>about to be 25 >wife of four years is dying of liver disease(she's

>falling for the life insurance meme

lol

>>34376206
I'm guessing you put money towards your daughter's college if you don't want to be a shit parent.

>>34376206
Put at 100k away for daughters college and use the rest of the money to have various vacations with her

does nobody stop to think about the ramifications of the life insurance concept?

why would anybody give you a quarter million payout for someone close to you dying?

>>34376303
Because you're paying them money for a what if. Insurance is a gamble for both parties.

>>34376288

Please do this OP, I want your daughter to be happy growing up, I know she can be a good person, and you being a good father is the biggest part of that. Give her the time and attention she deserves and needs. Don't let her become like the female scum that lurk this board.

>>34376206
Congrats i guess?
Sucks because regardless of how you feel now it will be sad for your daughter (and you to an extent) just focus on ensuring a good future for you both.
Buy a house and put money away for her future.
Dont go straight out to fuck strange pussy either...
Unless you can hide it well...

>>34376206
>Make sure you take out the money you will be taxed first of all.
>Put money away for your daughter's college fund
>Keep 15k for a rainy day fund.(DO NOT spend it on luxury items.)
>Next invest the rest.

>>34376315

i don't think so, friend. the payout doesn't come close to the monthly payments, the payout is way more.

there's something sinister going on, probably related to black magic.

sign your life away to a contract, and they'll have a fun time hocus pocusing.

>>34376303
That is how life insurance works. You pay into it and then once in a while someone actually dies so they have to pay you. Most people paying into it won't die. Life insurance is extremely profitable business.

>>34376206
Fake and gay, no way you'd get 250k after only paying in a few years. That would take a lifetime of paying premiums

>>34376206
How much does/did she drink?

>>34376375
>Tax
Good idea my friend.

I pretty much live below my means. Wouldn't hurt to but some more money into my emergency funds. As for college, we already started a savings for her that her grandparents contribute to save well. It'll be getting a nice boost soon enough.

Don't listen to this faggot. >>34376375

>Make sure you pay the maximum amount of taxes on the money (unless you don't like roads and libraries)
>Murder your daughter
>Spend 15k on luxury items
>Next spend the rest on luxury items
This is what a non-faggot would do.

>>34376375
dont listen to this guy his advice is pure shit....do this instead

>buy another house
>chain your daughter to the house
>pour gasoline all over the house and you and your daughter
>light it on fire
>burn alive in the house with your daughter

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>>34376206
Anyone who believe this is a complete retard.

Sage and move on.

>>34376410
She pretty much had mixed drinks, cocktails, and whatnot 24/7 before we even met. She stopped cold turkey when she figured she might be pregnant, and started again shortly after our daughter's birth.

I've always tried to stop her, but eventually stopped. As I got older I realized helping someone who doesn't want help is a waste of time. She's been drinking heavily for almost two decades, with about an 11 month break.

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>>34376403
pls tell me you're not this retarded

>>34376378
>sign your life away to a contract, and they'll have a fun time hocus pocusing

>>>/x/

>>34376597

i'm right though, essentially you put a monetary value on your life or your spouses.

>>34376403
Guy, my mom got $2.1million after my dad's death. They were married for 19 years. There are different insurance policies out there. Depends on what kind of policy you have and how much you pay.

>>34376206

don't buy a bigger house, it won't make you happy

your daughter is probably ugly and dumb so her college won't matter (she'd probably study something stupid she doesn't even like anyway)

you should just spend it on starting a business or doing something that gains you power and status

>>34376378
>constantly get calls from my bank trying to sell me life insurance
>never sign up for it because I don't care what happens after I'm dead
did I do gud?

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>>34376478
>>34376375
>>34376509
where the fuck do you guys live where the death benefit of life insurance is taxable?
op if you're in the U.S THE DEATH BENEFIT IS NOT TAXABLE
also $250K is chump change for life insurance. She very likely could have been insured for $10 mil for like 1 more dollar a month.
That being said

I'm sorry you wife is dying anon, I'm sorry your little girl is going to grow up without a mom.

You lucky son of a bitch, you're literally the character I was fantasizing about being yesterday today.

Is your daughter cute?

>>34376640

ya, yous a free man.

free in death.

>>34376561
>>34376617
Insurance companies aren't just giving away free money. I don't know how it works, but what you get out of it is surely based on what you put in. My dad died at 65, I got like 10k in life insurance benefits. OP is full of shit the numbers just don't add up.

>>34376606
No you're setting your next of kin up for some cash in case you kick the bucket.
You're not literally saying "my life is worth this" you're just doing it as a precaution so when you die your family isn't fucked if they're dependent on you.

Besides, you said you're signing your life away, which you're not, and you also said shit about hocus pocus?
>>>/x/

>>34376682
You got a shit policy then.

>>34376704

heh that's alot of text for something that's supposedly craaazee.

looks like im onto something here, lawl.

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>>34376666
>tfw ywn
the feels are reals

>>34376303
>>34376378

In aggregate the monthly payments >>> payouts

That's the whole point of insurance. So singular large events can't fuck up your life. If everyone is having these massive life disrupting event then yeah insurance companies would go bankrupt.

Also insurance companies invest the monthly payments. So it's like $100 a month invested into a fund that returns ~5% annualized returns compounded.

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>>34376724
>amount of text
Not an argument

I'm explaining to you how this shit works because you're clearly either crazy or retarded.

Seriously, what do you think happens? When you start a life insurance plan that the people who give out the payments suddenly own your soul?
Are you retarded?

>>34376666
Yes. She eeriely looks like a spitting image of my mom, with the same hair and eyes color. My mother is a very beautiful women who is aging real well. She's about to be 60 and can pass off for a woman in her 40s.

>>34376788

>When you start a life insurance plan that the people who give out the payments suddenly own your soul?

couldn't have said it better desu.

it's more like a mortgage on my soul, they'll own it once the pay out is exchanged.

sp00ky

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>>34376682
alright friend here's how life insurance works. There's 2 kinds; Term life, and Whole life

Whole life insurance is kind of like a pension with Death benefit at the end. It's a complicated financial product where people pay in their whole lives and can take money out of it kind of like it was a retirement fund, but then also pass on some money to kids after they die. It's probably what your dad had.

Term life is different. Where as whole life lasts you whole life as long as you make payments, term doesn't. It's a contract that says "If you pay X company 12 dollars (or what ever) a month then for the next 5,10,15,20 years we will give you money if so and so dies." At the end if so and so lived, you have nothing. But they were covered just in case.

How insurance companies make money is like 1/10th of 1% of term contracts pay out. Pay out meaning so and so actually dies. So it's basically just free money for the insurance company. That's why they can offer pay outs in the millions to people because they have actuaries in the back crunching numbers on the chance if they will die or not.

>>34376710
No shit, my dad didn't make much and had a small policy. Might have been through the VA, can't recall.

But some random alcoholic 33 year old is not worth 250k in the eyes of the Goldberg shekelstein insurance company. That makes no sense.

>>34376809
Troll, schizo or literal retard.
>>>/x/
go back to your containment board

>>34376839

oh my, such strong denial.

>>34376829

Alcoholics don't die at 33 that's incredibly rare. Even with drinking problems I can easily see a young person getting a 250k policy.

I doubt they got it super recently, it's probably been at least a good few years.

>>34376829
>No shit, my dad didn't make much and had a small policy.
His son has something small too. A small penis.

>>34376828
Can you explain to me why that fag got 250k and I got 10k in life insurance benefits. How can the payout be so different unless she was putting in 2k per month in premiums?

>>34376883
you know how you can spend more money and buy things that are better?
well there you go. please resume chewing on your tongue.

>>34376921
Whatever. I'm sticking with my gut feeling that the story doesn't quite add up. Good day

>>34376980
cool, thanks for not bothering to learn about how life insurance works. we need more anti-intellectual retards like you shitting into our sewers.

>>34376883
Dammit guy I just told you, your dad and op's wife have different kinds of policies.

$10k is shit so it was either some shitty group policy through his work, or a half assed whole life contract he didn't care about, or there are options where people can take out loans on the Death benefit before they die (however they need the beneficiaries signature most of the time).

OP's wife had term life. The life insurance company was betting she wouldn't die (she probably hid her drinking problem on the application). You don't pay into term life it's just a calculated gamble by the insurance company who is VERY good at these things. They have rooms full of math nerds who do nothing but look at death statistics and shit like that. Plus they have hundreds of other term contracts that they didn't have to pay out on, so they take the money they've received from those contracts to pay the one that did die.

>"it's all just math, it's totally -not- diablolical at all we don't own your soul that's crazy talk! xD"

>>34377059
Did someone forget to take their meds today?

>>34377079

>"lmao, take your meds d00d."

nothing evil at work here, it's all just math xd

>>34376883
You must be fucking retarded. This very well might be a bullshit post but is very possible to receive that much money from a life issurance payout.

My friend pays 5 dollars a week and its a 250k payout if he dies. And thats at his shitty call center job.

My parents life issurance is about 500k if one of them dies and the policy also pays about 10k if i die so they can give me a funeral.

Your father probably didnt have a very good plan or was some bullshit employer one. He probably didnt care about his paint chip eating son enough to actaully buy real life issurance.

so what do you guys do? burn the life insurance contract in the altar of Osiris?

after death and payout, ofc. otherwise it wouldn't be fully bought.

maybe cover the contract in the blood of the deceased if you manage to get some, to make it extra legit.

>>34377103
No one here's going to admit it but you're right, life insurance plans are a trick to sign your soul over to the devil.
You see, people in modern times don't believe in this supposed "mumbo jumbo" so no one was selling their souls any more. The Devil couldn't have this so he had to get clever, and that's where life insurance policies come in.
Secretly encoded into the contract is the REAL contract, the one where you sign your soul over to the Devil.
WAKE UP SHEEPLE

>>34376206
>Lying on the internet
Do you think it makes you cool?

>>34377160

he is a clever fella. essentially life insurance is the exchange of the life and soul for a monetary payout upon death,

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>>34376378

>10 million customers pay you $10/month for life insurance
>$100 million in premiums per month
>100 customers die each month and for the sake of math lets say each gets a 250K payout
>$25 million in payouts per month

>>34377163
>Farting in the underpant
Do you think it makes you warm?

>>34377131
Yes. And it must be done in the hour of the Wolf on a waning Moon when the Sun enters the house of Saturn. At a crossroad on a clear night of course.

>>34377198

well.. you're right! i just forgot to take my crazy medicine

>>34377204
Only if I'm wrong about it being a fart.

>>34377129
So let's say he pays 5 a week for 40 years (10k total, but compounded would be more, still nowhere near 250k). He dies in his 60s, a standard age. Someone still gets 250k? Would appreciate an answer without bullying if possible, want to wrap my mind around this so I can get one for myself.

>>34377198
Good goy. This is exactly what ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((they)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) want ((((((((you)))))) to (((think)))

>>34377183
Those "math nerds" are actually grand wizards casting spells and curses on those unfortunate enough to become entangled in the web of lies that is life insurance.
They sometimes even prolong the life until the contract is up then kill them right after just for a cheap laugh.
Those sick fucks.

>>34377222
hook some of that shit up, all this crazy talk has me seeing faustian pacts

>>34377242

I'm as much for Jewish conspiracies as anyone else, but simple math and insurance formulas aren't one of them. Life insurance is profitable because they have tons of customers. Every single customer will get a larger payout than was paid in with premiums after he or she dies, but it doesn't matter because they have so many customers and you can more or less predict a stable enough mortality rate for that large of a group to get a rough idea of how many will die in a given year. It would only be a problem if hundreds of thousands of customers all died at once.

>>34377248
>They sometimes even prolong the life until the contract is up
Then it wouldn't work u baka

Well have fun dealing with the police after this. They are definitely going to investigate you. Even if you had nothing to do with her death.

Have fun getting interrogated by the feds. jk it wont be the feds but still.

>>34377212

don't lie.. you guys totally do.

i bet you keep a picture in their portfolio to burn along with the original contract after payout.

>>34377163
cool enough to get a response from (You) apparently

>>34377285
What?
If the person dies, the company pays
If they don't die, they don't pay
So it is more profitable for the insurance companies to keep the people alive until the contract is up
So, once again, what?

>>34377267

it totally is. i'm just sensible see it for what it is.

>>34377325
This.
It's so fucking obvious that it's a scam designed by the Devil to steal your soul.
WAKE THE FUCK UP SHEEPLE

>>34376206

Your daughter is the second chance.

Start fucking her.

>>34377322
If the contract is up then the entire thing is null and void.

>>34377339

>steal

it's not stealing, it's an honest trade. your soul, upon death, in exchange for a quarter million american dollars paid to your living spouse.

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>the posters in this fucking original thread

>>34377239
you're not just getting your money back. that's what insurance is. if you were only getting your money back, it's no different from saving it in a bank.
let's say you and 100 of your gay retarded friends who fuck each other got together and were like hey: let's all put 10 dollars a month in this pile (it's the pile of dead dogs that you usually fuck each other on). then if someone dies, their family gets the pile. so you think "well, i like getting fucked by all these hot guys because i'm a fucking stupid faggot who wears a dress, but is this a good deal for me?" you're probably too busy thinking about penis to fully consider it, but as your mind wanders towards black and chink penis i'll answer for you. yeah it's a good idea. yes you'll certainly be out 10 dollars a month, but if you die your family gets the money you put in plus the money that all your boyfriends put in. oh also your family hates you because everyone knows you fuck all those guys you have the gay money pact with. so just get life insurance and fuck homeless guys in the sewer.

>>34377352

it's powerful, isn't it?

>>34376644
You really expect robots to understand how taxes or life insurance works?
>could've been insured for 10 mil for like 1 more dollar
I see you don't either

>>34377348
Oh right, I forgot about the whole "wanting to steal your soul" thing.
Uhh, forget that last part.

>>34377352
>tfw diagnosed with autism by a leading specialist
yep

it's not stealing, you signed your soul to the life insurance company in exchange for a monetary pay out upon your death.

>>34377391
You are stupider than the guy who can't tell the difference between life insurance and a piggy bank.

dag gummit i gon n dun sined me a lif inshuranse polsy nd i had no idya that there was nothin like these devil soul steelins goin on dag gummit i gotta git me offa that there plan sweet babeh jeesus help me save mah soul from them eeevil inshurans cumpnies

that's their mistake you see - they figure that death is the end, and essentially their family is getting something grossly beneficial for a small monetary payment each month.

they figure - why i can't lose! i'd be a sucker not to, sure where do i sign... ah.

here you are, mr. life insurance salesman.

A lot of ignorance regarding finance here. The OP may be fake, but the circumstances he describes are real enough. That's the whole point of insurance - pay in, so that your family is covered if something happens.

Assuming genuine, there are a lot of unscrupulous bitches out there that would love to get their hands on that money, and they can be very devious, so watch out.

>>34376883
>>34376829
Insurance companies don't offer death benefits based on the insureds worth you dumb fucking nigger
Your dad had a shitty fucking old policy from the VA and OP's wife probably had a term policy and/or paying more for it

Seriously how the fuck does an adult not know how insurance works. You have to be underage

>>34377361
Glad you wasted 20 minutes typing all that

I Googled my question and got an explanation of what I wanted to know 10 minutes ago, thanks though

Holy kek, I've never been able to make so many people so upset in one thread. Taking notes on this shit.

Do you fuckers not realize where you are though? People piss in jugs on this board.

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i found your picture

>>34377469
oh, you finally figured out that you could google the answer instead of repeatedly asking a bunch of people who were mocking you? congratulations.

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>>34376829

I'm a fat KV with an easy office job who used to be a NEET for years and my life insurance policy is worth 300K. My net worth is nowhere near that because that isn't how they calculate life insurance.

My company includes life insurance worth one year of salary to all employees for free. You can pay a few extra bucks a month to multiply it. I'm paying $8/month to multiply it from 60K to 300K. I don't have a wife or kids to worry about but I made it so half would go to my brother and half to my best friend. They don't know about it. If something does happen to me I want it be a nice little six figure surprise for them.

>>34377361
Insurance agent here. I had to explain 5 times to some Mexican the other day how insurance works. If he asks one more time I'm copying this and sending it to him

>>34377514

>Urbain Grandier (1590 - 1634), seventeenth-century French priest, who was tried and burned at the stake for witchcraft. One of the documents presented at his trial was a diabolical pact he supposedly signed, which also bears what are supposed to be the seals of several demons, including that of Satan himself.

hmm you gotta sign these things?

>>34377531
No one understood what I was actually asking fag, everyone just kept saying the same basic shit that I already got

hey someone show me a copy of the life insurance contract.

does it have funny symbols on it? lol

Notice how the OP bailed after about 10 minutes because his story was fake like I originally argued

>>34377572
oh god.... if you still think that, it means that you don't actually get it.

>>34377595
They're mystically inscribed. The naked human eye cannot see them.
Stupid goy.

>>34377663

so watermarks? heh heh.

maybe when you soak the original contract in special formula, the symbol of Archimonde will appear in the middle in a big red ink.

then you burn it on the altar to Osiris.

or Isis, whichever is the egyptian diety of swindled dead people.

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Fun thread, didn't read it all.

I normally work for decent employers. Currently I have like $600k+ of term coverage for like $15 a month I think. Double or triple that if it's an accident. There are also payouts if I lose an arm, finger, leg, ear, foot, etc., etc, some real wacky shit.

Getting a kick out of all the people ITT who don't know how insurance works or are in disbelief that some people are able to obtain sensible insurance via their employer in group policies (with no medical exams, mind you) while others have to pay through the nose for shit policies. It's all about being in a 'group'.

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>>34376206
>I feel like getting married was a mistake, and this is my second chance.

RUTHLESS

The gods of old have blessed you son, just remember your daughters guarnteed to grow up sucking cock and taking dick and being a dirty slut so don't worry about trying to make her a doctor or lawyer or whatever it's a waste of time.

>>34376288
>saving 100k so his daughter can get gang banged and have the college exoerience

>>34377698
>special formula
The blood of a freshly sacrificed virgin will suffice.
The other, more potent formulas... Well... To even speak of the acts required to create such formulas would make even a hardened criminal sick to his stomach.

>whichever is the egyptian diety of swindled dead people
Kek, of course

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>>34377758

Word, don't be a fool OP. Daughters only exist to give you grandsons. Your daughter will NOT be successful.

>>34377783

the blood and pineal gland sauce of abducted and abandoned children

>>34377548
You're a good man, anon.

orig

>>34377663
>>34377698
Gematria actually.

>>34377947

Cool.

Very clever.

>>34376222
nice trips

I'd be afraid to ever get a life insurance policy since the beneficiary could decide to kill me and make it look like an accident.

what the fuck you shit bag, take your wife and daughter out to do some kind of family type shit while she's still around

>>34376254
This is the only correct answer to your question OP. Everything else doesn't matter / is extra.