>be me
>mummy's chunky 550 pounder
>wake up at 5pm
>roll over in my play pen
>something is missing
>my waifu pillow is gone
>that bitch has kidnapped her
REEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>no reply
>roll out of the pen but too fat to stand
>crawl along the floor
>poopoo and peepee bottles fall in my wake
>my soiled mlp onesie becoming a jackson pollock canvas of poo and pee
>roll down the stairs and see mummy in the kitchen
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HER, WHORE?!
I-I don't know what you're talking about sweetie
MY WAIFU! WHERE IS SHE!
Your pillow... thing. I took it to the laundrette it was all gross and crusty
MY WAIFU PILLOW I SHALL FIND, THEN YOU SHALL EAT TENDIES FROM MY BEHIND
>pull myself onto my legs for the first time in years
>can feel my knees buckling under the weight of my ample frame
>i strap on my naruto headband, grab my minecraft sword and waddle out the door on my chivalrous quest
>people gag as i pass them on the street
>others flee in terror at the sight of me lumbering down the street trailing poopoo behind me
>get to the laundrette
RELEASE HER FROM HER SOAPY PRISON!
>the laundrette worker looks shocked
e-excuse me
MY WAIFU YOU ODOROUS CRONE! I AM TO BELIEVE THAT SHE IS HOUSED WITHIN ONE OF THESE SPINNING DEATHTRAPS!
oh, y-you're mrs anon's ch-child... your mother's washing is over here
>i see my love being drowned in a vortex of water and suds
REEEEEEEEEEE! SHE'S DYING YOU MALODOROUS FIEND! HOW CAN YOU LET AN INNOCENT FLOWER WILT AND DIE THIS WAY!
>i use all my tard strength to rip the machine door from it's hinges
>water floods the room as i stand triumphant sword held high and waifu in hand
>make my way home expecting tendies for the returning hero
>instead see the blue and red flashing lights of the law
>they tackle me to the ground, the stench causing them to vomit all over me
IS THIS HOW AMERICA TREATS IT'S HEROES?!
>they separate me from my love and throw me in the back of a car
>i can see them dragging her away as my eyes fill with tears
>never see her again
it's called a daki fag
>>34140474
HoIy fucking shit, what? How oId are you?
>>34140508
Forty one
>>34140474
fake you wouldn't fit in the back of a car at 550 pounds
I demand that this post is added to the screenshot! Hi r/4chan.
>>34140474
ebin post 10/10 XDDDD :DD :^)
>>34140474
>America
>mummy
dungoofed.bong
>mummy
britbong is showing
>>34140474
>i can see them dragging her away as my eyes fill with tears
>never see her again
I didn't ask for those feels, anon.
I didn't ask for them...
>>34140474
A modern Shakespearean tragedy :(
A rousing addition to the r9k Criterion Collection
>>34140474
this was the funniest one yet thank you for making my day better
A wonderful piece of modern literature
not enough shitting, i couldn't jerk off to this one, sorry.
>>34142120
Did you not read
>crawl along the floor
>poopoo and peepee bottles fall in my wake
>my soiled mlp onesie becoming a jackson pollock canvas of poo and pee
>others flee in terror at the sight of me lumbering down the street trailing poopoo behind me
That's enough shit
>>34141151
>A modern Shakespearean tragedy :(
Shakespeare wishes he could write this good
>>34140474
omfg....thats enough internet for today xD