You have a troubled teenage son. You admit that some of his issues

>>34581736
I can't hate my dad

I really want to because he did some fucked up stupid shit but he's also provided and never turned his back on me

>>34581736
>troubled teenage son
>mostly your fault
>"how do you deal with this?"

the answer is always going to be, poorly. If you've let him rot this long you're not about to become a halfway decent father outta the blue. You would have a little daddy drama breakdown, throw around words like "respect" "maturity" and "boy" then go to e or f

>>34581889
>If you've let him rot this long you're not about to become a halfway decent father outta the blue. You would have a little daddy drama breakdown, throw around words like "respect" "maturity" and "boy" then go to e or f
this is probably the most realistic answer but let's say you had read up on parenting and tried to be a better parent since he was a kid. what would be the ideal response?

>>34581769
is there something a kid could do that should make a father turn his back on his son or should a father never give up?

well if he's 18 hes basically a grown ass man by now so i dont know doesnt matter

I choose b.) punishment: goofy time. I'm a goofy man you see.

>>34581736
>h)
>Send him outside to do a physical task that takes half an hour to an hour
He'll both get some energy spent and become more kinesthetically aware- making him breathe deeper and stay calmer when he returns.
He probably has autism- like his dad and I.
When he comes back I'll go for d).

>>34582302
he's interfering with your life by breaking the house rules. are you going to live with it until he moves out or kick him out now?

>>34582331
i don't know what this means. sounds kind of goofy.

>>34581736
>D then G then C
Attempt to make him understand, and leave it be for that day but let him know later that there will be consequences if he further ignores the rule. He's had a bad day so i'll give him a break and I gotta give him a chance to behave like an adult in his own terms but not pussy out when bringing the hammer down.

>>34582380
>Send him outside to do a physical task that takes half an hour to an hour
he says
>FUCK THAT! YOU NEVER DID SHIT FOR ME WHEN I WAS A KID AND NOW I'M GOING TO BE YOUR SLAVE???
he refuses to go outside and puts on music to drown you out. what do you do?

>>34582415
>I gotta give him a chance to behave like an adult in his own terms but not pussy out when bringing the hammer down
i like the answer.

do you think your son would eventually understand his responsibility to himself and the household or do you think he would become even more defiant when you attempted to impose consequences?

>>34582425
Trip the breaker to his room, cutting off his electricity.

>>34582506
How he responds depends on his personality and the way I've previously raised him I guess, but assuming he's been raised poorly because he's still acting out I'd just increase the punishment till he concedes, there's no other way unless I want him to think he can walk all over me, but make sure to communicate why I'm doing it or he'll just think I'm a dick and not learn anything.

>>34582584
he comes out of his room and yells downstairs
>WHAT THE FUCK DAD? YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET THAT!
and he slams the door to his room. you go up to check on him but it's quiet and the door is locked.

what next?

>>34582625
you impose a punishment on him and he says
>God damn it! I have you and mom on my ass all the time. I have my teachers constantly telling me what to do. I have my probation officer checking up on me. Why can't I just live my life the way I want? I get it. I have "responsibilities" but what about YOU? Why do you get away with fucking my life up and then get to tell me what to do all the time? Why do these other people get to tell me what to do when they don't really give a FUCK about me? And the only time anyone ever has anything to say is when I do something wrong. Why doesn't everyone just leave me alone?
he looks very angry but also like he might cry. he's not doing what you asked him to do but he's looking at you and waiting for an answer. what do you say?

>>34582758
>what next?
I let him stew.
Kid's gotta stew.

>>34582776
the next morning you come out of your bedroom and you see that your son's door is open. he's not there but there's a note on the floor. it says
>I TOLD YOU THAT YOU'D REGRET THIS
you have a bad feeling about it so you call your son's cell phone. he doesn't pick up. you call your son's only friend who tells you
>Yeah, he left a weird message on my phone this morning. I tried to call him back but he didn't answer.
now you're starting to get worried but thankfully, your phone starts ringing. you pick it up and your son says
>What the fuck do you want, man?
he sounds like he's been crying.

>>34582878
>>34582776
oops.

how do you respond?

>>34582758
>what do you say?
"I didn't get away with it, I feel guilty every time I see you, for what I did, or I suppose, didn't do. I'm trying to make it up to you. You're young, you think you know what is best and I know that I've done you wrong, but trust me when I tell you that this is for the best. You could live your life they way you want, but what you want right now isn't good for you and when you're an old man you'll look back and be thankful you were set on the right track, or you'll end up in my position with a son that hates you."
Drop an emotional bomb on his ass.

>You are having an argument with him about house rules

What house rules? It depends.

But otherwise d), then c).

I assume I would only enforce house rules that had a reasonable explanation, so I would hope I could explain them, but if he was still being purposefully annoying out of teen angst I would just deescalate it.
You're not going to get a 17 year old like that to just suddenly connect with his parents, that will (hopefully) come with age.

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>>34582381
get the belt

>>34582380
>>Send him outside to do a physical task that takes half an hour to an hour

Tell that to an angsty teen? Maybe to an eight year old.

>>34582930
Mostly good, but consider dropping the "I know whats best" it's a calculated risk, worst case your kid looses respect like a woman. Best case he can respect that you've admitted a fuckup.

ply age later. God only knows I hated seeing my low-tier father try and push "life advice" while in a sinking marriage, a job he hated and a generally shit life

>>34581736
h) wonder how the hell i got some roastie to give me a kid, then wish it had never happened

>>34583123
I relate to that last sentence, it's where i'm pulling this advice from
I was never an angsty teen but I wish my father did that kind of thing to set me straight so I wouldn't end up on here posting about daddy issues.

>>34582930
>Drop an emotional bomb on his ass.
he calms down and he says
>I know why you say I'm young but I basically raised myself, Dad. I feel like an adult. I know I'm not on the right track. I know I fucked up yet again and I'm sorry. I don't know why I can't fix it. I just get so angry all the time and it makes me want to fuck everything up. Can't you guys just give me a little bit of space? Can't you let it slide ONE time? I wanted to go see Joe today. We were gonna hang out and play some games at his house. I know you said I have to wash your truck and then I'm grounded for the weekend but that's so harsh. Don't you remember being my age? All I need is a little bit of a break and I swear I'll do better. So can I go now?

>>34583005
you leave him alone for the afternoon and you come check on him later. he's lying on his bed with the lights out and black metal turned up so loud you can hear it through the head phones. you turn on lights and he sits up on his bed and takes the headphones off. he rolls his eyes and says
>What?

As a 20 year old & not getting deep & shit, mine divorced when I was 8. Got a dog & shit to help, dad would try to spoil me, saw him once, maybe twice a month.
From my experience, D is the best choice. & have a deep, come to Jesus moment with them too, before hand. Make that mother fucker shed a tear. Sounds gay, but that's the best way from my perspective.

>>34583017
you go into your bedroom to grab your belt but your son knows exactly what's about to happen because it's happened many times before. this time, he's ready for you. when you come into his room he has his pocket knife out.
>Hey old man. You come at me with that belt and you're not going to be able to fuck with ANYONE ever again. My life is shit already and I have nothing to lose.
he speaks very quietly and he has a crazy look in his eye. he has never been violent before but you think he might be serious.

what do?

>>34583197
I still think it only works when your father is some kind of role model. That shit straight up doesn't work if your default response to your father is sneering or apathy

>>34583140
your son sees that you never wanted him. to kill the pain, he goes out and finds the ugly, dumb girl in his grade to comfort him with sex. he comes back to you a few months later and says.
>Well Dad, thanks for never giving a fuck about me. The stupid whore gave me an STD and now she's pregnant with a kid that I don't want.
your son moves out and his girlfriend has a baby boy six months later. in an attempt to support them, your idiot son acquires a gun, robs a liquor store and gets shot by an off duty cop. the investigation reveals that the officer told him to drop the gun several times and he wouldn't do it even though it turns out the gun wasn't loaded. they rule a clean shooting even though it was clearly suicide by cop.

now your son is dead and your grandson is being raised by an illiterate teenager and her marginally senile sugar daddy. the cycle continues. she doesn't love the kid either and the kid ends up a NEET on /r9k/ before committing suicide. you don't attend his funeral.

Why are these options so shitty? This hypothetical sounds like the "dad" in the situation just barks bullshit with no proof that what he says has any value. A house/ car/ providing for kids isn't proof, anyone can be a wageslave and treat their life/ kids like another responsibility but that isn't love.

I want to join in so from the beginning I go:
>Argue about house rules, what do?
H. Do something else
All of your initial reactions seem to be wrong except for "explain". They're not rules, they're not chores, tell him that he's looking at these things the wrong way. What if it were his place or these objects were his possession; would he like them to sit around all dirty and unorganized or would it look better cleaned up?
Also, if you don't have what you're trying to make for him, don't even mention it. Use your own logic to prove it works before you give it to someone else on a gambler's chance.
Fuck acknowledgement. Thinking about it now, you'd probably want your kid to come back and thank you for everything you've done and told them when it works but how much of a child does that make you look? You should just be proud they're doing well and resist fucking that up with your own emotional greed.
Basically let him be an asshole if it makes him genuinely happy and successful. Why give life to something and stiffle it at the same time?

>>34583303
your son says
>GOD'S NOT REAL AND I HATE YOU. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR RULES. I'M GOING TO DO WHAT I WANT BECAUSE I GOT ALONG JUST FINE WHILE YOU AND MOM WERE OUT PARTYING AND LEAVING ME WITH THAT CREEPY BABYSITTER. GET OUT OF MY FACE AND STOP TRYING TO PRETEND YOU ACTUALLY CARE AFTER ALL THIS TIME WHEN I KNOW YOU DON'T. YOUR RULES ARE SHIT.
he slams the door in your face.

My last post ended in 303. That's coming from a "child" in sense if you're old enough to be a father of a teenager, no offense meant. Read it, I was very rebellious years ago. Did drugs, drank behind my parents back. Sold drugs as well. I mean what I'm saying dog

>>34583223
>So can I go now?
"I understand how you're feeling, I do remember being your age if you can believe it. You seem to be remorseful, so I'll go easy just this once. You can go see your friend and I'll lift the grounding this weekend, but you're still helping me wash the truck. Prove to me you're as grown up as you believe you are and don't get into trouble again, or I might not bail you out next time."

>>34583379
Idk I think there's some respect to be had when they admit their shortcomings and be real with you, but yeah if they're a cunt about it I wouldn't listen to them either

>>34583433
lmao

>>34583502
Sorry didn't see the reply before I posted again. If it's night where you are, wait until the morning. Or another few days from now. If you don't mind him drinking, have a couple with him. Then get serious. He won't start the conversation, you have to. Start it easy, don't get super deep real quick or he'll tell you to fuck off & leave or something. & explain shit. Tell him the truth of whatever it is, from YOUR side. Truth hurts, but explain it. Let him know where you're coming from as well.

>>34583517
but what do you do if it doesn't work? what if he's too angry? how can you turn it around?

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>>34581736
If he doesnt respect you enough to listen to you then you have already failed as a parent. Best you can do is apologize for being a shitty parent and give him space while also being around for emotional support. Hopefully he forgives you over time and doesnt put you in a nursing home.

>>34583572
You wait until he's calmed down a bit. Idk if he, or any other teenage boy is, well was like me. You get pissed. After a while you get upset but still mad. When he's mad, wait a few hours then go. Unlock his door, or wait till he comes out. Show some type of emotion first. Be serious. Not a dick, or not rude in any way. Don't pull the "son I wanna talk" shit, doesn't work. Like I said, if you don't mind him drinking, & he does, or will, let him have a few. Not drunk, but to calm down & loosen up a bit. When me & my mom used to talk, that's how we did it. I didn't realize it until a while after either.

>>34583541
>"I understand how you're feeling, I do remember being your age if you can believe it. You seem to be remorseful, so I'll go easy just this once. You can go see your friend and I'll lift the grounding this weekend, but you're still helping me wash the truck. Prove to me you're as grown up as you believe you are and don't get into trouble again, or I might not bail you out next time."
your son smiles.
>Thanks Dad.
you two wash the truck together and he rushes through it. when he gets to joe's house he rolls up a joint and says
>Haha. See? My dad's so soft. I can't believe he let me out of there.
he acts smug but he deep down, feels a bit guilty about it. the weed helps though.

you give your son just enough space that he's able to make it through school being a mild drug addict. you give him slack because you feel so guilty about his childhood so he knows exactly how much he can get away with and almost always puts the least amount of effort into everything he does.

however, after a few years of wagecucking and video games, he eventually realizes that you did love him and were right about straightening up his act. he quits weed, goes to community college and later manages a degree at a better university. he becomes a teacher and shares his life stories with his students. some of them think he's full of shit but he really helps a couple of them straighten out their lives. he doesn't have kids of his own because teachers don't make money and he knows what little assholes they can be. he visits you most weekends and you guys can call yourself friends as much as father and son.

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>>34583773
Shit, I might actually have kids now, if given the oppurtunity

>>34583562
you ask him to come downstairs and drink a few together in the backyard while you talk to him. when you finish he says
>Thanks for the beer dad. I never had one before. I never knew you had to deal with so much. You know, right now I don't even know why I get so angry.
he tears up.
>I love you dad.
you pat him on the back and you two head inside to go to sleep.

the next morning he has a hangover and he won't go to school. you try to wake him up and he screams
>FUCK YOU DAD. IT'S YOUR FAULT. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I DO. I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO FIX ANYTHING. I HATE YOU. YOU FIXED YOUR PROBLEMS BECAUSE YOUR DAD WASN'T SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT. YOU'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE SOMEONE NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU FOR YOUR WHOLE LIFE AND THEN COME AND TRY TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH THEY CARE ABOUT YOU. WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE YOU? NOW GO AWAY. I HAVE A HEADACHE AND THAT'S YOUR FAULT TOO.

>>34581736
fucking d or c, why the fuck would you come here for answers everyone here is socially retarded.

>>34583944
i need to know what to do with my son. he's a pain in the ass.

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>>34583305
get rekt scrub lmfao

>>34583914
Hmm. Me & my dad had tough love for years. At the end of the day, time is what fixes it. Sorry to hear that dog. Mines been gone for 12 years, on better terms now. Just do things here & there for him. Even if he doesn't see it now, he will one day. Sounds stupid how everyone says it, but time fixes it. Sorry to hear that. It worked for me when I was younger almost always. Idk man. Just take it easy, if he thinks you're that bad, think of why. Easier said than done, but still possible. Figure it out, over time try to change it. Do it again. Not as much if he woke up hung over, lol, but still. Easiest way is honestly just a little to drink to calm both of you down. He obviously appreciated it when it happened. The next morning back to the rebellious shit. Do it again sometime, talk to him & everything again. & just hope it works better than last time. On a weekend where neither of you have shit to do the next day.

>>34583944
Everyone here also knows what it's like to be the result of shit parenting, and thus what parents should do to avoid that