So far I think I've kept myself going with the vague hope that things will change eventually: surely I can't stay a kissless virgin forever, surely something will happen and things will change, even if slowly, I just need to keep on going until it happens.
But what really gets me is the experiences I know I've missed out on.
>i will never have a high school gf
>i will never date a cute innocent horny teenage girl
>i will never get prime teen pussy
>i will never experience chaotic adventurous college romance
>i will never go traveling in the summers between semesters
>i will never experience young love
Every chance at an experience that slips away from me forever takes with it a little more of my hope that good things will eventually come. I don't know what's even left for me to hope for at this point. Even if I did meet a girl at this point she would be getting well into her adult years like me, working on a career and thinking about marrying and starting a family. I'll never get to have any of those experiences I've spent half my life fantasizing about as the only thing keeping me going.
But the fucked up thing is I'm too used to it to give up and kill myself. I don't even know what's keeping me going anymore, I don't know if I'll reach a breaking point, I don't know what's left to hope for and I don't know what I want from life anymore. I don't want to kill myself. I don't want someone to hold me. I just want to know that all my struggles aren't for nothing. But I've been falling into this pit for too long and I've lost sight of any exit, good or bad, and that scares me more than anything.
I love coming to this board just to laugh at losers like this
just kill yourself already. nobody, not even your own family cares about you lol
Anon, it sounds to me like you maybe should look into someone to talk to, like a therapist. I finally got one, and it helps a lot. Just having someone to listen and to talk through your problems with really helps. I love you, and you can always talk to me.
>>34226398
All I can is be ready when your chance do comes.
Make sure you have money, a job, are physically fit and healthy. There is nothing worse than when you actually find somebody but you destroy the relationship because you weren't prepared. Keep prepared my friend. It will happen..somehow it will.
That's why every time I'm scared to do something these days I just think "you're already dead, who cares?" My life doesn't mean much to me anymore (no edge) and I stopped caring what people think of me. I'm just waiting to die at this point.
>>34226628
What the fuck is a therapist going to do? Teleport me back in time? Not only did we miss out on those important years, we never got the EXPERIENCE which makes things 10x worse.
It's too late boyos. Just take the suicide pill.
>>34226698
He means it can make you feel better to talk your feelings out. That's actually why I made this thread: not to get responses, I don't give a shit what you people think; sometimes I just need to write my thoughts down and put them out somewhere, and this shitty board is the best place I know to do that. I'm not going to pay for a therapist when I can get something of the same effect by posting on 4chan though, those people are literally paid to just sit and listen to other people's bullshit. Not that I have the money for it anyway.
The shitty thing is that until recently I hadn't even been back to /r9k/ since moot deleted it. That coincided with my going to college and for a time it felt like things were getting better; I was getting out into the world, experiencing things, becoming some semblance of a functioning human. But in the end nothing changes and I'm right back where I started, feeling the same feelings and having gotten nothing for my trouble except countless lonely nights. It's that futility that I can't stand. If I'm back on this shitty board after everything I've been through, what the hell hope do I have of finally being saved?