Who here /damaged/? I'm asking why you believe you think

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>>34881175
Officially, just ADHD.
What makes me broken is my will to exist has died.

I simply "do" with exponential reluctance and my morality decays contrastidly slower.

I know right from wrong, but after years, though not long enough by society's standards for a full life, I have seen enough of the world to extrapolate I have nor want any place in it. And knowing this I feel... Targeted. Taunted for existing in a place I never asked to be. I think about staging an uprising sometimes, but I don't have enough hate.

I hate people for what they do and how they act. Not individual people.

And if I werent so good at publicly hiding that fact, the world would become a much worse place.

I want to do more than die. But I can barely make up acceptable circumstances to compromise with that.

I don't think i'll

>>34881394
I feel the same way. The dearth of uniqueness where I live in combination with the voluntary and involuntary straying from the status quo has basically rendered my desired existence into a strange state of limbo. I want to change things, but don't know what I want to change. I want to do something, but do not know what to do. I feel as if I am almost stuck between two or more identities or ways of living and I don't want to go to either of them because I know that, either way, I will not be accepted by society.

PTSD mostly from combat.

>>34881175
Anytime I might be able to land a date or possible gf I suddenly go full nope, and then after a week go back to wanting one

>>34881175
>letting yourself slip enough to get diagnosed
git gud anon

>>34881175
Just the usual stuff
>add, social anxiety, autism
>raped as a child a couple to times

I can't tell when I'm exhibiting ADD, but I know when I'm acting like an autist.

Also, nice zankuro

Nothing officially, but I don't trust anyone. Not my "close" friends, not my family. I won't let anyone get even the tiniest bit of info about me. I never had anyone to share my deepest thoughts and feelings with and now I don't think it's possible that I ever will. Even when it comes to opinions on movies and shit, I just give a generic opinion and don't go into what I really think. I don't share my hobbies or even what I'm doing in school with anyone because I'm afraid it'll make them actually know something about me, and even if I let them I'm certain they'll just treat me like a fucking joke.

Fortunately I'm comfortable in the solitude, no sadness from lack of friends or romantic relationships. I'd prefer if everyone left me alone.

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>born aspie
>unloved during childhood
>fell into permanent depression in HS
>experienced some very traumatic things
>spent the last 5 years NEET in almost complete isolation
I have a chance to become semi stable in the next few months, but I can never be anywhere close to normie. The only time I feel comfortable is when i'm alone, and even then it's rare. My social personality is entirely fake. I don't want relationships. I feel like my best bet is getting a job and a house and just living a simple existence like the 40yo virgin but without friends. If I can't achieve that, i'm positive that i'll be homeless or incarcerated in the next 5 years.

>>34881648
How did you end up like that, anon?

>>34881175
Abusive family.

Diagnoised: Bi Polar, Psychosis, OCD, Anxiety disorders, PTSD

I would be ok if I was brought up with a loving family. I would be able to function at a fast food job for more than a few months without people spreading rumors and blatantly stating in front of my face "Why don't you talk...." "I'm so tired of you." "I'm going to beat you up."

>>34881175
Yes I am broken.

When I was younger I was a nice kid. But my environment has turned me into a monster. I have no hope or optimism left. This world is rotten to the core and I just hate humanity and life. Im just tired of everything, just sick and disgusted by everything.

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None of this matters.

~orginale

>>34881175

Social anxiety, pretty debilitating. Sweat drops off my forehead in at least one half of all social interactions lasting over 45 seconds. Probably 4 or 5 times daily. If not wearing undershirt it becomes visible on chest back etc. Very unfortunate. Am 27. There is likely no fixing this.

I will never get a gf bc of this and have minimal friends.

I have spent my entire life as an observer. What I have seen has not impressed me. However, I am trapped now between wanting to experience life, and trying to warn people not to make the mistakes I observed. It doesn't help that by not experiencing it for myself, I'm unable to give completely sound advice, but by experiencing, it will damage me, possibly beyond repair.

Since nobody will believe me, I'm content to let them make their own mistakes. I guess I'm just sick of repeats.

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I have really bad social anxiety. I can't talk to anyone but my parents and it's fucked me up bad in life. Also been depressed my entire life, even when I was a kid

>>34882177
I was an observer when I was younger, but after awhile I finally reached a point where'd I seen so many stories, films, poetry, fiction, nonfiction, anime, manga, books, characters, sterotypes, opinions, points of view, etc that I realized everyone comes to a point where they can either kill themselves or just wait for death by struggling through all the ton of bs and the very small amount of satisfying events.

The thing about immortality is that it's not about being able to live or survive a gunshot, it's about being able to experience everything, because with enough time you'll be able to do everything.

Yet we won't attain that anytime soon, so humans have to choose to excel at a small amount of things in their short lives, or experience many things, hoping from one form of living to another.

>>34882502

I've spent so much time living through other people's stories that I forgot to write my own.

>>34881584
I think I can say that I'm the /damaged/ winner. I was raped around FOUR times and as a kid (so none of that fake stuff).

This is on top of the mental illnesses. I'm the most robot person on this board.

I have autism. I'm pretty self-aware so I'm quite good at acting normal but I can't stop thinking and feeling autistic things.

If we're getting our self-diagnosing hats on I also think I might have some kind of depression since for basically my entire life I've been feeling depressed for extended periods of time for no real reason.

>>34881175
ADHD + bullied as a kid in the boyscouts
Also confidence shot from being behind most people my age mathematically.

Small/average penis syndrome as well

Some messed up sexual stuff also happened growing up

Me constantly being the troublemaker/asshole in the family, makes me feelaugh awful now, feel like I can't repay my parents

I also don't have any friends but everyone around me does.

I just want to fix myself and make amends with my past?

Can it be done? I want to be a better person, if did though it would be a comeback story for the books

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My mom got on drugs when I was younger and both of my parents were divorced. She ODed when I was 12, and it was really sad. She didn't even have a funeral but they just cremated her. When I was 14 for leading my group of friends to place smoke bombs in brown bags with huge ass fuses in the teachers lounge and a hell of a lot of classrooms. Someone called the fire department and I was never caught luckily. However I did have to go through psychological counseling but, I still did well in class and athletics (Varsity in Jr. year for basketball).
At the end of the day I have ADHD,
Antisocial Personality Disorder, and am Borderline. Got into a good college but, I honestly don't like any of my friends. I've always been popular but, have always loahed people in general. Not in the sense that I wanted to hurt them, but as if they were just mere mannequins and I was their creator.

I've never been diagnosed with anything, but my family has suspected I likely have ADHD, but not really anything else.

What makes me broken is my family life. Ever since I was a kid, my father yelled at everyone, extreme profanity. When I was young, I didn't even cry. Because it was all I knew. I passively accepted the circumstances until one day when I asked him if I could hang out with friends in the garage and he exploded after 15 minutes. Went on a walk, realized I deep down had a lot of issues, and that brings us to now.

>>34882999
Also I was bullied for my weight and poor social skills as a child, so that added on top for fucking sure.

>>34881175
>do you lack that introspection

No.
And I've finally turned everything all over in my mind enough that I've essentially unbroken myself. It's taken so many years to do, and the feeling of being healed is amazing. I'm waiting for that other shoe to drop. For now, I'm just enjoying life.

>>34881475
There's a difference between damaged and broken, brother

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>>34881175
I'm a manchild.
I skipped the necesarry steps of social and emotional development.
I am an unfinished product but I've already been packed and shipped.

please relate

>>34881175
Lack of empathy or alternatively over sensitive to the extent that I block it out, can't socialize with people very well, I drag on about subjects and get into too many small details, and generally just feel annoyed by people around me.

I get girls hitting on me, but like I reject them because I'd rather be alone.

>>34881989
What have you tried to remedy your anxiety?

What do you believe to be the root?

>>34884022

Same here. What sucks too is I literally look like a man child too. Short stature and skinny. Fucked up child hood which hurts the most

Hold me

>>34884022
Can't relate desu why don't you just be yourself?

>>34881175
I cannot operate if I feel lonely, the feeling consumes me and I just shut down.
I've turned to a lot of drugs and alcohol to try and help.

>>34881175
I don't feel anything in relationships so I've given up until someone interests and didn't even try dating until people kept thinking I was gay. I have sexual interest in women and want to have something emotional with somebody but as is nobody has interested me with there personality at all.

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Schizo-affective.

life is steadily getting better because ive had the wherewithal to teach myself 3d modeling/animation now i just have to get my freelancing career off the ground.

>>34882887
In what order did you get those diagnosis's? Any depression?

>>34881175
>what behaviors/disorders you've been diagnosed with
Borderline personality disorder, which naturally comes with extra baggage like major depressive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and a host of addiction issues.

I am a compulsive liar and an emotional wreck. I ruin every relationship, romantic or otherwise, that I come anywhere near. I'm a piece of absolute shit. I deserve death but I can't kill myself because I'm afraid. Why isn't there a mandatory program that euthanizes people who oughtn't be alive?

>>34884022
Be my friend please you sound nice

>>34882596
Be my gf, pls?

Somewhat oroginal

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broken home, abusive parents, years of abuse from every imaginable source
lead to dissociating from emotions, loathing the concept of identity and never actually developing as a person
still greatly suffer from these problems. also can't trust people because of past experiences, get lots of intrusive thoughts, feel a great deal of shame and inferiority for what I am

anxiety is not illness, rather underdevelopment
doesn't mean it can't stem from an actual illness. it's not a pissing contest and i hate people who think it is, being mentally ill doesn't make you cool or desirable

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>abused by my cousin when i was extremely young
>then by my father growing up
>and mother, as a teen

diagnosed with depression, social anxiety, and avpd. around when i was 14/15 i started skipping massively on school, and finally dropped out when i could. now im a neet with a dead end life and an abusive family, nice.

>depression/ anxiety
>7 year employment gap/ terrible school transcripts

>In bed for 90% of the day
>shower once a week
>either binge eat on garbage or eat nothing all day
>masturbate 3 times a day

When I was little at a certain point I just kind of understood that i wouldn't get married or get a proper career, I don't put in the effort. i can't talk at all I answer questions and then stay quiet, but i still get lonely. I wish i could teleport someone with the exact same situation as me into my room so we can just hug and cry together

>>34881648
Same here anon. My family jokes "I bet we'd only find out anon is in a relationship when we get the wedding invitation" and it's super depressing because I wish I could tell them stuff, and that I'm 25 khv and I doubt it would happen

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Since we're all anonymous I'll post some things

>first memory is of me as an infant staring at my grandfather, he tells me to shut up and smacks me in the mouth causing me to cry and my grandma rushing to pick me up
>I remember walking in on my father as a toddler seeing him and his mistress naked on their bed, sleeping
>my step father would beat the ever loving shit out of me as a 5 year old and would lock me in a dark closet after school and on the weekends
>he also knocked out some of my baby teeth with his fist
>mother is so physically and mentally abusive I get placed in foster care
>beats me with belts she put in the freezer, extension cords, shoes, whatever she can get her hands on
>calls me a monster, tells me the only reason she has me is to collect welfare payments and she wishes I'd have never been born
>foster parents also beat the shit out of me as well as starve me
>almost spend everyday in the principals office for doing stupid shit and lashing out during Elementary school
>no friends whatsoever, get bullied by a group of boys
>they look for me everyday, toss my food to the ground, punch me in the face and stomach and kick me when I'm on the floor
>tell the teacher and counselor about it, all they do is tell the class not to do it
>beatings get worse
>I have to run to get food everyday before anyone else, take my food, find some place to hide out and eat before they get a chance to kick my ass or else I don't eat the whole day
>holidays always ended in tears, violence and worst of all, sadness
>I tried to kill myself the first time when I was 8 years old, unfortunately I failed and I'm too much of a pussy ass coward to kill myself now

I'm leaving A LOT out, my life has been filled with poverty, beatings, being an outcast/black sheep, being spit on, being excluded and generally just being unwanted. All my problems could be solved if my mother just had an abortion but she had me in order to trap my father, or if I just killed myself a long time ago.

>>34885030
no one thinks being mentally ill is cool or deisrable.

>>34885480
i'm sorry this happend to you anon, you don't deserve any of that

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>>34885511

tumblrites/boring people do

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>>34885617
on the internet where they romanticize illnesses sure, but if they got told someone they knew was mentally ill they wouldn't find it cool nor desirable

>>34881175
I have been diagnosed with depression since i was 12 yo.
Now i am 22. Tried every goddamn medication and still here i am, posting in a chinese cartoon imageboard.

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>>34885646

that's exactly what i meant. they adore the concept

>>34881175
Bulimia body dysmorphia gay adhd. I'm probably on the spectrum as well

Sometimes I wonder if I have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Wouldn't doubt it considering my mother.

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>>34881175
My soul is a little battered from having phenomenal singing talent in college and innate musical ability as evaluated by my choir director, but also having crippling social and performance anxiety, never overcoming it, never wooing anyone with my voice, and graduating, become a wagie, getting out of practice, and losing my talent. I used to hear complex symphonic music of a wide variety whenever I had ear plugs in or it was very quiet. Now nothing. The music is dead along with the passion that went hand in hand with it.

>>34881175
Anxiety disorder and ADD. I think I have something else too, I tend to think that people can read my mind when we're in the same room, or especially if they touch me, so I try to "hide" my thoughts. I've never really told anyone about that. Also I've been wondering if I'm the only real person on Earth, and everyone else is somehow a fake.

I OD'd on redpills too early in my life and hate everything and everyone. Nothing is real.

Diagnosed with paranoid personality disorder a few years ago.

>>34881175
Diagnosed with aspd.

I tortured animals when i was younger, but for the most part i'm rather functioning and no one could really find out unless i told them for some reason.

I find myself finding the most interest in emotionally hurting ones who find themselves interested in me.

I'm well aware of my behaviors.

I'm a paranoid schizophrenic and I've ruined every relationship I've ever had by convincing myself that people all hate me behind my back/are actively plotting against me. I tend to turn even the smallest perceived slight in to a huge deal and cut people off. Only my parents are capable of tolerating me and they won't be alive much longer. It's alright though, I'm good at working with my hands and make an ok living maintaining the 5 bedroom house my parents rent out.

>>34881475
I was going to say that what you get for being a governmentcuck but I feel sorry for the things you had to do and see. I hope you can come to terms with those things at some point my friend

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Diagnosed schizoid personality disorder. I'm pretty sure I became this way as a defense mechanism when I was a child because I was too obsessive and sensitive.
Its not too bad because you are mostly dead inside and don't feel much substantive. right now is one of the exceptions where I feel actively depressed.

how do all of you guys deal with this shit so often?

>>34881175
I have Shcizophrenia and Anxiety, I will never be normal

>>34886865
smoke weed until the emptiness comes back

>>34884487
That's called autism dude. You can just say autism.

>>34887109
sounds like a good plan.
I opted to run to the convenience store and buy a small bottle of robitussin to wash the feelings away.
interestingly DXMs closest relative, Ketamine is being researched as a fast acting or emergency antidepressant.