What's the closest you've ever gotten to sex, robots?

I once talked to a girl and she said hi back

>boyfriend looking for condom
>his first time
>I put on clothes and walk out of there

I went to a bar with some coworkers to celebrate something or other, I don't remember what.

Made out with a drunken whore of a coworker who happened to be at the same bar I was in.

I probably could have fucked her but by then the liquor had worn off and my inhibitions had reared back up.

She then hooked up with my supervisor immediately after.

I regret nothing.

>>34719633
Had a black chick give me a handjob and i ate her pussy and played with her big titties. I almost put my cock in her pussy but it seemed like she wasnt feeling it so i backed out. havent gotten laid yet and constantly keep calling myself a virgin in my head and it seems like everybody whom i see out in public know this and it just makes me want to go out and do things less and less. shitsucks. first night on r9k though. Good place to vent i suppose.

>hear people having sex in the changing room at macy's
>wait till they leave
>go in, the seat is warm and has sweat on it
>press penis onto it
lost at least an eighth of my virginity

>>34719633
A girl sat on my lap once

>>34719633
I have hugged a non related female before.

a female freind of mine got really generally horny at one point and, among other things, asked me to bite her, in a litteral. I did. She moaned in a pretty clearly erotic way. We probbably could have fucked but I was not sure if, as a general rule, protected sex outside of a long term relationship is a good idea. I sorta mulled that over for several days and the window of opportunity passed.

She was very attractive, and I still fap to that sometimes. I think maybe I should stop thinking before I act so much.

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girls have grinded on my (flaccid) dick (one of my moments of deepest bitterest shame)

and one time a girl in ireland wanted to dance, tried to appeal to my humanity little did she know I was inhuman haha gotcha

but never closer than that, ever. well a girl sent me nudes once and seemed to want to fuck me. but it was all just nothing

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Never and never will

Had sex, but was wearing a condom so I guess that's the closest I've been.

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I do remember once, got drunk and high on 4/20 with a big group of friends in a study abroad program in France. Later as the night went on I went to a girl's apartment cause we were out in the city, and was too far to get back to my place. It was just me and her at this point, as the other people left and I in a drunken stupor just followed her, and she was okay with it, and suggested it.

Then, she had two of her friends over too, so at one point was me, an autistic obese loser, with three 8/10 druggie girls. The only reason I'm in this position is because my whole study abroad group with out drinking and I randomly stayed at her place to go to bed. It's then they bust out the acid, and we all tripping balls. They took off their shirts and did roasty things together, and I just kinda sat awkwardly in the corner. One of the girls gave me a pity handjob, but we all knew it was just the lsd making her do it. Woke up the next morning naked in the bed with all three of them. (But there was no sex or anything.)

Never talked to any of them ever again except the one girl who gave me pity handjob, but she was disgusted by it, and gradually stopping talking to me. It was basically like the god level happening for a robot. I don't know how I ended up in that situation. I wasn't even going to go out that night, I was seriously just going to stay home and watch youtube or something.

It was the best night of my life, even if it was unbelievably cringy. If I was straight Chad I could have owned it.

>>34720300
>that image
>that story

Anon, I haven't felt such JUST in a long while.

I pity you.

>>34719633
I actually have something saved up for this.

There's two times where it was a possibility.

First time we were making out on her couch (I had never really made out with anyone before) and she pushes me into the couch. Right then I said some autistic shit about my mom not approving or if it was technically legal (I was 16 and she was 17. This should give you some insight into how retarded I was). Thankfully she ignored it, we kept making out and she was like "If you're not comfortable we can try again later". That relationship ended like a week later, and I never really recovered.

The second time, we were at my dad's, and I was making out with an old friend. Her mouth tasted strange (she confessed she was a bit of a slut), though in retrospect she was a pretty damn good kisser. I think it might have been partially that taste and partially because I kinda acted as her therapist (she had some issues). Once again, "We can do it later if you aren't comfortable". That one ended a day later when my mom found the messages we were sending each other and forced me to break up.

I will not let my mother invade the third time.

she was drunk and reached for my dick

autistic me said "not so fast"

>>34720330
I hope you live alone now, anon

>>34720344
uuuuughhhh

reminds me of a time a drunk (crazy) girl leaned onto me and I politely but firmly pushed her back and commanded "DISBAR ME." like a hyper 'tist.

I'm glad I didn't know about this place when I was a virgin. Probably would have stayed one much longer. It's been a long time and I almost forget the anguish of it. But that anguish just gets replaced by something else. Life is still just not any easier

>>34720384
fuck

all I want is for love to buy me three months of happiness.

>>34720362
>I hope you live alone now, anon
I fucking wish, my guy. I'm trying to move out in the summer, but I don't know if I can last that long.

Also
>disbar me
I kek'd, nice work. Hope you find someone, man.

>>34720453
I know the feeling of intense psychic pressure caused by a stressful parent.

My advice? Take trips out to eat often, and stay in cafes lol. Many a day I've spent in starbucks, mooching off of the wifi and reading ebooks. No mental pressure.

>>34719633
I high fived a girl in high school once, that's like the same thing right?

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i've never come close to anything even close to something resembling sexual contact

>>34719633
i brushed up by girl in an innapropriate way in college on the bus.

thats about it.

>>34719633
no condom sex and cumming inside

>>34720495
>intense psychic pressure caused by a stressful parent
I too have watched Carrie.

Nah though fr what you suggested sounds like a good idea.

>in high school
>gf of 3 months wants me to come over to her house one night
>I have to sneak out of strict parents house and walk through a hood full of niggers
>"alright, I'll text you when I'm outside"
>get to her place
>sneak in through her window
>No one thought we should be together so it felt like some romeo and Juliet shit
>have a panic attack because I'm gonna have sex but keep it cool
>she's completely nude under me
>im still wearing shirt, boxers, and socks
>and a condom
>dick literally resting against her pussy
>freeze up because I'm in complete shock that I'm about to have sex
>can't move
>she asks what's wrong
>"I.... Don't know"
>she adjusts my dick and uses her legs to slowly bring me in

The closest I've gotten to sex is actual sex.

>>34719633
It was obviously intentional.

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>>34720600

YOU NORMIE FUCK.

Don't break the goddamn implicit rules.

>Spent weekend doing volunteer work with grill
>Spent a lot of time talking about her sisters new baby
>At the end she gave me the eyes
It was supposed to make me want her and it did but I want to have a good discussion about stuff before the D goes anywhere near a girl.

I talked to a female my age once, we were forced to by the teacher, but still.

>>34719633
had bareback sex with 2 girls, but dw guys I'm still one of you ex dee

>>34720330

Hey Norman

How's Norma?

>>34720656
It's alright, it's been 6 years and I'm still in love with her but she hates my guts and won't even look at me when we're in the same area (literally turning her head away and making it obvious she's ignoring me). Haven't had any meaningful female contact since. I'm pretty much a robot right?

>>34719645

This is unironically my answer, I haven't spoken to a female for any reason (except on the phone) for seven years. If I go to the store I will leave if the only cashier is female.

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Europe in 2025.

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>>34720839

>When anon has multiple tabs open and he accidentally writes his reply in the wrong thread

Been there before

went to a halloween dance back in highschool with a girl, and she hugged me. No idea how I even got that far.

32 m virgin los angeles

kik: zsasza

made out with drunk girl. no chance of sex

>>34720362
>using the wrong word without even realizing it

yep, very autistic

>>34722311
I suppose I wanted to be ejected from the court of her love.

anyway immediately after my friend took her upstairs and was getting to the business when I (lounging on the bottom story) heard a yelp and cries of anger and he raced out, with me in tow like we were fuckin laurel and hardy

>>34719633
a girl said hi to me once at a party. that's about it.

>>34719633
I just remembered that my oneitis once leaned up against me and rested her head on my shoulder.