I live a lie, I have a different personality for different people/situations

>>34354498
I have Borderline personality disorder I do the same thing. What you do is mirror peoples personalities to make them like you more in fear of rejection.

>>34354498
>>34354529
Seriously dude look into this.

http://outofthefog.website/personality-disorders-1/2015/12/6/borderline-personality-disorder-bpd

>>34354529
No I don't mirror people, I just have like a bunch of different personalities that I'll use per person/situation.
Sometimes I feel like I have no "real" personality and it just makes me feel empty I guess.

>>34354498
Yea Im pretty similar. Depending on the situation I can reach normie levels of social fluency. Its easy because I convince myself that these situations arent even real, that it is all just an act. Evwn though the real me is a social retard never I thought anything of it and figured thats how everyone was.

>>34354607
I do have a lot of those traits, but don't most robots?
There's no way in hell I'm getting on any meds, but I was just wondering if there were any other robots like this.


I already accepted that I'm going to live and die alone.

>>34354633
lack of identity is one of the symptoms of bpd.
personality disorder diagnoses are useless though.

if it makes you feel empty to present yourself as someone that you are not, then your only choices are to continue feeling empty or to attempt to discern which parts of you are real and present these parts to people.

>>34354853
Thats the problem, I don't know whats real anymore.
I don't even think there is a real "me"
Elementary and middle school it was whatever fictional character I found cooler or whatever, like Spyro or Sonic
(you can imagine how well that went)
Etc etc
Now it's like a mix of Shoppie and some other philosophies, with normie shit mixed in when I need it.

>>34354968
i'm not sure but i think most people do this to varying degrees.
maybe you can try to discover the real you.
what are you like when you are completely alone?
what thoughts are going through your head (and probably being repressed or pushed aside) when you are putting on an act?
it seems possible that there is a real you and for whatever reason, you prefer to substitute a false you. if you get more in touch with your honest reactions to things that you experience, then you can learn to be more honest with other people about your opinions. maybe that's a place to start.

>>34355086
The real me is a blank slate
When I'm alone theres always some part of me with my "real" self, either in a discussion or chastising myself etc.

Like when I talk to myself I'm kinda talking to "myself"( a different person almost) if that makes any sense

Jesus I sound like a nutcase

>>34355152
you don't sound like a nutcase. it sounds like an inner monologue but you are recognizing the conflicting pieces of your personality as different personalities when they're all part of one being. does it seem like you might be having a hard time integrating different parts of yourself that are incompatible (like the part of you that chastises and the part of you that desires or pursues the thing that brings on the chastising)? or does that sound wrong?

let's assume that you don't have any real personality or identity at all (probably not true). do you think there's any way to figure out who you could be? maybe you can create an identity and over time, a consistent pattern will start to feel more natural. what about what i suggested before, where you pay more attention to how you react internally during a situation before you get to the point where you are consciously deciding how to react externally?

if there is no internal response other than that conscious calculation, then maybe you can learn to break down the character you're emulating into the abstract features that represent the character and try to understand your emulation of something external as being motivated by an internal desire to represent that particular character trait. is that not a genuine piece of your personality? maybe it could feel more genuine if you are behaving this way to please yourself rather than other people. maybe you are too focused on other people's reactions to you? it can serve a purpose in generating a desired response but as you have experienced, it also distances people from you and leaves you feeling empty.

looks like i've rambled a bunch here but tell me what you think about anything i've said, if you want to.

>>34355352
If I think about it, my "real" self is just very pessimistic and analytical. Like those are my only defining traits

>>34355513
well, that's a good place to start. it's proof that there is something real about you underneath everything else. i think people who are very analytical can easily get lost because they have a tendency to question. but the same tendency can also help you find your way again if you follow a thought all the way through and use it to define things very clearly. you just have to be honest and willing to come to conclusions about yourself that may be undesirable. i feel like this may be part of the problem, in that there are pieces of yourself that don't line up with what you would prefer for yourself. but once you define who you are, you can work on genuinely changing what you don't like about yourself if that's the case.

i bet that there are more pieces to your personality in there but it seems like you may not be comfortable with who you are and maybe this is because you wouldn't like the reaction that these things inspire in other people. it might take time, but the less pretending you do, the more you will probably feel connected when you interact.

i also want to say that
>I have a different personality and set of hobbies with every single person I meet.
this is not necessarily a bad thing. different things appeal to different people and it seems that everyone is like this. it would probably feel more genuine to play down or play up certain aspects of your true personality with a particular person to make things go smoothly than it would be to completely fabricate unnatural aspects of a personality to convince the person to like you.

and the only concrete advice i can give you is that blatant lying will always ensure that you are keeping people at a distance. you will feel like a fraud because this is the definition of fraud. try to learn who you are and work to appreciate your qualities. when you feel that you can trust someone, practice allowing yourself to react genuinely, even if they might not like it. i think this is the only way to fix it.

>>34355738
Thanks a ton anon
looks like I have a lot to work on.