>mom and dad are starting a family bible study every night

File: 1b228a84626b0981735b59049ae2ad92.png (267KB, 420x420px)

267KB, 420x420px

>>34100851
Let me guess, your some edgy homosexual kid right?

>>34100892
No I am not a faggot

I'm also not a christcuck but my parents are very conservative baptists.

>>34100851
>be 12
>mom forces me to go to some bible study summer program
>thinks it'll be good to get me out of the house and 'bring me closer to god'
>get there and expect to see a bunch of well to do fucking jimmy and timmy's
>it's a bunch of other little shits dumped off by their parents
>first day there some kids fight each other and cuss out staff
>don't have to go back
>resume save on pokemon red

*tips*

>>34100992
I had to go to church youth group camps in the summer.

I actually didn't mind though. I had one friend and we would just hang out and make fun of the shitty Christian rock bands and the chubby 30 something preacher trying to be hip and trendy.

I miss those days. Life was simpler back then.

>>34101242
>that one preacher/staff trying to be down with the kids
Ours looked like guy fieri before guy fieri was a thing.

Tell them that reading is for fucking queers and that the only one who can teach you about Jesus is the preacher

>>34101312
Ours was a chubby balding manlet with a high pitched voice and a southern accent. He would wear flannel shirts and try to be lolsorandom

They all look kind of the same desu

Matthew 12 31 Therefore I say to you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven men.

Ask to study that verse. Proceed to be blasphemous to the holy spirit. Congrats. You are out of Christianity and are now a heretic and excused from all future bible studies.

>>34100851
hehehh

>>34100851
I'm catholic, but that shit just sounds like pure cancer. I hate talking about my feelings about things irl. I feel sorry for you op that you have one of those cringey ass bible belt families.

>>34100851

Shit dude, that sucks. Reminds me of back in primary school where we had religious classes every Thursday. All it was is this little old lady that would come in and hand everyone colouring pages to do. I'd just draw little people taking cover behind jesus while they shoot a bunch of bad guys across the other side of the page.

The only good character in that mythos is Nimrod due to being alpha as fuck.

File: 1476027186932.jpg (73KB, 875x387px) Image search: [Google]

73KB, 875x387px

>>34101445
>every blasphemy will be forgiven

>this blasphemy won't be forgiven

Fucking kek this shit is retarded

>>34101445
Christ says that just after the Jewish priests accused him of using demonic powers to perform his miracles, the general mainstream interpretation is that blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is the particular sin of the Pharisees being so stubborn and proud that they'd condemn the Holy Spirit's miracles as being evil, the implication of Jesus' words (like when he talks about a house divided against itself) being that they knew better.
Also he would be an apostate, not a heretic.

File: 1090443.png (68KB, 400x320px)

68KB, 400x320px

>>34100851
Ask to study Ezekiel 23:20 and say "what did God mean by this?"

>>34100851
remember anon that even if there was a god that he does not LOVE you this is why you are the way that you are do you REALLY think that if god loved you he would have made you a robot ?

File: 1482754293779.png (344KB, 3607x4043px) Image search: [Google]

344KB, 3607x4043px

>>34101753

actually thats just a common application of a principle with an exception. virtually all of secular laws have exceptions, that don't invalidate the concept of law.

i'm not a christian but you can do better

>>34100851
Do it, but interpret everything really literally until they get annoyed

>>34102005
They are fundamentalist baptists anon. They already interpet it literally and they consider it heracy to interpret it as a metaphor.

File: 1482080889582.jpg (136KB, 1024x813px) Image search: [Google]

136KB, 1024x813px

>>34100851
Go to God through Jesus and get a qt pure Christian gf.
Then retake Mother Europe from the saracens.

File: Anderson 1.gif (888KB, 500x281px)

888KB, 500x281px

I have the solution to your problem OP, just walk into the room where they are holding the family bible study, also make sure you have a trenchcoat and fedora on. Then say this in an edgy/cool kind of way, maybe bring a katana with you.

"Ask of me, and I shall give thee the heathen for thine inheritance and for thy possessions the ends of the earth. Thou shall break them with a rod of iron. Thou shall dash them to pieces like a potter's vessel. Be wise no therefore ye kings, be admonished ye judges of the earth. Serve the Lord with fear and rejoice with trembling, kiss the son lest he be angered though his wrath be kindled but a little. All who seek the Lord shall know peace."

Amen

And then watch as your family is so impressed and awestruck that they shit their pants and never ask you to join in their stupid faggot shit again.

>>34101938
That's not the way the sentence is worded. It is worded as a contradiction, not an exception. It doesn't say "All blasphemies will be forgiven except this one." It says "All blasphemies will be forgiven, but this blasphemy won't be forgiven."

>>34102139
Retard. First off it's a translation second of all its not even hard to understand or incorrect, you're just shit.

>>34102066
So they literally believe everything in Revelations is literal? They honestly believe everything that will happen in Revelations will happen? The whole thing about a city of gold and jewels, plus the battle between Satan and God? And then the whole thing about one of the disciples of Jesus being approached by a flaming entity with brass feet or whatever?

Holy shit, kek.

>>34102066

Then it should be pretty easy to troll them with science

Easy one: discuss genesis and teach them all about the scientific evidence that the earth is more than 4000 years old

>>34102196
Yep. You sound like you were raised in a Catholic church or something. You have no idea what these Baptist churches are like.

EVERYTHING in the Bible is strictly literal and to say otherwise is heracy. The only exception is stuff they don't like, like how it says gluttony is a sin. That doesn't sit well with obese baptists so they just sort of skip over that part.

>>34100851
Read up on contradictions in the Bible and the history of Christianity. Find out what philosophers like Nietzsche thought about Christianity.

Research the beliefs of Orthodox Jews and why they think Jesus is not the Messiah and why they say that a lot Christian translations of old testament are not accurate.

Maybe find some stuff about characters that fit the "Jesus" archetype from pre Christian writings.

Then during your Bible study you can ask some smart questions. Don't be rude about it, don't ask the typical questions atheists ask Christians. Just do your best to appear curious and ask questions that will force your parents to do some research into their own beliefs rather than to regurgitate things they've heard in church.

File: a721f37baab471c5b3ff563f46b3c441.jpg (66KB, 570x363px)

66KB, 570x363px

Bible study can be fun. I lucked out and found some other real Christians somehow. We meet up every two weeks for drinks and a light meal and discuss Christian shit. It's a fucking shame what churches have become. They don't even teach the Bible, much less doctrine and dogma.

I actually wanted to go into clergy as a kid but after trying many churches and asking why there weren't any Christian churches in America I gave up on that dream. I'm an intellectual at heart so I'll continue to study it, but you can't be a Shepherd without sheep so I skipped all that.

It pisses me off seeing them hold 'revival' services. As if it's nothing more than a shitty ass tent and wood benches.

>believing in the bible jew
Your family did this to themselves anon.

>>34102108
>Then retake Mother Europe from the saracens.

Despite how """conservative""" (read: neoconservative) American Protestants are, they are incredibly bluepilled when it comes to race, in particular the Jews.

These faggot preachers suck Israel's cock in their sermons. They're no better than liberals.

>>34102268
That's good advice for a personal reflection and learning but honestly it'd be a waste of time and effort for OP to do that for his family's bible study. They're not really hurting anyone. It'd make more sense if he were a Catholic or something and wanted to convert them to the one true church rather than just inject conflict and doubt into a stable family situation.
I mean, if he were asking these kinds of questions sincerely there's nothing wrong with that, but we've already established that OP isn't religious.

>>34102268
That's not going to work on fundamentalist Christians m8

Their indoctrination goes beyond logic or research. They only accept evidence if it supports their beliefs instead of the other way around.

Believe me I have brought up things like that before.

That's just not how it works with these people.

>>34102282
>tfw never be a priest asigned to a comfy French village
>tfw never be in constant communication with the best theological minds in Europe via mail while also preaching and serving the humble and sincere people of faith in the countryside

>>34102416

then just don't go

tell them if they're not willing to at least listen to your point of view you feel their is nothing to discuss

File: 1482153950429.png (155KB, 301x430px) Image search: [Google]

155KB, 301x430px

I wouldn't even have a problem with conservative Christians if they would at least be consistent and honest with their beliefs. The problems is they're all neocon hypocrites infected with liberal ideals and they don't even know it.

They claim to be conservative and traditional when it comes to gender, yet they let women teach Sunday school classes and allow women to vote.

They claim to be conservative when it comes to race, yet they worship the Israeli jew

They claim to be conservative when it comes to scripture, yet they read a modern translation and teach modern Calvinist dogma

They claim to be traditional yet they have shitty rock bands playing in their churches and people wear a t shirt and jeans to church.

They claim to be conservative on national identity yet they spread modern neocon indoctrination and consumerism.

It's all fake. They're all pretending.

File: 1481073215751.jpg (45KB, 960x858px) Image search: [Google]

45KB, 960x858px

>>34102696
They also pretend to like Jesus's teachings about helping the poor but their globalist and hypercapitalist politics are killing the working class.

>>34101839
The Two Adulterous Sisters is basically a biblical account that when you burn the coal, you pay the toll.
"I will direct my jealous anger against you, and they will deal with you in fury. They will cut off your noses and your ears, and those of you who are left will fall by the sword. They will take away your sons and daughters, and those of you who are left will be consumed by fire"

>>34100851
I've got a related story

>very religious Nana and Grandpa come down from Jersey to visit
>already have a 6 person immediate family, so we've got a bit of a group.
>decide to play apples to apples
>basically the 7 year old version of Cards Against Humanity
>one person is judge, flips over an adjective card, everyone else plays nouns to see which card fits the adjective best
>begin playing
>I suck because my dealt hand sucks
>been holding onto shitty cards for a while now
>suddenly
>"Magical"
>fucked up grin creeps across my face as I look down and see a "Church" card in my hand
>quietly choke on my laughter, literally dying over on my end of the table
>nudge my sister's shoulder, show her my card
>quietly loses her shit
>repeat for every family member other than my grand parents and baby sister

pretty good night

>>34102268
>Read up on contradictions in the Bible

A lot of militant Christians claim/believe the Bible never contradicts itself even if people point out contradictions they'll tell you it isn't a contradiction because there is a hidden message that we can't understand. Why just a few weeks ago some gay faggot baptist college student was talking with his gay ass friend about the bible in a coffee shop and was like

"Okay so you know how the bible never contradicts itself? blah blah blah i'm a faggot." So anyway that's basically how the conversation went.

>>34103148
To be fair a lot of the "contradictions" atheists point out are based on uncontextualised and uneducated readings of the Bible. People tend to forget that it's an ancient text that requires some degree of secondary reading.