Thread replies: 14
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Thread images: 2
>Be me
>living in dormitory building
>Have my own room but have a bathroom that connects to neighbor (this comes into play later)
>Be playing on my computer when I get sudden urge to fap
>grab a plastic bag to cum into so I don't need to clean up
>Lay on my bed with my pants down, browse porn on my iPhone
>Try to prop phone up on my chest so I can stay horizontal while jerking off
>Phone keeps sliding, grab a stuffed Angry Birds pig my aunt gave me and put it under my shirt to keep the phone up
>I finish and throw away the bag, go to the bathroom with my phone to wash my hands
>Walking around with only a hoodie and underwear on
>I left the other door unlocked, roommate walks in
>"Dude your dick is hanging out"
>I panic and try to put my penis back in my boxers
>suddenly angry birds pig falls out of my sweatshirt onto the ground
>"What the fuck"
>He sees my phone on the sink counter with porn on it
>Turns and leaves, then chains his door.
>When I return to my desk I realize I forgot to mute myself and my internet friends heard my porn playing
>Have to come up with a reason for why they heard plastic bag moving around
How the fuck do I recover
>>
>>34485415
Get naked, smear feces all over your body, start masturbating and run down the halls screaming. People will realize you're alpha and respect you.
>>
HAHHAHAAh
HAHAHAHAH
HAAAAAAHAHA
>>
>>34485415
thank you for your contribution to /r9k/
There is no way for you to recover, it's time for you to move out and drop out of college and move back in with your parents
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>>34485575
I live in a military dorm and I signed a six year contract
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>>34485837
dude,
lol.
If you live on man, I see worst shit every single day.
six years? ausfag?
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>>34485415
At least the pig finally got his oats, brother
Was getting caught part of your plan?
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>>34485919
>just asking for it
>>
>suddenly angry birds pig falls out of my sweatshirt onto the ground
>"What the fuck"
This fucking killed me. you stupid ass robots are so fucking retarded
>>
10/10 I've seen stupid comedy movies with situations less weird and hilarious than this. In fact I'd steal this if I was a no name writer.
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>>34485415
>Have to come up with a reason for why they heard plastic bag moving around
No, you don't. Don't ever talk about this IRL again.
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>>34485877
Nah USA
>>
>>34485919
I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy
>>
>>34485415
I really, really like the Bad Piggy your aunt knitted you.
Maybe you should have been a good piggy and thought your plan through a little bit farther ahead.
Thread posts: 14
Thread images: 2
Thread images: 2