I feel like I was born to be alone. I've never felt any

Are you autistic by any chance?

I should learn the organ

>>34687385
There is actually a chance. Based on my birth at my mother's age and characteristics I displayed as a child.although i've mostly grown out of those quirks.

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>>34687162
I feel ya anon.

I don't even wanna be with anyone anymore. I don't see a point in trying to keep a relationship when I'm doomed to be betrayed by the very nature of it. Humans are hardwired to always seek what gives them more pleasure and/or material gain, and honesly, I fucked up in both.

My childhood best friend is failing classes, at the edge of suicide and I honestly don't know how to help him. We aint even talking regularly anymore. I hate my family and have to listen to my father burping, farting, breathing loudly, stomping his feet while walking because he's a disgusting 250 lb blob of fat and bones.

Bur sorry for the blogpost. Humans are fucking overrated.

You have my empathy, OP. How are you in social settings? Do you tend to be in the spotlight or more the behind the camera kind of guy?

>>34687866
Honestly, even though people don't like me I think they're endlessly interesting. The different ideas, experiences and just the way to perceive the world is always different, and very beautiful. The reason we exist and care about the things we do is just an endless contradiction between the harsh world around us like our skin is a membrane for which a different reality lies.

I'm talking shit but if it brings come value to you it's worth it.

>>34687938
I think spotlight because when I can I like to take a "leading" role I guess you'd call it. But I could be considered behind the camera because I don't like to bring unnecessary attention to myself, especially if it's something I care about.

>>34688018
>Honestly, even though people don't like me I think they're endlessly interesting. The different ideas, experiences and just the way to perceive the world is always different, and very beautiful.
It's all cool and nice, but anon, the world is not nice, at least not to me. Wherever I go, I am always at a target of someone's offence, without exception. Not even being nice to anyone gets you anywhere - last time I helped a guy with some stuff for uni, and he kept messaging me for ten days in a row asking me to elaborate something to him. When I got tired of it and asked him to be more considerate of my time, he lashed out at me because "who am I to say that he's inconsiderate". No fucking gratitude, not even a slighest bit of human respect. I fucking hate humanity.

Regardless, people like asserive people. Active people. People who put themselves out there.

I am a complete opposite of that.

I see. I understand that dilemma though. An introvert at heart but "forced" to be extroverted in a society that tends to disdain the quiet if desired to be "accepted." I think you'll be better off that you remain as your true self rather than coming off as something you're not. It sucks, I know, but in the long run, it'll be more enervating to try to "fake" it than just being you.

>>34688260
Trying to "fake it" got me into drugs and fucked up my relatively good intellect. But it couldn't be otherwise - if it wasn't for the experience of being out there, trying to fit in, and fucking myself in the process, I would've spent my whole life thinking about how good it would be.

At least now I know why I should stay alone.

>>34688231
Yeah that guy seems like an ass, I've got a few tendencies of people I do not tolerate, not respecting my time is one of them. Some people have issues that manifest themselves in treating other people horribly. The best way I deal with those kinds of people is to just walk away, they don't deserve your time.

>>34688260
I could see this being true, but honestly, I don't think I can wait any longer. I gave myself 5 years for things to change because it's too hard just to wait. But this could be due to forcing a fake me, haven't considered that. I will definitely take this into account.