my apartment is a dump, there is trash and food parts everywhere,

The trash and basic cleaning should be doable in a matter of hours at most. Broken window can be covered by a curtain and the hope that the landlord doesn't open it. Chipped paint can be painted. Hole in the wall can be covered with a piece of furniture depending on where it is. I have no idea about the pipe.

Buy yourself some bleach wipes and go to fucking town. Oxiclean and related products for the carpets should work. Similar things for the countertops and whatnot.Borrow a vacuum. Place your furniture in a nice, pleasing orientation instead of haphazardly strewn about. Organize your dragon dildo collection so it's not just in a pile.

Presentation will get you halfway there, anon.

put all the garbage in the bin
paint over the chips
remove all the broken glass shards on the floor and blame the actual window on sporty kids if they find it
10-20 layers of duct tape on the pipe unless it's a big one or a gas pipe, in which case ur fucked
clean the semen with detergent, vinegar, "kill-everything" sanitary spray, bleach or something else of the likes and if all else fails sandpaper/cut the affected areas off

ur not specific enough about the hole, is it a punch sized hole through the plaster (duct tape and paint) or is the entire wall section torn down? (Yourfuct)

>>34610081
Despite everyone's helpful suggestions, I still offer that maybe if you are incapable of living like a human bean you should stay in the forest. Or in a garbage dump. Or a grave. Whatever.

>>34610081

>clean up garbage
>put furniture or picture in front of hole in wall
>buy some basic cleaning products and scrub/clean all surfaces
>rent a carpet shampooing machine from any hardware store or google where you can rent one near you(super cheap and easy)
>you can say something out of your control broke the window, like a storm or dumb kids and the landlord will fix the window
>the pipe is again the landlords responsibility, just call him and say it broke just today

You can just fill up a ton of garbage bags with all your trash, throw them in a dumpster somewhere, this is basic life skills anon and if you kept your place clean it's 10x easier than struggling to clean up a huge mess every couple months

feed the rubbish and scraps to pepe the frog
graffiti dank memes all over the walls
smash the other windows and replace them all with doritos
mix bleach, ammonia and mountain dew to clean the semen
reroute the pipe to a weed warehouse
put tnt in the hole in the wall and make a new room