I decided to go vegan so I ate an entire raw cabbage today and

Seriously guys fuuuuuuuuck this hurts so bad. How do I stop the pain at least?

Learn to cook you fuckshit

File: eat-the-lettuce-2.png (116KB, 483x269px) Image search: [Google]

116KB, 483x269px

You gotta eat the whole lettuce, anon.

>>34881346
I was doing the raw vegan diet...all i can think about is the pain

Wait, does cabbage have to be cooked?

>>34881260
i did something this stupid once
>decide to start being healthy
>go moms garden and start getting kale and other green shit
>throw it in blender with some milk
>probably the worst thing i've ever tasted
>"this is the price of healthy living i guess"
>choked down the whole thing
>got sick and threw up
>shit huge logs for the next 3 days

>>34881360
>raw

saged, there is no way any human can eat an entire raw cabbage, that's like eating 10 raw potatos. You don't eat cabbage raw you boil it at the very least.

>>34881260

That's just your body being not used to real food. Continue with this new diet and your body will get used to it.

>>34881393
It was a small cabbage and I actually only ate 80% of it. How do I make the pain go away if I don't own any pain pills?

>>34881398
can confirm

The cabbage diet is rough at first but soon you'll be walking on air

>>34881415
Ride it out, senpai. Nothing you can do except have a lie down.

Probably bait, but...

You're probably in pain because you haven't boiled/cooked the cabbage properly. It is now literally decomposing in your intestines, rotting away until the decomposed plant matter is somewhat transportable for your colon tract, which will further decide how to get rid of the mess, which will probably turn to diarrhea fluid shit mass and a ton of toxic gas.

There's nothing really you can do at this point except assist your body in sorting out the mess. Drink a lot of water to help dilute the trash. perhaps make a watery rice porridge and slowly sip it down over course of actions to give your body some fibre to push the trash down.

Needless to say, you are absolutely retarded. Yes, eating a lot of plant shit is super healthy, but not if you don't know how to prepare it. Healthy diets are labor intensive and expensive. Learn to cook nigga.

Despite the hippie myth, you aren't supposed to eat vegetables raw. Your body can't digest them properly, when raw.

>>34881260
how fucking hard is it to toss in some water, carrots, celery, onion, garlic, pepper, thyme, bay water chestnuts, sesame oil, and vegetable bouillon.

or make coleslaw...

I feel like I'm literally going to die, but I'm a neet with no car, nobody is home, no phone, and it's 20 degrees outside. I'm just suffering alone.

>>34881647
have you tried vomiting? probably going to hurt tho

File: 1481544903413.png (206KB, 306x306px) Image search: [Google]

206KB, 306x306px

>vegans go on about muh natural monkey diet
>can't even eat a fucking raw cabbage
Looks like meat is back on the menu boys

>>34881260
Dude cabbage is like a fiber blast colon cleaner. RIP your toilet when you finally shit. You'll probably feel great afterwards though so keep us posted.

File: 1486712561539.jpg (8KB, 500x460px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 500x460px

>>34881260
Stupidest thing I have read in a long time.