I wish I could reset my life, or be a different person entirely

would you salvage your current character if it were possible?

>>34689507
>get a working visa
>move to another country
>reinvent yourself
>fresh start

>having to go through this world again under any circumstance

fuck no
more like i wish i could fast forward the rest

>>34689542
I don't think that it's possible, and I think I'm too much of a self flagellating dumbfuck to even try if it requires some effort

Reincarnation is real. Pop yourself in the head and you'll come back.

>>34689665
if you could reinvent yourself, you would want to be someone who is able to overcome adversity. Here's some adversity to overcome. Shit, when you're on your deathbed, will you be more satisfied looking back thinking "thank god I was such a pussy every single day of my life" or thinking "thank god I went through the effort of climbing out of that rut I was in as a young guy, I was able to enjoy the rest of my life"

>>34689665
>>34689507
Well just so we're clear, you're doing it right now. Generally when people do what you're doing, it's less of a confession and more a plea to have the behavior validated. It feels good to feel bad and great to feel right about feeling bad, right?

Well look dude. It's an easy mindset to fall into. So don't beat yourself up over that, easier than anyone likes to give it credit for. That's scary. Accepting that it feels good to hurt is scary. But it does, it's how our minds work. It's why couples fight over nothing when they're bored, and make up later just to do it again. It's why that little sibling keeps antagonizing the older one. Sometimes the punishment just feels good.

A lot of the times, it's because it's even harder to accept positive reinforcement. I got that real bad. A lot of people do. But you need some kinda reinforcement not to go crazy. So negative will do in time. And it gets really addictive, it can even drive you to depression. And we've found through MRIs that depressed brains have a really overactive part of the brain that's associated with being critical with yourself.

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>>34690283
but how do you break out of the cycle of self criticism without accomplishing something meaningful? I can't do that, I've never done that

>>34690401
You have to start by accepting that a lot of your self criticism isn't actually helping you get what you need. you have to accept that you want the criticism, but it's not what you need. What you need right now is to change a few things about your character right?

So tell me. If an instructor only tells a boy playing the piano what he is doing wrong, how will the boy know what is right? Life is too grand to make that sort of deduction with yourself.

And if you're really that stupid as you imply, should you even trust your criticality? Should you trust your answers in a quiz like that? Genuinely stupid people aren't honest with themselves. The land-whale shouting at the cashier at Walmart because of some small mistake comes off as stupid right? Wouldn't you guess that she has other issues that she's misrouting on that poor cashier? Does she seem honest with herself? That constitutes a stupid person to me. Should you really accept how you view yourself if you already think your worldview was flawed?

Another one is that you've already accepted you're self critical. Can you trust those assessments, knowing these? And why? Why would you accept an assessment you already know is biased. Where is that bias? What is it's name?

You obviously think a lot about this stuff. This level of introversion takes more sustained thought than a lot of people can be bothered to do. And that's why a lot of people who might otherwise be in your emotional situation, aren't. But you can't think your way out of this, because emotions will always get in the way.

>>34690401
>>34690646
So you need to learn to deal with your emotions. you can adress your self criticism fine. You're literally painfully aware of it. But there is a time and a place for that, and as you become more emotionally aware, you'll start to understand when it's helpful to ruminate on your flaws, and when you're just wasting time and breath hurting yourself over nothing.

I want you to find one thing you like doing. for me, it was tea or coffee in the morning. A hot drink to savor and be comforted by. For a while, it was keeping up with scans of some of my favorite manga, or staying up late to talk politics out of my ass to some guy I knew I'd be comfortable around. Find one single thing no matter how little or big, so long as you can do it regularly, it's not self destructive, and you look forward to it. This is what is called self care. You need it. Everyone does it. But when you're depressed, you confuse destructive behavior like pleasure eating, excessive drug use, ruminating for hours, or obsessive gaming with it. Remember, these things feel good, but it can't be bad for you. You'll just feel worse.

>>34690146
>if you could reinvent yourself, you would want to be someone who is able to overcome adversity
No, I would want to be someone who didn't waste his youth. Someone who spent his 20s in and out of relationships, learning who he was, making memories.
Sitting in front of a computer for 10 hours a day isn't adversity.

>>34690776
>>34690646
>>34690401
Self care will help you stay sane to some degree. It can include those little things you like, and it can be something as simple as hygeine if you don't do that right now. It's common that people who are genuinely depressed(I trust that you mean what you say) don't do these things for themselves. It could even be something productive, like doodling for 10 minutes a day. Something small, easy, positive, and repeatable that you can feel good about. Start with one thing. Then when you have that one thing down, move onto two. You're building here, not reinventing. There are no redos. You build upon the ruins that are your self.

The next thing is basically centered around this: I want you to keep a small notebook beside your bed. Whenever you can find time, write all the things you did that day that you liked or felt good about. I want you, like the self care to do this every day. The purpose of this is to keep a constant positive force to counteract your negativity and self criticism. It'l be something that at any point you can read, and find a myriad of good shit that you did. The physiological changes your brain undergoes while under depression make these things hard to remember. With that book, you won't be able to forget your good qualities anymore. And believe me, it only seems like you have none right now because you either undervalue them, or have forgotten all of them.

>>34690900
Watch tatami galaxy then. It addresses exactly what you want with a protagonist who has a lot of your foils.

Can you let us know some more about your situation? I'm running off an awful lot of assumptions here.

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Imagine if you had a second chance to re-do your life, with all the knowledge and experience you have now. You would do so much better the 2nd time, right? That's the feeling your father had when you were born. His second chance to give his little self everything he ever needed.

Unfortunately, he fucked it right up all over again. He failed, again, because of all the same flaws that made him fail the first time. All of your flaws that make you fail, inherited from him. Don't make the same mistake he did. Don't have children. Despite your best intention their lives will be ruined and it will be all your fault.

>>34691003
Shoo schopenboo, shoo

To do so would be the ultimate rebellion against all that makes us suffer. It isn't hubris, it's protest against a cold, indifferent universe.

>>34690024
the worst case scenarios of reincarnation scare me

>>34691003
But dad didn't give a hoot with me. He was never around.

>>34690975
I never learnt how to build a relationship, even though that's the only thing I really want. I just don't know how it works. I don't know what to say. On the rare occasion that someone acknowledges my existence, it feels good... for a second. But then it never leads anywhere and I realize I was only happy because of the false hope of having a meaningful connection with someone. My emotions are broken, my instincts are broken. I don't know if it's autism or what, but I can't even carry a decent conversation, let alone relate to someone on a deeper level than smalltalk.

I'm too broken for a relationship. I could never open up to how pathetic my life is.

>>34691290
You'll also be an absent father.

You'd abandon your kid, wow that's pretty heartless.

>>34689507
You can though start HRT and become a trap, they are high demand and boipussy is delish

>>34691432
I'm not like my father.

I mean, I doubt I'll ever have a child at all. But I'm not him.

>>34689507
m-m-me too.

there's nothing you can do short of killing yourself anon, which is STUPID and DUMB. But don't fool yourself, everyone is subject to change, personality can be built, manipulated, etc. even talking with just one or two people your personality can change, people arent "themselves" every hour every day. and you do have some thing good about you, I wouldn't know since I don't know you, but every human being can offer something to the table. you can't see it right now, but one day you will.

>>34689507
Give me boi pussi, I give you happiness? Mutual benefit Desu. That's how the world works now

>>34691474
>>34692427
stop you nerdlings

>>34691347
That's OK. You've already built up the courage to say what you've said so far. It's gonna

But you can do it better, another time. And you can open up, you just need to find a way to be comfortable with doing that. That can be a shrink, or maybe it doesn't have to be a person at first. It could be a notepad, or an instrument, or a paintbrush. It could be the pouring rain at night with no audience but the pavement under your feet.

Maybe you'll have to practice. That's fine. You learn a lot about how to handle your emotions on the way. Just remember, that's letting a lot of bad shit out at once. So again, there's a time and a place. And you gotta do the positive too. You gotta do the journal. You gotta do self-care. Every person needs some source of comfort and validation. And you my friend are in the unique position where you can learn to get it from within, and build yourself from the ground up.

You are who you are, don't feel bad. If people don't like you for who you are, nothing stops you for not liking them for who they are.

Stop pretending their is a monopoly on who people are.

>>34691851
This is a really good mindset.

OP, if your interested, there's actually a ton of therapeutic techniques and information on why depression can make you act the way you are.

The symptoms of brain fog and reduced executive function are a bitch. They can make you feel powerless. Compare that with obsessive ruminative thoughts and you find somebody very close to being in your situation.

But if you learn more about it, you won't have to blame yourself so much. You'll know the beast by its name.

>>34693298
this is a really misguided post

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>he doesnt realize he can easily change his personality and identity within a few months of hard study
>he doesnt realize that with a few hobbies and a couple fake personas you can act like pretty much anyone you want to

>>34689507
lol teenagers are so funny. youll get over it you big drama queen baby

>>34693324
Well it's not a bad way of thinking, just probably not relevant to OP, who'd like to change for the better.

I don't think OP mentioned anyone in particular making demands over who he is, but it's not like there aren't people who wouldn't benefit from it

>put everything on average
>use randomized character look because just want to get playing
>randomly chosen perks are autism and early balding

Just kill me already.

you can, start now. Haven you fucking seen the Christmas Carol? Scrooge was the worst guy, but all he did was change how he acted the next day and everyone has happy.

>>34693495
yeah but scrooge had divine intervention

if magical shit like that actually happened, the world would be a different place

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>>34689507
If you were a different person entirely wouldn't you be dead because there would be nothing left of what made you, you?
Let's say you fall in love with a girl, but she has a slutty past. I'd go out with her if only she wasn't a slut before, you say. But you don't love her, because if she wasn't a slut in the past the she would be a different person no? You like her other traits but not the being underneath.

Sorry for rambling thought there might be an interesting question In this alcohol

>>34693452
look on the bright side

you're white, you have your health, etc

it sucks but you have to look at the positives dawg

>>34693452
Is a lack of hair really going to kill you? There's more to life than a randomly generated attractiveness number

>>34693332
Are we not prone to change either? I always feel like I end up looking back at myself and thinking, "what a dumbass."

Could work for or against you

>>34693513
Yeah, but he's the only one who knew it happened. Plus there's no proof that it even was divine intervention, so you could just as easily pretend you had """divine intervention""" one night than be whoever the fuck you wanted to be.