AWAY PBECAUSE OF THE "INTERESTS OF A WEALTHY FEW"
>TAKE DOWN CAPITALISM NOW!
myohmygod
i
>>
>>34908004
So you attempted to kill someone's chickens, and then shot at the guy when you wouldn't stop when he told you to, then you got shot, and got charged?
That about right?
>>
>>34907672
Very epic green text story. /r/4chan will love it!
>>
Sounds harsh OP anon.
You should just be allowed to relax at home, place comfy Minecraft, eat TENDIES and drink Dr PR.
These fucking Norman's getting on your shit is no on
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