Tell me a story about yourself that no one believes when

I destroyed a car with my face once

>>34695425
Shit tht never happened: The Post

>>34695445
But it's true. At least 2 of my friends saw it happen.

I once was in the same room as two girls, a 7 and 9 respectively, had sex and didnt get turned on at all. Im not gay but am asexual.

>>34695485
>2 friends
Shit tht never happened: The Post

>>34695507
>implying you didn't after 3 seconds followed by 20 mins of crying

>>34695288
One year in middle school I got glasses after I realized I was sitting in the front of the class and still couldn't see the board. The day I walked in with these huge, ugly frames, lots of people noticed and I was feeling kind of self-conscious about them. This one fucking stereotypical jockish-looking kid who got held back like twice had been bullying me whenever he was in school so of course he was one of the first people to point out my glasses. He shouts out, "Hey, Miss! I like those glasses on you!"
Usually I tried to ignore him but for whatever reason today I just wasn't feeling like it so I decided to engage in some banter. I turned around and shouted, "Oh, these? I stole them from your mom after I was done fucking her."
He said, "My mom died."
I said, "Yeah, I know. She died of exhaustion."
A few people gasped and I said, "Oh calm down, it's a joke. She's dead. She can't hear me in hell, where she --"

And then he punched me in the mouth as hard as he could.

I had a few more dead mom jokes up my sleeve but it's hard to talk with a broken jaw. He literally had me whimpering on the floor sobbing in the fetal position like a little bitch while he kicked me in the stomach. The whole thing was actually really embarrassing now that I think of it.

>>34695288

I sit in between 2, 6/10 girls in my linux class

>>34695288
THANKS DOC XD))

I saw the greatest freak out ever kid in the Bahamas. Walked past him on the boardwalk. Would have gotten his pic but i was scared,to lose my family in a foreign country when I had no cell phone. Also was scared he,was somehow a real sperg and would push me into the water if I talked to him. Lo and behold five fucking days later they upload the video of him talking about to the boat captain and getting pushed overboard.

ICOULD HAVE MET A FUXKING LIVING LEGEND AND I FUCKED IT UP

Seriously I regret this more than not going to college.

>>34695578

If it's any consolation I would have laughed at your joke.

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>>34695288
I secretly killed my bullys dog when I was 8. I kinda regret it.

>>34695672
you song of a bitch

the dog deserved none of this

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>>34695288
i kicked a very good female friend down a steep cliff for no reason and she suffered severe brain damage from the fall and never woke up and eventually died. I didn't feel anything nor did I care. Its my deepest secrete apart from letting my dog lick my dirty asshole until i climaxed all throughout middle school.

I used to hang out with my younger sister's friends when I was in high school. Basically spent my days watching 12-14 year olds run around in panties. I used to stick my benis in one of them

In high school, I beat up some piece of trash who wanted to fight me because the girl he liked, liked me.

Then the same day I was walking out of A&W and some 40 year old fuck almost hit me with his car, so I told him off and then he got out of his car and started walking towards me. Him and I scrapped and I knocked him on his ass and his head hit the curb. Turns out it was the previous guy's dad.

TL;DR, fought some guy and his dad on the same day in completely unrelated situations.

>>34695853

how old were you when you killed her?

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>>34695288
I was abducted and experimented on by aliens

>>34695288

I voted for Donald J. Trump

>>34695853
oh boy, they're coming for you owen

i was sexually abused from ages 6 - 12 by some crazy man who pretended to be my father

the mob dropped cinderblocks on my nuts but also feminazis burned it cut it etc i hate women but also people

>>34695288
im on 4 chan and have had the sex

>>34695288
Saw ghosts with friend; we watched them for like a hour and a half.

>>34695742
Man, I felt so bad about it. Eh, Better to get over it than to look back forever..

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>>34696054
orgianaala

When I was a teen, I had this bully that would do like stereotypical bully stuff, steal my lunch, punch/kick me, call me names blah blah. One day, I had enough of his shit, snapped, and broke his nose over one of the school sinks, I think I was so enraged though because I didn't stop bashing his head against the thing. I was suspended for 3 weeks, and he faced a very major concussion. When I got back, he was actually afraid of me. I tried to apologize to him and he responded with "Get away from me you fucking psycho!"

>>34696834
Good.
Good on you.

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>>34696834
You shouldn't have attempted an apology.
You should've just kept shooting him creepy Aphex Twin smiles while no one was looking for the remainder of your time at the school.

>>34697004
No, not good. I likely gave the guy PTSD.

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>>34697044
Stop, you're going to make me cum.

>>34696834
I did a similar thing, this kid was the principals son and thought he could get away with anything

>in change rooms at pool
>he and a group of his twats come over do stereotypical bully stuff
>i was two years younger and far smaller than him
>they knew I would often snap and get into fights
>literally jump onto the principals son while slamming his head into the wall
>massive crowd is gathering at the entrance so the teachers realise and they come in and pull us apart
>his friends didn't do shit to help him
>igetinmostofthetrouble.jpg
>had to do in-school suspension for 3 weeks
>at meeting with him and a teacher to talk about what happened
>he starts crying
>feelsgoodman

>>34697044
wtf you should be proud

this is a guiltless situation

>>34697095
I'm not proud of the fact that I gave a guy PTSD. I have bad memories of being bullied, but I wouldn't call it PTSD.

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My friend and I beat the shit out of a mutually bully in front of the middle school we attended at the time. The principle was only a few yards away and somehow missed the whole thing.

I helped edit an internal pilot for TV show most of you have heard of

My roommate's ex fuck-buddy broke into our apartment at 3:00am once and I noticed her about a second before I was about to shoot

>>34695913
How old were you at the time ?
originalio

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>>34697156
He basically tormented you and you fucked him up royally in retaliation, possibly permanently. You succeeded in doing to him what he spent months trying to do to you and you're not proud of it?

If you ever bump into him again, you should be way overly nice to him. Drop some some serious (but subtle) serial killer vibes just to fuck with him. Maybe invite him over to your place. Try too hard to be his friend. Never blink or stop smiling. Put on a fake facial tick and so on.

That would be beautiful.

>>34697156
well yeah but I would bet money he never bothered anyone again

think of all the people you saved

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I dated a ghost writer that wrote for a lot of well know pop musicians.
He liked to bring up Lady Gaga alot because he would text her on relationship advice apparently.
He went to Julliard for music and was godly at piano.
Hated Auto tune and was the driving force behind its abolition.

>>34695578
That's the grit true legends are made of, I salute you anon. Hope your jaw healed up okay, I know having your mouth sewn shut can be a real rough experience.

>>34697297
>tfw you'll never date a qt3.14 popghost musician
I WANNA DATE A KEVIN SHIELDS TYPE ;_;

>>34697321
eh. he was kind of a prick most of the time and was super jealous of my best friends and was trying to subtly get me to defriend them.
Mostly drama all the time. 4/10 wouldn't date again. Fuck you Hunter.

>>34697271
I don't live in the town where I went to middle school too anymore. So, it's unlikely I'd ever meet him again. My mom was both proud and disappointed in me when it happened. Proud because I stood up to a bully, disappointed because of how much pain I inhibited on him when I snapped. It's really a moment in my life I'm not proud of.

I threw a 200lb+ drunk black man into a car for stealing two expensive bongs from my friend. im only 145lbs

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>>34697362
WHY ARE YOU BEING SO FUCKING NICE?
KILL PEOPLE GODDAMMIT
RAPE EVERYONE
ENGAGE IN COPROPHILIA
WOMEN AND CHILDREN INCLUDED
GIVE NO ONE SAFETY

BETA UPRISING WHEN
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>34696834
>gutless coward gets a taste of his own medicine
>tries to play the victim
that little faggot kid deserves more than PTSD
you should have kept going until he killed himself

My home life for my entire childhood was unrealistically bad.

The roof, cielings and floors were riddled with holes. Raccoons and such just kinda wandered around indoors sometimes because of this. We had no heat, no AC, and no running water. We got water from the local spring and brought it back fifty gallons at a time. No kitchen, just a microwave, so I never experienced home cooked food. I did not have my own room, or a bed. The first time I slept in a bed for more than one consecutive night was at the age of 23, after finally leaving home. The list goes on.

Nobody believes it because of how good my sociopathic parents were at making me look more or less presentable, and brainwashing me into believing very specific chunks of bullshit, such as "if anyone finds out, we'll go to jail and you'll be a ward off the state forever" and "the reason it's like this is that we're poor, not because we're extremely depressed and disconnected from reality, so if you were to leave, your new place would be even worse since you won't make much money". That, and I was able to bloom socially despite it all, though it took til late high school and required lots of lying to everyone I knew.

It still seems pretty unreal sometimes. The worst part is that I know it must happen to others all the time, and it's exactly as difficult to detect with them. Some kid I see, anywhere, could be living like that.

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>>34696333
Oh shit oh shit oh shit
>He knows
>Kek found me

>>34695578
Well if it's any consolation, you did get right to the heart of why he was a bully.

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This was way back in elementary school but I still remember it vividly
>Be 5
>Be in kindergarten
>On our playground there was a hill next to the basketball courts
>Everyday at recess kids would roll down the hill
>I wanted to roll with the cool kids
>They were mean to me because I was shorter than anyone else
>They end up shoving me to the ground and start kicking me
>I curl up in a ball and wait for them to go away
>They laugh and leave
>At this point I am SEETHING in rage
>Look around and see a nice, pointy rock
>I pick it up and randomly throw it because I'm mad
>Mfw I didn't actually expect to hurt anybody
>Same prick who shoved me starts rolling down the hill and hits his head directly onto the fucking rock
>The kid starts screaming and all his friends get a teacher
>When the teacher arrives they tell her what happened
>Except they didn't know who threw the rock
>They look around and see me, the tiny barely 2 foot tall fucker with the biggest shit eating grin in the universe
>They didn't think it was me because I'm so small
>Mfw

>>34695930
That's fucking incredible

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>most of these are abhorrently violent fantasies, a form of rebellion against oppressive figures
interesting...
[takes notes]
go on, /r9k/, please elaborate

>>34697044
I hope he did get PTSD. The fucker deserves it.
If he's going to dish it out he should get it back twice as bad.

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I'm fat (127kg) and have a 8/10 oral-obsessed (She's obsessed about using her tongue, she gives me divine blowjobs and frenchkiss everyday) loving girlfriend.
She's loving to blow me so much that she pierced her tongue to enhance the experience, similar to pic related.
People doubt me until they see her frenching me.

>>34697523
Doin the Lord's work, anon.

When I was 10 I was on national TV of my country but these faggots made me pretend to be a girl and wear dress and wig.

>>34695288
I dicked two holes in a fleshlight sleeve

the girl I lost my virginity to cried and asked me if I was a player afterwards

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I actually used to bully people in high school.
I recently ran into one of those people. He's not doing so well right now. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. He's very thin with stringy Edward Scissorhands-esque hair.
He told me was basically suicidal throughout high school and was at one point addicted to heroin. His family was scared he was going to die.

All the while he was telling me all this I knew I should feel bad but I only felt powerful. It's a sexy kind of feel. Kinda wanted to rape him. It's weird.

Anyway I told him I was sorry, which was a lie, and he "forgave" me.

Last year I had a cute gf who would let me dominate her, call her names, fuck her ass, have her eat my ass, etc. etc... bonus, she was a total tumblr SJW who looked fairly similar to the camwhore chick who wears the aperture shirt all the time. shit was glorious and she knew I was a Trump supporter the whole time. women truly are whores

>>34697497
I got pulled off him by 3 other students, and then slapped by one of em probably to help me come to my senses of what I just did.

>>34697044
How do you know the guy has PTSD?

>>34697668
I don't. I'm assuming he does.

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>>34695288
Apparently "too embarassing to be true."
>high school sophmore english class
>fat, socially inept, and generally ugly
>put in group with 3 girls
>project is about learning how you would survive on a raft in some scenario
>already we fail it but I didn't do mine so we get a -1 on the assignment
>also there is a presentation part
>while up there trying to bullshit my way through to get a grade the question of "how to stay warm" comes up
>know from some pop-science shit that cuddling/closeness of bodies helps preserve warmth
>even more if you're naked
>blurt out the obvious "well we could stay warm by naked cuddling
>don't generally remember the response but it was almost certainly laughter
>it was also this (and many other embarassing incidents) that burned bridges at the school for me once I started getting my shit together
I still think about it to this day and want to die.

>>34695288
I have almost had sex like six times but I didnt fee like fucking at the time

>>34697601
Good one. I want to believe it but I can't.

As a child I was a child prostitute and i had sex with multiple police officers who were in on it

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>>34697630
You're a sad human being and you should probably kys

>>34697720
WHOA. Only good one in this thread.
Elaborate. I'm honestly fascinated in a disgusted way.

When/how did it start?

>>34697798
You seriously don't know the half of it.
If you knew me you'd try to kill me out of disgust.

>>34697798
It must be an honor to be told that by someone on /r9k/, the lowest of the low.

>>34697826
Why did you do it then? I'm the one who posted this
>>34696834
You're lucky one of the kids you bullied didn't do this shit to you.

>>34697806
My mother died when I was 11, after this happened it was just my father and I. A few months after she passed away he began to sexually molest me, then later he began to rape me. Of course,I was constantly told how awful the consequences would be if I defied him or told anyone, so I never did anything about it. When I was about 12, he began to find others to pimp me out to. I don't know where he met these people, I'm going to assume online but it's possible he had IRL connections. We'd drive to a certain location, I'd be dropped off, then someone would pick me up, we'd have sex, and I would be dropped back off at the previous location. I had sex with many people but I also had sex with two police officers during this time. This would continue for about 3 years. They were regular customers, I had sex with these two men dozens of times over the course of my 'career'

>>34697916
Boy or girl? Have you told anyone?

>>34697864
>Why did you do it then?
Because it feels good. No other reason than that. It goes further than just bullying. Nothing's really off-limits for me.
>You're lucky one of the kids you bullied didn't do this shit to you.
Nope, just really good at keeping people scared I guess. Something similar did happen to me at one point but I got my revenge and things returned to the way they were.

>>34697935
Girl. I've told close friends certain details but never went too deep into the subject, but they know I was a child prostitute. I've vaguely talked about it with therapists as well.

>>34697916
[Paris Hilton's catchphrase]

>>34695288

I once photobombed Jeremy Shada (the guy who voices Finn on Adventure Time) and he and his tard wrangler (Cartoon Network executive) came over and talked to me afterwards.

Then, later that same day, Conan O'Brien accidentally headbutted me turning around a corner and gave me a concussion.

This was at Comic Con 2011

>>34695288
I'm friends with a qt asian cosplayer who runs a successful art business on the side and have one sided feelings for.

>>34697961
that's fucking gross and you should be disgusted

>>34697916
How did it resolve? Did your dad just stop or was he arrested? What happened there?

>>34697992
>>>/tumbIr/
Original

>>34697916
How is your relationship with your father now? Where is he? Are you on your own now? How old are you?

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>>34696076
based

orignialo

>>34697916
That's fucked up. I'm sorry you went through that. Do you know if you have any STDs?

>>34697992
Please, leave this area of the internet if that disgusts you.

I slept with a girl that had Dissociative Idenity Disorder, and nobody believes me because it's a very disorder and some people believe such a thing doesn't even exist.

Or they believe that she was faking it, either way that was damn good acting if she was faking it because she was able to switch personalities on the fly and sometimes I would have to call her by a different name, AND talk to her like she was a different person. It was trippy as fuck.

>>34697935

Oh shit.. Im sorry you had to go through that. Any way we can help out now?

>>34697966
Christ they took it that seriously? I thought normie liked that kind of thing

>>34698002
He never stopped. I moved out of the house early, when I was around 15. He's still walking free as far as I know.

>>34698016
>How is your relationship with your father now?
I talked to him October of 2015, didn't go well. He broke my left arm after I attempted to stab him. Haven't talked to him since.
>Where is he?
Free as far as I know, unless he's done something to get arrested since then
>Are you on your own now?
Yeah
> How old are you?
23

>>34698018
Nope, no STDs. Never had any STDs either. Guess I'm lucky.

>>34698050

Oh no they weren't mad or anything, they thought it was funny.

They just asked me if I was a fan of the show and if I was in town for the 'Con.

I ended up seeing him at his Adventure Time panel and he saw me in the crowds and waved to me.

He's a pretty chill guy

>>34698065
>He broke my left arm after I attempted to stab him.
Elaborate. What lead to all this?

>>34698065
Why do you not press charges on him? Do you not want him to rot in prison for what he did?

>>34697502
Some of these stories were interesting, cool, or funny but yours is inspirational man the fact that you made it through all of that is so impressive.

I tried to kill myself last year via lack of sleep, water or food. Lasted 5 days. Suffered horrible hallucinations and sickness I'm STILL feeling the effects from.
Chickened out at the last moment and kinda wish I'd gone through with it.

>>34698067
Oh that's cool. Must be nice to live in Cali or NY. All the other cons barley get anyone. I did get a picture with Stan Lee though so that was based.

I was abducted by aliens

>>34698126
someone already did that one

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>>34697916
did anybody get arrested?

>>34697502
We have had the exact same childhoods down to a tee what the fuck

>>34698096
Well I hadn't talked to him in many years. I dislike the fact my family is broken. I wanted to believe he was a changed man after so many years, maybe after I had elft he would realize the error of his ways, apologize, and I could have the father I always wanted. I decided to visit him, he still lived in the same house. He let me in, we got along...somewhat well for a good hour, but I realized he had not changed at all. I got extremely angry and attempted to stab him with a nearby kitchen knife. It was pretty sharp, I could have done some serious damage. Unfortunately I was not fast enough and he subdued me, and later broke my arm holding me down. We decided we'd not tell anyone anything about the situation and never speak to each other again, and we haven't,

>>34698101
Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't. It is complicated. He convinced me that I deserved it. To some extent, I still believe this.

>>34698065
I'm so sorry for what you had to go through and its the same for a lot of people in this thread.. the fact that so many of these problems go unheard baffles me I really hope for the best for you guys.

>>34698226
ugh fuck off with that faggy shit
we all have shit lives

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>>34698224
>To some extent, I still believe this.

>>34698246
The extent to ours is incomparable to theirs

>>34698261
I already posted one of the worst ones in this thread by far.
Still. Everybody in this thread has a shitty life in some way.

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I was involved in the super bowl half time show two years back, the one with Katy Perry. My school's marching band was holding up these glowing beach ball things on the field at the beginning of the show

Pic related

>>34698224
Nobody deserves what you went through. You did nothing wrong. Don't think like that. It was 100% his fault. Only a monster would do that to someone, especially a child.

I want to cuddle you to sleep and say nice things about you every day.

>>34698286
Yeah everybody on this thread will agree you are truly a amazing person

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>>34698286
> wanting used goods with daddy issues
Just imagine how many men and different cocks have been inside her, how much cum she had to swallow

>>34695288
they psychologically raped me and now i'm fragmented as fuck

>>34696485
>>34697502
>>34697916
How does it feel, knowing that the majority of your childhoods have been wasted and the rest of your lives are completely ruined because of it? The one life you got is completely destroyed.

How does it make you feel knowing some others get everything handed to them and can enjoy the finest things available on a whim meanwhile you're living in a squander so unbelievably fucked up and sad some people literally can't even imagine it?

Not saying my life is any better, but how does it feel?

>>34698065
Are you a tranny now?

>>34698344
Just goes to show how much of a strong woman she is to be able to go through that and continue living. If I was in her position, I probably would have killed myself after the first few times it happened. She went through that for years.
It's sad that it happened, but I respect her for moving on with her life despite what she experienced.
I don't know her, but I'd be willing to marry a woman that went through that.

>>34698387
Elaborate
OriginaI

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me and my gf are in an open relationship

I once came and my sperm end up on the wall behind my bed

>>34695522
DAYYYYYYYUM
DUBS DON'T LIE GET FUKT BOI

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I had a taller girlfriend once.

>>34698462
How's your girlfriend's son doing?

me and my friend wrote the scrotie mcboogerballs episode of south park and then they stole it from us

>>34695288
I'm still a virgin.
I don't know if that makes it better or worse

>>34698224
I don't know if you're still here or if you'll see this, but I want you to know that what happened wasn't your fault, and you are still a valuable individual and a desirable woman. Try not to think about your past, but instead what the future may hold for you. I wish you health, wealth, and happiness.

>>34698226
Well, if I wanted people to know I would talk about it more. But, I know the consequences of if I talk about it in real life. People would just call me a whore and used up.

>>34698286
While it is sweet of you to say that, you don't know the details of my life and what happened. I do think I deserve some amount of pain, and that what happened to me was due to me being inherently worse. I apologize if this is vague, but I don't want to talk about the details.

>>34698344
Yes, very funny. Haha

>>34698389
Feels normal. It's how I grew up, it's the only childhood I know. So I can't relate it to anything else, so it's not that bad I guess.

>>34698440
I was born a biological female and I still am a biological female. I am not a transsexual.

>>34698671
>I was born a biological female
I was just checking if you're someone I know.

>>34698640
fucking hell mate, i hope you dont talk like this in real life because it screams virginity

>>34695288
i tried to fuck a stray dog at the age of 7

>>34698781
how did it originally go?

>>34695853
Tell me more about the dog

Nice roleplay tough

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>be me
>17 or 16 y/o sandnigger from Israel
>used to drink in school and get in trouble because always felt miserable (filled water bottles with vodka, used to do that since I was 12)
>parents found out and forced me to drop out and get a job
>fuckit.gif
>made me work in construction because money was (really) good at the time
>boss got a job on the borders of Israel and Syria in one of those UN "peacekeeper" bases/radio stations
>just build a few 6+ meter tall walls in the stations in Israel and a couple of miles inside Syria
>one day we're working and we hear an explosion
>everybody starts running in different directions
>it wasn't near so went to the fence to check what's happening
>saw a guy that was dressed as a sheep herder running and sheep scattering like coworkers around 50-70 meters away from where we're at
>guy dressed as a sheep herder runs to a small hill and grabs a rifle from between the rocks
>uhoh
>prepares to shoot when someone comes running down (not in our direction)
>UN PeaceKeeper comes running out screaming at everyone telling them to into the bunker
>was still standing at the fence
>comes screaming at me in a panic attack spitting and drooling everywhere
>syrian rebel notices and starts running in our direction and

>>34698794
well,didnt go as i planned. my benis was too small at the time to put it in and the dog was constantly moving.

>>34698671
You're right. I don't know you at all. But I still wish you happiness despite whether or not you think you should be happy.
Goodnight.

>>34698821

(cont)
>UN PK loads and cocks gun then passes out, just collapses
>ohshit.bernie
>grabbed gun and laid down
>shot a warning shot to scare em away
>didn't work
>started shouting in Arabic
>didn't work
>did a mix of both
>he's still hauling ass
>suddenly he stops and gets behind a rock
>he's out of ammo/gun jammed
>fuck it
>aimed and waited till he got out
>got out hauling ass again and shooting
>he stops to check the gun again
>shoot him
>he drops
>OHSHIT.bernie
(later found out he planted a bomb on the Israeli border, killed 1 and don't remember how many injuries)
>israeli missiles starts flying
>fuck
>one missile lands in front of the gate
>OHFUCK
>drag the UN PK to the bunker
>he shat and pissed himself while he was out
>didn't tell anyone 'cause was scared I'll get a punishment for using the gun
>told coworkers
>they laughed at me
>told family
>they did the same
>UN PK beta fag took all the credit
JUST

Last I heard the UN PK got a medal/promotion or something
Some time later he got kidnapped

>>34698781
if you are asking about the stray dog,it was just a dog that would sometimes come to my house and ask for food and play with me.

>>34698834
motherfucker deserved to get kidnapped. you did gud,anon.

>>34697601
Nice roleplay fatass
>tfw 122kg

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>>34698849
Thanks for the validation, anon

>>34698834
Link please if some cunt died then it would be in some news article

op is a gay homolord

>>34698822
fucking keked and checked oringalooo

>>34698890
Still looking for one

original relpy

>>34698910
Thanks for killing a sand nigger for me


OrangeLoli

>>34698834
god damn anon-kun

I'm responsible for several moderately successful memes, including the >Current year
>Still (XYZ)
one (although not the Constanta part), the "I want to fuck that X" crop, the "I'm ok with this" crop and also the crop of Elizabeth's Disney face from BioShock Infinite that was shitposted to death.

I'm sorry

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>>34698890
MAN WHAT THE FUCK
Remembered the date of the event (December/7/2013)
Found 2 articles but they say there were no injuries to the IDF soldiers, I saw a couple of ambulances on our way into the Israeli borders wtf
look
(see reply)

this one says there was a light damage to the IDF vehicle
(See reply)

just fucking sage me

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>>34698901
Kek has praised me with his digits for trying to fuck a dog before i even grew a pair of testicles.

>>34695288
When I was 15, a middle aged man tried to kill me with a bomb.

>>34699227
are you from Israel or from Syria,my friend? that shit is common there.

>>34699197
nice anon-kun

yabadabadoo

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>>34699197
Tried everything, I'ma go eat

In an e. European country in the Eighties I beat a faggot to death with a fire extinguisher while my friends drove a piece of rebar through his butt buddy's head. the offal was dropped into the foundations of a hotel. local police knew but not a single fuck was given.

>>34697601

I love when people post X/10 numbers like they mean anything on an anonymous forum without pictures. You don't have to pretend like she's hot for the benefit of that story.

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My father and sister sexually assaulted me on different occasions during my childhood. No one believes either happened because my sister played the "DADDY RAPED ME" card to stay in the placement of her choosing, and tossed in admitting to trying to fuck her six year old little brother to liven things up. Dad was found innocent (he actually didn't do anything to her, just me) and that little detail about me got kinda swept away. Meh

>>34698034

If this is real that would be hot af. Did you have sex with her different personalities? And if so explain them please.

I came to hentai but my dick didn't go flaccid after I did.

>>34699250
No, I live in South Carolina.

I am the Zodiac

>>34695288
>stopped talking for for 5 months
>ran away when i was 19
>left the us to goto romania and an hero

>I got caught before I could finish the job and ran outta money
>came back and been homeless since
>havent seen norspoken with any family since.

>>34695853
I hope this not true Anon

I haven't talked to my parents in 26 years. Actually, they haven't talked to me so I just stopped trying.

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In 8th grade, I saw a woman glitch out and freeze perfectly still in real time. Never told anyone about it because they'll just think I'm crazy.

>>34702195
You are crazy, Anon.

>>34702257
Thank you for this original and insightful post

>>34695288
I have alot of crazy stories but everyone believes them because everyone thinks I'm a crazy fucker. The truth is I'm just impulsive and dont give a fuck. Put some alcohol in me and I have no restraints at all.
Oh wait I got one, when I tell people that I'm actually introverted and extremeley unconfident they dont believe me. I guess my facade works and normies dont see the crippling anxiety and fear of not being good enough behind my act.
But robots always instantly see through my chad act and first they despise me untill I open up to them and we become bros. Trust me guys one robot friend>5 chad friends>10 normie friends.

>>34702195
it's called and absence seizure

>>34702103
why

>>34702296
I came out to them. They are a strict Irish-Catholic family and I was an embarrassment to them. I then got addicted to heroin for three years. All that was a long time ago and I've tried to talk to them but they just ignore my calls.

>>34695578
I have a similar story once anon damn. Called some alpha bullies mom a whore. He told me his mom is dead and I told him I would've killed myself aswell if I was a whore and got a bastard son as ugly as him. I was lucky that some guys intervened when he was charging at me or I would've ended the same as you.
Thinking back on it, these guys probably were sad and full of hate and that's the reason why they probably acted like dicks.

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>>34702296
>absence seizure

It wasn't anon. I'll just green text it who am I kidding:

>8th grade
>English class
>teacher droning on about irrelevant lit
>looking out the window
>outside is a major road
>trucks/cars constantly going by
>see minivan
>see it pull to the near side of the road
>no flashers/signals
>driver proceeds to sit still
>hands at 10 and 2
>not looking at anything in car
>not looking at phone
>just staring straight ahead
>completely frozen
>no one else in class is looking outside
>teacher still repeating the same shit
>after two minutes the driver pulls out and continues on the road
>no turn signal/head look just continues driving

The next day my school had a gas leak and I was the first person to smell the gas. I feel for some reason these two moments are quantamly intertwined.

>>34702322
Must be hard anon, parents are supposed to love you unconditionally and when they just take away that for somethibg you can't even do anything about it must rip open some wounds. They dont deserve talking to you. I have the same shit as you, my parents didn't talk to me for ages aswell, when they tried to reconnect (this was after I became 'succesfull' in their eyes) I just got enraged and started insulting them. I did see the pain in their eyes and regret for what thry did but honestly I could not allow myself to accept them back intoy life after all thr damage they did. I too went on a heroin binge cuz of that shit. Glad to hear you're off it like me, not everyone is as strong as you to be able to quit something like that after the shit you went through.

>>34702444
Took two stints in rehab to get off H. I'm fairly successful now but have given up trying to contact my parents. They could be dead for all I know.

>>34702322
oh wow I'm really sorry nobody should have to deal with this kind of bullshit. Normies and 'embarassment' is truly an undertalked can of worms (here and in any case in the normie world) and the original reason for my own robot quest. glad to see you seem to be doing well

>>34702402
plot twist: YOU had the seizure but it was a temporal lobe complex partial seizure and hence you feel a dejavu-related emotion regarding the gas leak the next day (this explanation isn't even completely wrong)

but srs this is consistent with an epileptic having regular absence seizures. she drove on the road because she could feel an attack coming, which is common because attacks come with common signs before. the ending is a bit weird (why wouldn't she head look) but who knows was a women driving after all

>>34697156
Your empathy is commendable, but tyrants will never stop until they receive great punishment, its part of the reason revolutions happen, and why we have the second amendment. I know it feels bad, but such is life my friend

>>34698640
>I wish you health, wealth, and happiness.
You're a total fag, kys

>>34695288
I made a deal to exchange 10 years of my life to get glimpses of my future with some other benefits and when a doctor checked me out when I was 6 he said I appeared 14, now I'm 23 but appear 35-40 to people who have told me.

I don't sleep well now but other's say it's not that, they say the feeling of being around me is as if I'm an older foreboding man even without me saying or doing anything. I don't see it or feel it.

>>34698389
i got cluster headaches and a variety of mental illness so i don't have too much time to think about it i guess but in reality the past is an illusion and so is the future as in unconcrete and indefinite filled with variables and empty space

>>34698116
this must be the dumbest suicide method ever

>>34698116
you cant last 5 days without water though

I once cut a grape in half by throwing it at a knife that was ~25 feet away.

>>34695425
How was it destroyed? Define destroyed.

>finished a mountain dew
>toss it across the room to the trash can
>it lands upright

Best day of my life desu

i kissed a real live girl once. beat that.

>>34695288
>I've grinded with & molested my 5 of cousins
>I was underage
>they were under 10
>implying I'd ever tell this to another living soul

I have a bear I live with, wouldn't call her a pet. She got injured pretty badly and patched up by some vets, though couldn't stay anywhere for legal reasons. I offered to put her up on my family property till she got better, then just let her keep staying. The local rangers know about her and as long as she doesn't cause trouble they turn a blind eye.

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I literally designed that feel.
Originally it was taken from a comic inspired by my Uni years.

I apparently didn't want to be born. My delivery was 2 weeks late and my birth was extremely long. Idr how long just that the doctors tried to force my mom to do a c-section because I just didn't want to be born.

One of my best friends was murdered by another good friend of ours, everyone involved in that circle of friends was interviewed by the police except me because I thought I had nothing extra to provide to the investigation. Those kids all get free counselling and are treated by the school and the local community as if they were nearly murdered as well and are all considered heroes of the school, whilst no one spoke to me about how I felt besides from the original group of friends of course, but the local community and school never asked me anything about whether I was feeling OK or if I needed some time to myself. Then roughly a year later, our school runs a charity event and a girl I knew decides to represent the charity of my dead friend, she gets on stage infront of the whole school to cry about how my friend meant so much to her and that she;s been so grief stricken since the events, but she only found out because I texted her and cry over the phone to her. She had nothing to do with and didn't even run her little speech by me to make sure she wasn't tarnishing his memory or if I was OK with her doing so.

Also I'm gonna kill his murderer when he finally gets out of jail.

>>34704228
But then you become the murderer. I don't blame you for being angry, but killing him won't solve anything.

>>34698671
>But, I know the consequences of if I talk about it in real life. People would just call me a whore and used up.
What happened was something forced on you, not to mention you were a child. Honestly consider it a blessing if they say shit like that, because it really shows how fucked they are and nobody needs people like that in their life. I do legitimately hope you find some happiness.

>>34695578
>get complimented
>make fun of his dead mom

You deserved it

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>>34704300
The action itself is more meaningful and decisive than whatever consequences it may bring. I will send a message.

>at highschool
>suffer from bullying
>go to the counselor
>i confess my problems to her
>she listens to what i say but have some kind of smug look to her face
>as the conversations furthers on, she tries to spin the problem on me
>tells me i have a thin skin and i need to find a way to deal with it, also mentioned that she won't get along with her peers at work

well if we society treated every problem as subjective we wouldn't have a society you fucking hag

>>34697916
fucking disgusting whore

>>34695288
I was born with a prehensile penis

>>34695288

>I'm from a tiny country in Europe.
>Meet 10/10 local girl online who starts chatting to me.
>She seems perfect but something is off...
>ask leading questions till finally she admits straight up that she's not local.
Shes not even 1000 miles near me. She's american. Says she's a model.
>Heart sinks. Think this is a scam/bot now.
>Says she just wants to have fun chatting to people online.
>Ask her to send me a picture of her with my name in it.

Yeah beta as fuck but whatever.

>She does.
Minus her clothes.

>Swap information and Web sex for a few years.
>eventually invites me on spring break last year.
>Fuck her here. Fuck here there. Fuck here every fucking where.

Collars, whips, chains. Everything that had been built up to and alluded to we did in that short week.

>Officially in love.
>Dance with her in the streets final day.

>>34704822

Things get bad. Anyone want me to continue or just no? Not going to bother reliving if noone is listening.

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>>34695578
>I know, she died of exhaustion

That was pretty fucking nice man, 8/10 would've literally LOL'd at that one-liner

>>34704848
if she didn't cut both of your arms and legs anything less is worth the experience

>>34701524
What is your life situation now?

>>34697360

Last name? I went to Julliard as well. There's a story no one would ever believe, ha. I graduated in 2013, I might know him.

Got roped into a CIA operation that involved Gun Smuggling in the north of my country. Tons more to this story, cant go into detail

>>34695288
I fucked my friends fat wife while he jacked off watching.

They'd been asking me to go out with them/come over and hang, drink, smoke, ect. So after about hanging with them for about a month, they drunkingly popped the question. I hadn't had pussy since I was 18, and I'm now 26, so it was pretty much impossible to say no.

She sucked my dick REALLY fucking good, so by the time I put my dick in her, I was ready to cum. I trusted for about 20 seconds before I came. All I could say after was "..s-sorry... it's been a while since I've been with a g-girl..." she went to the bathroom after I climbed off of her, and shit was awkward so I left.

I imagine neither one of them got any pleasure from the incident, because they never called me back. Or answered texts or anything.

That was 2014. Last time I got action since 2005.

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>>34704848

>Go home with the memories of that trip in my mind. Excited to talk to my new love again.
>Skype as soon as we both get back. Already planning another trip.

Days go by.

>Notice she says shes feeling sick alot.
>Shes having trouble concentrating on her degree. Has to pick up extra work. Another modelling agency, extra waitressing etc.

"Nothing to worry about. I'm just tired."
"Alright."

>She changes her hair. Was once a beautiful bright auburn, now quite generic blond.

"I like it."
"Thanks."

>She's not online as often anymore.
>I get worried.
>Feel guilty but need to find out whats going on.

I search online using her distinctive Internet alias. Her profile name taken as a reference from a french actress.
Hoping to stumble across some twitter profile, or blog or something of hers that she keeps hidden.

>I know. Stalkery.

Instead the first result that pops make my stomach flip.

>"WATCH (her alias) FACEFUCKED PORN."
>Click into it.

It's her.
It's her.
Smiling. As she was smiling just a few days ago as I seen her. Shes wearing a dress I've never seen.
I note that. I also note the necklace I gave her.

I don't feel anything. I still can't. I see her there.
They take her.
They take her from me.

>I watch all of it and think.
>Just think.
>36 minutes to think.

I see more of her other videos in the corner.
I ignore them.

I haven't messaged her since that day.
Shes been online wondering where I am.
I'm still thinking.

Pic related is her.

>>34696054
You're a liar and had sleep paralysis.

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>>34705292

Wut? Gonna need a quick rundown on the ayy lmaos.

>>34704436
Good luck with whatever you do. Don't end up in jail, /r9k/ will miss you.

>>34705250
damn
sorry to hear anon

I basically just don't experience things the same way. When people talk, I can see the words they're saying, I can feel sound really intensely and vividly, I can see music, math moves and has color, stuff like that.

It really only comes up when something bothers me or I get confused. You can'teally explain that a sound hurts or that you literally can't see the board if everyone talks or that you came to a conclusion because you felt it or that somebody smells green. I thought for years everybody had the same interface. Usually try to avoid talking about it and just explain shot in common terms, but it's hard not to sound like an exaggerating douche when you're asking somebody to stop something because it's doing something that sounds like nonsense.

>>34705463
The murderer managed to blog post from jail, let's hope I can get 4chan access.

>>34705040
...
Who are you?
R u havin a laff

>>34695288
I have a grandpa with 4 kidneys.

>>34697958
>girl
And this is where we all stop feeling bad for you
Get toastie roastie

>>34695288
Not a story but a fact: I'm a virgin.

>>34705498
I'm not exactly like that, but I know a similar feel.

I've got a knack for being able to feel out what dialogue/sound effects look and sound the best in film and television. I don't really get upset when the overall plot is bad, more when a single line could have been vastly impoved, or certain sound effects/specific action sequences could have had a lot more weight to them. I keep it to myself but it's still annoying to be constantly mad at a movie or TV show's editors because they can't get it right.

>>34705594

That's common enough. They don't take out the old ones out after they implant the new ones. So you have people walking around with 4 or even 6 kidneys.

>>34697362
I know how you feel I fucked up a bully pretty badly in high school even though he really had it coming. Afterwards he basically dropped out of school. I feel guilty and ashamed about it even though he deserved retaliation. I should have held back more.

>>34705633
I think we have autism. Not "aha, you sperm" autism, either. Like, actually.

>>34705710
*sperg


mobile.

>>34705710
Probably. I have an entire TV four season tv series written out in my head. Backstories, worldbuilding, character deaths, story archs, even down to the exact dialogue/music in certain scenes.

Never wrote a word of it down, it's all just in my head.

So yeah I probably have autism of some sort.

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>>34705633
>>34705710

This sounds like mild autism. Straight up.

>>34705498
This is synesthesia. No two ways about it.
Can be genetic or linked with heavy drug usage, head injuries, or disease of the CNS.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synesthesia

>>34705789
Is mild autism a bad thing though? so long as it's not full blown autism then it can be a good thing

>>34705250
>calling that a 10/10

>>34698286
>whiteknighting this hard

-__-
rilly nigguh

>>34705829
It is whatever it is to you. That's a pretty unique experience though. Not many people have the chance to bring that kind of experience to their creative endeavors.

Personally, I'm one of those kids that started as a major flapper and stimmer. Every little thing triggered me too and I was virtually retarded other than learning to read and mess with numbers at a really young age. Now It turns out I was one of those 11 or whatever percent of kids who through some odd feat of plasticity, ends up normal. Nobody believes I'm a genuine sperg, they all think I'm "just a little different" or am "eccentric"

It's annoying. Feels like being a defective normie most of the time. And there aren't a lot of people out there that can relate to the fact that I spend most of my time alone trying to process emotions or the context of conversations that day/week. The behavior -looks- mostly normal. But the mind gets jury rigged to work in a way that it's not supposed to.

>>34705738
I lol'd at sperm desu

>>34705498
>When people talk, I can see the words they're saying
U scott pilgrim?

>>34706216
I generally don't focus on processing emotions/conversations with other people unless they were significant or confusing. A large portion of my thought process is actually dedicated to trying to process/understand my own emotions and opinions, poking and prodding them for weakness. I'm constantly questioning why I believe something or want to do something to the point where I'll get gripped by indecision and self hatred. Autism is supposed to be not understanding the social ques and actions of others, but I can't fucking understand myself.

I also have an autistic stubborn hatred of anything that doesn't make sense, which led to... problems with my parents when I was a kid.

When I played Runescape when I was 13, I catfished a woman and her son for years by pretending to be someone five years older. I set up a fake myspace, got a bunch of pictures of "me" off google, and threw in a couple of actual pictures of myself as my "kid cousin". After a few years I felt guilty about lying to them and slowly introduced the "kid cousin", the real me, to the picture and pretended I'd be moving to another country and leaving my account in my "cousin's" hands.

They probably knew, but over the years I ran with it they never gave any indication. It's easily the weirdest fucking thing I ever did, and I did it all because I thought nobody could possibly like the real me.

I was right

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>>34695578
>I said, "Yeah, I know. She died of exhaustion."
You went a step too far but fuck it that had to be worth it.

>>34695578
I call bullshit, nobody in middle school can break a jaw in one punch

was the guy you pissed off bald?

>>34707092
He did say he got held back twice so the guy could've been 3 years older than virtually everyone else in his grade.
There were some big-looking guys in my class in mid school.

>>34696559
no wayy

>>34698389
I look on the bright side of life - now everything I'll ever experience will be better. Like, beds! Holy shit! It's like sleeping on a magical cloud handcrafted by monks who devoted their lives to the sanctity of sleep. I can't sleep without being happy about it.

The worst part is just not knowing things I should know, like what should happen on a Thanksgiving, or how to operate a dishwasher. But that just requires me to YouTube it.

>>34698210
Jeez, I don't think I've ever actually met another. Good luck in life, man.

>>34698108
Thanks. When I tell people in real life about it I say I got lucky in the end, but desu it's a situation you have to pull yourself out of, so it really isn't luck at all. The trick was realizing that most things my parents told me were impossible were easy, as long as I overcame my fear of them.

>>34707439
>Like, beds! Holy shit! It's like sleeping on a magical cloud handcrafted by monks who devoted their lives to the sanctity of sleep. I can't sleep without being happy about it.
Your optimism makes me think of Kimmy Schmidt.

>>34707507
My boyfriend says I remind him of her too. I should really watch that at some point.

I stepped on a nail while barefoot and it went through my toe and i didn't feel anything. I remember my dad cleaning the metal that stayed in my toe in the shower and the blood running down the drain but i no pain.

>>34707878
It's a pretty good show. It's like 30 Rock except with cult bunkers.

I worked in a pub with a guy who trained with Connor MCgregor

>>34695578
Characters who did literally nothing wrong

I killed my sister's horse along with two other horses at its stable (so I don't raise suspicion) because I got sick of having to drive her there every day. Didn't quite work though she got a new one only a few weeks later. Fortunately she can drive on her own by now.

>>34695288


I come from a family of previously incarcerated criminals. My parents were drug smugglers and several of our "family friends" were actually smugglers as well. My grandfather took cash from the mafia to throw football games, too.

No one in my family even knows that I know and its a lot of weight to carry.

>>34703887
Let's here the details bro

>>34705250
Talk to her. You don't know her circumstances. She may have had little choice. You'll never know until you ask.

>>34695288
I discovered a dialect.

>>34695288
I peed in my mouth once

>>34706279
Nah. It's less like a speech bubble and more like a kind of captioning. It's like the word is displayed on a separate screen from the one that displays what my eyes see, but it's real even though the images on the screens are separate. And it doesn't display whole sentences so much as it does scroll or zoom from word to word, with emphasis on particular words and sounds. And qualities like meaning and sound can paint the words or animate them or change the style. Think Zelda dialogue box, but with the text on a ribbon that stretches front to back and such, and way more highlighted, and the view scrolls through the text instead of text past a fixed view.

I'm unwelcome in a few dozen Indian restaurants around central Jersey because I got involved in some business with the owners back in high school and ended up unintentionally scamming them for a few thousand dollars.