ITT: Embarrassing Stories >be me >be in 7th grade >group

>>34470797
> girl likes me
> act cool and visit her house tho she is too hot for me and can't see how insecure I am.
> we kiss in her bed
> she takes shirt of
> get scared and dont know what to do.
> laugh nervously and grab her boob
> we stop kissing, cant look her in the eyes.
> she takes her shirt back on.
> soon go home and never talk to her again.
> 12 years ago, cringe to this day

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>asked my mum if I could have sex with my 15 y/o gf
>she said no
>I didn't

God boy for MUMMY

> Be 13 yo me.
> skinny cute 10 yo boy in my neighborhood.
> "give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle anon"
> try to grab his dick
> omg anon! What are you doing?!
> but... you said
> throws Dr pepper at me
> YOU OWE ME A POP!
> weeks later at the ball park, see him sucking on a big pickle in the dugout like a champ!
> REEEEEE!!!

>>34470797
>no underwear
>wear gym shorts instead
>go to school
>gym day
>in wrestling room for fitness test
>pretend to run away for some laughs
>get laughs
>run back
>fall, knee bringing down shorts
>expose my tiny flaccid penis to all the girls in my gym class
>expose ass to those behind me
>get more laughs

If only I had a boner, it's way bigger.

>ywn get sucked off by a whole gym class

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>Had a soccer match
>Mom out of town so had to get a lift to and from the game from my coach
>On the way back coach tries to make conversation
>"So anon, have you an old dot on the go?" (In English means do you have a gf)
>Mishear, thinks he says do I have a dog
>"Sorta, we take care of my brothers when he's at work"
>Everyone in the car stops and stares
>Coach gives me a weird look and says "You take care of your brothers?"
>"Yeah she stays overnight with us for a few days while he's busy"
>No one talks for the rest of the ride
>Only found out when another guy in the car started telling the rest of the team
>Everyone and my coach thought I was fucking my brothers gf while he was at work
How am I so fucking retarded

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>>34470797
>Be my colleague
>Someone finds out you did porn and posts links to the videos on all the whatsapp groups
>He did a whole fucking series of MILF/mature videos
>The whole fucking company now knows and has seen his videos

Fucking poor guy. Too funny though

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Got another one.

> be me in high school. On the school baseball team.
> guys start talking about how long it takes to jerk off.
> I was a home schooled kid in elementary school into middle school so I didn't know anything about sex stuff let alone how long it takes to jerk off.
> "how long does it take you anon?"
> blurt out that it takes me five seconds because it was the first thing that came to mind.
> entire ball team laughs hard and I'm now known as the five second man in school. Even a retard starts telling the girls that I just slap my dick once and cum instantly.
> mfw high school was worse than middle school.

>>34471851
I mean, that's pretty alpha

>>34470797
You're in seventh grade and she probably realized she rubbed your crotch. You know how hard it is to tell if anyone is small or large even if you were in sweats or shorts? Super tough to do. She probably laughed because she accidentally touched your cock and realized it and laughed the thing off trying not to make it weird

>>34471252
Holy fuck. Hope you got tendies for your trouble

>go on a date with some beta from tinder
>he's cute and we hook up
>tells me he has deep feelings for me in the morning
>hahaok.jpg
>thanks me for allowing him to pursue me
>fast forward a few months
>been on a few dates, things start to look serious
>one night get very stoned and try edibles for the first time
>giving qt head
>overestimate my ability to suppress gag reflex while stoned
>he thrusts and my airways close over
>flinch backwards and cover my mouth
>spew all over hands, bile running through fingers
>apologize profusely
>he says it's ok
>do laundry, finish sex. He even lets me give him another bj
>weeks later
>never see him again

>>34472422
That almost happened to me with my best friend. She said she visibly gagged but I didn't notice. She wasn't doing much though, what a disappointment

>>34472501
Girls gag all the time giving head, but guys don't seem to notice. I've never thrown up before that incident though. Cut that bitch some slack head is hard

>>34471896
Damn I wish that was me

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>Be me, a Russian High School student many years ago
>Go to an English skill competition
>I've always had self-esteem issues and back then my existential crisis was in full swing
>Walk up to the registration table
>Blurt out my name because I'm very nervous
>"Come on, honey, we can't hear you"
>Everyone laughs
>I'm ready to fucking explode
Keep in mind, I was 16 at the time
>I ask the teacher who came with me if she has a pen
>She starts running around and asking everyone: "Do you have a pen for that kid? Sweetie really needs a pen!"
>Everyone laughs even harder
>I get even more nervous
>Fast forward a few hours, I'm getting ready for the speaking part
>Walk out of the room where I was preparing
>A woman next to me says: "Honey, where are you going? That's the wrong way"
>Everyone laughs so hard the glass windows are nearly shattered
>I fucking die inside
>Fuck up the speaking part completely
>Leave the building as quickly as I can
>Go home and play videogames

>>34472561
She was the first one who told me that lol. Also we were both kind of drunk so maybe that didn't help

>>34472572
Clam pie gash twat pussy

>>34472674
I like russia. Can you learn me russian?
Im from romania

>>34470797
You idiot she laughed to make it less awkward because she saw you as a 'friend'

>>34472901
Just download a PDF textbook from the internet

>>34472942
How about you smell my boner first, retard.

>>34472933
Sniff faggot butt, shitfuck.

>>34472942
Its not the same thing i can also try duolingo but its not the same as learning from a native that speaks with you

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>at a club
>girl randomly takes my hand and leads me to the dancefloor
>stand with her for a minute then walk off to go find my friends
>realise what the fuck i just did
>go back and she's gone

insecurity and obliviousness will be the death of me

>>34470797
>be 13
>friend and I are drunk
>she wants to kiss me
>I never french kissed before
>"Anon, it's just like CPR just with tongue"
>open mouth, put it on hers and insert tongue
>exhale directly into her
>snot flies out of her nose
>break kiss up

we laughed afterwards but it was awkward since we were not alone

>be 18 about to loose my virginity
>I was drunk
>it was outside and cold
>can't get erection
>we go inside
>can't get erection
>she leaves

d-does this count as loosing the virginity?

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>>34471982
That tard is a genius.
"One Slap Man"
Instant gold.

>>34470860
>at girls (oneitis) house
>playing poker with her and her sis
>when her sis is out of the room i accidently throw a card that lands on her pussy
>she winks at me, seductively.
>i nervously laugh and then continue playing
>her sis comes back and is playfully rude to me
>"Don't be rude to my FRIEND" my oneitis says, emphasizing that last word.

Sigh...it aint easy being a beta boi

>>34473988
no and gtfo plebian

>>34470797
>le be me
>Year 7
>in the changing rooms after PE
>keep in mind that I frequently pissed myself up to the age of 12 due to anxiety or strain while playing sport
>giant piss stain on my boxers and its still leaking
>chad points it out, mocking ensues
>try to defend by saying my bottle leaked
>shitexcuse.pdf
>by some crazy luck there was not only a huge fight, an assembly about Romanians sneaking out of school to shoplift but i also broke my arm the day after
>everyone soon forgot, chad never mentioned it again

At least I went to a different Upper School than 90% of those there so no one remembers as far as I know