>robotrippin >redbull chuggin >drunk How is your

>>34331627
Pretty good mang, stoned as fuck shitposting from work. Heading home in a few hours to blast off into hyperspace

File: 1481564252296.jpg (139KB, 800x700px) Image search: [Google]

139KB, 800x700px

>>34331656
Sounds good anon, hopefully I'll meat you in the space

>>34331627
how much robo did you take? I took 3/4 of a bottle last time and totally wigged out so idk about dosage

>>34331627
>3am
>girl in apartment next to me just got home an hour ago
>she has 4-5 people over in her tiny apartment
>they keep laughing obnoxiously loud and slamming doors
Pretty terrible desu, fucking normies ruining it as always

>>34331927
Mate you don't even know robotripping until you accidentally the entire thing

>>34332032
tell me more. I don't think i'll do it again, I'd rather just buy dxm off alphabay

>>34331627
If only I had some money to do both these things

What plateau are you on retarded anon?

>>34332223
not op but bottle of robo = $10 how can you not afford.

>>34331927
That's a mid-high range second plateau trip I think you need about 1 and 1/4 bottle to reach 3rd plateau

>>34332234
FUCK THAT too scary man I'd just buy a tab if I wanted a real trip. Half a bottle + some weed is a good time though

>>34332230
Lol I can get them cheaper I am literally stuck in my house at my parents

Got off methadone been suffering ever since anxiety is so bad I can't sleep at night

I am at 4 months off and still don't feel remotely normal.

Should I get on benzos? Or is this a terrible idea.

I haven't really been able to work because I am literally so anxious I make other people uncomfortable

>>34331627
>coughing a lot
>sick
>took 120mg dxm (for cough suppressant effects and not to get high, for once)
>a little drunk

We're kind of similar OP

>>34332248
No. way.

Don't touch benzos or xannies or anything you don't want to hand your life over to chemicals like that.

Try these:

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1401345.Zen_Buddhism
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lysergic_acid_diethylamide

>>34332240
Yeah dxm is ok.. acid is way better I totally agree with you on that one. Dxm is cool its definitely chill because I only drank half a bottle too, I was talking dosage wise I am not sure if I would drink more than half the bottle either

I have heard stories where its like you get too disoriented you get hot and cold flashes while being in that state sounds pretty uncomfortable and sort of gross desu

>>34332269
Yeah I've only gone overboard a bit once. People say it's exponential after half a bottle so one extra sip can make the experience twice as intense. It's just a bit much for me.

>>34332268
Dude I have dropped plenty of acid, to the point where I know whats going to happen when I do it its still fucking awesome but the magic is sort of gone you know

I havent done it in awhile but I highly doubt a drug will help me unless I BELIEVE it will which sort of again lessen its effect

>>34332283
Yeah fair enough man. Maybe sell up buy a ticket to japan and go to a zen monastery for 3 or 4 years? Thats my plan if I ever run into a real dead end.

>>34332282
Totally noticed that that's so cool because that is exactly what happened to me I started tripping at 120 mgs and took another 30mg and it hit me hard

>>34332304
yeah thats a very similar situation to me. I drank half the bottle and just though fuck it another sip or 2 won't hurt. I was wrong hah. Plus I was already very stoned so it was quite an unpleasant experience.

>>34332300
So no benzos.. I have already had a drug habit to opiates you really think benzos are that much worse I mean I need to be able to work if the pills do that then why the fuck not?

Being addicted to drugs sucks fucking balls but at least I could work

Fuck man, idk what to do who here fucking retarded from doing drugs for too long any tips because I am literally frightened by my own brain everyday..

>Just wait it out?
>Kill myself?
>Get back on drugs?

>>34332330
Anything is better than being addicted to drugs. Option A seems like the best one, but it's also the one that requires the most patience and inner strength. If you're up for it, there is only one answer.

>>34332330
how fried is your brain?

I am >>34332360

>>34332360
Yeah goddamn it no quick fix.. actually gotta work for something. Cuz everyone who has been on benzos swears by it that they are hell. Just like waiting and hoping there's that one kid who says

>They ain't that bad
>Tfw that's definitely not happening

>>34332378
They are that bad, thats the thing. Have you tried microdosing psilocybin?

>>34332376
Its not that its fried dude I just have really bad anxiety I mean I had really bad anxiety before I started using I mean like anxiety and strong anxiety for 3 years before I started using

It made me so weak that once I shot up it like all just went away lol I am serious though like that shit made me so spiritually weak heroin just made shit so much better

Now that I have come off methadone because that shit ruined my life (heroin) its back to how it used to be.. perpetual anxiety and now mood swings between depression and agitated depression states because the methadone now plays a part (PAWS) at least I think it is still (PAWS - post acute withdrawals)

>>34332415
Wow I love it when I write like a retard I am not stupid I swear

>>34332408
I could micro dose but right now no money no resources to obtain them

I used to live in CO where a good deal of my friends were now I am back home in Maryland still know some people but not people I really want to talk to however I could find psilocybin but how exactly would that solve my problems? Just make me feel better idk man I think this shit is a lot heavier than a few psychs could fix.. I also prefer LSD but I have done low level shroom doses before

>>34332424
IQ or BTFO lol.

Nah but I don't have the answers man thankfully I've never had to contend with issues pertaining to anxiety so I can't really empathise with you. Can you list off the things in your life which are the main causes of this anxiety? Or is it a chemical/brain related thing that doesn't necessarily correlate with stuff happening?

Hungover as fuck, it's my first night replacing ciggies with a vape. It's going alright I guess. I don't wanna kill someone which is good considering I would smash back a pack a day

Kinda hard coming out to my parents though

>>34332470
what do you have as far as hobbies go? Sinking lots of time into a hobby might be a good way to remove yourself from the world for a bit.

>>34332474
Its more the 2nd one

Delusional thinking
Think people are talking about me
Whenever I see people just get my jimmies rustled
Feel like people are watching what I do or thinking negatively about me
Intense shame guilt and anger
Hear things that people havent actually said
It comes out of nowhere too, its like my go to response which leads me to believe there might actually be a chemical problem
But I have a boatload of issues as is I never learned how to properly deal with my emotions so I guess that could play a role
Made me socially isolate myself
Made me hate all of my friends

>Feels bad man

It felt like a switch got flipped I used to have good friends and a good life then out of nowhere I started isolating myself and hating myself and just being perpetually frightened

Weird as fuck.. STILL NO EXPLANATION
and I am someone who needs answers and literally cant figure it out

File: _DSC0550.jpg (495KB, 4288x2848px) Image search: [Google]

495KB, 4288x2848px

>>34332496
good luck quitting mate

>>34332496
I tried to quit

Then I reminded myself real men smoke cigarettes and don't care about what happens

>Started smoking again, only lasted a week

If you can deal with nicotine withdrawal which I have to say is immensely shitty for 3 days but its pretty smooth sailing after that I would just cold turkey

>>34332514
cheers. kinda had to, ciggies are expensive AF where I live, so got sick of spending half my budget on 'em, but I'm in too shitty of a place in life to add nicotine withdrawal to my issues

>>34332511
Yeah, if I were you I'd try a drastic change of scenery. I wasn't being totally crass about the Zen Monastery thing. The wagie lifestyle is hell, more or less, and the western world is just merciless. Running away isn't the worst thing in the world

>>34332543
I went through 3 weeks of not smoking a couple of months back and it never got better for me. Nicotine is a huge crutch for me. I don't give a flying fuck about what the ciggies were doing healthwise, I just could really do with the extra money

>>34332546
well theres a reason if ever there was one. I've had stretches where I'd smoke a pouch every 2 days for a few weeks but I was always able to just put it down and walk away afterwards. Are the withdrawals bad already?

>>34332551
Yeah but I'm not a faggot (not saying you are that was more for the bantz sake)

Yeah just like you I literally have no idea what to do

>Seeing a therapist just started
>Its probably not going to work

>Drugs it is

The most effective way in dealing with emotions is not dealing with them

My life story

>>34332566
they're not too bad, I've got a pretty high nicotine juice in my vape, but the habit is definitely creating cravings, it was hard after finishing dinner tonight because I always cap a meal off with a dart

>>34332566
Takes work to develop a habit to nicotine I mean you really really gotta work because it has an incredibly short half life

Withdrawals are only bad for 3 days then you spend the next month or so pissed off but it gets easier and easier after that longer stretches of time not being a fuck head

>>34332546
The bad part takes about a week, if you really actually want to quit cold turkey is the only way to go

Get some Wellbutrin I heard it helps with nicotine withdrawals

>>34332569
It's kind of sad knowing theres no 'quality assurance' in life. We're all just atoms running around depending on other people to know whats going on when the reality is nobody knows anything about anything, and we've just convinced ourselves we do. That can be the most or depressing thing to realise or the most enlightening. I am working towards the latter, and making progress. Life is just rain on a tin roof and a passing of clouds, really. No point crying over spilt illusion. I know I probably sound insane, maybe I am.

>>34332613
>the most or depressing
forget the or

File: 13906800_1266759016702840_6541963124213710258_n.jpg (14KB, 500x571px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 500x571px

I AM AWAKE FOR AT LEAST 24 HOURS AND I AM DRUNK THE ENTIRE TIME JESUS FUCKws

>>34332613
No you think a lot like I do I just either cracked under the weight of knowing too much inherently or it was the drugs or mental illness

>I know its one of those 3

>Did a lot of drugs in my youth from 15-24 I am 27 now this is excluding H and Meth use
>IthinkIwenttoofar.jpeg
>Feel like I have always sort of known how meaningless life really was, hence the excessive drug use
>Could be a bad person, but everyone else is literally way shittier than I am
>Made me do more drugs
>Realized my type of thinking is sort of fatalism more so than nihilism because Nihilism imbues one with purpose fatalism suggests what's the point

Don't know if too smart or just too crazy.. it is a fine line though very VERY fine line

>Think I am just crazy.. that sounds about right

>I should just go down in flames while I still can .mpeg

>>34332663
you sound pretty Borderline to me, all memes about it aside

t. has BPD

>>34332704
See that's what I thought

>At first thought mental illness
>Mom had NPD, hey why the fuck not
>Then start thinking its a personality disorder
>Borderline was the one I thought it was
>Then think its just anxiety again
>Then start thinking its bi-polar

Funny you mention borderline because that was actually my first guess. See I gotta remember that usually your first guess is pretty spot on

>>34332729
it took me awhile to come upon BPD, kinda denied it for awhile because I hate the idea of self diagnosis, but ended up getting a psych eval after a... lets call it an episode, and yeah they came to the conclusion it was BPD

>>34332663
smart, crazy, whatever. It means nothing. People are all stupid and shallow in the end. Truth is being alive is more fun than being dead, if you live right. My aim in life is to be able to recognise, appreciate and indulge in the patterns and moments of beauty that we are presented with in absolutely every recess of this crazy but beautiful world. Everything is beautiful but we are conditioned not to see it, by both our societal and biological programming. Humans are such a rare thing, because we can recognise and overcome this. I definitely think there is lots of truth in the teachings of Zen Buddhism, and I would absolutely advise that you look into it.

>>34332754

I'm >>34332755

BPD sounds pretty scary, whats it like?

>>34332791
I'll just copypasta the symptoms from wikipedia for you.

Markedly disturbed sense of identity
Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment and extreme reactions to such
Splitting ("black-and-white" thinking)
Severe impulsivity
Intense or uncontrollable emotional reactions that often seem disproportionate to the event or situation
Unstable and chaotic interpersonal relationships
Self-damaging behavior
Distorted self-image
Dissociation
Frequently accompanied by depression, anxiety, anger, substance abuse, or rage

>>34331627
>drinking robotussin to get high
>#energydrinks
>drunk
underagefag confirmed, either that or you are a moron

>>34332754
Yeah I am actually going for an eval on Monday with a psychiatrist I just had an introduction with a therapist

>Don't think its going to help

But what this guy said>>34332791

Describe it, it might make a little more sense to me if you expand on it because after re-reading what I wrote definitely seems like borderline traits

>>34332755
Idk man I feel like I have lost my humanity I am literally empty inside and just have a massive desire to seek revenge on people who hurt me

It sucks

>>34332835
See that seems about right, but I denied it only because I don't have enough evidence from my past to go over If I really sit and think about it it does make sense

>Especially the distorted sense of identity and complete lack of impulse control

>Definitely the black and white thinking

I will also add BPD is confirmed by not being completely psychotic but also not being defined by a specific parameter of personality disorder since personality disorders are maladaptive coping mechanisms as opposed to mental illness

So all memes aside

BPD is a pretty big mindfuck because you sort of have the combo platter going as opposed to one strict set of ailments

>>34332869
well you definitely fit the splitting and disturbed sense of identity symptoms.

Honestly the eval did nothing for me, I basically got told that yes you have it, yes it's a serious case, but there's also no available treatment in the South Island. Didn't even get any further appointments due to how long their waiting list is.

IDK where you're from, but mental health treatment is seriously fucked

>>34332835
Well actually

When I really think about it this pretty much sums up my life so I am definitely going to bring this up

>wow just fuck my shit up senpai

Does it get easier to deal with knowing that you have it, or is it time too..

>Go down in flames

Better to crash and burn than to slowly fade into the dusk as my pappy always said

>>34331627
stole the rest of my mothers smokes and just listening to music and browsing the chan as always

OP has no idea what Pandora's shit box he just opened

He is trying to have a good night maybe get some yucks and he is just visited by the psycho brigade

Oh man sorry OP you'll be joining us soon enough

>ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US

>>34332934
I can't relate to this anymore so I'm out hah lol good luck mate stay safe

>>34332934
I'm gunna sound pretty pessimistic, but without specifically rewiring your entire way of thinking through intense therapy.

IDK, I don't actually think I'm gunna get better, the entire thought of all the effort is soulcrushing for me. And my life is really in a shit place right now so I've got a lot of time to stew in my suffering.

I really hate how people make it seem like a mental illness makes them this special, unique person. If you fucking have cancer you don't treat it like a blessing. Every day of existence is shit for me, the very act of existing is exhausting for me, and I would cut my balls off and eat them just to not have it

>>34333010
Lol dude I am right there with you living just gets so much more fucking difficult especially being a dude

>Chicks with BPD I dont think have it that bad I have known a few

>Used to think I was special LOL LITERALLY..
>Nahbro.jpg you're just mentally special
>..Shit

Yeah goddamn it, hmm uh maybe I should just start working and see what happens and just kind of say fuck it when I start acting like a total sperg even though it destroys every ounce of my soul every moment.. of everyday

>>34332910
>>34332917
Look up something called Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT), apparently it's good for people with BPD.

>>34333050
I ended up quitting my job when it got really bad. I'm going back to Uni to get my Ph.D in 2018 so that's sorta what gets me through everyday

>>34333084
I'm aware of it, I just don't have access to it without moving to the North Island, which is a huge logistical nightmare and not conceivable for me right now

>>34333086
Dude at least you are still able to function normally I am not sure if I am still recoiling from the methadone or if I am just a pussy

I literally feel so ashamed of myself I can't even bring myself to face people my whole life is a complete and utter failure

>40k in student debt
>NO DEGREE
>Still have probation debt
>Have lost all respect for myself
>I am sure its bad for you but I am back at my parents house with no money no job I am going to have to fucking start all over
>Now I am almost certain BPD might be the reason
>FUCK DUDE

Yeah just be thankful you are still capable of functioning in the real world dude I am not sure if I have gotten so disconnected or I am just a little girl NO IDEA

>tfw I wanted to do biochem/pharm double major was considering physics
>Got way too sick to even make it to my labs

Man I hate myself, you know what made it worse

I became a Heroin dealer because my habit became so bad I was shooting like 2 grams a day and all of it was free.. then after 4 years of general use did meth for about a year on top of that

>Like I said earlier ithinkiwenttoofar.jpg

>>34333154
I threw myself into Uni work to keep me sane, all I did for three years was eat, sleep, chainsmoke and study. It did pay off because I graduated with first class honours so I don't need to get my masters to get my Ph.D, but it was also hugely damaging to my social skills, now I can barely function as an adult, I'm 23 and I live with my parents and do nothing but smoke pot and shitpost all day. Hell I'm at the point I miss my opiate addiction, oxy made my life bearable as fuck.

I'm glad you got the eval, funnily enough this is the exact same way I decided it was probably BPD, talking to someone on /r9k/ about their experiences with it.

>>34333237
I would rather be successful than an utter failure man you've got that going for you that's also great with the opiates holy shit it was like written in the stars or something

Well I guess that makes me feel a little bit better

Should I just get on benzos? I mean seriously I cant deal with the immense amount of shame it inhibits my functioning I cant remotely live comfortably you sound a fuckload smarter than me too because at least you had the decency to quickly recognize you were fucked I kept just dodging it until it got completely out of control

That's basically my life too holy shit I just try to get fucked up and shitpost oh my god that is fucking hilarious

OP I am sorry for ruining your trip

>>34333237
Here's the weird thing though that does separate our experiences

I used to have friends and a decent life you know I was fine until I went to college some switch just like got flipped and I started perpetually isolating myself more and more. Just started hating everyone and that's when the heroin came to play. You got anything like that? I actually like used to have friends and shit and actually had a lot of fun and it was that factor alone that through me off so badly because I desperately tried to figure out what the fuck happened it literally destroyed me trying to find out why

>>34333355
I had really fucking rough teenage years, but it's really in the last 3 years the BPD has hit me like a train, which is usually the time in your life it starts making an appearance.

As for the benzos, I can't really say, BPD sufferers are super susceptible to addiction so it might not be the greatest idea. I don't really have much experiences with them so I couldn't tell you how they'd affect their functioning

>>34333436
See here's the thing with drug addiction and BPD that I have noticed

It saves you.. Drugs allow me to think and to be fucking normal. I have been addicted to drugs and the only noticeable complaint that I had was not having them that's when my life became a problem. Otherwise it was smooth sailing.

>tfw this was the post I was waiting for
>Drugs it is

>>34333436
Yeah dude about 19 years old it fucking cropped up cool I am pretty confident this is exactly what threw my life away

I mean obviously other factors like me being a complete maniac but uh you are the first person who actually made any of this make any sense for that I thank you.. you weren't some faggot that got triggered by my using and told me to kill myself

Cool. Thanks for that.

>>34333470
Pot does that for me, not so much makes me able to function, just stops me caring so much and makes sitting staring at a screen actually enjoyable

>>34333492
Cant smoke pot
>tfw makes me way WAY too fucking angry and paranoid
>Wish pot still worked

I am literally on a highway to hell but at least now I know why

coolio jackson

>>34333490

No sweat, I hope life gets a bit more bearable for you anon