>be in school as a kid
>"Students, today Mrs. X is sick. The first 2 hours are cancelled"
>Yay, time to go home! (For the whole day)
>>34364674
>be in high school
>can't bother to go to school
>stay home instead
>>34364752
Literally the best feeling in the world.
>go to bus station
>don't enter bus
>go home instead, back to bed
>>34364775
I would just sit up in bed, stare into emptiness for a minute and decide not to go. I was one of the top students, so 9/10 teachers would allow me to skip class and independently study courses, even though it went directly against school regulations. Hell, I even performed better when I didn't have to waste time sitting in class.
My situation was caused by depression and depersonalization though, so it wasn't exactly a good feeling and it's fucked up my life completely.
>>34364903
Tell me about your depresonalization anon.
>>34364920
>wake up in the mornings
>15 minutes of clarity until it sets in
>feels like my mind's taken a step back inside my mental space
>like my body is just a biological machine I am controlling from somewhere else, like it isn't truly a part of me
>no longer able to "feel" the atmosphere of a place, like feeling comfy next to a fireplace in a nice cabin, calm and relaxed in a beautiful forest glade with birds singing, etc.
>don't really feel connected to the world at all, live more deeply in my own head
Shit lasted for maybe 1.5 years, or then I just got used to it. I'm not sure when it really tampered off, but the depression is more what fucked me and I've still got it in some amount.
>>34364903
>depersonalization
I had something similar, I don't know if its the same though. At same age, maybe 12/13 some horrific emptiness grew inside me and swallowed me whole. I would just lie in bed and think about absolutely nothing, with no energy or motivation, like a corpse. It was like some fog suddenly covered my vision and I became very sensitive to light or sound. Or movement, or even thinking. Everything felt like a chore so the best was to just lie and pretend I don't exist. I just remember that I always stared in an empty corner and that corner almost had a mystical, nightmarish quality to it. And not only the corner, everything had a nightmarish quality to it. This was when I really started to neglect myself and didn't shower anymore and wore nothing but the same black shirt. Somehow reality was so unbearable that I totally escaped in video games. But 100% to the point that without them I didn't even know who I was. It welt actually painful to just exist and not be distracted by anything. Also had nightmares often.
No fucking idea what this period in my life was, by suffered a lot of social isolation in school.
>>34364674
>Be in high-school Spanish
>Speak Spanish already so it's a breeze
>Mostly sit quietly and do work quickly to listen to music the rest of the period while the other kids chimp out
>make a friend
>since I finish my work I start talking in class
>after a week or so the Spanish teacher says "Anon, what happened? You use to be good boy."
>I get mad and ask why she has to single me out for speaking in an indoor voice when the others are shouting and walking around
>Tell her I do my work and use an indoor voice so what's the problem?
>Next few days she's out
>relax because I can just finish the busywork in minutes and talk the rest of the period
>She's gone for 2 more weeks
>I ask someone when the hell is she gonna come back
>Turns out she was hospitalized with stomach cancer and died, and I was absent for the announcement and moment of silence
>Feel bad my final interaction with a decent, if frustrated, old lady was a rude outburst
Sorry, your greentext just reminded me of this story from highschool.
>>34365074
Sounds like a dissociative disorder alright. Mine wasn't quite as extreme, though I'd still neglect myself and my own external appearance. I wore the same outer clothes day after day.
>Be in High School
>wake up and get ready
>miss bus
>parents aren't home either
>not gonna waste money on a public bus or cab either
>stay home and sleep
>>34365210
>15 minutes of clarity until it sets in
I know what you mean. I have this too. The clarity is always in the morning. And the feelings. When I wake up I am able to feel complex emotions, being human and stuff... but soon they simply disappear in a black hole. What comes is nothing but absolute nothingness. Neither happiness, nor sadness... only indifference. I am still able to watch videos or read stuff and comprehend the emotional content intellectually and kind of simulate how I SHOULD feel. But there is nothing natural about it. I am attached to nothing in this world and feel like a spectator, ready to disengage any second and escape into non-existence.
>>34365361
Oops wanted to reply to >>34365027
>>34365361
That's pretty much how it felt like, yeah. Hell, I think I might still have some of that shit remaining. From what I can remember, I used to feel far more emotionally connected to things and would in general feel emotions a lot more strongly. Even though I'm not depersonalized anymore, I feel emotionally detached from everything. I don't even really feel love for my family anymore.
>>34365361
>>34365074
Shit like this is why I exercise every day.
It roots your soul to your physical body.