>halve your age >give some advice to your younger

18k on Trump winning.

Then again, me doing this may cause a butterfly effect to cause him to lose.

>>34221996
>11
>stop watching and trying to masturbate to BBC porn, seeing millions of gigantic oversized dicks will not have good effect on your self esteem or healthy mental maturity
>also brush your teeth, stop smoking cigarettes and for the love of god TRY to pay attention in school instead of completely ignoring

And we wait until the effects and changes take place in real time

>>34221996
Study more in school.
Ask that qt3.14 latina chick out when you get in middle school, otherwise she turns into a whore.
Stay away from all porn.
Start learning some programming languages soon.
Learn how to use the stock market.
Get a job.

>>34221996
11
Quit worrying about your sexuality. It's not a big deal who you like.

Don't get fat.
Take better care of yourself. You have potential to be attractive.
Do your research and lose weight properly
Stop taking your pills.
School is not important. Drop out as soon as you can and get a GED.
Get your drivers licence and your own place as soon as possible
Move out of moms house and move in with grandma.

Alex is a shit but you are making good money with the summer job.

Don't settle for shitty people because you are lonely.

>your family is actually full of narcissistic lunatics. don't listen to them
>lose weight earlier and eat right
>never play a MMO
>acting like an anime character isn't attractive
>listen to yourself more and never give anyone who says otherwise a say in your life
>being a good Christian means being a miserable person
>learn to be more cruel and exploitative
>being sociable is much more important than grades or being a good person
>pick the university in Boston instead

>>34222048
>Then again, me doing this may cause a butterfly effect to cause him to lose.
Nah, it wouldn't have. Many such cases.

>11
>Don't sweat middle or high school much, do okay but get a part time job to save money, ask girls out, have more fun, don't live in fear of parental punishment, invest all your money in bitcoin the second it exists and sell when it hits about 950 dollars.

>>34221996
>13
>Get the hell to a therapist about your gender issues stop putting it off
>BITCOINS
>Stop eating dairy and so much sugar. Your face will be an acne scarred hell when you grow up otherwise

I'm 28, so I don't know advice would be that helpful. I guess 14 year old me could tell 6.5 year old me not to talk to strangers.

>>34222058
holy shit, how did you used to smoke at 11?

Not telling him anything because this is best timeline and I wouldn't risk jeopardizing that
also >>34222048

>>34221996
stop trying to hang out with people you can't relate with and avoid nigger culture although that shit will reach you eventually. Also don't trust the wrestling teams captain if he wants to see you after practice in the locker room.

>>34221996
>13
>the winning numbers for 2016's powerball 40mil jackpot is x-x-x-x-x

nothing more needs to be said.

>>34222357
>waiting until your mid twenties to get rich

I would tell my past self the winning numbers for when I turned 18 senpai.

>>34221996
Just because your horoscope signs match together doesn't mean she likes you. Stop being retarded.

>>34222372
I don't the jackpot has been as large as it was in 2016 than any other year, thats why.

also, I meant to add, I'd tell myself the location of the winning ticket too. I'd probably take out a 50k loan and buy the whole store out

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KILL THEM
KILL THEM ALL
ALL OF THEM

>9
kill yourself, it only gets worse (oh btw you get diagnosed form autism and become legally blind later in life)

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>11
>tell him to write down the following advice and read it in four years
>try harder in school
>get on medication earlier
>start practicing to drive
>if all goes right you will nevet meet that bitch in 10th grade
>start working out
>dont focus on being a normie but dont ignore self improvement either, do it for yourself not others
>weed is a meme and alcohol is the devil
>invest in bitcoin
>maybe give him some lotto numbers for good measure
>show him the lyrics for future rap songs so he can take credit for them if all else fails

>>34221996
>7
congratulations on ur 159 iq test but dont brag to the internet

>>34222405

The winning store is wherever it's bought.

>Pay attention in school.
>Learn how to be social.
>Don't be an introvert if you can.

>13 1/2
>don't ever stop skateboarding
>all your friends are shit
>don't ever try to get girls it won't work out

>>34222650
Yes I know.
I'm saying I'd go to California(One of the 5 stores in US that had the winning ticket) to buy it.

>>34221996
Invest everything on bitcoin you fucking fuck

>10
When you get to middle school, mommy will stop making you a lunch everyday. This means you should start cooking on your own. Doesn't have to be anything big, just make sure you are always eating well.
Try not to go overboard once you get your own laptop. I won't be able to stop you from doing cringy things, but remember not to attach your name to anything you post online.
There's a lot of silly stuff you do in the next 10 years but I feel you'll be better if they happen and you learn from them.

Stop playing ROBLOX.
Hang out with literally anyone besides juwan.
Don't bother waiting on N she won't like you back till senior year

>>34222719

Why not just get it at a place closer to you though? The jackpot is the same either way and you don't have to go to commiefornia.

>11
alright young me, this is gonna sound crazy
but you gotta fucking stupid eating fast food
same thing with any junk food
please. refuse your parents' offers to go to any restaurant. also cut it out with the soda.
you can do exercising later. just cut it out with the food. you're going to get fucking diabetes like your mom and dad, or even a heart attack, jesus fucking christ.

>Take Boxing or swimming classes
>Study harder
>Keep away from porn
>Start learning the sax

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>all these anons thinking an adult would believe some 11 year old kid talking about magic internet money being worth $800 someday

>>34222978
same person here
>11
anyway. i know you dont really like to be around other people. but when you decide to speak, please think before you say things. don't act on emotions that will ruin everyone's perception of you. you have the mind of a retarded autistic child. because you are one. try to improve yourself.
please, please try to do your work in school. it'll make you feel better about yourself, i promise. having all those bad marks on your grades will ruin your self esteem.

please dont lash out at anyone who tries to help you or talk to you in way you may deem hostile. you are scared of these people who look at you and see not only a new kid but an unstable, violent peer. please try to learn what your mistakes are and at least try to act approachable.

i know you just dont know what the fuck is going on in regards to people, but perhaps just dont worry about it. you dont have many friends, and probably wont. you cant really relate to anyone. you get real impatient. i know, its a weakness i still have. but just. i dunno.
i really dont wanna pressure you or anything. but its important to not screw yourself in middle and high school.

Fix your fucking haircut.

>11
Eat less and healthier, drink water instead of juice and soda, brush your teeth, act like a fucking man, pussy
Confidence is the key

>12
Cut the emo bullshit out and talk to somebody
Also take a fucking shower and cut your goddamn hair
Also convince dad to invest in AMD stocks while they're down to around $2/share and wait for 2017 to roll around to sell them off at $12/share

>18
just kill yourself now it only gets worse

>15
>Stop being a weirdo
>Sarah obviously likes you, dumbass, go for it so you don't have to regret still not having had azn pussy at 30.
>Start trying harder in school so you can get into college and get a good job instead of wasting your 20s and becoming a 30 year old community college student

>>34223203
This teebeeayych pham
>tfw 25yo

>>34221996
>15

Kill yourself, living is not worth the effort

>14
>stop stuffing your bra you fucking retard everyone can tell

>13
Spend less time on video games and more time on trying to get a girlfriend. You're not going to enjoy games as much as you do now.

>>34222450
why don't you just end it right now

sounds like ur life suck breh

>>34221996
>13
School is for chumps, start working out and F U C K university go be a joiner/welder.

Everything else is fine, do whatever you were going to do. Girls are fucking lame.

>>34221996
Love yourself !
Love others !
Love everyone !
Remember !

>>34221996
> in 3 years terrorists will crash planes into the world trade center you must stop them

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9
Goddamn, like I even had any problems yet at that point. I would definitely have some problems a few years down the road though. Might as well start giving advice.

You're not smart, get over it. Invest your time in something other than studying different things.
Don't quit playing soccer. Start playing more sports, actually. It doesn't really matter if you suck at them or not, sports will probably help you to fit in with more people growing up.
If you want to get good at anything or be smart in any field, don't waste time doing it on your own. Actively seek help from other experienced people, and always seek to improve.
Try to get into hobbies that other kids are into at school so you have a better chance at fitting in.
Join some clubs and stuff at school.
Start eating different kinds of food. The fact that you barely eat anything is going to get awkward in social situations as you get older.
Stop being a little pussy who cries over everything.
You're not as good as a musician as you think you are.

>12
Stop being so fucking fat.
No boy will ever want to have sex with you and attempting to get a bf will lead to you truly embarrassing yourself- do not try.
You aren't fucking smart- your IQ's about 90 and your retarded mothr and teachers have mistaken your clear autism spectrum disorder as a quirky display of intelligence- it really isn't.
If you find a way to die without it looking like suicide- fucking go for it, you slug.

>12
>Everything you hate about girls will eventually be validated by this internet forum thing called /r9k/ (the slashes are silent)
>No don't worry, it'll still work out
>It's easier to make friends who aren't normies when you're older, so just chill and play video games for now
>Also stop thinking you're smart for being good at middle school math

>>34221996
>10
In about four years youll meet a girl named Nicole, shes in love with you so dont ignore her and dont be a shitty teenage fuck per usual

>11

Kill yourself at the end of middle school.

It's all downhill from there.

>>34223510
You're 36 and born in 1980 (assuming your birthday is later than January 17)
Half your age is 18
You were 18 in 1998
2001 is in three years

>>34221996
>11

Stop giving a fuck what people think about you, your your own worst enemy.

>>34221996
Do NOT marry that girl. Pursue wizardhood instead.

>15
>forget about r9k and seek help
>drink lots of water
>brush your teeth
>maintain good posture and take breaks from sitting down too long
>get a degree or learn a trade that you know can actually get your a job
>don't obsess over one girl

>>34223568
>>34223568
Shit I forgot a really important one

Don't act like you can be happy without having friends. Trust me. Time is going to prove that VERY wrong, especially at 18

>10

you should probably just kill yourself before you realize your shit childhood is just going to become a shit life. Things just keep getting worse

or better yet, stop trying so hard. No matter how much you study, create, improve, people aren't going to overlook the fact that you look like an evolutionary mistake. It only looks extraordinary when actual people do it.

And if you really think you'd rather keep living just to see all of your efforts amount to nothing, at least learn that no one will be there for you. If you're going to do something, just do it for yourself. It's not going to distract you away from the loneliness, but you can pretend, I guess.

>14
>Keep up playing music
>Stop playing so much computer games and take your sports more seriously
>Stick with beer
>Ask Em out on a date.

>>34221996
In around a decade you'll meet a girl names Mira. Go with it if you want but get out the first time she starts ignoring you. I've saved you 3 years of your life.

Also mom tries to kill you in September but you survive and everyone pretends nothing ever happened, so don't be too scared about it.

I'll kill her later for you, promise.

>>34221996
Stop playing video games you little pussy faggot. Also your mom is evil and wants to ruin you and your dad's life, stop picking up her phone calls she is not the person you think she is.

>>34224114
Forgot to mention
>13

>>34224180
I was supposed to put the she whoops
>11

>>34224114
I'd love to read that greentext anon, If you can...

>>34221996
invest in buttcoins duh

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>>34221996
>22
>hey 11 year old me
>don't LARP as your favorite anime character in class

I was and continue to be an embarrassing person.

>>34224378
>be 13 starting first semester of high school
>didn't do any summer reading because I was a proto-normie who would rather play with his friends outside all day rather than study
>first week of class we have to write a paper on what we read
>plagiarize a paper, get caught
>parent teacher conference, end up writing an apology letter to teacher and get let off with a warning because it was my first offense and I was genuinely sorry
>later that night mom tries to smother me with a pillow screaming about how she didn't want me and wishes I'd never been born
>try to tell dad later and he just says it's my own damn fault for not doing the reading

Overnight I turned from a happy normal kid to the weird quiet kid. I'm really good at pretending to be normal when I talk to people so nobody gets suspicious that I'm defective, but I never really got better.

Being alone is a lot safer anyways, all things considered.

Please don't show the girl next door your penis

>>34224595
>One night made me go from normie to defective boo hoo
You're not defective faggot
You experienced a traumatic event
Get over yourself

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24/2 = 12
honestly dude just kill yourself

>>34224664
>parents would never abuse someone more than once
>it's totally normal to just snap and try to kill your kid once and then go back to normal

I didn't expect a normie to understand desu

>>34221996
I know you want to go to that secondary school next year kiddo but here's the thing, if you want to not be a social retard and KHV for the rest of your life, don't go.

In fact, I'm just gonna straight up tell you now to not go there. It's not worth the first few months of being around your old friends, you'll make new ones.

Dear 12 year old me,

Stop playing maplestory, it's not good.
Stop crushing on that girl from the other side of the country, you'll only meet her twice and she leaves you.
Don't just talk to girls on MSN in the evenings, approach them at school too.
Actually revise for your exams, because you're smart but you're not smart enough to get away with not revising at all.
Don't grow your hair long.
Keep swimming and stay lean, you'll be one of the hottest guys when you get to university.
Drop the mysterious act. Girls are too dumb to understand it and it doesn't make them fall in love with you.

Have fun,

24 year old me.

>>34221996
>11
Enjoy life while you can, once you get into middle school, everything will forever be shit. There will be a momentary time of lukewarm happiness in the last 2 years of highschool, but then 4 years of depression and loneliness in college.

Pro tips: Play as much vidya as you can, exercise more though. You'll still be fat in college, but maybe that could change if you pick up a sport. Not that you were ever good at them or like anyone who plays sports.

Start transitioning NOW, don't wait until you're almost 22 to even seriously think about it.

>>34224969
Oh and exercise before you get too fat, right now you still enjoy going outside so just exercise.

>>34221996
Invest in tesla and space x

Don't leave your wallet in the locker at the swimming pool

Jet fuel cant melt steel beams

>Study maths, you are better than everyone in the school
>Don't give a shit about girls, they are all whores
>stick to your guy friends, they love you and care about you.

>stop smoking so much meth
>wear a condom
>study for a real career

>27
>Gives around 14 years old

Oh boy. 14 years old me was something.

Here's my letter to myself:

"Yo bro

Things are going to be a hell of a lot different than what they are right now. Like, you wouldn't even imagine.

Right now you think drugs and alcohol are dumb, right now you don't think much about girls aside from the teen urges you get. Right now you think no girl is ever gonna touch your dick.

Well, 13 and a half years from now you're a fucking adult, a responsible motherfucker, you went from being a wigger to a Yugioh player to a weeaboo to dropping out of highschool to fucking off from the family house to starting drinking and doing drugs with your misfit friends to working shit jobs to survive and start caring about girls to going back to school, do a shitload of cringy mistakes with the lady girls to finishing school with a degree in mechanics and living on your own.

As a 13 years old, you were asking many questions because you didn't understand the world around you.

As a 27 years old adult, you have gained a lot of knowledge, a lot of experience and a lot more self-confidence, you have gotten laid even when you thought you were never gonna achieve that, you finished videogames you thought were out of your reach. Even participated in tournaments, went from a 5 foot 7 120 pounds weakling to a 6 foot tall 170 pound man who works some man labor daily and who did 5 years of kickboxing and Jiu Jutsu who can tackle his 240 pound 6 foot 1 tall roommate in brute strenght.

Much has changed, much keep changing and mucch will change, at 27 years old, you are more confused than ever, you ask 100 times more questions than before, more knowledge= more questions and, at times, you feel like it's driving you mad, but this is every bit what you've always wanted. A life of discovery.

15.
Move out.
Pull that switch.
Don't listen to her, kill her if you must.
Don't study that, idiot.

24
12

Lose the weight now, fatty. Also stop being so edgy. And the people you think you're making laugh are laughing AT you because of how pathetic and awkward you are. Just stop

>13

What you're experiencing in life isn't normal. Turn mom and dad in for child abuse because they're going to ruin your life with their dysfunctional bullshit and you will always be the bad one in their eyes when you are just a kid and they are child beating psychopaths. Also, be nicer to your sister. She can't handle things as well as you and she's going to go take things even harder than you are.

>8
>MODS please..........

>Don't get fat

>11

>Play basketball so that you get taller.
>Stop giving a shit about what other people think.
>Study to get straight As so that you can build the study habits that will help you cruise into an elite University.
>You won't hook up with a girl unless she likes you so try to get tall and strong instead.
>Don't get angry at your parents, learn how to play them instead.

Get into boxing or taekwondo so u maybe can become an MMA fighter
Dont pick on weaker people unless you can defend urself against stronger people
Leave HS and join one focused on the arts

12
Get off the computer and spend time with dad, he won't be there much longer.

>>34225329
damn son that was good

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9
>be nicer to your mom
>dont get that uggo emo hairstyle
>pls take more showers
>its ok to not have friends
>study study study study
>sort out priorities
>dont let them treat you like shit

>>34222058
>17

Stop smoking weed, it will eventualy cause you to develop depersonalisation disorder and ruin your life

Also get further with Anna, then dump her

>>34221996
>10
>please, please just be happy.

>19
Wear a condom
Just kidding, it's have to be "make your time with her count'

>>34228977
Didn't expect feels

>>34221996
>11
>video games are fine but stop using them as a substitute for socialization
>don't overthink what people think about you, it's not worth it
>try to be there for your little brother, he's goingto be going through a lot of the same things you are and the last thing he needs is a big brother that's as emotionally distant as dad is
>stop letting mom dress you
>exercise more and eat healthier, seriously
>when you meet a girl named Amber, either ask her out up front right away or just forget about her, don't pine for her like the beta sperg you are
>you always wanted to join the military, so if you want to keep doing that in 6 years do not tell them anything's wrong with you medically for the love of god, just fucking lie

>>34222309

>current live is best timeline
>on r9k

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>34221996
get on hormones you cuck

>14
Oh boy this'll be good.
How about you fucking do your work instead of being so full of yourself and so damn self-obsessed. Get a fucking hobby you cunt nobody's going to like you anyway you might as well like yourself. Also don't go to the river when you're tripping acid you moron.

>>34222261
What did the mean man do to you, anon?

>>34221996
>14
>Don't be so self conscious
>work out more
>don't smoke weed as often, if at all
>get a hair cut, you look like a dumb fuck
>stop eating shitty
>ask out katie when she was first into you, don't be a dumbass
>don't ever touch pills

>13.5
>anime was a fucking mistake

>>34221996
Leicester City win the 2015/16 English Premier League. Bet all your money on it at the start of the season.

>>34230515
You can tell yourself the winning lotto numbers yet you'd rather earn a whopping 12 quid?

>>34224595
That's fucked lad, and screw your Dad for not doing anything about it

>>34221996
11
> eat healthier

>>34221996
>9.5
Keep doing what you're doing, buddy. Play Pokemon and shit. Watch your temper. It's pointless to get mad.

>>34221996
>11
>you know how you like wearing your sister's clothes? yeah, there's a way to actually be a girl and in the future you'll be worshipped by a bunch of betas but you have to get a doctor to prescribe you pills or it won't work. Do it quick before puberty or you'll look like a mess

>>34231579
Can this transgender meme go away please? It's impossible to change your gender/sex

>>34221996
>35
>if you start to pee blood, go to the fucking doctor, mighty be testicular cancer

and if you have to take the physical test do it, better take a finger in the ass once them live without your balls (That i got from my grandfather, lost his two ball when he was 50)

>>34230328
What happened at the river?

>11
It's inevitable, it just cannot be helped.

>11
>Start working out so you can defend yourself through highschool. Doesn't even matter if you know how to fight, you are just weak as fuck atm
>You can't cure your autism but you can stop being a little bitch. Don't take shit from anyone.
>Embrace the nerdy girls who like you, they grow up to be hot and successful
>Revise lol
>Get a job as soon as possible and start saving
>Wax your head as soon as possible
>Invest in dogecoin early on

>14
Don't take honors classes and an extra hour in high school, you're going to community college first, it doesn't fucking matter. After Sophomore year when you finished with Math, foreign language, PE and lab sciences just finish high school in an independent study program, you graduate a year early with the same diploma, its easy as fuck.

Get some fucking sleep, even if you end up procrastinating on homework. Don't worry about finishing every assignment or getting good grades, just pass every class with a C or better. grades only could in college when you need good grades to transfer to university.

Don't start masturbating in the shower just to see what it feels like, otherwise you will get addicted to it and literally waste a good deal of your life masturbating.

Don't waste time going to church youth groups and events just to feel like you're hanging out with friends. Don't feel like you need to be out socializing, its perfectly fine to spend a Saturday night at Barnes & Noble reading books and magazines, or watching movies at home.

Get a job as soon as possible, work during winter and summer break. You don't need to actually wait until you're 16 to work, and can forge the hours on the work permit if you need to.

Don't be so gullible and intimidated by authority, you don't have to obey your parents, teachers or administrators. Go to some parties and lie about where you are going, try some drugs and alcohol, say yes to invitations to hand out with party people. At the same time, don't be a rude asshole to your parents and they will be easier on you and more forgiving of your fuckups.

Stop listening to hiphop music, talking like a wigger and trying to rap, its pathetic and embarassing. Likewise don't try to be an emo punk, don't get a fauxhawk and then go to Hot Topic to buy some graphic tee shirts and hoodies of bands you heard one song from.

Don't worry about being a virgin, its actually good because you will never worry about pregnancy scares and STDs.