So last year I started university. I was living in student accommodation

>>34618372
I was homeschooled til 4th grade and was an outcast til high school. I was pretty normal til my mid-20s. Your hypothesis is based completely on your own observations of yourself (meaning they are subjective and unreliable). Sorry, but you are wrong. There is something about yourself that you are blind to that is totally offputting.

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>>34618372
I know this feel all too well, anon. I basically stopped trying to socialize with normies a year ago. I'm not beginning my second semester in college, and I imagine I won't come out with any friends, just like last semester. I can barely say one sentence if someone tries to talk to me, and I don't have the confidence to initiate a conversation. And I'm utterly reluctant to join clubs because I know I wouldn't enjoy myself as much as I would being alone in my room.

Why does this have to be such an extroverted world.

>>34618525
Fuck, I meant *now instead of not

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so its all about not having experience in social situations?
thats great news, it means you can learn and develop
if it were just genetics then you would have no hope

>>34618372

Just be ironic, witty.
Make fun of yourself

That helped me make friends.
Still no luck with girls though.

>>34618525
Yeah, that's pretty much me. I don't know if I'll be able to save myself - maybe if I found someone who felt pity for me, enough to overlook my massive flaws. But that sounds unlikely.

>>34618616
I literally have no idea how. Every time I speak to someone, they flinch, which hurts more than you'd think it did. I don't want to scare anybody, I just want to be normal.

>>34618513
>There is something about yourself that you are blind to that is totally offputting.
so much this

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>>34618372
Are you able to make people laugh? If not, you're screwed.

>>34618906
People usually laugh at me but not when I'm around, does that count?

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>>34619098
Yeah, that's definitely bad. You're best bet is to try to emulate their humor, but it's probably too late if you've didn't have any friends growing up in your most developmental years.

>>34618513
>>34618725
Excellent observation, I can also say that my personal experience doesn't match up with the OP's. There's gotta be something about him that he's either unwilling, or incapable of seeing for some reason.

>>34618681
>Every time I speak to someone, they flinch
Maybe it's your voice? Give an example of how these conversations go down. What did you say before they flinched

You're probably acting annoying. I can imagine it now.
>kid in a large introductory class
>after every lecture he starts walking up to every person he sees when they're trying to leave
>huge obnoxious smile
>talks very loudly
>runs from person to person trying to hold multiple conversations
>repeats the same thing every class

These are extremely unaware people.

>>34620023
people dislike me as well, just like op, but i can assure you i am not like that.

if i had to take a stab at it, id say its the fact that i dont feel natural when around others most of the time. im find myself forcing the conversations, trying to keep them going, but as youd imagine, with not very good results.

sometimes i feel good around people, but it's such a rare occurance i dont know why i brought it up.

>>34620073
Not trying to insult you. I'm like you too. Conversations don't feel natural because you're not comfortable talking to people.

Most people talk with others almost innately, so it's completely natural.

You have to make an effort to talk to people because you wouldn't otherwise. This is bad because you aren't doing it naturally.
>either intensely staring into their eyes or looking away too much
>stiff and unmoving body
>everything you say is basically a continuation of what they say
>looking like you're bored or irritated
>monotone voice with no inflections

I do all of these, but luckily for me, I don't care about social interaction unless it's on the internet.

>>34620209
nicely put anon. those bullet points struck home.

>that feel first few classes everyone makes friend except you

I know how you feel op. Even when I was 25 working in a job I was constantly having panic attacks because of how socially incompetent I am.

The thing is, most normies are socially competent not because they're smarter or even that much more 'skilled' than you, they're usually just more oblivious, less considerate, less self-aware, and they have a handful of techniques for getting along.

This IS something even panic-vommiting spergs like myself can emulate. First you have to be more self-assertive and less self-abasing, the people who study emotion are pretty much agreed that the "cringe" feeling you have is your body attempting to convey to others that you're apologetic for a social wrong - it has its place but you're being TOO 'deffering' towards people when you should only use this self-abasment selectively. This means training yourself to remember that you have certain moral social rights - like the right to not be completely ignored and blown off even after a couple of cringey or silence moments. Learn to see yourself this way and that's much of the victory.

Then there are simple. Techniques like having a repertoire of conversational basics you've mentally rehearsed. You probably think this is "insincere" or whatever... but it's something that most people use and it has a place in becoming basically acquainted with people, and if you're bright you can develop little conversational routines that aren't as lame as "gee it's hot outside today!"

Those are just some tips but you get the idea. Work on yourself and the core of this is developing a sense of practical chauvinism to survive in. A world of oblivious normies and their actual social chauvinism.

>>34620477
nice post, gives nice insight. i like the part in which you say we are perceived the way we are because we subconsciously think we dont deserve to interact with others. im pretty sure thats whats going on in my head.

>>34620477
What if you just straight up dislike interacting with people?

>>34620584

In my own case I believe I was raised to be very passive and "gentlemanly" in responding to others and never wanted any situation of confrontation, and as a kid it's easy to rely on others taking the social initiative. Most of us are guys and as we grow women can continue to rely on that in many cases but then start to expect males to take initiative. There are all sorts of ways I imagine we end up like this.

But yeah learning to see yourself as having basic rights is something I've learned is important, you don't have to be a douche about these rights - they're just rules to help you help yourself to interact without being crushed or ignored by others. Many people won't acknowledge them and will infringe upon these rights, but if you have a sense of say "if I've done nothing wrong and someone verbally insults me, I don't have to smile and be silent, I can walk away!", then you'll find yourself having more confidence in general and in yourself to take control of social situations.

People hate cringe just as much as we hate causing it in ourselves and others. Most lazy people will avoid it. If you can train yourself for example to "recover" from an awkward or silence moment and get a bit of practise at this - learning that it's possible to recover and put people at ease, you'll gain a bit of confidence. One thing the people studying "cringe" and emotions in general found is that people are more apt to actually trust and like people who DO show some degree of social embarrassment, so in small amounts it can even help. But nobody wants to be stuck sitting next to the guy who can't talk and embarrasses even the people he's talking to. People fear the group more than they're willing to take a risk to perhaps be friendly with you or me.

>>34620764

Well I'm one of those people. The problem for me was that to survive I needed to work and interact with others, as much as I preferred being alone. Don't let yourself convince yourself that you won't bother overcoming social anxiety just because you don't like others, because you'll become increasingly imorisoned by this.

Do your best to get along with others in the situations where you may be forced to. I used to tell myself "fuck these guys I'll just sit here alone... but then when they call for you to form groups or work with others (they do this now even at universities and even workplaces, not just school), you'll find yourself wanting to die.

you just feel this way because you are in school.

school have a different social dynamic.
i think i finally figured out whats the problem in this case.
lets imagine that you could contain your entire classroom into small little group. each of these groups are coherent, meaning all of the people in the group have decided to fully invest into the groups culture. be it sports,tv shows,statues etc.
i found out that once i was not feeling connected to any of those groups i was not committed being in them. my goal in school was to just shake hands and casually talk to people in breaks if i got the chance. but it turns out the school dynamic does not works this way.. the school dynamic dictates that you must invest into a certain group of individuals and pander to them.

once you break to the real world (career,housing,doing your own thing etc.) this dynamic does not exist. it would only exist in places that have lots of people in them for a very long time.
when you get to other places people will be more active in trying to bond because there is no pressure to form a group

>>34620976
ill try to give you an example.

when i was highschool there was this chubby guy that had a constant smug look to his face, he usually only talked to 3 people and i found out that he likes dragonforce (band)
at that time i didn't really dragonforce but i did like guitar in general so i knew i could spark some interest and get to know him.
he was generally very cold and avoidant to people that weren't his butt buddies so i backed down from trying to know him after several attempts.

then i met him outside school 2 times and he was very nice, not smug, not a faggot, just a regular nice guy. and then i made that distinction that the environment is what caused him to be like that.