>be me
>mummy's chunky 550 pounder
>roll over in my play pen
>something is missing
>my waifu pillow is gone
>that bitch has kidnapped her
REEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>no reply
>roll out of the pen but too fat to stand
>crawl along the floor
>poopoo and peepee bottles fall in my wake
>my soiled mlp onesie becoming a jackson pollock canvas of poo and pee
>roll down the stairs and see mummy in the kitchen
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HER, WHORE?!
I-I don't know what you're talking about sweetie
MY WAIFU! WHERE IS SHE!
Your pillow... thing. I took it to the laundrette it was all gross and crusty
MY WAIFU PILLOW I SHALL FIND, THEN YOU SHALL EAT TENDIES FROM MY BEHIND
>pull myself onto my legs for the first time in years
>can feel my knees buckling under the weight of my ample frame
>i strap on my naruto headband, grab my minecraft sword and waddle out the door on my chivalrous quest
>people gag as i pass them on the street
>others flee in terror at the sight of me lumbering down the street trailing poopoo behind me
>get to the laundrette
RELEASE HER FROM HER SOAPY PRISON!
>the laundrette worker looks shocked
e-excuse me
MY WAIFU YOU ODOROUS CRONE! I AM TO BELIEVE THAT SHE IS HOUSED WITHIN ONE OF THESE SPINNING DEATHTRAPS!
oh, y-you're mrs anon's ch-child... your mother's washing is over here
>i see my love being drowned in a vortex of water and suds
REEEEEEEEEEE! SHE'S DYING YOU MALODOROUS FIEND! HOW CAN YOU LET AN INNOCENT FLOWER WILT AND DIE THIS WAY!
>i use all my tard strength to rip the machine door from it's hinges
>water floods the room as i stand triumphant sword held high and waifu in hand
>make my way home expecting tendies for the returning hero
>instead see the blue and red flashing lights of the law
>they tackle me to the ground, the stench causing them to vomit all over me
IS THIS HOW AMERICA TREATS IT'S HEROES?!
>they separate me from my love and throw me in the back of a car
>i can see them dragging her away as my eyes fill with tears
I guess this is it, bots.
>>34093775
Jesus christ, what are you, 5 years old or something? Grow the fuck up.
>>34093822
>being this new
faggot
>>34093775
>MY WAIFU PILLOW I SHALL FIND, THEN YOU SHALL EAT TENDIES FROM MY BEHIND
Kek'd
>>34093775
Chelsea Manning????? is that you?
>>34093822
Holy shit is this like your first time on /r9k/?
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>34093822
Fucking hell is this your first time browsing /r9k/?
>>34093822
Newfag detected
oorriiggiinnaall
>>34093822
550 pound 5 year old. How would that look to you?
>lurk more
>>34093822
This. What the fuck is wrong with you people??
>>34094550
Get the fuck out Normie. Let me guess, you came here after Trump talked about the "4channel" didn't you
>>34094616
OMG TRUMP TALKED ABOUT 4$$CHINS?
>>34093775
This is fucking pathetic. You have no right to be such a burden on your mother.
Please more stories these are my favorite threads
>>34094666
So much fcking this!
>>34093850
>>34093910
>>34093953
>>34094465
>>34094509
>>34094616
>Getting baited this hard
Please leave this site and never return
>>34094800
Nice cover bro. Totally convincing...
>>34093775
Someone post moar
>>34093775
I kek'd, original
>yes it is original, flipping bot
>>34093775
>>my soiled mlp onesie becoming a jackson pollock canvas of poo and pee
good shit
Thanks for the Kek OP orgiorginolololo
>>34094800
>oh shit maybe I should have lurked more than five minutes before posting and looking like a fucking idiot, and now I look like a dumb fucking windowlicker
>what should I do to fix my anonymous reputation?
>'YESSS! I was only pretending to be a drooling retard so that you'd call me a retard!'
>'U BEN TROLED! XD'
>>34093775
One flaw:
How does a 550 pound healthy boy know how much he weighs? It's a rare scale that could measure that, particularly since he can't stand on it. Also, why would he go to the trouble of knowing his weight, since it gets bigger all the time anyway?
This is disgusting. Grow up, Jesus Christ.
SARCASMSARCASMSARCASM
>>34095238
>>34094907
>They are STILL biting the bait
Wow. Feel free to stop replying at any time to save your last scraps of dignity.
>>34095470
keep digging faggot